Whatever you do, don’t let it get out that I stayed home tonight and watched, She’s the Man. Not because people would suddenly question my taste in film (way too late for that) but because then we might have to have a serious discussion about just exactly how wrong it is to think high school boys are worth a good knuckle bite.
Hellooo, Duke.
In other news, I kicked that kidney stone’s ass! By which I mean, I screamed obscenities and cried a little bit, and when Goldner’s mom held my hand, I not only let her (I’m not such a big ‘touch’ person), but I squeezed back a message in hand-holding morse code that said,
Kill me. And do it quick.
But see, that’s over now. All except for the antibiotic and lifetime supply of vicodin. Anyway, I have, to date, licked appendicitis and a kidney stone. And now I have no intention of having babies. Ever. I’ve been told both… adversities* approximate the childbirth experience and you’re crazy if you think I’d go through that again. No matter how cute and sweet-smelling the product is. I’ll steal babies from the park, thank you very much.
I’m still not one hundred percent, so the head-butting story will have to wait until more of my senses return so I can do it justice. In the meantime, enjoy this little gem. A friend showed it to me a few weeks ago, and I just can’t stop whispering,
Do you know vy? Do you know vy? I’ll tell you vy.
*That’s for you, Jen and Kate.
LOVE IT!
First- you can share my baby.
Second- how come I could tell in the first second of the video that it was German?
Oh Duke gets two hello’s from me. You’re not alone on that.
oh. mah. gawd. “we are zee monkeys!” thanks for the hilarity.
oh, and childbirth? man, hell-to-the-no. plenty of lonely babies in parks need you.
Glad you’re (nearly) better.
But that video. WHAT??!! Wow. That was WEIRD. But funny. In a “what on EARTH?” kinda way.
The upside of the pain of childbirth is that nothing will ever hurt again. Seriously. I compare any pain I have now to the pain I felt in labor and then decide this isn’t so bad…
I LOVED that movie. I think I might have to buy it.
Also, shamelessly loved “John Tucker Must Die”.
Yes. I’m 31.
Should we just accept “It’s not me, it’s the Vicodin” will be the explaination of everything until Valentine’s Day?
I would absolutely let Duke Orsino be my “ball and frickin’ chain, man!”
Epidural. Thats the answer if you do want kids. 25 Hours of labor it only “didn’t take” in one spot. 9lb kid later and I am still alive and it didn’t hurt as bad as a kidney stone. I don’t think! ha ha
Ha! That’s great!
I’ve never seen She’s The Man, but I love Amanda Bines.
mazal tov on banishing the kidney stone to the dark netherworlds of toilet-land. as for having babies, that’s why G-d invented the epidural.(not that i’ve ever used one…)
Aw, Fish, there should be a NSFW included with that link! As I clicked on it and burst into laughter so loudly that the powers that be knew something was up…
Ha. So damn funny. Circle, square, square, circle…
Wow..that was HILARIOUS! I needed that. Thanks!
If you think just watching She’s the Man is Bad….I saw What a Girl Wants in theaters twice, and bought the DVD.
This post was pure vicodin talking. Now what’s the banana guy’s excuse?
He does not need an excuse! He is a banana handed GOD! I would totally have his babies, not just steal them from the park.
you LICKED kindey stones?
i’m so glad i wasn’t eating lunch when i read that.
but congrats!
JAM – I had a uterine infection 6-8 weeks post baby-two.
Baby was a waterbirth, no drugs in sight. The infection had me screaming for painkillers…….
That video is hysterical- definition of something I’d find amusing.
Glad you’re on the mend!
Loved mr. banana hands… i will clap like zees the rest of the day
as for childbirth… wasn’t as bad as a broken nose and the surgery thereafter
Congrats! Yeah, whenever my time comes, I’m getting the Epidural.
Wait til you see the same guy from She’s the Man in Step Up. He’s even better there. I feel guilty being so old and swooning over someone so young, but he’s that great.
And I agree, babies should not be made, but taken.
Wait….You let my MOM hold your hand, but you won’t let ME hold your hand?
Stone cold.
I also like it when she calls me “honey.” She’s got a way, your mom.
Seriously. Who wouldn’t want a guy that that’s hot and whose willing to stick a tampon up his nose for a laugh?
Keep the monkeys away from my hands.
BTW H, maybe you’re staying at a better resort in Costa Rica than I did, but they didn’t have shampoo in the room. Just fyi as you’re packing. Have a great time!
Bevare the Milky Pirate!!
WTF? Wow. I have a friend from Germany and I’m tempted to send him that and force him to explain his culture. He’ll probably just say that’s why he left Germany. That’s what he usually says.
So happy about the kidney stone! Did I tell ya? Once it’s over you’re good as new, but worn out. Viva Costa Rica, baby!
(This is really Reader Reader, by the way…
)
Excellent!!! Now you can go to Costa Rica. Just make sure you bring your prescription along with the Vicodin so that evil TSA won’t harass and body search you! =)
Congrats on the birthing of a Kidney Stone. Now that childbirth is out of the question (ha!), have you considered naming that Pesky Stone to get all those Baby Names you ever thought about out of your system?
I see a Possible Contest! The prize? Surplus Vicodin sounds like a probable reward! (That is if there is any surplus…)
Seriously, I’m glad it’s gone and I hope you’re fully recovered by the time you leave for your vacation. Enjoy!
I can’t believe you have that video on here! Even the Internet can make it seem like we live in a small, small world…the kids in that video live in Helena, MT. The milky pirate is my boyfriend’s little brother…so I guess now I can say I know someone famous!
Way to kick that stone’s ass! I hope you’re feeling all better soon!
I had a TERRIBLE labor and I’m convinced that it was better than my root canal (and your kidney stone HAD to be worse than my root canal!). With kidney stones, root canals, everything-else-that-sucks, they don’t give you epidurals. And you don’t get a sweet-smelling prize to take home.
Start watching Degrassi. You’ll have permanent bite marks in your knuckles.
Whoa, that video was hilarious
a milky pirate, monkeys, and banana hands; what more could you ask for?
I’m right there with you on the not having babies thing.
Glad you’re feeling better!
He Fish, totally agree about stealing babies in the park!! I had appendicitis and was operated just nearly before it was too late. The stitch was 4.8 inch and I swore I would never go through anymore surgery!