I’m supposed to be in Dallas right now. But Dallas decided to have some inclement weather, and my flight last night got canceled. I did all the adjusting and phone calling to get on a new flight (now connecting through exotic St. Louis), and headed out to the taxi stand.
Most people in line were in the same predicament as I was, so we chatted and commiserated and compared notes about the flights we’d been reassigned to.
“I suppose I’d rather fly into Lovefield anyway,” a short, blonde woman said, as she hung up with her travel agent.
“I couldn’t get on a direct flight,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “Or even any flight before early evening tomorrow.”
“That’s because you have no status,” the man in front of me said, as he fidgeted with his blue tooth cyborg ear-piece.
I laughed, but then saw the bored, superior look on his face, and thought, “Eew! You actually meant that!” The woman behind me raised her eyebrows at him.
“It’s all about exec platinum,” he continued, smugly. “That’s the only thing that counts.”
I considered it for a second, but only a second, because my mouth raced far ahead of any thinking.
“One day, I hope, you’ll be embarrassed you said that.”
He just pulled his navy blazer around his bugling stomach, and moved forward in line. I continued talking to the lady behind me and hoped, for everyone’s sake, that the cyborg man didn’t have any children.
Don’t even get me started on those blue tooth ear pieces; or why people who are just walking around a store (with no purse, no bags, & no children)wear them even when they aren’t on the phone. They are a HUGE hit in Utah with people who go all European style when it comes to showering.
Good for you for saying something! He’s the kind of guy who could benefit from a stint on Survivor. I hope he doesn’t realize how right you are before it’s too late.
The really funny thing about this post is this:
The Vice President of our company always wears his blue tooth. Always! (He told me one day how he realized it was still on his ear when he was washing his hair in the shower.) For this, I call him a cyborg. He’s not all smug like that guy you had the misfortune to meet, though. He doesn’t even mind being called a cyborg. (On a slightly different note, he didn’t mind when I called him my sister, either. What’s even weirder is that just as I typed the word “sister”, mine called!)
I’m so glad you said that! Great comeback!
Brilliant. I wish I was brave enough to make remarks like that to the people who deserve them.
No status! He obviously doesn’t know you’re “This Fish!”
Last time I was in the states we flew into San Francisco. On the airport shuttle one guy ostentatiously fired up his headset and called his office to tell them he was “On the ground in ‘Frisco.” From his projecting tone and hearing his half of the conversation the only reason for the call was to demonstrate his importance to us peons. He gave nor got any useful information. Gah.
“On the ground in ‘Frisco.” became one of those in-joke for the rest of the trip. Elevator reaches the lobby? You’re “On the ground in ‘Frisco.” Step off the cable car? OTGIF. Have one too many and trip over a curb? OTGIF. etc.
I wonder if these people ever realize the amusement they provide?
It’s sad but true.. The platinum level for airline miles is pretty much heaven for butt kissing.. Most airlines will actually kick a paying passenger off to make room for a platinum one. Let alone the unlimited free upgrades. Of course, you have to fly 100k miles or 100+ segments to get to platinum (in 1 year!)..
(this doesn’t excuse his method of delivering the information though.. he’s still in need of a good spanking for his holier than thou attitude…)
That is amazing – It is similar to your young! and cute! girl – but he seems to be saying rich! and popular! Great comment back.
What a rude ass.
good for you. nothing irks me more than smug entitled men.
Wow. Some people.
Good comeback! Wish I could think that fast on my feet when I needed to – my flashes of brilliance are usually 2 hours after the fact….. Way to go, Fish!!
Wow the nerve of that guy! I don’t think I would’ve been able to stop myself from saying something very close to that… Lord knows I would’ve tried, as with most people like that a word from someone with “no status” isn’t going to mean much anyways!
What a total ass. I loved your response.
he fidgeted with his blue tooth cyborg ear-piece.
He just pulled his navy blazer around his bugling stomach
You know I always loved Robo-Bob.
eeeeeewwwwww!!!!! Maybe his bulging stomach will topple him over into the pavement, and then we’ll see where Exec. Platinum gets him.
What a pompous ass…. Karma will take care of him.
I liken St. Louis airport to a blackout, without any of the fun stuff that usually causes blackouts. Chicago layovers are much better. They come with hotdogs and pizza.
I am scrunching my nose up just reading it. Ew.
IEEEEeeeewwwwwww!!! Maybe his bulging stomach will topple him into the pavement where the taxis rush to, and we’ll see where his exec. platinum status gets him then.
That’s awful! I’m glad you were there to laugh at the ridiculousness of his comment. He should be embarrassed.
What an elitist ass! I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut. Good for you.
They *always* have children. And the children are always as boorish as their parents. That’s why there are so many in this world….
I am so proud of you for saying that! In that situation, I would bite my tongue and then regret it.
“He just pulled his navy blazer around his bugling stomach, and moved forward in line.”
I know what you meant to say, but having just been on a plane myself, I can say with confidence that you don’t want to be in a confined space with someone who has musical intestines.
You were so sassy without being rude- you’re the superior one. I’m totally going to use that! How many times has anyone thought of the perfect come back 15 minutes later? That was beeaaayy-U-teefull! Next episode: “too bad brains and sensitivity don’t come with exec platinum status.” eh? or just manners. See but now that’s rude. Satisfying but rude.
I bet he has a tiny dick, too, to match his cyborg earpiece.
That’s probably how he coaxes it up.
“Come on, Bluetooth. Connect! Connect!”
Good for you girl… you handled that situation a LOT better than most people would have, including myself. After saying what you said, I would have kicked him square in the junk too – and then ran flailing.
Oh, no! I’m so proud of you for saying that…what a jerk!
Ugh! It sounds like you’ve had bad luck with airports/flying lately. Anyway, good for you for saying something to the cyborg. Some people.
Oh, he’s got children.
Biff is the quarterback of the pee wee team, although he’d much rather be working as part of the lighting crew in the drama club. Daddy plans for him to start at the bottom of the family biz and “work” his way up–with a safety net to make sure he’s got a smooth climb up that corporate ladder, of course. In high school, Biff is going to secretly rebel, and a tragic autoerotic asphixiation incident will be politely hushed up and reconfigured as a drunk driving accident.
Muffy is enrolled in gymnastics, ballet, jazz, and tap–the better to prepare her for her rightful position of head cheerleader. She doesn’t quite understand right now why practices get her all tingly inside, but by college she will have shaved off all of her long, blonde tresses and will be proudly declaring that she’s queer and she’s here.
His wife drinks, and he’s doing the nanny. His dog pees in his shoes almost daily, and the maid simply blowdries them and claims to have no idea where the smell comes from.
It’s especially sad because you know that the “exec platinum” is the only thing he really loves… and interest rates never love you back!
Good for you! I always stand there with my mouth gaping open at rude people. That was exactly the right thing to say.
Not that I would wish this on anyone, least of all Mr.BluetoothBlueblazer but…
There’s a joke we frequent Air Canada flyers know well. “What’s the difference between Elite and Super Elite status? A marriage.”
Exec platinum – for the man who has nothing.
Guaranteed – with those social skill’s I bet he says he’s “happier” single.
Hey, I’m from St. Louis and I take offense… wait, no I don’t. :0) Hmmm, “status” can’t mean all that much, his flight STILL got cancelled.
“That’s because you have no status,”
People like that disgust me. I hope all of them get pulled down a notch or two, or at least get taught that they aren’t the only people on Earth that count.
I loved your comment. Good for you. I think I would have told him that no, actually, youth and beauty are the only things that count as I’m sure he bitterly realizes.. And if “exec platinum” are all he’s got, please don’t get any on me.
It’s hard enough flying with all the restrictions but to put out a cheesy red carpet to designate a desinated ine for those frequent flyers is beyond absurb. Right on for telling Mr. Bluetooth what was on your mind!
Well atleast you were able to say something to him!! Had I been there, I’d probably just look at him flabbergasted, wondering if that just really happened! Hehehe… I dont know whats with the blue-tooth anyways! Looks so fake.. the trend’s started here in India as well, and it looks stupid finding people walking around on the streets, seemingly talking to themselves!
)
I would like to award you 10 points for knowing how to spell ‘canceled.’ It always makes me itchy when people put the extra ‘L’ in there.
(Although, perhaps I should be more concerned that I’m such a dork that I had to point that out…)
Hey Heather-fish! It’s Heather IN Texas! Sure you’re here by now, how are ya lovin the heat?
Ya know, people who “have no status” can be known to head-butt those with said status. Take em down a peg you see.
To Lindsay- that’s weird. I spelled checked both versions- cancelled and canceled- and they both “passed” so it must be an English variation type thing. (like color and colour)
I can never think of quick comebacks like that when I’m in that type of situation. I’ll be brooding over it 10 minutes later and it’ll hit me what I should’ve said. Good for you!
In his demented world he was probably trying to flirt w/ you ….ewwwwwwwwww
I worked with a bluetooth idiot recently – I really hope those cause some sort of health problem. Which is mean….but c’mon
He may have a platinum card, but he also has a small penis, and he’s never going to like himself. That said, seriously, blue tooth is awesome. I love the hands free driving. And I don’t care if people think I’m talking to myself.
He has no soul. Think…the man is actually smug that he spends a significant portion of his life in airports and on planes. He’s a sad little man with a bulging stomach standing in a line. Eavesdropping, I might add, to find an opportunity to puff himself up like a peacock. Sad, sad, sad.
I love my bluetooth…However, I only use it while driving. I rarely have my phone on, if I even remember to pick it up at all. I just don’t need to be that reachable, you know?
Snaps, though, on the comeback. I would probably have ever so articulately snorted in amusement (With a very disdaining once over) or just stared at him blankly like there were lobsters coming out of his ears. Much better to have a snappy comeback, always.
what a jerk face!
I can’t stand people like that – u can practically FEEL them turning their noses up at you!! I would’ve commented just like you. I can never keep my mouth shut!
love the blog, i linked you. keep it up!
Annie
I commend you on your restraint. I would have had difficulty not ripping out his blue tooth and throwing it in front of the next cab!
I call the blue tooth thingies, ear roaches. We can only hope his crawls in his ear to the warm hollow place inside.
For a moment there, I thought you had described – exactly – my father, his ideas, and the cyborg blue tooth. He also carries a batman-worthy belt with all sorts of phones and blue – oh, sorry, BLACK berry…