I’ve taken the post down. I don’t know much about these things, but I bet it’s cached somewhere and that if you really wanted to find it, you could. Anyway, I’m not sure if I regret writing it. I know I felt a whole lot better after I did. I also know I regret that I didn’t say it gracefully and that those of you who I would never have wanted to offend, have been. Because I never wanted that. For that, I really am sorry.
What I wanted was to get it out there – to spill my guts the way I have been for these last few years. Sometimes my guts are pretty fucking ugly. I used to be able to use this blog as an outlet for the ugliness. Maybe I just had a better handle on it then. Guarded my tone better and kept my overreactions to crying jags in the shower.
Lately, I’ve been exhausted and overwhelmed. I’ve walked down the sidewalks with my fists clenched, fighting the urge to strike out at strangers, feeling the kind of impulses I imagine they lock people up for. Ugly guts. So if I overreacted here, that is why. Some of you won’t consider that much of a reason or this much of an apology.
I’ll say this: I’m a dumbass sometimes. But a lot of times, it’s the dumbass moments that help me figure things out.
Like always, I’m grateful for those who tried to understand. Even if you didn’t agree with me. I appreciated your emails.
I’ll be honest – I’m not sure how long I’ll leave the comments open. I’ve read enough “I hate youâ€ù emails and comments in the last few days. And no matter how much you think I deserve it, it does get to a girl.
Thank you. This is the post that you should have put up in the first place. This is REAL writing Heather. Honest writing. What has made you wonderful is your honesty. What made the other post offensive was the missing information. What makes this post increadible is the raw.
I applaud you. Even if I pushed you.
I wasn’t offended by the previous post but this particular one almost made me cry. I’ve never commented before and I probably won’t again, but I’ll always read. You’re real. That’s what makes your blog so magnetic. You show your ugliness and anyone who criticizes you is a hypocrite. We are all ugly at times. The world gets to us all. Sometimes it’s not the whole world, but it’s hard to make the distinctions. You’re human and that shows in your posts and that’s why I’ll keep reading. Dumbass or not.
I’m sorry for being such an insensitive asshole.
Really.
I get rather emotionally invested in people who’s lives I know more about than some of my closest friends. Mea culpa. That’s my bag, I guess.
I suppose it’s also awfully crappy of me to have made my first comment a really unsupportive one. I prefer to lurk and stalk. Heh.
k8
…and to the person who suggested I get laid, you’re probably right.
and ps. we’ve all taken out our anger and frustration wrongfully and anyone who is too proud to admit that and accept your apology doesn’t deserve to read your posts. I hope you keep writing because you’ll always have one faithful reader. And I promise, no stalker emails. Your face might be my screensaver but at least you’ll never have to know for sure.
lol leah.
i am so happy to read this post. i was so sad to read the other one. it totally sucked, but we all do at one time or another. i’m so relieved to know that you’re not who you appeared to be becoming. thanks for writing this.
FWIW, if I saw you on the streets of NY (and I’ll be visiting friends in the UWS Saturday; look for me), I would not approach you. Even if I recognized you. I thought your “back off” post, while testy, was appropriate. The internet assumes an intimacy that doesn’t really exist. BTW, can I expect that conjugation of “poder” any time soon?
Unfortunately for us bloggers, the posts that we regret later are available for posterity through RSS Feed Readers.
Sure this post is you, but the last one was too. This is YOUR blog. Your thoughts. Your space. Your way. Period. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to read.
I check in regularly because I enjoy your writing. Some entries appeal to me more than others, but that’s kind of how life goes.
Be true to yourself, Fish, and you’ll be just fine.
Hey Fish..
You’re good enough, you’re smart enough.. and doggone it, people like you! (It worked for Stuart Smalley… maybe it will make you feel better too!)
Some of your readers out there are hyper-sensitive… try not to let it get to you too much. Know that for every crazy, “someone forgot to take their medication” post, there are probaby 10x as many supportive readers out there. You’re great. I love the blog. (:
I’m sorry you’ve been having such a hard time lately. And in a weird way, glad that venting on your blog helped you get it out and figure some stuff out. You really are great, your writing is incredibly awesome, and it takes a very big person to hear criticism and reflect rather than get defensive (like my mother always does!)
I wish you had left it up. I won’t claim to know you or be your friend, but it was real and it was you, unedited you. It was out and out honesty, and if we don’t have honesty…….what do we have?
all the best
Fish I have never commented, but am an avid reader of yours. I read what you had here before you deleted it and honestly I did not see anything wrong with it. You were real and honest and open. God knows I have had days when I wanted to rip of the heads of even the closest people around me, not just days but I have went through weeks and weeks of feeling like that. Even bumping into someone at the grocery store would make me want to take the pint of Ben & Jerrys and beat that person with it.
You are a smart and VERY funny person. The first time I read one of your blogs I immediately went back and read EVERY one of them, because you are alot like my friends and I. Just a single girl trying to survive the randomness that is her life.
SO to all of those negative commenters out there just give them a good look at your middle finger!
nice post – the other post was fine but i think this post reflects the pain you were feeling better. hope things lighten up for you.
hope you feel better
I am sorry you took the post down, but then you can’t please everyone (obviously). I really didn’t see anything wrong with it, you wrote what you were feeling, and it’s your blog after all. You have every right to speak your mind, especially here, and I always enjoy reading it.
Hello. I have followed the posts and the comments in the last few days. Without having all of the information, I believe that the first commenter was right. This is real. The post that you put up before was kind of stunted and left your readers thinking “Huh? What did I do wrong?”.
I liked today’s post about the public kiss… but if your feeling overwhelmed then write about that.
I think that maybe one of the reasons why people feel close to you is becuase you have always been very honest and unguarded. This is the stuff that people gravitate too. This is the reason why your readers come here day after day. Get it on the blog. You will be so surprised to see how many people understand and feel the same way.
I have also noticed that the comments to this post are much more real as well, and supportive. Don’t loose that.
Cheers and chin up. It sucks now, but there is a way out.
Your deleted post gave me more to think about than anything else I’ve read here. I’ve thought about it for days – and I’m sad you’ve decided to remove it. Your opinions are the reason why people come here, and if some are too thin skinned to realise “it isnt just about them” they have missed the whole purpose of this site.
Your honesty is the reason I keep coming back – if you start writing for an audience I think you’ll lose more than you gain. And as for the haters out there, I think there are more people who appreciate your writing and don’t post comments, than those who hate, and do. Those who would take the time criticise, most probably have no talent of their own, and therefore make it their lifes work to “bring down” those who have it in spades. Dont worry – youre not the only one on their list.
You have every right to stop posting if you want. this is your world, and those of us that get mad at that fact deserve a little time out. You put yourself out there for our amusement, no matter how personal. Maybe we should all take a minute to realize how much we appreciate that and how sad we would be if you left. But you should have that right, it is your life, not ours.
And with that I have to say, I am thankful for every post you write.
Happy Thanksgiving
Want some Pie?
Who was I kidding? Last night I told my boyfriend all about the deleted post, my comment about it, and that despite the fact that I didn’t exactly agree with its delivery, that I completely understand the feelings behind it and that I couldn’t stay away from your writing. Thanks for this post and hang in there chick!
I haven’t read all the comments and I am not here to start ****- but I wanted to say, to Heather, that I think it is important that any blogger communicate their boundaries. You have that right AND responsibility to yourself. You are right when you say we who (only)read your site don’t “know” you. We “know” what you put on these pages. I heard Dooce communicate similar sentiments at sxsw and she wasn’t attacked for it. I have been reading blogs regularly for about 5 years and personally know it is easy to forget when you read someone’s thoughts month after month (or year after year) that the “relationship” you are participating in is one with words on a website and not the actual person (who, most likely is completely unaware of your existence through no fault or lack of caring). It is what it is. Good luck and have a good Thanksgiving.
Sweet girl, you only said what needed to be said. We only know you as far as you allow us to, and with the volume of traffic you get, you have no chance to get to know us. It’s OK to remind us of that once in a while. I’m sure it can be overwhelming for you.
While I don’t think you should have taken the post down, I do give you many props for this post because even though you were not wrong, it shows how lovely and decent you are. And it shows that your head hasn’t gotten too big to get through the door.
Happy Thanksgiving, my not friend.
Thank you for this post. The other one was a bit unsettling. I love your honesty and your humor and your candor. I enjoy your blog immensely. Even though I don’t know you, you touch me. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.
I’m not sure how people can hate you for such a simple clarification. I love reading your blog and completely understand where you are coming from. My anger from stress is seething under the surface the same as yours. Chin up, it can only get better…right?? I hope you have a very happy turkey day!! Keep writing you really help me get through some of my days!
I don’t get it. What was so offensive about the removed post? I, for one, didn’t bat an eye. None of your other purgings have offended anyone so why would this one have? And why should that be a problem anyway? Reading blogs is like being allowed a small glimpse into an interesting person’s mind, and if some of the thoughts are icky or uncomfortable to the reader, then they only have themselves to blame for looking in the first place.
I never thought of myself as a person without emotions. Quite the opposite. Which is why I don’t understand all the fuss over the first post. I guess this may be related to the post, but how can anyone sitting in front of their computer screen judge someone else or say they hate them because of a little self-expression? Come on people! It’s not like Heather said she wrote a post supporting something immoral or illegal. I never expected a backlash from you post, Heather. I’m appalled at the people who lashed out. I am sure if you had written a letter or even spoke to a true friend, someone you know in real life, they would know that you are going through a hard time. Because they know the REAL you. All this audience (and that’s what you are, including me) knows, is the “blogging Heather”. To those of you who lashed out at Heather, grow up. If you read this blog on a regular basis and laughed at her funny posts and cried with her sad ones, the last thing you need to do is attack her when she’s dow
P.S. If people are taking that post offensively, people sitting at their computer miles and miles and miles away, then they have big issues.
I wasn’t offended by your post; it was real. It reflected how you were feeling when you wrote it. I also think it’s disgraceful that you’ve gotten “hate” email. You do not deserve them. You complained and tried to set boundries. There is nothing wrong with that. I agree with Courtney, people need to grow up and get over it.
I love your blog and I hope things start going better for you.
Happy Thanksgiving!
My gosh, I would have never in a million years thought that to be a post that warranted an apology. I don’t know what the motivations were (the internet is one big, chatty, high-pressure place sometimes) but I agreed with you the entire time.
Take care of yourself, girl, the internet most certainly will not.
Blogging is yet another form of entertainment, and just as I (in my opinion) don’t think that actors or musicians should be pestered in their real lives (yes, paparazzi, this means you – back off already!), so goes the same for bloggers, whether or not they are as talented as Miss H.
It is one thing to approach an actor/musician/writer at an event – movie premiere, concert aftershow, blogging convention – at which they are fully prepared to meet the public, and another entirely to pester them with personalised communications “after hours” so to speak.
Heather, it is appreciated that you share your writings with us. That’s your choice (and job, too, kinda?), and beyond the times that you choose to do that, I don’t think anyone has any right to expect anything.
After all, should we really expect Tom or Angelina to join us for a coffee because we just saw their latest movie?
Best of luck to you, I have had fun reading your writings and will continue to do so as long as you choose to write ‘em.
holy cow – if people are overstepping their bounds then they should be told so. I know that post didn’t apply to me and therefore didn’t see it as anything but enlightening – I never even considered that people ask way more of you than they should. Anyways, I don’t think that what you said was any more insensitive than complete strangers asking you for life/love advice.
Hi Heather. I stumbled on your blog last year when I was feeling down and promptly trawled thru the archives to read every single post. I echo Kristi in thanking you for sharing your writings with us (which are fantastic!) and completely agree with all those who didn’t understand the fuss about that last post.We’re allowed to vent in ‘real’relationships, why should the blog-reading-one-way relationship be any different?! I hope things get better for you!
I read all the time. I never post. It has been several days since I’ve read and I must have completely missed what happened. That sucks! However, I know me enough to say, your feelings are your feelings whether good, bad or otherwise. Like others have said, its your honesty that makes you so real, despite this medium. PLUS…this is YOUR blog…you don’t need to make apologies for what you say! No matter what!
I was one of those who thought when I read that post “you go girl!” – I have my own setting boundaries issue – so I liked what I read.
What ever the future brings, don’t hold it all in. It’s not good… As many others said: This is YOUR blog!
Keep it going. I like what I read!
Have a nice weekend.
You rock the world Girl!
I fully respect your boundaries and realise that I don’t ‘know’ you etc, but I have one question: if I am ever in New York and I happen to see you on the street, am I allowed to stop you and ask for the autograph? Just like I would with any other ‘famous’ person who I think is cool? Just wondering!
please
not all of us come here because we don’t have a life or a clue
some of us come here specifically to get into someone’s life who we DON’t know
call it voyeurism, yes, maybe that is what it is.
but don’t go thinking your life is better than ours because people read your blog.
we just don’t put it out there.
you’re no hero.
Dang, I hate it when I miss something that people are talking about.
I promise never to mention Tylenol again. Nor will I ever foist the never-fail method of avoiding post-microderm/glycolic peel flakiness.
MsFish — your original post? Right on target, and fully w/in the acceptable limits of this oddness that is internet/relationship/blogginess.
That phillygirl chica? I don’t know where she got the idea you think your life is better than anyone else’s. Anyone who has read even a 1/4 of your blogs (ya, I read every archive — as so many others have posted, I enjoy the real-ness of the experiences you choose to share … where was I?) Oh. Anyone who has read even a 1/4 of your blogs should know exactly the opposite is true. You have a life. Some days its a struggle, some days you’re happy. You choose to share it, and we, who choose to read you intermittently or otherwise, choose to partake of it. No superiority on MY side for that choice, and certainly no inference on YOUR side!
The ‘new post’ is grand, too. I wish the gone and the replacement could ‘stand’ side by side, they really are a matched set. Genuine Fishy goodness.