A: Jessica Simpson, John Mayer and me.
Q: Who has laryngitis?
The sun finally came out of exile this weekend, but I wouldn’t know too much about that. The only time I actually saw it (other than watching it pass by my living room window) was when I trekked across the street to buy popsicles and cough drops.
I’d say that the highlight of my ten minute furlough had to be playing charades with the man at the deli to get a cup of coffee.
Heather: (pointing behind the counter) wheeze, squeak, squeak?
Deli Man: Cigarettes?
Good guess. But no. After a few more squeaks and gestures, I headed home, coffee in hand, to several more hours of Little House on the Prairie, Season II.
My alarm clock was glowing a single digit hour this morning when I woke from crazy, delirious dreams to the happy discovery that my fever had finally broken. I was happy, not only because it meant the end of aching joints and hot flashes, but also because I wanted to go to work in the morning. Imagine that. Wanting to go to work. Satisfied, I stripped, tossing my damp nightgown to the floor, traded my sweat soaked pillow for a cool, dry one, and returned to my delirious dreams.
Turns out, personality and not fever is responsible for this brand of delirium.
Sans fever, I’m still not operating on full batteries. I’m tired as hell and my voice is shot. Everything I say sounds like it has proceeded hours and hours of crying – perhaps over the terribly sad news about the death of beloved Crocodile Hunter (no joke, though, I was really upset by that).
When I spoke to my mother last night her first reaction was,
“Who do I have to kill? Because I will fly to New York and kill whoever has upset you.”
Aw, right? Now that’s a loving mother! Once we’d established that I was sick and not dying of a broken heart, we noted a few holes in her plan.
“Actually, I probably can’t afford to fly out there.”
“Yeah. But I bet there are plenty of people here in this city who’d do it for much less than the cost of a last-minute plane ticket.”
“True. I could always just leave a comment on your blog.”
Good to know she’d be resourceful in a time of crisis. But seriously? In the event that my mom ever does use my comments to advertise for a hit man, I hereby disavow all knowledge.
I, too, am terribly upset over the untimely death of Steve Irwin. The end of an era.
Hot flashes? That must be a very old photo on your home page.
Ditto on the Steve Irwin thing although when my hubby called me from Best Buy (he was doing some early morning tv buying) he said Jeff Corwin died and I started crying. Then Iread the news and, even though i stopped crying, I felt so bad for the guy.
In other news… your mom reads your blog? Your mom’s cool.
the Hit Mom. I love it. I feel the same way about my teenage daugthers. Woe to the next guy who breaks one of their hearts.
Like I could stop her!
There used to be a rule that my family members weren’t to read my blog. You know, to keep things fair, so I could write about what I wanted to without worrying what they might think.
THAT didn’t last too long.
Did your new cutie bring you over some chicken soup? Hope you feel better soon.
Have you been making out with Jessica Simpson and John Mayer again???
A hoarse voice is actually quite sexy. Use it often. Change your outgoing answering machine message while that Kathleen Turner voice is still yours!
You’re sick and I let you hug me??? I feel so used.
I hope that Ms. Klein is referring to Kathleen Turner circa 1982-1984. Not today’s Kathleen Turner, who spends days lamenting being in VI Warchowski and eating buttercream.
Yes, I agree with the sexy voice. Think Phoebe!! Hellooo!
Your mom is the cutest! My mom, smokes even though she’s not a smoker and says stuff in her accent like “I keeel dat sluT”. It’s actually quite endearing.
Feel better~
How did the microdermabrasion ever turn out?
And here I was thinking your lack of posting meant you were on some wonderful adventure far away from the likes of any electronic devices. Or, maybe I was just wishing that’s what I was doing. Details.
Hope you are feeling better!!!
Fish- found your blog while googling “condom pocket underware” (unintended misspelling)in an attempt to send a joke to an email buddy. that was about 2 hours ago. Obviously I have enjoyed the witty repartee you foster.
so….about the locked eyes dude you spied. Flash in the pan? or is he the real deal? Has he surfaced in your dreams? or did i miss that you will now see him daily at work. I might have some older insight to the male psyche if you need it. I think i manage to get that “ullp / gulp” about twice a week as i tend to meet a ton of new faces.
Can I borrow your Mother? My recent adventure into the land of the broken hearted has rendered me useless. Okay, instead of borrowing Mum, can you update with a post about the bloke who made you stop breathing???
Loving your blog – made it a blog of note on my blogsite. Hope you’re back to full strength soon!
I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help but descend into a rolling laugh from the mental image of the Deli Man mistaking your squeaks and wheezing for a cigarette order. Hope you feel better soon.
i hope u feel better soon.
Moonlight as a phone sex operator with me! Carpe Diem.
I love when my voice goes raspy. Rarely happens, though.
My best friend and your mom should meet…after my last major heartbreak she seriously offered to come and break the guys knee caps. Luckily I had a women’s rugby team that ‘accidently’ knocked him while he was the ref for their game. He hurt. I was happy! Mom and friend revenge is the best!
I hate to regress to past blogs but we never heard about your new vibrating toy.
harumph. My mother has only ever offered to kill me. What a gyp.
I love moms : )
You’re brave. I won’t let my mother anywhere near my blog.
I hope you feel better! Since you brought up Little House on the Prairie, I was inspired to read the whole series again, start to finish. It took me 3 whole wonderful days, I just wish there were more books!
Feel better soon!
Fish,get well soon….
Felt so sorry about Steve…
So THIS is why John Mayer broke up with Jessica! He read about it on your blog and said “This has gone FAR ENOUGH!”