I have a hard time throwing things out. Used up, worn out, broken or incomplete – it doesn’t matter; I’m gripped with minor anxiety over sending one of my possessions off to its fate at the landfill.
Take, for instance, the case of the black shoes.
I bought them at a small shoe store on Mt. Auburn Street in Cambridge. Four years ago. I’ve worn them in two cities during the worst winter weather – salted streets, slush puddles and snow banks. The thick sole of the right shoe is split all the way through, the stitching on the left is unraveling. And when I caught one of Ari’s puppies gnawing at it under the coffee table last fall my reaction was, “Meh. Not like it’ll make any difference.” The leather on one of the heels had begun to peel.
Knowing that the shoes were on their last leg, I’d scouted out – and found – a suitable replacement. And yet, when Saturday afternoon found me cleaning out my closets, I couldn’t seem to put them in the trash. What if they could still be useful? Maybe I still needed them. I mean, who throws away a pair of (once)perfectly good shoes?
I did, eventually. Throw them out, I mean. But it wasn’t easy. It’s a function of a greater problem I like to call Beingwrongphobia, a subject I’m sure we’ll get to eventually.
Fast forward to yesterday afternoon. My mother emailed me a picture of the family backpacking trip, a photo of the group clutching their morning oatmeal, looking hungry and cold. One sister is wearing, by the looks of things, at least three layers of thermal clothing. My other sister is wearing sweats and an expression on her face somewhere between misery and complete misery. And my mother, a maroon and white checkered hand-me-down shirt. That I bought in the eighth grade. Fifteen years ago.
“Holy cow, woman!”
“Yeah, sigh, the shirt is getting old. I have worn it every time I have gone camping.”
She described the decay of the shirt – the fraying cuffs, the collar that’s one washing away from coming off – and then added that maybe, just maybe it had one or two good trips left in it.
And suddenly the universe made complete sense. Clearly, I have no control over who I am or what I do. Because my mother’s super-human strength neuroses are woven, wound and super-glued into my double-helixes.
Good thing she was so good with the nurture thing. ‘Cause she really screwed me over when it came to nature.
i could have written this post… my mom has a sweater that i also wore in 8th grade. but to make it even better, the cuff of the sweater was burned (while i was wearing it) when i was in 8th grade. The sweater, by all rights and measures, should have been trashed when it was burned… but no – not only is she wearing a 17 year old sweater, but its a sweater that should have been garbage 17 years ago!
Your post made me think of Mary Chapin Carpenter’s song “This Shirt” — worth a listen, if you haven’t heard it before.
I’m just like you — hate to throw out things that might mean something later. For me, it’s one of the hazards of having a long memory…I attach specifics to individual items and then can’t let them go.
Moving halfway across the country helped, though. After I found out what it was going to cost the movers to load up all my stuff and haul it, I quickly discovered I was quite comfy with leaving 1/3 of my stuff behind!
Hmmm… usually if it’s trashed, I have no problem actually trashing it. But I do wonder if my mom keeps clothing she hasnt even fit into for 4 years. Because, you know, just maybe, someday, I’ll be a size 3 again… when I give up eating or develop an obsession with the gym and lose 40 pounds.
I seem to remember you saying that this was the one trip you couldn’t go on with your family. Maybe your mom is wearing it because it reminds her of you and it makes her feel like you are right there with them in the mountains.
I’d probably keep those shoes forever if I were you. You bought them when you lived in Cambridge (which rocks, btw- I was there last weekend)… so they probably remind you of when you lived around here and bring up certain memories when you wear them/see them being chewed/etc.
I’m the same with- with shoes in particular but that’s part of my accessory obsession- but jeans too… I have pairs I haven’t worn in years but remember how I wore them ice skating one time on a date with an ex. Go figure.
Ha. My mom definitely has a large, plaid flannel Paris Sport Club shirt of mine from middle school. It makes me happy to know I never had to throw it out
I also finally parted with a pair of worn-down-so-badly-I-could-not-walk-in-them flip flops just last weekend, even though I clearly hadn’t worn them in about a year.
Oh, I am the same way. It’s like saying goodbye to old friends…
I can’t throw things away. I ALWAYS think I’ll need them later on.
I am the same way…I can’t get rid of anything, and if I do manage it, I often stay awake at night thinking of how I can go dumpster diving to retrieve it. My usual jusification for keeping polyester-blend, neon green clothing I bought in junior high is the prospect of one day wearing it to a costume party (which has actually happened – negative reinforcement).
OK, so I’m a freak. I have no problem clean sweeping closets/bureaus once a year or so. If I haven’t worn a item of clothing for 1 year, out it goes. If it doesn’t fit, out it goes. On the plus side, I never have to search for something I like/that fits. On the minus side, I seem to be missing out in the warm memories dept. Oh well, my kid won’t have too many boxes to pack when I drop dead. Which will give her warm memories.
OMG, I have this problem too. Although, it’s not clothes and shoes as much as things. I’m always scared I’ll miss something or need it again. My favorites file is filled with stuff I just will not delete. What if I need it later? Also, still holding on to a black velvet coat that I’ve had since I was 16. I’m 24. My sister bought it as a holiday gift and I just haven’t been able to throw it out. Not only do I never wear it, I have a gorgeous black velvet dress coat that I bought last year. There is no need for me to have the old coat but I just can’t let it go. I got rid of a lot of stuff when I relocated to NC but the velvet coat and many other things came with me.
When I was younger, my mom would see my tattered clothes and throw them out without me even knowing. How, I don’t know but my mother hates holding on the things, especially ripped up clothing. I usually find another use for things like: I’ll make bermuda shorts out of jeans that are too short and I’ve made a demin pocketbook out of another. My mom and grandma were crafty so yes, Fish, it’s definitely IN THE GENES/JEANS.
meh i have the same problem with beingwrongphobia. except i hold on to things like stickers and erasers and color pencils. just in case i should ever have need for a sparkly salmon sushi sticker. ~_~
I have this problem with gifts. Even if I hate it, I can’t return it/exchange it/throw it away, because it becomes associated with that person. It’s partly because I move so much so miss my old friends/family. But it also means that every time I move to a different state/country (about every couple of years) I lug it all with me:(
i totally cracked up reading this post, which was so apropo because i’m getting ready to move cross-country and attempting (though it’s soooo difficult) to downsize my wardrobe, including shoes. but also because my mother is the biggest packrat, and also wears my hand-me-downs from my middle and high school days (10-15 years ago)… remember those vests with sparkly decorations on front? or those track suits/warm-up outfits in various bright colors? yup, she still wears them. so embarrassing! no wonder we have problems. my dad always yells at me when i give her my bags of clothes that i’m ready to give away, because she’ll go through them first and keep half, and she certainly doesn’t need any more hand-me-downs lying around the house! i should print this out and show it to her!
It skips a generation in my family. I am all about living an uncluttered life. I love to get rid of things. You sound like my Mom.
I can totally relate. I’m a total hoarder.
I consider this a good thing. I stockpile things that we outgrow, no longer need, etc., unless it’s really falling apart I find another use for it. A few times each year I gather everything up and run them off to local charities.
I can’t stand to throw anything that is useful into the trash. If everyone thought like this and recycled all that they could–think of how much less trash we would be dumping.
This post, like most of yours, is hilarious.
My mom kept everything and in turn my brother and I have made a point of not being that way.
I make myself clean out my closet once a year and throw out clothes I haven’t worn the whole year. (Excluding formal dresses and costumes.)
Keep blogging
Oh and an additional side note: We haven’t heard the zzzuh story
I know exactly what you mean. I had an oversized hooded sweatshirt–in fuschia, of all colors–that I bought my freshman year in college. I always wore it while writing papers and studying for midterms/finals because I somehow got the idea that it helped me think better. Funny thing is that I remember wearing it the first time I made out with my college boyfriend…well, at least I was wearing it when we started making out. *sighs & grins* Anyway, I kept it for 10 years before finally throwing it out (didn’t have a choice, as it was completely worn out and had been accidentally splashed with bleach on laundry day). I still miss that sweatshirt…
LAUGING AT THIS POST! One of my biggest conflicts of being my mother’s daughter is trying so hard to not be the pack rat she is. It’s just not possible in a New York City apartment. This weekend, I am pulling out the fall clothes and getting rid of the summer stuff that I didn’t wear and I KNOW it’s going to be a stressful ordeal.
Great post, Fish. so true!
I cannot seem to get rid of old clothes, unless they really don’t fit. Even clothes that are covered in paint, have holes in them, or have weird stains from art school and studio work still that exist in my closet. I save them for the return to messy studio work which I know I will never do again. I keep them for sentimentality more than anything else…
sigh,
I know only too well what being a slave of ones genes is like.
Hi fish
I spent 31 years trying to cultivate the best of my parents’ traits into my own personality. Unfortunately, the best of our parents’ traits come with the worst of our parents’ traits, making us the invaritable carbon copies of our gene donors. Like both my parents, I am a pack-rat. Like my mother, I worry about things that probably won’t happen anyway. And like my father, I can take a half-hour to make a snap decision. Genetics has a sense of humor; and a sick one at that.
AND THE WINNER IS:
Grammar Gaffe Friday from Heather L. Hunter and her website, This Fish Needs a Bicycle.
Heather please drop me a email, so I can confirm which Giclee Print you’d like!
Thanks for partipating..
Pet Campbell
totally off-topic, but: Fish, is this guy related to you?
“totally off-topic, but: Fish, is this guy related to you?”
hahaha!!
I still wear my coat that my Mum bought me when I was 12… I’m 31. And I still get comments from people about how nice it is!
haha! i’m like that too. but my mom on the other hand loves to throw things out. which means that she’s always on my case for not throwing stuff out.
extended travel will teach one to throw away everything…
It’s an inherited trait that you can’t deny – no matter how hard you try! I have a t-shirt, plain turquoise with a pocket that was my father’s and I inherited it years ago as a “pajama shirt”. It is so old that you are starting to be able to see through the material and there are holes by the pocket, but I will never be able to get rid of it – NEVER!
My closet is ridiculous…I have all the clothes I wear on a daily basis near the front and then things I can’t get rid of because “one day I might wear it” so they just sit there. I’ll clean out my closet a few times a year and tell myself if you didn’t wear it last season it’s outta here, but I always find a reason to keep more than I get rid of…unsuccessful spring cleaning!
I’m all about the purge.
I have a t-shirt a girlfriend gave me that is closer to being a “not-shirt” than a shirt. I was thinking that I need to make a short video of all the shirts I need to throw out and why.
My problem is that I never buy anything (clothing-wise) because I’m poor and cheap. So I hate to throw anything out (even if I can’t wear it) because it cuts down on my options.
Speaking of shoes: I once had a pair of black shoes (and they might have been Payless shoes) that I wore even when they flapped and then duct-taped them closed (simple wrap around) and wore them some more. And Payless shoes only cost twenty bucks! (Of course, that year I was making $300 a month.)
I have that problem and have come up with a semi-solution. I also attach memories/significance to my things, be it a sticker,postcard, or useless items of clothing/shoes…yet, I have been able to get rid of things that have no business being in anyone’s home- their time has expired. I simply have to sit and stare at the object, tell myself that memories are always carried in my mind and heart, and throwing away an object is not throwing away our memories…it takes a little time, but it is getting easier. I feel much better without the clutter, actually more liberated that my happiness and fond memories are not controled by material things. The only scenario this does not apply to is photos- even my bad ones!