a dog and his nerd, in memoriam

SariicI’d been sitting on the lowest step of the apartment building staircase, waiting for the Dork Lord to return from his early morning errand, when they happened by. The man was speaking Spanish to his nervous looking dog, wondering, no doubt, if my own leashed beast was friendly.

“Dile hola,” I said, relaxing the leash so equally-nervous Sariic could get nose-to-nose with the quivering Chihuahua. Say hello.

“You speak Spanish! How nice,” the man said and gesturing to my dog. “He’s a German Shepherd, yes?”

Not knowing how to express his breed mix in Spanish, I answered “Si,”.

“¿Cuántos años tiene?”  How old is he?

Thirteen and a half.”

“Viejecito!”  Old man, he said, reaching out to rub the soft, white fur around Sariic’s nose. “How much longer can he live?

I stopped. Swallowed. Checked myself before answering. My insides felt cold and numb.

“Hoy.”  Today.

The change in his expression as he understood my full meaning sent me to tears.

“Pobrecita. Ah, pobrecita.” You poor thing.

I apologized for crying and he waved it off. We talked for a few minutes longer before he took his leave, patting the dog once more and wishing him well.

Two hours later, it was done.

“I just killed my dog,” the Boy said, his voice full of despair. What bits of my heart that were left intact after what I’d just witnessed broke completely apart.

“No,” his mom said, reaching out for his arm. “You didn’t. You gave him peace.”

As much as I wanted it to, it didn’t feel that way to me. I’m not entirely sure that I will ever make my own peace with it – or even if I am supposed to. Not that it wasn’t the just and humane thing to do. His body, the vet told us, could not do what he needed it to do. He had grown confused, deaf and exhausted, unable to manage the stairs or even eat his breakfast. The decline was difficult to watch. Yet ending it was the most excruciating experience of my life. Unprepared for how quickly the injection would take effect, I felt my entire self erupt in panic when the vet pronounced him gone. No! The hand I’d placed on his chest no longer rose and fell. All was still. I clung to the Boy and buried my face in the fur of Sariic’s cheek. My brain said, “right” and my heart screamed, “wrong.”

I cannot remember a time in my life when I was filled with more grief and remorse than I have been the last couple of days. My own grief is surpassed tenfold by my love’s. His hurt is palpable and I am powerless to help. He feels alone and regretful, burdened by a devastating certainty that he gave up on his friend – the empty spaces and quiet of coming home are particularly poignant reminders.

I wallow in my own guilt, for having had such a difficult time with the inconveniences of the last eighteen months. For being impatient and frustrated. But the truth is that I loved him well and, at the end of all this hurt, that’s what I will remember. The night I spent sleeping in his dog bed, the two of us wrapped in my down comforter after a hard night at the emergency animal clinic. Chopping vegetables with him at my feet waiting for an errant carrot or broccoli stem. The thick crease of his eyebrows, a muppet-like face, making a sucker of me time and again. When this mass of sadness lifts, that is what I hope will remain. In the meantime, there is a Sariic-shaped hole in my heart and lump in my throat that I cannot swallow.

Rest in peace, sweet friend. You will always be with us.

77 comments to a dog and his nerd, in memoriam

  • My deepest sympathy. To quote my vet who was quoting she knows not who: When we bring a pet into our lives, we sign a contract to have our hearts broken.

    We’ve said goodbye to far too many beloved cats & dogs, yet continue to welcome them into our home. I guess we’ve gotten used to the heartbreak. Or decided it’s simply worth it. Again, my sympathy to you & Chris.

  • jamielou

    I’m so sorry for yours and Chris’ loss. Please let him know how much we love him and are so sorry that we never got to meet Sariic. Your post was beautifully worded and made me cry. Our thoughts are with you, sweet girl.

  • Mrs. M

    I’m so sorry. I’ve been through this more than once and it never hurts any less… even when you know you did the “right” thing. Take good care of yourself and the DL.

  • This just breaks my heart – losses like this are life-changing, yet so many people go through them. I wish you both well in surviving it. I also wonder – could I link this blog to my work blog, http://www.griefresourcecenter.wordpress.com? (You don’t even have to publish this comment – I’d just really love our readers to have your story available to them). Let me know if you’d consider it. Thanks for writing – I’ve been a fan since 2006!

  • Megan

    I just went through this this past summer. And two more friends are going through this now. I’m sorry for your pain, especially as you are taking on both your loss and your love’s loss. You have such a big heart.

    It’s funny. I have found that when a fellow human dies, the response from others is fractured in wildly different ways. Everyone grieves differently, and everyone offers (or doesn’t offer) support and comfort differently.

    But with pets–dogs, especially–the understanding and outpouring of emotion is universal. They are so, so special to us, and I have found strange comfort in reaching out to those who have also lost a pet, because it’s truly a shared experience.

    I hope you two find comfort as well–in reaching out to others and in reaching for your memories. Owning a dog is spectacularly painful and rewarding. May you find some solace and peace.

  • Lukau

    I can remeber the day we drove Chris’ truck to a shady area of Garland to pick Sariic up. When we got there, the lady told us she had one male puppy left, and they were trying to find him. Chris and I stood in the living area of the house petting mama doggie, while they located the missing puppy. The little mocha colored furball was hiding under the couch. We quickly decided he was the one, and placed him in the truck to bring him home. Not five minutes into the drive, the little puppy was so nervous, he peed in the back of the extended cab truck…. “Not five minutes and you pissed, Sariic” Chris said…So it began. We all grieve his passing, and we are very sorry for Chris’ and your loss.
    I certainly miss him.
    CJL

  • I’m a few incredibly painful steps behind you and there are no words. I thought it would be last year but Riley is champing on (for now). This has to be one of the shittiest feelings ever and yet you’ve done the exact right thing. Can’t think of another time in life when doing the right thing feels so incredibly ghastly and sad.

    I love you lady, give Chris and Hal a hug from me and I’ll send Stabler down with yours. xoxo

  • Sarah Q

    I lost my own dog in an accident last September. I can say now that the grief has been replaced with the ability to enjoy the memories. We find ourselves asking “remember when he did this, remember the way he did that” and smiling about it. While I’d still do anything to change the way it all went, I am, finally, able to enjoy his memory. And you will be too.

  • Robin

    I’m so sorry Heather. I had to do the same thing a few years ago with one of my pets. It was one of the worst days of my life. Cyber *hugs* to both of you.

  • Aimee

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss. What a love. xo

  • Alyssa

    I’m so, SO sorry! I’ve been through this a few times, and it WILL get easier. Eventually you will be able to remember him and laugh at all the goofy things he did, and it won’t hurt nearly as much. You will know for certain that you did the right thing, and that he is, indeed, still with you and loves you both forever. In the meantime, give yourselves permission and time to mourn.
    (I don’t know if this helps, but we lost one of our beloved dogs a few years ago, and I still dream about him during important times: I dreamed about him when I was in the hospital, about to give birth to my daughter; again right before my dad passed, and I dreamed about him AND my dad together when our dog started having health issues. He’s watching out for us, I truly believe that!)

  • Sara

    I’m so sorry. We had to do that with our two dogs a couple years ago and it was rotten. I still miss them, terribly. They were both quirky, funny pets who were with us through a lot of changes. I’ll be thinking of you as you get used to the extra space and the quiet.

  • LWF

    I’ve been reading for years, and almost never comment, but I am so so sorry for your loss. I have a 13-yr old golden mix who was my now-husband’s first, but is now is the love of my life (besides him). Here is a great article about why old dogs are the best dogs: http://theweek.com/article/index/89914/The_last_word_Why_old_dogs_are_the_best_dogs. Don’t read it now if it will make you sadder.
    Thank you for sharing with us. Sending love from the northeast.

  • Sherie

    I just cried while I read this. Our own 11 year old lab/german shepherd mix passed away last year THE DAY BEFORE movers showed up to pack and move us to our new city. It was quick, unexpected and unbelievably, heart breakingly sad. Her body was just done, according to the vet. It doesn’t make it any easier to know that, but at least they’re not suffering any longer….unlike their humans. I’m so sorry. That’s all.

  • Rebecca

    Your post just brought me to tears. As many others here, I made a similar decision for my cat almost two years ago now. I have lost family friends, personal friends and grandparents, but never have I felt a more heartwrenching grief than that day. There is something so unconditional about the love of a pet, and that air of innocence that they project, even when you know they are up to something. My heart goes out to you. Let yourself grieve, and know that it will will heal with time.

  • Jennifer

    Im so sorry to hear about your loss. There are no words to make this any better. Just know you both gave him a good life and he was loved. Take it day by day.

    Take care..

  • I am so sorry Heather.

  • Marisol

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Know that millions of arms are surrounding you both. ((hug))

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I found myself choked and crying as I read your post. I love my dogs so much that just the thought of one day having to let them go can bring me to tears at a moment’s notice. I can’t imagine how hard that day was for you both, and I hope your sadness eases soon.

  • Stephanie

    I lost a dog to cancer 2 years ago. I did not have to make the heart wrenching decision to put her to sleep. She declined within a matter of days after diagnosis and during that last night sleeping on the floor with her as she labored to breath I knew that if she made it through the night I would have to take that step. The loss of a pet is heart wrenching and I am getting choked up just thinking about those last few days with her again. There will always be a hole in your heart, but it helps to remember the funny things about them that you loved. My husband and I started a list of all of her funny quirks and habits and things that we loved about her. It helped to focus on those things.

  • Jessica Mac

    My deepest, heartfelt condolences to you both! I’m so very sorry to hear about your dear doggie.

  • Becky

    Very sorry to hear that you had to make that decision…it is so heart-wrenching. I have been in your position and I’m sorry I’ve nothing to say to make it any easier.

    Your Sariic-shaped hole will eventually fill with all the memories of his wonderful quirks and adventures and hug…and he will be with you forever.

  • Krissi

    My parents put my Buddy-Bear down at 17 years old. 17 years … and it still felt like the day I got him when I was 9 years old. My huge, huge condolences to you and DL. My mom gave me a framed photo of Buddy for Christmas this year, I have it up on the wall by my bedroom…I still look at it every time I walk into the room.

  • Vickie

    So sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to both of you. Just know that with time it will get easier. Don’t feel guilty for the decision you made. You guys did the right thing by Sariic, please know that. *hugs*

  • Aimee

    My thoughts are with you, it is one of the most difficult decisions you can make but it is pretty obvious the decision was made with love and his best interest at heart. I have had this expeience twice in two years and while you never stop missing them at some point you will be able to remember them with joy and laughter(and stil sometimes tears). Take care yourselves and each other

  • Carrie

    I am so, so, so sorry. It does get better with time. But you will always miss him, think of him and love him always. It will just hurt less.
    Soon I will be doing this too. My Buddy has been going downhill for awhile but he is a fighter. We had to put Molly down 2 years ago and that was horrible.
    Hugs to you dear.

  • TBA

    I lost my cat, Roxy, on Dec. 9. — It is such a horrible feeling. Hang in there.

  • Aimee

    I’ve been through this with 2 cats and your post brought me right back to those moments. Now I’m tear-stained and heartbroken – for you and the Dork Lord, and for my sweet kitties. It’s the right thing to do, but it sure isn’t easy. My thoughts are with you…

  • Brittany

    My heart aches for you. I dread the day when our two wonderful pups will suffer the same fate. I’m sure he lived a wonderful life with you two. I am SO sorry.

  • Anne

    I am so sorry, a big hug for both of you.
    With your writing and stories I think we all kind of knew him.

  • Jenn

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Pets occupy a special place in our hearts and it’s never easy to say good-bye. I hope you and Chris are able to find peace soon.

  • CrystalG

    Heather, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there and there is really nothing anyone can say to make it better right now. He was a lucky dog, there are too many that are not lucky enough to have someone love them like Chris has and you have.

  • Cyndy

    So sorry for you both.

  • I am so sorry for you both. It’s SO hard. I had to put my dog to sleep 10 years ago and while it was the right thing (he had inoperable cancer) I felt like I was betraying him. But he was spared further pain, and really, I feel like that’s our responsibility as ‘owners’ — to love, and then help them let go when it’s time. I’m glad you can remember all the goodness, even though it’s bittersweet now.

  • Julie

    My condolences to you and the DL. This is my nightmare that I can’t bear to think about for my pup. My thoughts are with you as you grieve.

  • j.j.

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I had to put my 4 year old Shar Pei to sleep a couple of weeks ago – she was in kidney failure due to amyloidosis. It’s heartbreaking especially when your head knows it is the right and responsible thing to do.

    He had a good life and was lucky to be loved and cared for by you both. Be kind to yourself while you grieve.

  • This post killed me. My heart is breaking for you guys and I am so, so sorry. You are right, it was the just and humane thing to do…and I believe Doggie Heaven kicks ass.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  • Heather

    My heart goes out to you, your love and Mr. Hal. I hope you all find peace and comfort in each other as you remember your furry friend.
    ~H

  • Lora

    I’ve been a long time reader, but never commented. I just wanted to share my condolences with you. Losing a pet is one of the saddest journeys that I’ve ever taken, right up there next to losing my mother. It won’t help now, but eventually it gave me comfort to think of our cats (we lost 3 in 9 months…all to cancer) as always being around us, just not wearing their fur anymore. I will be keeping the two of you in my thoughts, I send you both giant cyber hugs.

  • Kate

    Oh Heather, I’m so sorry. Like so many other commenters I’ve been in your shoes before, and I have a lump in my throat just thinking about how you must feel. Dogs really are man’s best friend. Your pup was lucky to have you as parents and lucky that after all his years of devotion he was allowed a peaceful, painless ending.

  • Lawyerchik

    I’m so sorry!!

  • Carrie

    I’m so so sorry; my heart is breaking for you and your boy. I hate that animal years don’t equal human years.

  • HG

    Oh sweetie – I’ve been there with you. We put our beloved family dog down about a year and a half ago and I still get teary if I think about it too much. I was the one who brought him and held him. It’s terrible but ultimately what has to be done. The pain subsides – at least it won’t be constant eventually. Hang in there.

  • I’m so sorry to hear you had to go thru such a hard decision! You will always miss him…eventually instead of crying, you will remember his funny, silly moments and the thought of him will make you laugh until your stomach hurts (not tomorrow, but someday.) I’ve never met either of you, but my heart is with you both!

  • SarahJo

    I am so sorry for your and DL’s loss, Heather. I come from a pet-loving family and, even with the many pets we have lost over the years, it never gets easier to let one go. We recently lost our 19-year-old cat, Bah, and it honestly felt like I lost a sibling. My heart hurt so much. I know what you are feeling. I am wishing you both much peace and love during this heartbreaking time.

  • ProjectGirl

    http://www.grieving.com — there is a pet section! You are not alone…

    :::hugs:::

  • Sandy

    I am so sorry. I went through the same thing a few months ago. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Mae

    I’m sorry for your loss. This post made me break down in the middle of my lunch. But it’s because I know how you feel. My very first love was a dog that I’ll never forget, and will always cherish.

  • April

    I had to put my sweet, Ziggy, down last night. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I also feel like I killed him. I know it was for the best but that doesn’t make any of it better. I know the pain will not go away fast enough.

  • Kate

    Heather – I have read your blog for many years and I usually never comment, but this poost made me so sad, and I am sure you have heard this a lot, but I have really been there. We lost our sweet rescue pup, Hutch, to cancer last May. He was suffering and putting him to sleep was the best thing for him, we had exhausted all other options. But I have never felt the horror, guilt, sadness and grief over anything as much as I did when we had to let Hutch go. It DOES get better, the first few weeks are brutal, but now I think of Hutch every day, and I remember his sweet face, his goofy antics and his love for life. I have sadness still, because I miss him always, but the guilt, the abysmal finality of it does fade. My thoughts and condolences go out to you and your fiance. Rest assured that Sariic is crossed over the Rainbow Bridge and one day I hope you both will see him again, in spirit.

  • Christina

    I’m so sorry :(

    I’m in a similar situation now … my fiance’s dog is a 15 year old cocker spaniel. I get so, so frustrated with her even though I know I shouldn’t, that she can’t help it – but after reading your story, I decided to give a few extra scratches behind her ears tonight.

    Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  • Shauna

    I’m crying as I’m typing this. I know what the Dork Lord is going through right now. I had to put my cat to sleep a little over two years ago, he was only 8. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make but he had had a stroke and heart failure suddenly one Saturday night. A pet is just like a family member, they are always there for you when you come home after a crappy day, after a rough break up and they are never mean or hurtful. It will get easier with time, I promise it will. The thing that a family member asked me while I sat in the exam room trying to make my decision was if my Money had had a good 8 years with me. My answer was yes. He lived a way better and longer life than if I had never rescued him as a baby. That’s what I have to think of when I start feeling bad that I made that choice. Heather, you are braver than me, I couldn’t stay in the room when they did it. I don’t have the heart to do it. Anyways, I hope you give Hal a big kiss and a hug tonight.

  • Shannon

    Heather – I read your blog often but rarely comment. But my heart truly goes out to you right now. My dog is my family, and I know how hard it is to go through this. Hang in there.

  • MissusB

    I’m so sorry about your dog. I think that it takes a really brave and true companion to make the decision to not let their pet suffer needlessly. Such a hard decision, but I am sure that it was made with the most sincere intentions. I hope that your boy can make some peace that he set his sweet dog free from the physical pain he was enduring.

  • Oh my, I certainly can sympathize. In fact the tears are still rolling down my cheeks as I type this. It’s been a year and a half since my Wojo left. My two kitties are my loves now, but I’ll always remember my goofy yellow lab, his expressive eyes and unconditional love as long as I live. In the end, despite how hard the decision is, you and DL gave him peace. Again, many condolences to you both.

  • dianne

    oh, i am so so so sorry….i know how hard it is, and when i had to do this with my beloved cat, i felt the same way…as if i killed him or just gave up. 7 years and another cat later, i still miss him but i remember all the moments of happiness he brought me. you both will get there, it just takes time…and the bad thing about time is that it takes time. your dog was very lucky to have you both. my condolences.

  • Shannon

    When I walked this same terrible road 5 years ago, it helped me to write about her. The day she died was my last attempt at blog entry, but I still go back and read what I wrote and it gives me comfort. Your boy might try the same. Reading your post and comments brought forward all of the pain of that day for me as if it were yesterday. There are no words. Only time. And one other thing that comforted me: they don’t live as long as those who will mourn them forever because there are so many others waiting for such a person to love them. My best to you both.

  • allison

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. We just recently had to say goodbye to our 15-1/2 year old dog. Our hearts were absolutely broken, not eased by our 2-1/2 year old asking for him several times a day for three weeks. It’s been 6 weeks now, and it does get a little easier. We still talk about him every day, but know he is no longer in pain.

  • Jamie

    Oh Fish,
    I am SO, SO, SO sorry for your loss. I had to put my 12 year old dog down last fall and it still hurts my heart. I knew it was the right thing to do – he had cancer, but my heart still doesn’t agree. I feel I let him down, betrayed his trust. He fought the euthansia, which make the experience incredibly painful for me. He kept looking at my face while gasping for air. It was like he was saying – what are you doing to me? Lord, it was awful. Its hard to believe the one constant thing in my life – through college, grad school, moving through 3 states, my parent’s divorce, numerous heartbreaks and finally a marriage, the beginning and end of my own business – is gone. Quigs had been through every up and down that has shaped my life. I miss him terribly.
    My heart goes out to your fiance, and you, for the loss of a great friend.

  • Aigul

    I am very sorry for your loss Heather, wish I could hug you now

  • Jo

    This was a beautiful tribute to an obviously much beloved pet. The loss of a pet is something people often only understand after they have loved one … but the grief is deep. I lost my dog of 9.5 years 2 years ago, and sadly, also had to be the one who made the decision to put her down. I remember crying and saying “I’m sorry” over and over again … I thought I was apologizing to her, but really, I was just so sorry for myself. I know it was the right thing – she was so sick and my making a choice meant she went with loved ones snuggled up to her, rather than alone at the vets overnight. Heartbreaking, but right. So sorry for both of you … just know it is okay and right to truly grief.

  • SarahDances

    There is little harder than saying goodbye to a pet, even when it is their time. I almost lost my two year old Frenchie this weekend while I was half a world away from him. 10K worth of vet bills later, he is expected to be fine, but the thought of losing him without me there was enough to send me into tears.

    Know that he knows he was loved, to the very end, and that although the space he occupied may never be filled, eventually, the hurt will subside and you will feel ready to open your home and your heart to another furry creature.

  • Molly

    I’m so sorry. I’ve been reading your blog regularly for years, and I am crying into my coffee for you this morning. I’ve never had to go through the loss of a pet and can only imagine how broken you must feel right now. As a nurse who cares for people before they pass, I know that it can be a relief for us to know that our loved one is no longer in pain, and I hope that brings you and the Boy some measure of comfort amid all of the pain.

  • Klarissa

    I am so very sorry for your loss. As a pet momma, there is nothing more devastating than having to make that decision. My deepest condolences and prayers are with you. I’m including a poem my sister received recently when she had to put down one of her goggies. I hope it helps you, the way it helped us.

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

    Author unknown…

  • Melissa

    I’ve had animals in my life since birth and have had to say goodbye to so many throughout the years. Some have wandered off never to be seen again, some my family and I have had to make the decision to let them go, some have been taken by tragically bizarre consequences. I actually wonder at times why I continue to have animals as every loss is so significant and painful when it happens.

    Fortunately, of course, the pain fades and good memories remain without always tearing up. Though, I must say reading your post brought me to tears right here in the office because I relived some of my pets’ departings from my life. My heart hurts whenever someone has to say goodbye to a beloved pet. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • A

    Your post made me cry. I’ve been there, though not quite there as the decision wasn’t mine but rather a little furry body just suddenly giving out. Know that you guys gave him the best life he could have, even to the very end, and that you made the best decision you could have to let him go peacefully. My heart goes out to you-

  • Cassie

    I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve been through this 3 times myself and know how terribly hard it is and how much you question the decision you made. Although you know it is the right thing to do when you make the choice, afterwards all the doubt, guilt and questions come in. Just try to remember that it was the right thing to do, that he is no longer suffering and it was the last nice thing you could do for Mr. Sariic.

  • Cyndi

    If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
    And pain should keep me from my sleep,
    then you must do what must be done
    For this, the last battle, can’t be won.

    You will be sad, I understand,
    Don’t let the grief then stay your hand,
    For this day more than all the rest
    Your love and friendship stand the test.

    We’ve had so many happy years,
    What is to come can hold no fears.
    You’d not want me to suffer so;
    When the time comes, please let me go.

    Take me where my needs they’ll tend
    And stay with me, if you can, to the end.
    Hold me firm and speak to me
    Until my eyes no longer see.

    I know in time, you will see,
    It is a kindness you do for me.
    Although my tail its last was waved,
    From pain and suffering I’ve been saved.

    Don’t grieve that it should be you,
    Who must decide this thing to do,
    We’ve been so close, we two, these years;
    Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

    ~author unknown

  • Cyndi

    “There is a cycle of love and death that shapes the lives of those who choose to travel in the company of animals. It is a cycle unlike any other. To those who have never lived through its turnings or walked its rocky path, our willingness to give our hearts with full knowledge that they will be broken seems incomprehensible. Only we know how small a price we pay for what we receive; our grief, no matter how powerful it may be, is an insufficient measure of the joy we have been given.” ~ Suzanne Clothier

  • Aki

    Thank you so much for writing about your experience. For a year now (almost to the day) I have not had the words to say what you did so beautifully.

  • Ashley

    Aw geez, I’m sorry, Fish. I’ve lost a few dogs over the years, and it’s always wrenching. Hugs to you both.

  • Leslie

    I just said goodbye to my Red dog on the 28th of December. I’m right there with you and your fella in many ways. He was my first dog. I can’t believe all we made it through together and how fast it went in the end. Ten and a half years gone by in a flash. My husband came into the picture at about year 5. We’re both so sad, and he’s left feeling somewhat cheated for missing those first five years. (The funny part is those were the roughest, craziest year with a dog I (very fondly) like to call “Big Stupid.”) Really Red and I were lucky we both survived those years with each other. I wouldn’t give back a second.

    I think nothing will help but time and patience. Even a few weeks out and with other dogs to love, the house still feels like something is missing. Some days are fine, some are blue. I know this is part of what you sign up for when you love these critters, but it doesn’t make it easier. That being said, I’m still sure that being there to usher my best friend out of this world was right. I owed him that, and I now know that I can be there for others.

    I hope you both are finding comfort in this tough time. Sending love, sympathy and hope that the good memories are sneaking in and helping a little more each day.

  • Teresa

    omg! tell Chris he’s not giving up, he’s letting his best friend go… letting the pain and misery stop… he’s done his last duty to this creature that was such a good friend to him… he released him from his pain… I know he’s hurting so bad.. and so are you… but he did the right thing… no living creature should have to suffer for our needs…

  • Vicki

    Yes, it hurts so much you feel you will break and grief can alter relationships for a bit. My theme song for the passing of my sweet Thomasina was “Wouldn’t Have Missed it For the World” because for all the pain in the end, you just can’t ever realize enough how much we are blessed to have had them at all. Our best to you and your honey and hang in there…love to you both.

  • Sheryl

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. It doesn’t take long for those furry little babies to worm their way into our hearts and it is excruciating to let them go. May you find comfort in your memories, and my condolences to you and the DL.

  • Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. I’m nearly in tears for you. About five years ago I laid on the floor holding my 12-year-old dog, my first baby, while the life left him. He had cancer and had stopped eating. It was the day after Christmas, and it was time. He let me know that it was time. It broke my heart. Six months later I had to do the same for my 7-year-old dog, who also had cancer.

    It’s horrible. But it does get better. And then it gets worse and better all over again. But you get through. xo

  • Heather, just saw your new blog was open on facebook and came over here to catch up. I am so so so so sorry about this. I’m sitting here in my studio absolutely crying for you. my love to you and your dork lord.