Alternatively titled: Further proof that this (points to self) is all genetic.
Mom: A whole bunch of birds were found dead on Congress street yesterday morning. Dozens and dozens. Same day as your “weird odor” in Manhattan. And barn owls dying in droves in Idaho. And Stephen Hawking suddenly deciding to go up into space. I think it’s time to get out…
Heather: Yes, but out to where? Space with Hawking?
Mom: Hmmm… You have a point. He is a little strange.
Heather: And can you imagine the conversation we’d have to suffer? I know THIS about space and I know THAT about black holes. Shut UP already, Stephen Hawking! We get it; you’re SMART! Jeez.
Mom: Well, the nice thing about conversations with Mr. Hawking would be, that if we got tired of it, we could unplug him.
Heather: â€_
Mom: I don’t mean his LIFE SUPPORT! Just his talking tube!
Heather: â€_
your mom goes to college
I love it! Silly conversations with family are the best.
And I will be imagining unplugging peoples’ talking tubes all day…
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
That wasn’t nice.
Man, I wanna have conversations with your mom! I get those occasionally with my mom but they’re still never that funny.
THAT is seriously funny.
That settles it, I love your mother!
That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day!!!
cute.
hilarious.
you have to admit that your mother does have a very valid point
I was in Austin, in the midst of the “hundreds” (tens) of dead birds. They shut down our office for the whole morning. I’d rather have a half work day than spend any time with Hawking!
Your mother sounds like my sister, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Half my family [points to self] is crazier than a sh**house loon, and while that does create the odd law-enforcement crisis, it sure makes for entertaining conversation.
One caveat: I’ve been pulling people’s talking tubes out in the office for years and it doesn’t do a darned bit of good. Maybe I should work on the other tubes …
I think you mean Doctor Hawking.
He didn’t spend 7 years in evil medical school for you to call him “Mister.”
At least mom isn’t a stick-in-the-mud! She sounds like a riot to me.
Oh, btw, that was a laugh I desperately needed today. Thanks Fish’s mom.
that just made my day… just like my mum’s driving made my day yesterday!
Free speech and crystal meth rage aside, I agree with your mother, it’s important to silence the worlds most brilliant minds, so that the rest of us don’t feel too dumb. I’ve if said brilliant mind talks thru a speak and spell.
I almost embarressed myself by laughing out loud at work! That is awesome!
with that conversation plus the pirate school entry, your mom is my new hero. i’m a fan for life.
Please.
I would pay to hear you call him ‘Mister’.
That would perhaps have him be quiet about bloody black holes.
I’m so with you. I’m sure you love your genes… but sometimes, I wish my parents thought, “Hey, let’s actually USE protection” and then I would not have been conceived.
Then I think about how much I like my life…and I’m secretly happy as messed up as I am.
I laughed outloud while reading your post and that is awesome. Thanks to your mom for providing such hilarity.
mothers, ya gotta love em
Haha, I can totally hear my own mom saying that. Loves moms!
I wish my mom and I had conversations like that.
Instead we always seem to talk about food and the neighbors.
Oh well…..
Your mom is HILARIOUS!
I totally second Kevin’s comment.
Oops, in my hysterical laughter, I said I seconded (is that a word?) Kevin’s response, I meant Ken’s.
Ha ha ha! That’s funny! Try that with a language barrier, and it gets stranger! =)
You must be my sister because my mom is exactly the same.
Hey Heather! I found a neat site for your and your NY friends for free drink spots in the city. Try it. And yes, I read it in Maxim. That magazine is funny!
:::it’s important to silence the worlds most brilliant minds, so that the rest of us don’t feel too dumb.:::
run out now & rent Idiocracy, Mike =)
Thanks a lot.
I don’t think anyone in this office believes that I just laughed out loud at the financial reports I am supposed to be working on right now.
That was priceless.
hahahaha!
I love the fact that it’s not so much going up into space that’s the issue, but going up into space with Stephen Hawking that creates the problem. Space, alone, or with anyone else, sure, no problem, let’s do it. With Stephen Hawking? Eh, not so much. Ahh, I’ve had many a mother-daughter moment like that myself.
Isn’t it nice to know that someday you’ll be providing equally funny entertainment to your kids & their friends &/or reading audience?
Your mom rocks. I’m going to start paying attention to what comes out of my mom’s mouth as well, should it be noteworthy for sharing..
Being from the South (ish) I automatically expected some ‘End Days’ talk.
Also, isn’t it both exciting and frightening to have that kinda-window into your future. You know, the whole ‘look at your mother to see the almost you’ thing.
Erm. Yes.
Hmmm…
Can I get an American candy bar with this one…I liked it, but at the same time a rush of what is American funny suddenly popped into me head.
To be American, to live there, to swim in the same water with all the other American fish…I have come to realize, man I am scared of moving back…
Oh, you are sooooo going to hell!
And me too, for laughing.
I have a fun Mom too! Enjoy your blog…just found it a couple of days ago. I’m single and dating too, but in the mid-40s range. Interesting times! Good luck to you.
TOO funny. But don’t mess with him. He’d probably zap you into one of his black holes.