“It’s a shame. A girl like you, not having a good night.”
“I think maybe I started a fight I cannot win.”
Cab drivers, midnight Manhattan counselors, sometimes turn down their radios and let you sit in peace. I watched First Avenue fly by in shadows. He said nothing in reply, but glanced at me from time to time in his rearview mirror. Maybe he heard a sniffle. It was that quiet.
Later, he would wait as I fumbled with my key outside the apartment gate. What’s more, as I did, he would actually get out of the car and say,
“Tomorrow, I promise. This will not seem so bad.”
He’d probably be right. After all, this is his forte. He knows.
I’d stop with my key, thank him. I’d not meet Ben and Chris at 92nd Street, and instead, stand in my elevator, not selecting a floor (I’m done with choices for the evening), thinking,
You are the stupidest girl alive.
Tonight I may have run into someone very interesting from my past. He may have warranted a very funny story. But he, and his enormous hair, will wait. So will the owner of an LES restaurant who sent wine to our table. And Ben, in his This Fish t-shirt on stage – making me feel like an M&M in a closed hand. A kiss from Tanya. A chance encounter.
And then, a night blown, because I can’t keep my yapper shut.
I am, of course, the stupidest girl alive. And he’s right: it really is a shame, a girl like me, not having a good night.
Ignorance and bliss. Like gin and tonic, only, less of a hangover.
Well, Miss Fish… you are who you are, and you are what you are and you only need ONE person to think you are he greatest in the world. The others, they won’t matter one day. Big kiss.
He’s right, but knowing so isn’t feeling so.
a truly stupid girl wouldn’t even be aware of it and certainly wouldn’t share it with so many people and never, ever could bring happiness to so many. there’s a difference between being a stupid girl and being a very bright (and articulate…and creative…and…just so many other things) girl who occaionally does stupid things. peace and best wishes.
Ropedancer has it right. The truly stupid never learn and always, always blame someone else for their own fuckups.
What you have is experience, and that will only make you aware the next time and stop you from doing something stupid.
Or, if you’re like me, you find more creative ways of doing stupid things. But you know what? Life goes on, it’s always a new day, and the sunshine and blossoming flowers don’t give a flip what happened to you the night before.
Because it’s a brand new day.
(Take it, Sting)
This is why, I don’t go out there in the big, bad world.
You’re not stupid! A dumb person would walk home instead of taking a cab. Also the LES owner sent wine, so you are pretty special if you ask me!
WSJ had an article last year about a friendly NYC cab driver who takes phone numbers from riders and sets them up w/ other former riders based solely on the personality vibe he gets from each. So you never know who’s on the other side of the Plexiglas. Sounds like this time, you found another nice one at least, and we hope he’s right that tomorrow is a better day.
G’luck.
Fish, you are the smartest person I know. If you’re stupid, that bodes not well for me.
I bet whatever you said was funny and that he totally had it coming.
i once won a fight that i had started. and i’ve felt awful about it ever since. i’ve always felt winning fights was entirely overrated, anyway.
but the m&m metaphor was sweet.
“Tomorrow, I promise. This will not seem so bad.”
Grrrl, seriously, I’ve done worse. I’ve stood talking to a friend, with her eight-year-old alongside, telling her ALLABOUT how I’d met the nice folks that sold them their pony recently…only to remember afterward that SANTA brought them the pony, and I’d totally fucked everything all up for the innocent eight-year-old forever. A year later, it still seems bad. HUGS!!!
WTF?? And I missed you before the game too – am vcurious about both. You MUST call me.
P.S. I wasn’t comparing the two, except in the fact that we all put stuff out there that can’t be revoked. It’s what we learn from it that determines our intelligence. You’re a fabulous fish. And hardly stupid.
George Bernard Shaw once came up with ‘Ghoti’ as a perfectly good spelling of the word ‘fish’. ‘Gh’ as in ‘enough’, ‘o’ as in ‘women’ and ‘ti’ as in ‘nation’ I thought you might be intrigued by this!
Ho, boy, can I relate. I did something stupid a few weeks ago, and felt like a dork for three weeks. There’s no situation so bad that a clever girl like me (or you) can’t make it worse. Sigh. On the bright side, by writing about our less than stellar moments, we can only learn from them, right?
From what I hear Britney Spears getting a kid at 23 isn’t stupid, same goes for Jessica Simpson thinking she broke an actual organ. So lighten up, you’re not stupid, there’s things in the world that ARE though. Like hip hop artists repeating the same bling bling theme over and over in their videos, or me tripping over a bagel the other day when out shopping. (If anyone’s lost a bagel, I can give directions and location?)) No worries, like that very smart cab driver said, things will get better.
With skill and it’s frustration…and grace, too.
Well… Lashon haRa… so difficult to control.
If it makes you feel better at around the same time as you were writing i was drunk-dial disastering myself and woke up to a “i don’t think this will work out” email in the morning…
Definitely know what you’re feeling. Sitting out in the sun yesterday helped made me feel (slightly) better about things. Hope you’re starting to feel better yourself.
I wouldn’t worry about an innocent 8 year old finding out about Santa, especially one who got a PONY for christmas. I think she will be fine… might be a good idea to think before you speak though.
There must’ve been something in the air this weekend. I said something downright mean to an old friend on Saturday night.
By the way, next time? You’re getting tongue.
keeping one’s mouth shut is over-rated and far less satisfying, although maybe it results in less kicking of one’s self, afterward.
but really, who cares. and if you had kept your mouth shut, you wouldn’t be The Fish. And that’s no good. Nope. No good at all.
I guess we all feel stupid sometimes but I think a lot of it just depends on what mood we’re in! Things can only get better! =)