“See, I understand you, Heath. Isn’t that what every woman dreams of – to be understood by a man?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Liar!”
“Dude, I don’t need you to understand me – that’s what shrinks and girlfriends and… and the internet are for. I need you to want me. To chase me around the apartment in my underwear and think about me when you’re at work or brushing your teeth or waiting for the subway. I need you to pull my hair and make out with me in cabs. I need you for morning sex and late-night phone calls and questionably legal activity in the elevator. But not understanding.”
“…”
“Well, obviously not you specifically…”
“Are you sure? Because… I could do that.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. You, specifically, I need to pour me another drink and pretend to understand me some more.”
“…”
“What?”
“Could I maybe just pull your hair?”
“Watch it.”
I agree: to heck with understanding…go for the morning sex, late night phone calls and questionably legal activity….That puts a smile on everyones face!
you are obviously very gifted , this sound like a scene straight out of a hollywood film
also understanding leads to familiarity(hopefully “nice feeling” familarity) other iwse you could have a stranger chasing you around your appartment
so what you’re saying is; Mmm… vicodin.
Awwww. And yes. You are right.
That is hilarious
Poor boy.
Amen Sister!
Sometimes guys just don’t get it. Myself included, even after realizing it with previous girlfriends turned ex. If only we (male order of the homosapien species) will just stop over analyzing things and just let go of the primal feelings within to just stop and steal that kiss while walking together on the sidewalk in public shopping around.
Sigh, if only I could follow my own advice…
Better than any sitcom.
Nice Nod to “Paperweight” in the title. Assuming, of course, that the quoted lyric was not just a coincidence. And I second the thing about the elevator… NICE!
YES. How come WE understand what they need to do and they, who know how to do it, don’t?
Excellent…
John,
Men over analyze? No way! Women, we’re the ones who over analyze. Most guys I know only take things at literal surface value.
LOVE IT! That’s awesome…hee hee…
“Well, obviously not you specifically¦”
classic! And you’re right, he doesn’t need to understand me if he’s making out in cabs with me and if he does understand me then we’re not running around in our undies anyway!
LMAO…thanks for the morning laugh…the way you tell it is too frickn’ funny…
Men…
enough said…
This was just wonderful. Great writing.
you nailed it — understanding is a highliy over-rated skill
Absolutely hilarious!!!!
Even so, for years we’re told that we should listen and understand. Now we’re told to stop..
*shakes head*
Plaeeze won’t your share your Costa Rica plans! I’m dying to know where you might be headed in that tropical heaven. My brother lives on Nicoya half the year, and I’ve been twice now, with a third trip planned in Jan. My brother is having a BIG party while you are down there – if you’re interested…(http://www.puresolv.com/manifesto/).
We wanted to go, but our friends who are going with us didn’t want to travel in Dec.
Dude, Paperweight has been my new favorite song since September when I ran out and bought the Last Kiss soundtrack. Psyched to see it quoted!
well, i think understanding is important…it’s just not all there is and all that other stuff is important too. I like the dialogue, very smart, funny.
hmmm…you don’t know what you’re missing until you have both at the same time
oh that hurts. My balls are aching in sympathy for the guy. hmm….sympathy labor pains, sympathy blue balls. Why not?
Hysterical.
Men can’t help it. They can’t multi-task like women. Their brains just aren’t wired like ours.
“Men can’t help it. They can’t multi-task like women. Their brains just aren’t wired like ours.”
So what does it mean if you’re a man and you *can* multitask? How sad to think I’m that rare…
Oh good lord.
I was asked last night if I was PMSing and I said, “I’m sure there’s a law somewhere that allows a woman to kill a man if he asks her if she’s PMSing. What if I’m not? Huh? What are you going to do then?”
And he said, “I’m pretty sure it’s not a law that you can kill someone. I think you’re just allowed to cut off their dick. I’m sorry. I won’t ever ask you that again”.
Hah. Score one me!
(Yeah, I’m PMSing.)
Why is it that so few women actually get this? Oh sure many claim to but then they are moaning about dead relationships because “he didn’t understand me” or something like that.
It’s a relationship not a friendship. If you want a friendship, find a gay man.
You are awesome.
What a fabulous song…Coincidentally, I’ve had it on repeat for about the past week.
Oh sweer holy goodness! That made my night! I am pretty sure this is the greatest thing on the internet.
John,
could I date you (like now, not figuratively)? Sigh…
This is a little off-topic but I thought everyone here could appreciate this!
Check it out
I hope you don’t mind, but I plan on using this in conversation with any and all future boyfriends. I’ll give you full credit, of course.
Thats hysterical! And true! More instinctive and caveman behaviour!
I like it. Definitely movie-like but I suppose sometimes reality imitates fiction.
Understanding is important but can only ever go so far – we all live in our own skulls and cannot ever change that. To fill the gaps left by a lack of understanding I think Acceptance is important.
That is my current feeling in my own relationship in progress anyway. But I take the suggestion here that honest expression of desire is needed too…
John..Are you eligible?
I love Joshua Radin and just recently saw one the best concerts ever with him and some other artists featured in the Last Kiss soundtrack.
I love it! You should totally add this to your favorite posts! Nice writing!
So a female friend told me to come back to this post for some unfinished business. Huh? was the thought. Not sure how Heather would feel about a sub communication taking place here, but I suppose it’s her call to either approve/reject my comment. =)
Jaclyn:
Truth is that most men for the most part really do think too much. It’s just that not everything is analyzed in great detail, and we don’t want you to know we think. Typical thought processes that go on without admitting (for fear of losing the machoness) may include: “Does she like me?” “Was that an approving sign that she wants a kiss, even though it is a first date?” “What does she mean when she said she just wants fun? Literally or you-know-what-I-mean way?” But that’s not to say sometimes we’re thick skulled at other facets of a relationship, although less from me than the average Joe.
Kat:
If you live in Chi-town as well… And if the chemistry is there…
Aigul:
I’ve been eligible since the end of July.
Loved this post! And also love paperweight too…great song!
I think there’s something not working out in men’s brains .. They do stuff because they think that is exactly what women want and after they do it they’ll feel women should appreciate or even show some gratitude. But how can we? We-women-even never think that we need those things.
Sometimes when I need man to just sit a while with me and listen my words by his heart, he even try to kiss me and do some physical moves. But when I think its the right time share romance and some physical actions will make it perfect, he turns out to be clueless…hey, what happens with you guys…?
All the women I’ve dated love the fact that I’m involved with many different things in life. They say it’s exciting because they never know what’s next with me. I’ve learned to focus on myself. Sometimes I feel like working hard and sometimes I feel like doing the hair pulling elevator back seat of a car thing. Put down the calculator and pick up the planner,that’s my philosphy
OMG you said it perfectly!! You are a great writer!! I’m still cracking up. I would love for someone to chase me around my new place…well…maybe not right now…but someday…
I have to tell you, as an Irish woman living in Berlin, your piece on today’s Hotmal link just rang true for me. I’m old enough to know better but inexperienced enough to be astounded by experiencing loving a ‘charming, masochistic trip master, philanderer’. I didn’t think I was this sort of person, but…it’s great to hear it’s normal. I adore lovely, quirky people and men all the same but, Man! Sometimes one just needs to remember how cool one really is in the first place. Thank You for sharing…as you say in the U.S.!
When a guy and girl like each other you know right from the start quit the BS get with the program. Most men want a challenge and as women we have to lure them in hold off on sex for a little bit until u r ready. P.S. keep men guessing and they will chase!
safe, warm, comforable, are hard enough to come by,darlin. how can you hold someone elses toes to the fire of your spite.
that’s hilarious!you write in a so lovely way!!have you ever think to write a novel?
Even a person who makes your heart pound will turn things all tepid and cerebral if they suddenly decide to understand you. There’s a reason no one ever says “understand me!” in the depths of passion.
But when you’ve been together, you don’t just *happen* to be good companions. You make a deliberate effort to be good company in ways that are just for them. It flows from understanding.
And…honestly? Even on a first date it matters. Great flirting can be very mindful, even though it’s based on what you’re just now learning about her. You can’t *flirt with* a woman who doesn’t enliven your mind along with everything else. You can only feed her good lines. That’s not chemistry. That’s sales.
Hot is hot and all, but hot + intriguing = perfection.
(Sometimes even dim-witted people can be interesting for an hour or two, just by acting inscrutable.)
Here is a comment; every woman seems to be looking for that perfect man. The most of them say that they keep meeting jerks,. And they all want to meet the nice guys. Well here is the way it appears to be to me. The guy you described that wants to sit down and be your girlfriend and your lover. He is the nice guy. He is just in a stage of devilment. He needs some one to show him how to change and become that better boyfriend. But this also means your most likely not going to end up with him. Youâre preparing him for his next relationship. When he finally reaches that balance he will settle down and get married. That goes for women to, men need to show women what they need to do to become ready to settle down. For every bad relationship a person takes a few steps backwards and needs to be reminded on what a good significant other is. Not saying every one ends up in the same place but your going to have a lasting and loving relationship if you can find this middle ground.
Everyone – male and female – is really looking for that deep inner connectedness that feels like home. Men DO think about such things but will rarely make themselves vulnerable if they do not feel safe – the macho thing is a just a facade that hides fear. The passionate spontaneity that Heather describes is the result of a non-mental understanding – the kind of intuition that comes from “seeing” someone underneath the annoying surface junk that blurrs true insight. The trick is to find someone who is not self-centered – a giver not a taker. Someone who gives freely because they truly “see” the other person and the mutual connectedness draws such spontaneity in a natural way. I had that once – a long time ago – every part of me aches because I miss it.
I never thought I would come back and leave a comment on a blog over a month old, but I thought it was fitting, considering how I said that sometimes men can think too much.
Right about now I’m having another case of the overthinking yet again. Not that I am asking you for advice or the sorts, considering that we all have problems of our own. Just thought I’d share nonetheless: Link. Sigh…