Last week at my yearly physical, after the doctor finished (very kindly) harassing me about my cholesterol, I attempted to explain why the end of summer is probably not the best time for us to be assessing anything about my physical well-being. It’s summer. It’s just too damn hot to be healthy.
Summer here means it’s approximately fifteen hundred degrees too hot to do anything but slink from air conditioned house to air conditioned car. So jogging is out. Just to prove that outdoor exercise in this heat is indicative of a death wish, I tried it yesterday. And while I didn’t die, necessarily, I thought about it very hard. This, I explained, is why her fancy pants doctor’s scale says I weigh twelve pounds more than my brain scale (and driver’s license) says I do. And why my jeans require several minutes of sumo squats before I can be seen in polite company.
And what with all this freakish heat, beer has become infinitely more attractive than it is during the pleasanter three seasons. Have I ever mentioned that I hate beer? I do. It’s not my thing at all. Except in the summer when I want it all the time. Blue Moon for breakfast, Miller Lite by the pool in the afternoon and goodness me, is that a Stella? Don’t mind if I do. Turns out, beer is not all that good for you. Or your relationship with denim. Even the kind with stretch.
Then there’s the grilled hot dogs and the bratwurst. Don’t judge, but I’m pretty much powerless to the charms of some flame-kissed meat byproduct. At yesterday’s cook out, a fellow hot dog enthusiast theorized that our fascination probably has something to do with the fact that when summer comes around, you have to eat your fill because once grilling season is over, you’re out of luck. You can’t just saunter into a Burger King and order a flame broiled beef frank. So you’ve got to get while the gettin’ is good. And I do. And then I have to go home and lay on the floor and do Lamaze breathing until the hurting stops.
My doctor is the sweet, patient kind. And after I got done with my defense high triglycerides, she just smiled.
“Oh, I’m sure that’s mostly in your genes.”
The obvious yet hilarious genes/jeans joke was so tempting (“You’re not kidding lady!”), but I figured she’d had enough for one morning. There’s only so much a person should have to put up with for a twenty dollar co-pay.
You’re right, Fish. It’s summer so that means the obvious… summer food and summer beverages are where it’s at this time of year.
Sounds like you had fun!!! Me too! Indulged in some amazing ice cream… mmmmmmmm too good!
CARPE DIEM, BABY!
Well if you get desparate, you can always go for a chili cheese coney (hot dog) at SONIC. My version of yucky hell but some folks love them. I hate most hot dogs except for the good ones (Kosher, all beef, not too many by-products).
I’m currently in grad school (read: broke) so I use the school gym which pretty much has everything I need… except AC. So in the summer, I go on hiatus and get a little squishy. In a past life this would have freaked the sh*t out of me enough to cause me to drop serious cash on a fancy gym membership, but frankly, I’m not an 18 year old running around all summer in a bikini anymore. I’m a 27 year old grad student living in NYC whose pale behind rarely, if ever, sees the sun. If my jeans get a little snug over the summer, the world will not go careening off its axis. It only takes 2-3 weeks to put myself right again once the weather becomes reasonable.
“sumo squats”
HA! Love it. Do them all the time.
You should totally move to Florida. I can easily talk my husband into BBQ’ing in January because it’s often in the 70′s. Yay BBQ!
I am queen of the sumo squats. It’s the dryer that shrinks those things! Evil dryer. It has nothing to do with my summer ice cream habit. Nothing whatsoever.
dude, you live in TX where your average winter high can’t be less than 50 degree. i’d be grillin’ year round if i lived there!
While I totally sympathize (haven’t been to the gym in weeks and just renewed the membership today but still didn’t go), could you maybe work out in the pool? Or is it too short for laps?
Ugh. I’m going to hear it on Thursday myself. Thank you heredity, I’m going to be a walking pharmacy shortly.
Yeehaw.
In defense of beer, a wise friend of mine cites that yeast is among its ingredients and therefore claims that there’s food to be found in alcohol, but no alcohol in your food….a good theory AND promotes multitasking
Oof, I was told my triglycerides were high after my last physical, too. And haven’t done much to work on that. My appointment was before summer was really in full swing, and it’s definitely been one of many beers (and a few brats). I need to prioritize…
Fish: You clearly need to change doctors if she neglected to tell you that studies have shown that beer actually reduces bad cholesterol! So, as long as you chug two beers with that grilled polish sausage, you are making perfectly healthy choices!
((Heather))! I’m right there with you (literally, I live in Dallas, too!) There’s somethng about Texas. It’s too damn hot to be perfectly healthy here. But, hey, I’m trying!
And to think, to think, it’s not even as hot as it was last summer (or the summer before, for that matter)! By the way, Happy Fall. Maybe we should be workout buddies. You’re so funny, I’d love to get together for lunch sometime!!
Hi Heather,
This is the first time that I have actually posted on your blog, but I think I wanted to wait until I actually finished reading it all. Yes, I mean all. Every word. I started in February, but I have finally made it. I agree with all of the choices you have made over the last 6 years. Though there is 6 years difference in our age, I think we have a lot in common.
If you lived anywhere near Ontario, Canada, I would definitely want to meet for coffee, or drinks. I pretty much sound creepy right now, I know, but I can assure you I’m not. I have a geography degree but I’m staying in school to become a Chartered Accountant or a CPA in the US. So I’ll end up for one of those large monkey firms you refer to.
I’m sure you have a lot of people like me writing you, but I’m genuine and I’ll probably be posting comments in the future. I can’t remember if you still monitor your posts before they come on, so you don’t need to post this one, it was more for you then as a comment.
Totally off topic- I just noticed you deleted Smitten Kitchen. Damn you!
Now I have to bookmark it instead of just clicking on the link after reading your blog.
Kim,
Holy cow! That was not approved! SmittenKitchen will be back on the links soon, I promise. I have no idea where it went…
Thank you so much. I don’t cook much, but her recipes are great. It’s really just a laziness issue on my part
I tend to use your links as bookmarks because you tend to pick the same stuff I enjoy reading.
that’s why I get my physical in November… all my levels are good by then.. course I live in Minnesota… ya kinda have to take care of yourself here
Be careful with your cholesterol! I’m 25 and in pretty good shape, but I have high cholesterol. Part of mine is genetics (thanks Dad!), but I also found out that taking estrogen-based birth control can spike your cholesterol as well. There is a small percentage of women who have a specific set of proteins that make them sensitive to estrogen. I don’t know what you are taking (or if you are taking any at all), but it’s a thought!
Don’t blame the brats! They’ve only given you good things!