Alternatively titled: If you are my mother, you might want to stop reading now
“Blowjobs are for boyfriends.”
“You mean you don’t…” Ari made a crude but familiar gesture.
“Nope.”
Ari sat in silence for a minute. Presumably in awe. Clearly, she’d never considered it as an opt-out.
We all have our lines in the sand, and that is one of mine. Blowjobs are for boyfriends. If I remembered how to cross-stitch, I’d hang that, gilt framed, over my bed. Surely I’m not the only woman who thinks that oral sex is more intimate and more… involved than a good, old-fashioned shag. Nor can I be the only woman to say that a blowjob can be a lot of effort (um, they call it a ‘job’ for a reason). And who, I ask, wants to go to all that effort when you’re not sure he’s going to stick around to reciprocate? And by reciprocate, naturally, I mean taking out the trash and killing spiders; for the most part, his… err, efforts down there don’t do much for me.
Now I know there are plenty of people who will tell me that if I’m not sure of a man’s character or staying potential, I shouldn’t be sleeping with him in the first place. On that, we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree. I like sex. So there.
Besides, even if you don’t get all benevolent in the bedroom, sex is just plain risky. Blowjob or no, you still have a good chance of brushing up against the ever unpleasant Penis is Magic Syndrome, so why compound the issue?
What? Never heard of it? I’ll enlighten.
Penis is Magic Syndrome
If you sleep with a guy, no matter what your level of relationship interest, he will automatically assume you mean to spend the REST of your LIFE with him, have his babies and drain the virility out of him. Why? Because his penis is magic, obviously. So magic, it will make you take leave of all your senses. Just watch how squirrely he gets about communication after you’ve done the deed. Proof positive.
Most of the conversations Ari and I have on the subject of men and sex are not fit for public consumption. Which is not to say that the ladies at the nail salon don’t get a good deal of enjoyment out of them (we see you snicker behind your old copies of US Weekly, oh yes, we do). But those ladies are hardly what I consider public. Everyone knows that a nail salons are as soundproof as a confessional box; none of those ladies are running off to tell my mother what I just said about penises. I hope.
Which reminds me: I recognize that things have gotten a little… safe around here. You can’t blame a girl for trying to keep her mother from a heart attack. But now that mom’s been forewarned, and on new blood pressure meds, I’m instituting Tawdry Thursdays (I know, Tawdry Tuesdays sounds so much better, but what can you do? Come up with a better name and I’ll buy you a beer). Anyway, Thursdays are now dedicated exclusively to tales of dating, mating and that guy who was not only really bad in bed, but stole my favorite sweater.
So. Got requests? Want me to make good on stories I promised and never delivered? Remind me in the comments box.
Tawdry Thursdays! Sounds fantastic.
How do you post this and not expect me to be suicidal with missing-you-ness!?
Throbbing Thursdays?
This post reads very much like conversations that I have had with my friends. I feel completely the same about blowjobs and their efforts down there…
Thanks for the post…
Oh, sweater guy! The snoozer.
hey fish, you are far from the only woman to think oral sex is much more intimate and involved than plain ol’ shagging. americans are odd in that respect. as a french woman, i can tell you european women rarely if ever go down on a guy before having already slept with him or otherwise engaged in other intimate-type behavior.
I agree 100% about blowjobs & reciprocating being more intimate than intercourse. But have you noticed that “kids” today — by this I mean teenagers, twenty-somethings, think completely opposite? In my town, they had to cancel the 2nd bus home from the junior high, because it quickly became the bj bus? And this is an upper class Boston suburb!
Not all 20-somethings. As a 20-something I say, not only do you have to be a boyfriend, you have to be a boyfriend that has professed your love to me (and v/v) for me to consider it as I am not getting jaw lock for any ole’ random person.
However, if you want to take me home tonight, I got my Trojans in my purse…
I must interject a thought: *Never* gloss over what a thoughtful, knowledgeable partner can do for the lady “down there.” To be sure, it is rather more intimate than the deed itself. As such, a lady should be very comfortable with herself as well as her partner to get the full effect of that special brand of spoiling. IMHO, of course. Are you *sure* you won’t consider changing it to Tuesday? If not, I like Collette’s suggestion.
fish, i was so excited to see you posted twice in one day. it’s like christmas over here!
‘throbbing thursdays’..i think collette is on to something..
Blow jobs are ONLY for boyfriends. And they’d better acknowledge that they’re a special treat. A VERY special treat. For, ya know, birthdays and proposals and all that jazz…
I would like to hear your thoughts on “taking care of” your man during that time of the month. Do you feel that a woman is obligated to orally please her man if she is unable to have sex with him due to having her period or other female troubles? Especially if she is cramping, bloated, etc etc.
I never put anything in my mouth that I can’t chew up and spit out.
yes! I agree with your ‘blowjobs are for boyfriends’ line in the sand…and I have the same question as caitybug on “taking care of” your man during that time of month. Personally I think it depends on whether the bf deserves it at the time and if I’m even feeling up for it..
By the by, I like Tawdry Thursdays, it’s well-suited
i guess i’m the only one who, in my 20s, was always WAY more afraid of getting pregnant (the words ‘failure rate’ scare the hell out of me) than i was of the magic penis…
I’m over that now that i’m older – perhaps cause i no longer equate baby with death? dunno…
god, it’s nice to know i’m not the only one who isn’t huge on handing out blowjobs like candy. i’m with jessie… special occasions only… but i got too drunk on the night we got engaged and avoided it on his birthday, so does this mean i have to do it the night of our wedding, which is next saturday? because, if so, ****. i was so looking forward to that day. great.
I am wat beyond 20-something but…
I am divorced, have dated very little, and have practiced abstinence since becoming divorced. My belief back then was no sex before marriage. Now, it seems to be an expectation.
An old hs buddy recently contacted me. We have texted each other. And then, he suddenly wants phone sex. To me this is sorta weird (out of the blue)and then, he starts talking about what kind of birth control I should use. We have talked on phone and texted only. I have not seen him in person yet. Another odd thing he will not tell me where he lives- besides the part of town. I think I might let his phone calls ring, what do you think?
Sasha
tell-all thursdays? tacky thursdays?
ooh! i cross stitch! if you buy the materials i’ll totally stitch the phrase for you! message me on my blog if you like (my email is there somewhere i think)
oh and no on random bj’s. for a tried and true boy toy, of course, but not for just anyone… who knows where that wang has been!
A woman is NEVER obligated to do anything regarding sex, caitybug. I believe if you want to, especially during times when you don’t want to or can’t participate, then do it. The man should also want to do the same for you at a time when you can participate. He should also want to do it without reciprocation on your part, the same as you did for him. He should want you to relax and enjoy yourself, without having to work, just like what he enjoyed.
Guy perspective (even an old guy like me): Satisfying your partner shouldn’t be a chore or a “reward” for good behavior. That sort of attitude is extraordinarily annoying for its implicit manipulativeness. When I was dating (way back in the Pleistocene epoch), I always considered a bj more intimate than intercourse, whether a full event (*ahem*) or foreplay. If she wasn’t into it, neither was I – - but I appreciated the willing effort. Guys have some dating expectations, and honesty may be the toughest one.
Cunnilingus: If you’re not into it, why bother? But more importantly, if your guy is willing to take directions and genuinely wants to satisfy you, why not enjoy it? The most common complaint of couples is that the man rushes into the main event without enough foreplay – - so why not enjoy an appetizer before the main course? If you are unsatisfied and not speaking up, it’s YOUR problem, not his. If he’s not very good at intercourse, don’t you “guide” him to a solution? We aren’t mind readers, ladies!!!
LOL … I think a lot of married men would agree that their wives agree with the statement “blowjobs are for boyfriends” !! Unfortunately for them!
Yes ! Glad to hear you are going to regale us with tawdry Thursday stories! I miss your guick wit and opinion on the more ‘human’ side of life.
Hope things are going well for you in your new circumstances btw.
I agree with ae: “As a 20-something I say, not only do you have to be a boyfriend, you have to be a boyfriend that has professed your love to me” Hell yeah! Same with guys too – this guy I dated for a second tried to go down on me once and I was like “ummmmmmm STOP!” When he asked why I didn’t really know what to say since we’d already had sex – you can’t really say “because I don’t know where your mouth has been”…Anyways, in a matter of weeks it was a non-issue as we had parted ways hahaha. Though now I have a new predicament – my boyfriend says he loves giving and receiving oral sex. I hate giving ye olde blowjob, and I think him saying “I love giving oral sex” is a damn lie, but once a guy says that he actually enjoys doing that, even if you think he’s crazy, you can’t exactly deny him, can you? hmmm…
Titillating Tursday? (Note, no “h” – makes it more ambiguous…)
Maybe I’m old fashioned (I’m 33) but as for BJ’s, I’d prefer beer…
I have to go with incrediblemissV !!! Long live the extra special spoiling. I just don’t understand when ladies say they don’t like it ::gasp & horror:: … & as for BJs on special occasions, sure if you mean days that end in Y. I enjoy doing, as much as BF enjoys getting.
When I was a teenager I vowed that I would never, ever do that. EWWW!!! It sounded disgusting. When I went to college I was told that I would eventually have to if I wanted to keep a boyfriend. Luckily I met my husband at 20, fell in love, and immediately wanted to please him in every way.
I agree that bj’s are for boyfriends. I really enjoy giving bj’s! Something about the total control I have over my partner while I’m doing it really turns me on. However, I’m not willing to share that with a one or two night stand. It also seems way more intimate to me than intercourse.
btw, The secret to avoiding lockjaw is to use both your hands and mouth as well as changing your angle of attack.
In regards to that time of the month, orgasm is great for cramps. Just be sure to have old sheets on the bed or towels available. Also if you really aren’t comfortable doing at that time, you shouldn’t be doing it. Neither you or your partner “owe” each other anything. You should only be having sex when you both want to!
I can’t believe so many of you are so down on bjs, lol! I enjoy giving them to my bf and always take care of him when i’m incapable of the regular “in and out” routine.
I agree, bj’s are for boyfriends, but am I alone here in the fact that I LOVE IT? Having him in my mouth completely turns me on, I feel sexy and powerful in a totally different way. Especially when we have eye contact- few things are hotter than watching him watch me.
I’m with you CJ, 100%.
Sasha, I think your old h.s. fling is MARRIED. Can’t think of another reason why someone wouldn’t tell you where they lived after so much contact.
I was lucky enough that my first time giving a bj, my boyfriend was absolutely blown away. The extra appreciation made it seem worthwhile, and I never thought of it as a chore. But on the other hand, we’d been dating for months, so it was well into the relationship. You’ve got to like the guy an awful lot to go that route.
I agree totally about the technique of using your hands and changing angle. And I’ve found that switching tactics in midstream boosts the enjoyment factor for him.
And reciprocation should be a no-brainer. . .why shouldn’t he think it’s great to return the favor? That’s the whole point.
Maybe, I’m a weirdo, but I’d sooner give a bj than do the deed. I think it’s b/c my first experience was with oral and playing around. I liked being the “everything but” kind of girl. Like it wasn’t as bad as sleeping with the guy.
I have a rule that I won’t sleep with a guy until he goes down on me. That’s how I know what kind of guy he is and I can gage his enthusiam in bed. And if he’s good at that, he’s going to be good at everything. I can think of 2 ex-boyfriends who did not go down on me. Notice, they are exes;)
I love giving bjs as well. Never thought about who should get one and who shouldn’t. I have given one on a first date, maybe that’s why I got a second date??
It really just depends on the circumstance, the guy, the connection. I’ve also dated a guy for several weeks and even though we’re having sex, I just didn’t feel like giving him a bj. I guess during the act, I just go with what feels right.
Sasha, I agree with kimberly. He’s married or something is definitely strange there. Drop him like a hot potato.
Shark, I agree!!
Wow, I am amazed at the level at which some people see it as a chore. I agree with CJ. I love doing it. You feel sexy in such a different way. Mutual reciprocity is a must though. I would dump a boy in a second if he did not go down on me (I have actually had to kick one out of bed before).
I have no qualms saying no to BJs. I honestly don’t feel like I’m obligated. Actually, since we’re confessing (yeah yeah it’s not Thursday), I’ve only said yes to one guy, and that was to reciprocate all the wonderful things he did for me down there. Unlike you, I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Well when done by an especially skilled man.
I totally agree re the BJ thing – sex is sex, but oral? way more intimate
and wow, penises are magic, who knew?
I completely agree that bjs are way more intimate than intercourse…but when it’s with someone I love, I just LOVE doing it. Doing it is the ultimate turn-on for me, but if I didn’t feel comfortable with the guy I would have no problems saying “not just yet (or ever)”.
I don’t feel the guy has to reciprocate, actually. If he does something he doesn’t like to do, I probably won’t enjoy it either. But then I do expect him to compensate with fingers (and toys, ladies!!) instead.
Sex should be equal pleasure and fun!
I like both giving/receiving pleasure, which explains much of why I like sex. A lot. But for me, BOTH sex and blowjobs is something very personal. My first time giving one was my surprise gift to him. LOLs, in fact the several nights before I went on ivillage to learn what I could! Later on, when I admitted to doing research on oral sex, we both laughed about but I know he appreciated it;)
Agree w/ all the comments of using your hands to helpâI used my hand the first couple of times to help, and then started experimenting with just my mouth/tongue, using my hand only to intensify things a lilâ. His reaction was my reward and yes, it is def. a power trip. And, itâs one of the times where I give pleasure and not get distracted by his fingers and mouth.
But yup, you really gotta like the guy to have the willing desire to make your mouth smell like his penis.
Sometimes wish we could just skip the whole dating thing and see if the sex works first. Now, we can have dinner and make tonightâs sex even better!
I give them. Sometimes I LOVE the act, sometimes I do it simply for him.
I agree with a poster above though that if he doesn’t pay me the special attention that I need we just aren’t a match and there is no need to continue our arrangement.
Magic penis syndrome…. the name is new to me but the phenonmenon is all too familiar.
So so sad.
Penis is magic. That explains everything! Thank you.
Think I could use the “bjs are for boyfriends” excuse with my husband?
Ran out of characters (this alwys seems to happen!) for my request(s).
1. When on the period. (We have it 12x a year, surely thereâs a funny story somewhere.)
2. Your take on various sex positions (and/or fiascos)
3. On sex in an illegal (or almost public) place.
Well, thatâs all for nowâ¦maybe Iâll have more requests by the time you write your next TT (or w/e you decide to call it)of the week.
PS: a lot of rain in a dry place like texas is good for the complexion
I think of blow jobs as a special treat!
Your mother is on new blood pressure meds because she reads Tawdry Thursdays?
I’m old fashioned. I like sex, but its not just a ‘shag’ for me. Doing the oral deeds too, best have the profession of love first. But when it is, i love giving and i love recieving! but, we all agree to disagree! we each, as you say, have our own lines in the sand!
i’ve discovered this philosophy for myself only recently.. i enjoy giving head, and giving and receiving have always been just par for the course for me- basics, not something reserved for holidays or good behavior. but until now i’d only had sex with serious boyfriends. a month or so ago i started sleeping with a guy who was decidedly *not* my boyfriend, and the decision to withhold materialized out of nowhere- somehow i feel like he doesn’t deserve it? sex is intimate, but mutual. i don’t know.. i think more than anything it symbolically preserves that line.
jj, that’s thinking.. i learned the hard way that any candidate for long-term sex partner should not only go down, but should *enjoy* it and *want* to. enthusiasm is key. and even if there’s room for improvement on his part, at least you’ll know the willingness is there.
fish, am i making things up, or was there some juiciness from costa rica that we were promised once upon a post? maybe that’s wishful thinking. at any rate, love the t.t. idea. =)
Ya see, for years I’ve been telling women that I have a magic penis. But they just start laughing. From now on I’ll refer them to you, Fish and you can set them straight.*
*disclaimer, Fish has no direct or indirect knowledge as to the magic nature of my penis. The above phrase was uttered with tongue planted in cheek, so to speak. (a rhyme and double entendre all rolled into one!)
Am I the only guy who reads this blog that took in the paragraph on “Penis is Magic” and thought ,,, “huh?”
I think the reverse. Can I be candid? Good. Last fall I had an insignificant fling Giving him a blow job made me feel all powerful he couldn’t last long at all LOL. Finally I had sex with him and after I kid you not. I said OUTLOUD. “That really wasn’t worth the worry.” LOL. That’s me for ya. I didn’t mean to say it out loud but Ooops!
So depending on the person BJ’s aren’t all bad.
I feel like I am with the general consensis here: BJ = intimicy. However, I did give BJ’s as what I called my “learning experience” to a few non-boyfriends. Who did I care messing up with too-much-teeth with or lockjaw learning experience?
I feel bad for the hubby right now though. I can’t give a bj to save my life while preggers. I feel terrible!
I totally agree that blowjobs are for boyfriends. They’re also for getting cool stuff FROM your boyfriends. I’m trying to work a Nikon-D80 DSLR out of mine right now.
Well, I can’t say where exactly I come down on the debate, since I have a nasty habit of turning insignificant flings into boyfriends, so when they cross the line is sort of hard to determine. I just wanted to throw in my two cents about using hands–I learned that trick long before I ever needed to know how to use it, but lately I’ve found that my problem isn’t lockjaw–it’s tennis elbow! Any thoughts on how to avoid repetitive stress injuries, girls?
JUDGEMENTAL ALERT!! I’ll be the substitute mother/father for all of you. When women have lots of casual sex, oral or otherwise, they may have a difficult time finding a decent guy (i.e. not promiscuous himself) if and when they want to settle down.
Very few guys are as accepting as the Steve (fictional) character on Sex and the City, who thought Miranda’s 42 partners were acceptable. Double standard? Yes.
Guys will be OK with sex with boyfriends – and yes these can add up over years of singledom – but the completely casual ones are more difficult to associate with a quality woman.
The vast majority of guys do not want a wife, and perhaps future mother of their children, who has sex with someone just because she “likes sex”.
So Fish – in my opinion, you are on the right track with requiring a relationship before intimacy.
Man, I must be from another planet
Who trades blow jobs for presents?
Oral sex is a gift that both the man and the lady should enjoy. If you don’t enjoy – definately don’t do it – who wants a pity BJ?
Giving a blow job is a great way of getting your man to moan – what a rush
As a 21-year-old, I have to disagree that oral sex is somehow more intimate than actual intercourse. I wouldn’t say intercourse is more intimate than oral, but they are about on par to me. If I’m going to let him put it in my vajayjay, why not in my mouth? I don’t get the logic. I like oral, giving and receiving.
And if you haven’t found that his efforts down there are do much for you, you’re not doing it with the right guys!!! Most of them need training, true, but after they get it right, oh my godddddd it’s my favorite. Just a thought.
I totally agree with the blowjobs being for boyfriends bit. I’ve amazed very many friends with that fact myself. Phew, you just lifted a load off my shoulders (no pun intended)
I totally agree!!! Blowjobs are for nice boys only, and if I don’t know that they are going to stick around then screw them…literally (instead of giving it all). And to be honest….I don’t want to give something when I don’t really enjoy the female equivilant all that much….
Let’s hear Part 4 of the threesome story with Rob! I’d hate to think that nothing happened at all…
From This Fish: Well, nothing did happen, sorry to inform ya. We went out, I wasn’t into it. It ended. Disappointing eh?
Okay, I’d have to say that BJ’s are less intimate for me! Dating a guy for a little over a month and we did only oral…until the other day! When we initiated and started having sex, it was the MOST intense and intimate moment I’ve ever experienced! I just think every one is different!
Although, now that I think about it, I’ve only given BJ’s to my boyfriends! So hmm…that’s weird that I never noticed!
Miss Fishy, you are my FAVORITE blogger! I love the honesty!
“Blowjobs are for boyfriends” that will make a fab shirt… and my current BF would love it.
I agree with the statement and the more accepted theory that it’s more intimate than actual intercourse. It adds to it definitely and i love that i can render him helpless/pleasured/shocked and utterly in heaven while i’m at it, but like i said before, that’s something only a special few have felt and i like to keep it that way.
The same way he feels when i’m giving him a BJ is the way i feel when we have sex. Intercourse is intimate especially when they know how to do it right… and i have to be careful not to scream out my ATM pass code… Yea baby!
If he smells like soap, is disease free, is loved by me, and knows how to wash a damn dish every once in a while then…hell yeah he gets a blow job if he’s a boyfriend or if we get married…20 years down the road, if he still meets all the criteria I have listed, he’s still getting blow jobs(or anything else he wants me to do).
i always thought it was weird, the whole 36 blowjobs but only had sex with 3 guys thing (from clerks). i don’t enjoy blowjobs AT ALL. i’ve only given them to guys i had sex with but not to ALL the guys i’ve had sex with. it usually ended up with an “sheesh, alright already. i’ll do it but i’m not happy about it” type of reaction. i always thought there was something wrong with me.
As I went on to say, not all the guys I go out with get a BJ but I love giving them. It gives me so much satisfaction that I made him feel good. That look of contentment on his face is wonderful.
I also meant to say that I’m past my twenties (actually in my 40s) but I didn’t like giving BJs when I was younger. I’d say in the last 15 years or so I’ve really enjoyed it. But I hear you loud and clear father Bob, even though you’re probably too young to be my dad. I kinda feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. (I really do just love sex)
If the guys wore a instructional note pinned to their shirt it would easier.
“Don’t have sex with me before the 20th date if you want a chance at marrying me”
or
“I’m never going to get married so it doesn’t matter what you do, so let’s have some fun”
But I really am paying attention to all the opinions.
We could have Tawdry Tuesdays and Throbbing Thursdays!!
I completely agree- bj’s are more imtimate than sex, especially with a new guy. And here i thought i was so strange for that.
Tell-All Thursdays! I vote ‘Tell-All Thursdays’!
Im still very curious on what happened with the whole 3some fiasco back in the day!
This Fish I’ve answered that more than once…. but people seem to miss it! Nothing happened. I went out with the guy, he was kinda pushy and I wasn’t into him. End of story.
this post of yours is a hoot! FIRST OFF … let me re assure you, a blowjob doees not a life time relationship make and second … an ex-file of mine once told me if a woman is sexually satisfied – her brain takes a walk (which might explain some of the disasterous relationships that seem to be so prevalent here…) or am i just imagining that?
im 19 and my bf and i have been 2gether 4 a year and 1/2 we dated 4 2 months b4 we had sex then we started having oral it took sum training 4 the both of us im sure but or sex life is great i think we have more oral than sex hes the only guy iv givin oral but iv had sex with my share so i would agree bjs are a lot more personal
Another male perspective: I don’t know about the “penis is magic syndrome” but I can certainly admit to falling for the “BJ is Magic Syndrome”. After receiving that incredible and very talented gift from my girlfriend- I found myself dashing for a directory to find the nearest jewelry store and thinking up a truly heartfelt proposal. It is intimate. It is a gift and it is deeply appreciated.
Ladies; you do have an incredible amount of power over us and even though some men may not admit to that, we all appreciate your efforts. And as for some men who are not willing to reciprocate, I personally don’t understand that at all. The same thrill and power some women have stated they feel by giving BJ’s is the same thrill and power that I have when I reciprocate. And while we’re on the topic, if a guy is doing it wrong or you’re unsatisfied. PLEASE give him a little direction. If a guy’s willing to go down on you, then he truly wants you to enjoy it. Don’t worry about hurting his ego. Tact and honesty go a long way.
T.T.T.T= Tickle then Touch Thursday
BJ are right up there with kisses on the intimacy scale…
Yes Yes! What happened with you and Benjamen????
personally I’m not looking to marry,so i don’t care if he never wants to and i don’t feel bad about it. How did these guys ever get so stuck in a girls morality.
I love him going down on me, now thats what makes me orgasm.
i gave my bf a bj in a parking lot in the back of a minivan, after which he returned the favor. the windows were tinted, but i kept thinking…what if someone sees the van kinda rocking around and decides to peek inside?
awkward.
Insightful and provocative without being overly crass.
What’s this thing called a blow-job?
Signed,
The married guy.
Thursday Thrills?
T&A Thursdays?
So many good suggestions!
How will you decide which one to use, Fish?
I bet everyone will be sure to visit on Thursdays now. I know that I will!!
toadely – penis is magic is right up there with why you always hear someone saying that that some woman needs to get laid when she’s being a “bitch.” people that say that know that the penis is magic – or at least takes the edge off! good penis is magic anyways. small penises and no foreplay = not magic.
Well all I have to say is that I love having sex including oral.
I will go with Tawdry Thursdays.
HEY, another point – you can protect yourself from infected semen by using a condom if you have sex – not so with blowjob, so you should not hand them out like candy!
I saw that lots of people think BJs are for special occasions. I suppose I might be the oddity in the fact that I LOVE to give BJs. I’d give them every day. However, they are only for my loving boyfriend who tries to do more for me than humanly possible. He also loves giving oral sex, so I never feel pressured to do it, as I know we both enjoy both giving and receiving oral sex
As for BJ’s anytime — to me I do not want a woman to go down on me because I want it — I want her to enjoy pleasuring me just like I enjoy pleasuring her.
About period sex – typically we enjoy period sex. As was pointed out – towels are great and isn’t that why we have showers too?
Sex is something two or more people do — but all the other things that incorporate a relationship is out of desire to pleasure the other partner – IMO.
I do not believe that if you take out the garbage or do other chores you are rewarded with sex — if people with-hold sex for lack of chores, IMO this leads to communication break down and thus relationship break-down.
The man that I am with,well what I do to him he most always returns the fav. I get enjoyment out of giving him a b.j.
I love the way he feels, as much as he love when I do it.
I think if you truely love your guy giving him a bj is a loving gesture, but at “that time of the month” its not my most favourite activity, but i also realize he needs a release. but why does guys never want to reciprocate? any guy who gives a woman some down there is worth keeping ladies; they don’t like to give, but they sure love to receive!
This is my 1st. time here . When I read the subject(BJ) I had to put my 2 cents in ! I am a 54 yr. old female , married 37 years whose husband NEVER liked me giving him oral sex so of course I went MANY years thinking I didn’t know HOW to do it right ! Long story short=our sex life was VERY infregnant so when I finally took a lover I found out the sexual problems weren’t MINE at all ! I will forever be greatful for the man that taught me just how wonderful sex can be ! I just wish I had not wasted so many years before taking a lover. He dearly loved my efforts but I have to say I never gave a “complete BJ ” till LAST year with my 2ed. lover ! I found that I truly loved the taste of him and it is something we do EVERY time we are together and yes he gives just as much as I do ! SO for this old woman I will be giving oral to my lover as long as my lips can still fit around it !! As for “regular sex” any woman can do that but it takes training and really wanting to please for a man or a woman to give GREAT head !!