I seem to wear melancholy the way some women do a new pair of high-priced shoes.
At first, I may try waiting for you to notice the way it hangs uncomfortably on me, glancing at it from time to time, hoping my over-attention will alert you to its presence. I may. It won’t be long, though, before I drop all pretense and simply announce,
Hey, I’m sporting a bit of sadness today, and I dare you to ignore it.
And today, I’m sporting a bit of sadness. The spot in my chest that’s meant to house my heart has shrunk just enough to make things uncomfortable. Or maybe it’s grown, and things are rattling around in there. Maybe that’s what’s disconcerting.
From time to time I get what I like to call unfan mail. That’s when you know you have some influence on the big old Internet — when strangers make up names and create email addresses simply to tell you just why they hate you. I got some of that this morning.
If it was attention they were seeking, they’re getting it now — their message somehow not having been one I could ignore. Or laugh about. Or send to all my friends to mock all the ways that basic grammar has evaded the masses. The writing was succinct, grammatically correct and properly punctuated. And oozing with venom.
Poison before you’ve had a proper breakfast is always a bad idea.
*Hugs*
It never ceases to amaze me re how venomous and horrid people can be.
But it always also never ceases to amaze me how wonderful people can be.
I’d say delete the damn poison pen email and fergeddiboutit, but that would sound too much like advice in an advice-free zone.
Instead, I’ll give you another hug and hand you a virtual mug of steaming virtual hot chocolate (with virtual marshmallows in it).
*Hugs*
Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as moron = jerk, smart = sweetheart. There are plenty of grammatically correct assholes out there. Hell, there are even a lot of grammatically correct morons. Don’t let the illusion of their intelligence fool you into thinking they know what they’re talking about, though. You can’t let your day be ruined by the opinions of the little people. And I do mean LITTLE people.
Who is it?! You tell me, and I’ll stick that poison little pen right in their beady little green eye.
I’m really sorry someone sent that. And more sorry that it affected you so. Because your site really really doesn’t deserve to receive anything like that. I love love coming here everyday. Lots of good vibes will be sent to you I’m sure by all your friends/readers.
Sadly enough, you, and I mean one in general, can’t like everyone… With that said, I think there are plenty of people who do like you. Myself included. I love reading your posts. So, don’t let one miserable person who feels the need to trash you get to you. They are, in fact, miserable if they feel the need to bring you down to their level of misery… or maybe they are just jealous!
Oh honey. I know where you’re coming from. Sometimes its not that easy to shrug/laugh it off, I know. Some people are just assholes. And if they don’t realize how fabulous you are, f them.
why would anyone write something nasty to you? your isn’t a site that pushes mean buttons… sigh. some people are just assholes. seriosly, just shrug it off – it’s _their_ problem for being so hateful and bitter. you don’t even have to receive it.. you can just delete the emails. personally, i think your site’s great
keep it up!!
I know it’s not easy to roll with some of the punches, especially the sucker punches. I take the hate mail the same way you do, it means you’ve got some influence, for whatever it’s worth. And that other people have too damn much free time. I’ve taken time to send “hey, keep your chin up” e-mails, but never have I even been tempted to send their opposite. Some people suck.
Beyond not being able to fathom any earthly reason for some stranger to dislike you enough to go to such lengths, it’s sadly not surprising and probably inevitable. Some people are twits. I’ve gotten what can only be described as hate my a time or two…only because my blog is ‘too sickeningly happy’. Go figure.
I’m sorry about the mean words. Just so you know, I read your blog everyday and enjoy each line. You’re living out my NYC dream. Good luck shaking that sadness… and if it doesn’t leave; treat yourself to a decadent NYC lunch today.
Why on earth would anyone waste their time sending hate mail? Clearly they are a hateful person. Why focus on the bad on this world when instead you can do good? Sorry, know it sounds a little hippy-dippy, but it’s true no?
So chin up! This too shall pass.
Some people are just so poisoned that they try to spread it around – such a shame that some twisted person tried to twist *you*!!
I love your site and check it every day for new posts. I love how you share both your happiness and sadness with all of us anonymous readers. You keep it real, and somehow make it seem rather romantic and worth all the trouble. Thanks for putting yourself out there for all of us.
i stumbled onto your site july 31st and have read it everyday since then. i can’t imagine what anyone could find to belittle you about and quite frankly, i can’t imagine why they would. you don’t discuss politics, religion, or anything overly controversial. what’s there to bitch about? it’s a nice, well written, interesting site and any hoser that doesn’t like it should click the “x” at the top or the page and keep their venom to themselves.
Fish,
Speaking of someone with experience with venomous comments (as one’s spoken to her in “jest” and others received via e-mail), I tell you that others tear down because they are afraid to build. Believe in yourself–you are a talent and an inspiration. Of course nasty comments will hurt, but think of all the postive, uplifting comments you receive. Pity the heartless–they don’t know the joy of having a heart.
Rachel
ooohhh. Well, this is a suggestion, and certainly not advice, but you might consider publishing it. Letting someone’s meanness out into the light makes it disappear. Uglyiness breeds in the dark and the anonymity. I say, expose him or her!
i can only imagine that you have in some way highlighted the unfan’s inadequacies and insecurities and their cowardly way of dealing with it has been a nasty anonymous email.
Fish~
I know it’s tough, but try not to let it bother you. They’re strangers, they don’t know you. They only know the “you” that you put out on your blog, not the total picture. So take it as someone being jealous of your internet fame, your New York lifestyle, your incredible purchase at Toys in Babeland, whatever, and let it go. The rest of us love you.
screw ‘em … they’re just jealous, well at least that is what my grandma would say.
You are terrific. They are not. You are loved. They are not. I’m sorry you got hit by such nasty energy but try to let it go and not absorb it. Feel sorry for them that they carry such bile and hatred around in them all day every day. You’re site is pink! They open their mouths and snakes and toads jump out.
Don’t let them get to you. You are bigger and better than that! You are an amazing woman who has the ability to touch so many. They just wish they were as cool as you are! So there!
Yeah, what everybody else said PLUS the fact that what the person unloaded on you is really just a reflection and projection of the self-loathing they feel; it has nothing to do with you!
Aww Fish….
I’m not really sure why people are so interested in waiting in the wings for the “right and perfect” moment to pounce on others. I have to think it’s their current state of misery, jealousy or lack of manners that allows people to be so rude. Chin up doll, there are many many more people who think you are wonderful than those that don’t. That I assure you!
Make it a great day!
KJB
I work in retail, the sort of job where people having a bad day can come in and take it out on me. I’ve often thought and occasionaly said: “You don’t know me well enough to hurt me.”
Fish, if this person said something that hurt you on a personal level, in a weird way it’s a good thing. The only way they could have known you well enough to do that is through your writing. Writing that had to be clear, succinct and courageously honest enough to give them the insight. Too bad they’re so small and twisted that causing pain was all they could think to do with it.
That said, when the NYC Ninja Blog Gals are done with the vermin, send ‘em my way. I live in northern Canada. The Robert Service Memorial Gulag for Web Trolls is ready and winter is coming, oh yes, winter is most certainly coming…
We hate unfan mail! Bitches!
Big hugs to the fish.
I started reading around December, I’ve read all your archives, I come here everyday, and yours is the best I’ve read.
Anonymous hate mail is the ultimate form of chickenshit. The sender would have signed his name if his identity mattered ….
I’m sorry to hear about that. i can assure you that most people who come by your site think it’s great. I do.
You’ve got the best blog I’ve ever seen–quirky, cute, well written, interesting, and funny. Who cares if they’ve mastered the rules of written English? I choose to classify unfans as pondscum and say screw ‘em. Hope you feel better.
There’s an old Jewish saying that goes something like this:
Fuch’em (that’s a soft ‘ch’ as in Chanukah…I’d hate to have you mispronounce it)
If they don’t like you, they don’t have to read. It’s that simple.
How can anyone hate THIS?? Go back and read those first four paragraphs again. No one can hate that or where it came from. As someone who doesn’t know you, I think you are marvelously beautiful and Mr/Ms Anonymous can take a flying leap.
Thank you for beautifying the worlds of each of your readers.
Once, when I was a desk clerk at a hotel, some guy called and was nasty mean to me because of some insignificant detail about his future stay at the hotel. Like I was personally responsible for every bad thing that had ever happened to him and it was my turn for my rightly-deserved comeuppance.
My fellow-employee said to me, while I was feeling sad and picked on:
“I had to deal with that a-hole for 30 seconds. He has to be himself for his whole miserable life.”
It sounds pithy, yes. But it makes sense. Not to feel sorry for the toad. No. No toads do not deserve any pity. But think about it. Aren’t you glad you’re not him? Dripping with nasty self-poisoning venom? Cause you know it poisons him more than it ever did you, or anyone else.
But they are toads. Nevertheless. And I am not. Nor are you. You’re fab, and the reason we visit here once or twice a day to see if you’ve said anything interesting.
So there Mr. Toad. :-p’ pfffffht! Go peddle your warts somewhere else!
I don’t know you like so many of the commenters do, just having run across your site this week, but the sheer number of comments today’s post has elicited shows me how little an anonymous nasty-gram matters. I know it’s always the one negative one we tend to remember, though. More’s the pity. I won’t presume to give advice because if I ever get such an e-mail, I know it’ll ruin my day, too, but I just came by to let you know I’m sorry it happened to you.
Their nastiness, hate and venom is a reflection of, at the risk of sounding grammatically incorrect, who they are, and has absolutely nothing to do with you. If one could glean something bad (indeed, become an unfan) simply by reading your blog (which is such a treat – an anonymous woman on the streets of NYC with the same interests, desires, and troubles as so many of us – regardless of our ages, jobs and marital status), then he or she is either clueless or so out of touch with reality that, rather than dealing with their own shit, they attack you for what they perceive to be yours.
You’re doing just fine – navigating through the storm that is your life. It is an honor for us to take part in the journey (if only vicariously). Furthermore, since he or she (they?) didn’t have the courage to send their hate mail publicly, in my opinion they don’t deserve our precious little time and energy.
Who is it? I’ll mortalize em I tell you! Make em shirk off this mortal coil! Murder em murder em!
Or, you know, I’ll just send them a little note that says “Hey cut that out!”
I got called a prick and a wanker today by someone who disliked my discussion style, and then blocked comments which stuck me as rather childish.
It amazes me that people have the time and energy to spend trying to make other people feel bad.
I would print out the email and burn it. Fire cleanses things.
I also would echo the comment about, the essence of which was
“Fuck Em”
And when they’re finished with Web Trolls in Canada, there will be a posse of Kiwis down here waiting to deliver justice. Keep your chin up, Fish – keep writing and keep on being you.
Kia kaha from New Zealand!
I wrote a hate mail once. to the Lee Jeans company. about that evil Buddy Lee doll. he was totally plotting to take over the world. you could see it in his eyes. very creepy.
Lemme at ‘em!! (I’ll sic “Guido” on ‘em)! Fish, you are a delight!! Truly!! Anyone who doesn’t see that is to be pitied for such a miserable, shrivelled soul!!
Best to you, sweetie!!
I am sorry that you have to put up with that. You are an amazing person and anyone who thinks otherwise is an ass.
To paraphrase one of my favorite songs from last summer…What were they thinkin’? You’re blog is inspiring, funny, witty, charming, in short, all the things that I wish my blog was.
Dear Ms. Fish,
As a longtime reader of your blog; I am happy to hear that there are people out there who despise you. I hope the person who sent you that e-mail, reads this and takes heart. He or she is not alone.
P.S. Creating fake e-mail address to write hate mail, that was my idea!!!
Fish,
i hope your day got better. we all get hate mail. it’s how we know we’re doing something right–because others have taken the time to try to bring us down because they want us to stay in the gutter with them.
I had that happen on my blog about a month ago. Thankfully, Haloscan provides the option of blocking IP addresses (and even domains). Haven’t heard from the a-hole since. Oh…and I love your blog, BTW
Your writing brings so much joy to so many, including me. I am so sorry.
Mean people suck.
You rock.
Maybe if the trolls actually HAD A LIFE, they wouldn’t be so bitter and sad.
Seriously you assholes, get a girlfriend/boyfriend or something or a HOBBY for chrissakes and maybe someday you can move your twin-sized mattress out of your mom’s basement because you might actually have SOMETHING BETTER TO DO.
Jesus. People are so lame. If you don’t like what you read, or god-forbid, think the writer is a dipshit (which is enitrely not true Miss Fish), then you DO have the option of CLOSING THE WINDOW.
Here, it’s simple really:
Take your mouse. Move the little arrow or whatever the “pointer” is up to the little X in the upper right corner of the window, and click it. WAAAAAY faster than setting up an email account, writing some bullshit bitter email, having your older sibling/mother/teacher PROOFREAD it for you, and hitting send.
Morons.
Happened to come upon Alanis Morissette on some show last night and she had an interesting thing to say: that she sees herself as helping people define themselves. Through their like or dislike of her, people establish identity. At first I was like, WHOA- pompous. But then she added, that basically you can’t define yourself as conservative if you don’t know what you are conservative in comparison TO. Hmm. So, Alanis would maybe see that hate mail as flattery in its hardest-to-swallow variety and know that she still made an impact. Hey, I barely have time to call my MOM, much less take time out of my day to compose venom to strangers. No matter which side of the bell curve that writer lay, you inspire. Rock on.
Dear Fish,
Look at all the love and support coming your way today. That melancholy you put on this morning has certainly not been ignored.
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with hate mail. I hope that you take comfort in knowing that there are many – myself included – who feel honored that you’re willing to share your thoughts, feelings and lovely writing with us. And I, at least, wouldn’t change a thing.
Your blog is my daily delight. And I say ‘thank you so very much’ to you for that.
Forget those nasty buggers, Ms. Fish. They are very few and too little for you to bother yourself with them. ( You have 1 unfan comment for the 49 supporting ones here. I counted.So there.)
i have to agree with all the above commments and i cant wait to wake up and read your blog (which i’ve been doing for about a month now)…you are funny, articulate and amazing with words…may you long continue…from one Ms Fish to another
I find it amazing the amount of time some people waste trolling the world wide web for things to complain about. Imagine the impact you’ve had on this fellow, the amount of time he spent thinking of you and worrying about you and rolling you over in his mind. Imagine the amount of time he spent developing his scheme, creating the fake name and address, composing his letter. Relly, it’s astounding the impact you’ve had on this guy. Instead of insulted, you should be honored. You’ve become an important part of this person’s life.
Me, I don’t like to waste my life on computers, so I spend maybe a half hour each day touring random blogs, then settle on the best of the best to read semi-daily. You’re among that number. You’re a favorite novel playing out in real time, and I thank you for that. Keep it up, friend, and remember, hatred is the sincerest form of flattery.
You come across quite bitchy sometimes and you are so young. Perhaps this is why you get hate mail.
This is your space to explore whatever thoughts or ideas are important to you, whether it’s what’s going on with your family or your job or your love life or the pair of to-die-for shoes you saw in a window. Perhaps the writing is more of a challenge now because you’re not as anonymous as you used to be when you started the site. Certainly your site has gotten more attention the more of us find out, and link to, and visit you here. And sadly, there are always going to be people out there who are jerks. But they don’t matter, especially when they’re just making anonymous cheap shots. Real people can have disagreements or criticisms with each other if they are willing to be honest with and respect each other – and if they are friends they can even remain friends.
For most of us this is the only way we know you – and even then most of us realize that what you write here doesn’t completely represent the whole person that you are in life. You will never please everyone all of the time. I don’t think that’s ever been your intention here. Between the adoration and the venomous bile there are many real people who connect with you.
From my own experience I know it is hard to ignore negative remarks and it’s easy not to believe in the positive ones, but the only standards you can live by are your own. What we think, what they think, it ultimately doesn’t matter. I don’t mean to say that it’s easy to go about our lives, to be comfortable in our own skins, but that’s what life is about – figuring out who you are. That we get to read about some of that, because you are willing to share it, means a lot.
well, obviously whoever wrote the unfan letter needs to find a way to another planet, because for someone to send *you* something mean and nasty must be because they’re not human. you are great! i read your blog every day because it’s one of the best i’ve found; your observations are just filled with so much truth, it hurts sometimes. and your writing is incredible!
so, i’ll pass along what a good friend of mine used to tell me: don’t let the turkeys get you down.
Here’s an anonymous “thank you for having such a great blog and fine and witty brain” note. Anonymous is powerful, isn’t it? Especially angry horrible anonymous from strangers.
Okay, I’m an anonymous stranger visiting your blog for the first time — someone jumping in from the cyberworld who only wishes you have a fine old time and enjoy life. And that you have better luck with the new BC pills.
–anon.
you are sweet and wonderful. i love your blog and so do the 55 people ahead of me. don’t worry about the rest.