once, i kissed

Once, I kissed a man and he sighed. He sighed like someone who had been thirsty for a very long time and I’d just given him water from my canteen. Siiiiiiigh. I decided right then I’d kiss him a hundred times just to hear that sound.

Once, I kissed a man and learned to hate the sound of my refrigerator. I cried all the way back to Connecticut, mourning, because I knew that kiss was burned into me. Tattooed. Cigarette on flesh. And I knew that we were destined to fail. I kissed him a hundred times after.

Then we failed.

Once, I kissed a stranger. Sangria and beer laced with Jack Daniels. Hostel common room. Belt buckles and a foreign name like I was praying.

Once, I kissed him in the third row of a movie theater, and then decided I would rather watch the movie. I kissed her passing Jell-o shots. I kissed him and didn’t feel a thing except saliva and dry skin and the need to go home right now. I kissed him while the credits to Clueless rolled. I felt adored.

I wasn’t.

Once, I kissed – I was kissed – in front of a map of the world. Here, I said, is where I lived. Here, he said, is where I’m from. Spain. Lebanon. I had to sit down on the bed, dizzy and overwhelmed. He had the most gorgeous hands I’ve ever seen. We failed, too.

Thank God.

30 comments to once, i kissed

  • jw

    This was a great post. Caught me at a moment when I was just thinking of a particularly memorable kiss…

    I flew across the country to visit, but we were uncertain. Stepped off the plane and nervously hugged him hello. We went to dinner and then back to his apartment and stood chatting for what felt like forever. Then he paused. Without a word, he turned to face me and stepped closer, put his hands over my head and on my shoulders, held me firmly, pulled me close, and I just sank completely into him. Once, I was kissed. Once, I was lost.

    I may be getting lost again at the moment… I’m hoping I am, anyway.

  • rg

    mmmm… standing in my kitchen. taste of beer and vodka. so sweet, so strong. his intoxicating lips. mmmm.

    thanks for the reminder!

  • One time I sat in my room two inches from a girl i was madly in love with, talking for over an hour and I didn’t kiss her. Last year she interviewed Anita Rau Badami, and I saw a photo of her for the first time in 10 years. It would have been a nice kiss.

  • Awesome post.

    Once my roommate told me that he’d been wanting to kiss me just to see what it would be like. I let him… it was the BEST kiss I’ve ever had. A couple weeks later he told me he wished he’d never kissed me because he couldn’t stop thinking about it. I let him do it again… it was even better than the first. I want to kiss him again, but he’s gone for the summer… and by the time he comes back it will probably be too late.

  • LOVE your post, fish, and love amber’s followup comment (haunting, almost). just don’t understand the line “Belt buckles and a foreign name like I was praying.” i have ideas of what it means, but i’m sure i’m wrong. (maybe it’s too early in the morning.)

  • Rob

    As always Heather…greatly evocative…what a treat to wake up and see a new post from the Fish….

    Rob :)

  • oooh, lovely lovely. The first time i kissed my man I almost died. I knew then I could never kiss anyone else ever as it just couldn’t compare..

  • cherise

    Wow. Simply brilliant, Fish. *shiver*

  • red

    lovely post – now i’ll be remembering my most and least favorite kisses all morning. :)

  • that was nice… reminded me of my kiss progression. Dream kisses, Dr Pepper kisses, California Cooler kisses, too-much-jack-daniels kisses, wow-that-is-what-it-is-supposed-to-feel like kisses, tender kisses, forbidden kisses, comfort kisses… and now 2 year old butterfly kisses. sigh.

  • Wow. Breathtaking. Very rarely do posts make me sit back, think, and sigh out loud. But this one sure did it for me. *Sigh*

  • Alisa

    you are an AMAZING writer

  • Wow, this is what I love about a woman I never met. Fantastic Fish. Reminded me of that title to what? A movie perhaps? You know those few and far between kisses that make you feel like you’ve never been kissed before.

  • No words. I have butterflies.

  • wes

    but…..fish don’t have lips

    (very nicely written)

  • Beautiful. Simple. Complicated. Real. I love the ending. It’s perfect.

  • Nice. reminiscent. *sigh* What a great thing to remember.

  • We shared a gin and tonic while sitting on her couch in a room filled with sunset. She’d take a sip, then, we’d kiss. We giggled and commented about how this was the best damn gin and tonic either of us had ever had. Gin and tonic kisses. Hmmm. . .

  • Beautiful post – poetic even.

  • Absolutely beautiful.

  • Amazing. Thanks for writing this.

  • Faye

    Fish, you speak words of my soul.

    Once I was kissed in a faraway place, and in that moment, I came home.

  • This was inspiring.

  • Michael R

    I also thought it was like poetry. It’s amazing how evocative omission is (or can be).

  • It’s also interesting that people have quite different reactions to the omissions. One of my friends “didn’t get” the post. And what that meant was, he didn’t like it without knowing who. Interesting.

  • the sigh kiss

    yeah :)

    i married the one who did that.

    i loved this post. thanks for sharin it.