“Wait, if they’re all here, who’s watching the O.C.?”
The bartender shrugged. “It’s a holiday. Probably a rerun.”
It was the night before Thanksgiving and my local bar was over stuffed with girls in barely-there, ruffled skirts and boys with deeply emotional hair. Larry the Bartender was feeling generous and to my knowledge hadn’t carded a single one of them… and they repaid him by not tipping.
“This is the bar that Mischa Barton built.” I said, and played another Neil Diamond song on the juke box. It was fun just to watch them squirm.
Ari and I were three – okay, fine, four – cosmos under and being wildly entertained by the crazy lady hitting on the bartender’s buddy (“And then, my next boyfriend… wait, will you make out with me? I haven’t made out with anyone in like, six months.”) and the emo-haired boy who’d asked me how this “juke box thing worked.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. What do I do?”
“Graduate from high school.”
“You’re funny. Eeew. Is that Hunt’s ketchup?”
The diner next door had sent our fries over without ketchup, and so Larry the Bartender had given us his bar stash. Now, I’m a Heinz girl myself, but when you’re trying to soak up three different kinds of alcohol from your otherwise empty stomach, you don’t so much care what kind of ketchup you’re using.
“Did you just say eew?”
“Yeah. You’re eating sub par ketchup. I would never eat that shit.”
I waved him off and gave him a quick jukebox tutorial. Once he’d gotten a handle on the drop-in-the-money-choose-a-song complexity, I watched him flip through the selections, pausing on Kid Rock. I bristled and went back to my cocktail.
The next thing I knew, the sweet strains of Guns n’ Roses filled the air. Ari and I looked at each other, confused.
“No way.”
“And they seem to know all the words.” I scanned the bar. Every single under-aged mouth was moving effortless to the second verse of Sweet Child o’ Mine.
“Uch. That earns them at least four more cool points than I wanted to give them.”
“It’s a Thanksgiving Miracle.”
heh, well at least they got good taste in music.
I figured I’d mention this: “I would ever eat that ****.” – something’s missing there, non?
Ugh. Thanks. Sometimes, even spell check can’t save me from myself.
Happy Black Friday, M.
Best entry you’ve written in a long time!
(Meant, of course, as a compliment, not an insult. Even bester than usual.)
Plain ol’ fun. I love it. Thanks for the smile at the end.
We should go to more Real World hang outs – that was fun. Did we miss the high school girls making out? We must have. That was so fun – thanks for dragging me out by my ponytail. You’re the ****.
it’s so funny i had an whole argument with someone yesterday over heinz ! ironically that was in a diner too ! over chicken nuggets
I think Sheryl Crow covered that for the “Big Daddy” soundtrack.
Don’t get them any credit.
Ehhh…don’t be too impressed. The only reason they knew the lyrics, is because of cheerleading competitions.
Have to tell you…all the teens I coach know all the 80s & 90s music. They sing it, play it often. Yes, I feel like I’m back in school again. So it doesn’t surprise me in the least that they knew those words. The 80s are hip in England again, so I imagine it’s the same in the US.
This is hilarious. I’m so glad I found your blog. I hope my Saturday night gives me some laughs as well.
Oh, beautiful. Even better than the 13-year-old boy who graced my Thanksgiving and, when told by his father to get off the computer already, said, “I don’t need electronics. I’ll just watch TV.”
Maybe Axl has been on the OC–isn’t Sebastian Bach on Gilmore Girls?
i want another drinking night with larry the bartender.
Careful there, 15 will get you 20. Don’t underage kids in your local bar make you feel like you’re watching someone punch your grandma? You have to watch out for the drinking that is sandwiched around Thanksgiving. First it’s four Cosmos then you’re breaking into a barbershop to drink the stuff they wash the combs in.
missinghat – aw, you got a little crush on larry?
Someone must’ve put out a cover!!
Hey, teenagers aren’t all bad. And some of us have superb taste in music. Like G&R, Kiss, Crue, Joan Jett… Some of us still like the ’80′s version of “I Love Rock & Roll” better than the Britney Spears cover. And, okay, I’ll admit, I have a secret weakness for music from the 50′s and 60′s. That I’ll blame on listening to music with my grandparents (whom I respect, by the way.)
It gets frustrating when people think that you’re some ‘punk kid’ just because you’re under eighteen, or that we have no responsibilities. Granted, about half of the teens in my high school don’t, but some of us do. I go to school for forty hours a week, work for twenty, am involved in a church choir and the school’s audition choir, and I’m taking two college classes. My GPA last quarter was a 3.14.
Sorry about the rant, but it gets aggitating to listen to adults rant about how our country will go down the drain when my generation takes control of the government. Most of us are decent people, if you’d take the time to talk to us.
God bless Neil Diamond…educate those children please
heh. you know they were all, “what’s this BS? what a horrible cover of the sheryl crow song!”