Sixteen days.
Wedding Update
Cupcakes and wedding cake ordered. Ha ha yeeeah, I just did that. Like, 10 minutes ago. Can you tell how proficient I am at being a DIY bride? Le sigh.
As much as he swears it won’t be, I worry this whole event will be a letdown for the Boy, because as far as weddings go, it’s not very well… put together. The things I care about at this wedding are 1) that the people I love dearly are in the same room and 2) that we end up hitched. That’s it. Even the dress stress is strange – it’s really a product of getting my heart set on something that my head knows simply doesn’t matter. Not in the long run, anyway.
This marriage is hugely important to me; it’s no secret that my feelings about the wedding aren’t nearly so profound. What I do care about is what other people will think about how much I don’t care about wedding things. Disappointing people. It’s probably the biggest reason I didn’t want to do it. People judge things. They just do, even if it’s not conscious. And when it’s things that don’t matter – like what you do for favors or whether or not you went to the trouble of bedazzling your cocktail napkins – all I can do is throw my hands up and say, Eff it!
My actions clearly say something about my priorities. I may have just ordered the wedding cake, but the honeymoon has been planned for three months – right down to tickets for museums. And I’ve worked until midnight every night for the last four weeks to make our house homey. But somehow, I haven’t managed, in almost a year, to choose the wines for the reception or get all these new, bright silver hairs dyed for the photos. I promise I’ll shave my legs, though. At least to the knee.
Still no dress, by the by. Did I tell you that the seamstress said I’d lost weight? Yep. In my boobs. Since I first met with her over the winter, I lost an inch and a half off the bust and like, half an inch off the waist. Life is just mean sometimes.
House Update
The base is built for the dining room benches. Part of me is wishing I’d made one side a foot longer. Eh, leaves more room for an extra chair – and less for regret.
Office is painted!
I finished priming the Room from Hell (the one with all the wood paneling we had to scrape) around midnight last night which means tonight I get to paint the very last room in the house. The very last! And then I fall into an enchanted sleep so deep it will require the kiss of Timoth Olyphant to break the spell. What? That’s how these things work.
All the new doors are being installed RIGHT. NOW. Having run out of time and available staff (we, uh, might have broken the Dork Lord’s parents), we have hired a handyman to put in all the new jambs, doors, baseboards and trim. He gave us such a fantastic price (and every assurance he would be so gentle on our new floors), it would have been stupid to attempt that circus act by ourselves. I cannot wait to have a bathroom door. While the blue plastic tarp is lovely to behold, it’s not exactly made for privacy.
When I’m done with all this, I’m going to make a list of good experiences (J.J. in Home Depot’s Kitchen & Bath department) and bad (Coker Flooring’s sales rep who repeatedly asked to deal with my “husband,” and who seemed so surprised when I didn’t hire him) and lessons learned (if it’s plastic, it doesn’t belong behind a wall). Also, I’ll show you the sketch-to-completion development of our cabinets and storage benches, because of everything we’ve accomplished, that process was the most fun.
Stop teasing us already and give us some pictures! Can’t wait to see how all your hard work has paid off.
I just went to a wedding recently that was very “low key” and “simple” and you’re right we ALL judge! I admit I was surprised there wasn’t more attention paid to details but when I talked to the bride two weeks later she said everything had turned out more beautiful than she had imagined and couldn’t believe it was everything she had dreamed of. And that’s what really matters. So just tell everyone to suck it.
See! We’ve become so conditioned to weddings being this… THEMED thing. Like, it can’t just be a party where people celebrate getting married, it has to have DETAILS. I couldn’t make myself care enough about the details to make ‘em happen.
Hey, less boobs may be the couple extra inches of fabric standing between you and a complete dress. Meant to be!
Also, I dutifully ordered my wedding cake about nine months before the event. They f’d it up. Put the wrong filling inside. It was so sweet it hurt my teeth. Found the thing inedible. The Knot has ruined weddings. Sixteen days is plenty of time for an edible cake!
The little details might be nice for someone who’s attending, but if they love you, the big details, like the part where you’re happier than ever, will be more than enough.
Your wedding has a theme – you and the Dork Lord getting married! It’s a good one
May 23rd is our 1 year anniversary – and I totally get what you’re talking about. After going to several wealthy-parent-financed weddings the months prior to ours, I was convinced that people would think ours wasn’t that great. Our main goal was that people we loved would be there to watch us get married (important to the husband) and party with us after (important to me).
That’s what happened and it was awesome. People kept telling us it was the most personal, fun, celebratory wedding they’d been to in years. (Not that anyone is going to tell you that they thought your wedding was lame, but I think in that case they tell you it was lovely and leave it at that. They certainly don’t go out of your way to tell you how much fun they had, how much they enjoyed it, etc…)
At the end of the day, you’re going to be so much happier waking up the day after your wedding not owning anybody any money than having the fancy-schmancy wedding the wedding mags of the world – and their advertisers – have been trying to convince you everyone expects.
I think your priorities are perfect. Your wedding is a special day, but you’re preparing for the life you two will share. Congratulations and best wishes on that!
Honestly, you have exactly the right attitude. There are WAY too many people out there who get caught up in all the tiny details of the wedding, that they forget that what they should be focusing on is the marriage! The wedding is just one day, and as long as you have the people you love around you, and maybe some music to dance to, you’re all set. It’s not a bad thing at all that you’ve haven’t been caught up in what wine to order and choosing a cake a year in advance, your priorities are focused right where they should be: on building a home and a life with the boy.
StepBob and I were newly engaged and just trying to decide on a wedding date (we were going to do a small wedding: us two, two witnesses and the minister who is a friend of ours) when Heather decided to come visit Dallas in two weeks (back when she was living in NYC) so that decided it: we’d get married in 2 weeks! Suddenly all the daughters had to be there ($$) so then why not invite a few close friends? so now we needed a venue ($) Cake was Sara Lee pound cake with berries, were there any flowers? and all my daughters wore black because, as one put it, it’s a nice, ambiguous color. The music was an ipod plugged into speakers, and there was no rehersal. But there was sangria and beer, and a lot of laughter as I recall. And after 5 years we still toast to each other at dinner. Heather, the wedding will be wonderful: it’s being done with a lot of love.
I have been a long time reader, but this is my first time commenting, but what you said is EXACTLY how I feel. I am getting married on June 4th, and I just can’t be bothered with the details either. They so don’t matter in the overall scheme of things. My take is that life is too short to worry about what others think of your lack of attention to details. So go on, have a great time, and when people see the love and celebration taking place in your heart, that is what the will remember, not that your napkins weren’t monogrammed!
i was the same way about my wedding… i really just cared about everyone being there. when i look at the pictures (which were taken by all of our friends, not some fancy wedding photog), it looks very simple. But i don’t care. I do not for one sec regret not bedazzling napkins or having fancier anything … because I do not regret for one sec NOT GOING INTO DEBT FOR OUR WEDDING! I know our friends and family share these values… and everyone talks about how great a wedding it was because everyone was so happy. Full stop.
People ALSO judge if it looks like the bride and groom have spent beyone their means and are just trying to impress — not a good look.
Hey, dont’ sweat the low-key wedding. Mine was as low-key as it gets, catholic ceremony (so few church decorations), buffet dinner cooked in the community hall by their staff with leftovers for midnight lunch, cake made by my neighbor (admittedly she is semi-pro but it wasn’t crazy fancy), sub $500 dress made from the local “corsets and lace” costumery, and pictures by a friend of a friend in a hotel’s garden. For centerpieces, we had votive candles in tiny bowls with ribbon tied on and confetti on the tables, which were also the takeaway favors. There was no bedazzling of napkins or anything else.
And know what? Everyone *loved* it. Even a couple years later, people spontaneously reminisced on how they loved the relaxed atmosphere, and how much fun they had. To me, that’s a success. I wasn’t stressed, we got hitched and had a fun party after with our friends and family, and we all got some good memories.
I too was a less-than-into-it bride.
My wedding (guest list 42, including bride and groom) consisted of some white wood chairs set up on an outdoor space at the historic hotel where my mother worked at the time. We were married in front of a Mizner-style fountain with no music. After the brief ceremony, we went up to a cocktail hour in the bar of one of the hotel restaurants. After that we moved into one half of the restaurant and had dinner from a pared-down version of their regular menu. The restuarant gave us a wonderful, simple cake as a wedding gift. Oh, and I had flowers for me, my maid of honor, the groom and the best man.
That was it. All of it. I think it cost me under $2k. To this day, everyone says it was the best wedding they’ve ever been to. Why? I think it’s because the food was AMAZING, and the booze was free. There was a lot of laughing and I had time to visit with everyone.
Can’t wait to see house pix. Regarding “themes,” tell people you’re going w/a “it’s a wedding” concept. Are you remaining Fish Hunter or will you change over to Fish Dork Lord?
Fish Hunter. I may reconsider when we have children.
You can always call yourself Ma Dork Lord w/o going through the paperwork headache. Like if you have to call the school or pediatrician, you could simply say “This is Fish Dork Lord, Mehitabel Dork Lord’s mother. What this I hear about a sandbox smackdown?” But then when you go to your Pulitzer Prize acceptance dinner & masked ball, you’ll be Fish Hunter.
So…if you have a garage, is that where you will be keeping the bicycle?
I didn’t have a fancy, themed either. Almost 12 (!) years later, people still tell me what a fun wedding it was. The ringbearer riding up the aisle on a pedal tractor (my husband is a farmer) helped with the ‘this is a fun party’ vibe, I think.
It’s Murphy’s Law: You gain weight from the bottom up, and you lose weight from the top down. I don’t know why.
I toast you and your wedding low-keyness. It’s going to be fabulous, and when it’s over you’ll be married. Key!
So awesome. You are doing great things.
no wedding talk from me.
just a simple message from a looooong time reader.
i’m graduating college tomorrow. and let me tell you, you’ve given me great study breaks over the past 5 years. “he said things” will always be my favorite post. because its my life right now. you gave travel tips before my semester abroad. and i enjoy reading about your now happily settled self while pulling all nighters to finish my last finals. because you’re where i want to be in a few years. thanks for being inspiring. i feel like you’re my friend and you’ve never even heard of me. lol.
low key it up! have a party. with loved ones. and lots of fruity drinks.
because thats how us classy girls do it anyways. =)
Cupcake Chardonnay — very drinkable for the price. Not sure about TX, but in CA they even sell it at Costco.
Good luck and congratulations on the nuptials!
We’re actually getting married AT a winery, which makes it even sadder that I haven’t picked the wine since the selection is limited to what they produce! Sad, eh?
I LOVE YOUR MOTHER.
My husband and I got married at the county courthouse for $110, plus a $32 fee for the wedding license. The only people there were our best friends as witnesses, the head of the elections department (who performed the ceremony) and a friend who happens to work in the elections department and popped her head up at the last minute to offer to take photos. The courtroom was taken, so we ended up clearing out the corner of a storage room.
Wouldn’t have done it any other way.
Our reception was “catered” by more friends, who cooked us a lovely dinner and threw rice at us when we went home.
It’s been a year and a half, and no regrets. Sometimes I sigh when I see pretty wedding dresses, beautiful cakes and all that crap, but seriously I am glad we saved the money and the stress for future plans, like traveling abroad (his family lives in Eastern Europe).
The only theme you need is “Hey we’re getting hitched, eating cake and then going to Italy.” Sounds good to me.
My wedding was also low-key. I was not aware I was supposed to be worried about the details. We took time crafting the ceremony, had the chocolaty-est cake ever for afterwards, and I know my husband was more concerned about how to cook the whole lamb in a pit (at our ranch party few days later) than he was about anything else. It was awesome and I would do it exactly the same way again and that, my friend, is what counts. You’ll have a blast!
I’ve been reading your blog for yyeeaarsss and am getting married 3 weeks after you – and YES, I agree. With everything. The caterer will bring their own stupid table numbers in little picture frames? Perfect. That means I don’t have to spend 3 months DIYing my own “themed” table numbers? Even better. Am I nervous everyone will judge my complete disinterest in anything other than food and alcohol? You bet. Do I care enough to change my priorities? No way!
1. I love that your mother commented on your blog.
2. I was in a wedding last year. Beautiful. Pricey. VERY extravagant. The bride (and her mother) stressed about every detail. They were very into the wedding thing. And, I’m not going to lie to you, it was a fun night. We all had a blast. The super expensive food was fabulous. The super expensive alcohol flowed freely. And less than a year later they are divorced.
3. Care about the marriage. It makes more sense.
Heather, it sounds like you’re making the marriage a priority and not the wedding, which is how it should be. My husband and I were married 7 months ago, and I didn’t give a crap what color our tablecloths were, or what kind of flowers were in the centerpieces. All I wanted was the people we love the most in one room celebrating with us. And everyone told us it was the most fun they’ve had at a wedding. Trust me- no one is going to remember what color your napkins were, or if your bridesmaid dresses matched the carpet. (Yes, actually a thing I’ve heard.) They’re going to remember how in love you and the Dork Lord are.
Enjoy every second of it! Because it will seriously be over in a blink.
You seem to have your priorities EXACTLY right: care deeply about the marriage; the wedding will fall into place.
We went from engaged to married in 3 months and I went out of town for a previously-scheduled trip the weekend before. There were no favors or takeaways; a friend did the gorgeous cake; the flowers were from Costco (and my girlfriends arranged the table flowers in vases from the dollar store); another friend’s husband did all of the pork tenderloins. You saw the pictures. It was beautiful and fun – exactly like we all know yours will be.
I regret just two things: (1) not having a video because everything happened so fast that day and (2) inviting family members who didn’t even stay for the dinner. (If I would have known that they wouldn’t even stay through the cocktail hour, I would have invited the people I WANTED to invite. Grr!)
Every moment of the day will be magical (although I think everyone has one glitch to laugh about later, right?).
You, your dress and your wedding will be absolutely beautiful. You’re getting married to Mr. “Oh, THERE you are.” (I hope I quoted that blog post correctly!) I can only imagine how much joy you’re going to radiate.
The house sounds GLORIOUS and we’re all anticipating the before/after pictures!!
20 years ago, I went to a very simple, plain wedding in a Presbyterian church where the bride and groom were very happy, and also expecting very soon! I remember nothing about the ceremony but the reception was probably the most fun I’ve ever had at any party- lauging, merriment, drinking and dancing until your feet gave out. Those two are still married, with 3 fine sons. Homegrown weddings are the best- for the guests and the lucky couple. Authentic memories are way more important than wedding industry gimcrack. You’re going to have such a wonderful day to celebrate the commencement of your new life!
I’ve never wished so hard for a “Like” button on your blog before. Best wishes for your upcoming nuptials and most importantly your marriage and life together.
And just love that your mom posted!
awwww Heather, all of this just means that you are doing it right! You must think of the center of things – if the center is the theme than what’s the point of the marriage? You, my girl, are centering on what matters, the DL and you. Even down to planning the honeymoon, it’s all about the two of you together. I believe it is going to be fantastic!!! The people who love you, will be in awe of how beautiful the wedding is just because of how much love is surrounding it. Much love, kc
It sounds like your priorities are exactly where they are supposed to be. You have always come across as practical and rational in your blogs. It makes complete sense to me that a house you plan on living in for a looong time is taking priority over a ceremony that will last half a day.
Agree with all the above commenters!! It’s about focusing on the marriage and your excitement to be together – not the details wedding. I got married this fall in one of those enormous parent-financed, parent-detailed weddings (which honestly would not have been what my husband and I would have wanted, had we ever been asked – but I digress). But my guy and I were so focused on how happy we were to be together and marry each other, and were just generally so damned excited – and that was what made it so much fun. Danced and laughed all night together, and it was awesome. Seriously the absolute most fun I have ever had in my life, and our friends still randomly bring up how much fun they had. Often. And the details didn’t have anything to do about it. It’s all about you and DL being happy and having fun.
We actually went to a wedding recently where the bride and her family had been so wrapped up in all the details, it was like they forgot to care about the marriage and didn’t actually seem excited at the actual ceremony/reception. It was the weirdest thing. She kept coming up during the reception and telling everybody how worried she was that people weren’t having a good time. (Not to mention that when the bride keeps telling you she’s worried and upset that people aren’t having fun, it makes it hard to actually have fun.) She just seemed to completely lose sight of the fact she had just gotten married and didn’t seem excited herself at all. She was running around fretting while her husband was just hanging out with his friends. They’re good friends of ours, too, and the whole thing just made me really sad.
Bottom line: It’s all about your outlook and attitude. Your attitude is awesome, and if you’re excited and having fun then everyone around you will be, too. That’s all there is to it. Everybody will feel how much love there is, and *that* is what they’ll enjoy that day and remember afterward.
Seems to me your priorities are just right! So many people put a ton of work into the wedding and not nearly as much into the actual marriage.
Did I ever mention that my hubby and I got married in his folks’ living room? And went on our honeymoon with the entire family? That was 10 years ago. What I remember is being surrounded by the people who love us the most.
I imagine the Boy will be happy to be married to you, no matter how you get down that aisle.
I can tell you that last year I did the big, expensive, try-to-make-everyone-happy wedding. And all the people I tried to please in every possible way by making myself crazy and miserable just found new things to judge, critize, and complain about.
Good for you for realizing where the priorities need to lay! I was *miserable* at my wedding because I was stressed out about everyone else so hats off to you in putting yourself at the center of your wedding! People will judge no matter what you do, so just relax and enjoy your day, and as long as YOU are happy and your future hubby is happy that is all that *really* matters in the end!