Amanda was only two and a half. Pint-sized and fierce, she commanded attention and a vocabulary more advanced than any kindergartener.
We sat in her bedroom under a painted ceiling of blue sky and clouds, footless Barbie dolls and old He-Man figures on the floor between us. My mother had left the grown-ups (I’d abandoned them hours before) and joined the playdate. Maybe she asked too many questions. Maybe she talked when she should have been dressing Barbie for the beach. Maybe Amanda was simply tired. It’s really hard to say.
Amanda put her dolls down, walked to the toy cupboard and pulled out an old Fisher Price cash register — decades old. I remembered her older brother, Jared, playing with the same toy when we were kids. I’d been jealous then. But Amanda wasn’t going to play store, like we did. She had other motives. Setting the register down in the middle of Barbie Mania, Amanda stared down my mother and said,
“When I ring this bell, you will go away and never come back.”
Ring! went the bell. My mother looked like she’d been slapped.
“What? Why?”
Amanda raised a small finger to her rosy lips. “Shhh,” she said. “Do not speak to me.”
And thus went the banishing. My mother frowned, left and we could hear her tell Sandy and the others in the living room about her exile. They laughed. I looked at Amanda and asked if I could stay.
“Of course. I did not ring the bell for you.”
Some days, I feel like pulling out my cash register. Banishing anyone who doesn’t play by the rules that I’ve outlined in my head. Maybe they ask too many questions. Maybe they talked when they should have been listening. Maybe I am simply tired.
When I ring this bell…
Blame my childhood friend HJ who copied onto tape every Metallica album released up until the black album for me, but the first thing that came to mind when visualizing this little girl’s room and the two/three of you sitting there speaking those words was the pre-chorus to For Whom The Bell Tolls.
Those Metallica tapes looked so funny in between my Wham tapes and my Ice T tapes.
You write early. I folded laundry.
i would LOVE to have a cash register like that to “ring” people away. of course, some days it would be a constant ring and that might get annoying.
I do have a ring …its that little diddy that sounds like wind chimes as I turn my phone off. Ahhh..its like going to that little island in the Corona commercials. Heaven.
That made me laugh sooooo much!!
that little girl is incredibly “sorted” as we say in UK. Certainly got her head screwed on right!
Wow … I’m new here, so I don’t know the background of Amanda. And maybe this is supposed to be funny. But Amanda frightens me. I think I might have wet my pants … just a little
That is hysterical!
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee!
Does this mean we should all go away? Has Amanda ever watched the Apprentice?
A very amusing story!
I have an Amanda… her name is Haley.
Luckily I haven’t been banished… yet…
You are such a delightful interlude to my boring days.
Thanks.
I’m with Lori…Amanda frightens me. I am reminded of creepy ghost story children who are too precocious and dole out predictions of doom. If this had been a Stephen King story, your mom would have quite literally disappeared. In fact…I think he wrote a short story with similar context…
Just to be contrary, I’d have told her “I’m not going anywhere and you can’t make me.”
Oh my gosh!!! That’s hilarious.
Wow, I’m not alone here! Amanda freaked me out.
Her sense of power is awfully advanced for a two year old.
when i was little, that story would have been told to my mom, she would have said excuse me, excused everyone from the roomi was in, grabbed me by the back of the arm/ear, and whispered, ever so quietly, “if you ever speak to an adult like that again, you will be very sorry”. and i if i dared back talk, i would have been scowled at, told “you are in big trouble”, and at the very least gotten the bejesus scared out of me when we left…but there is a good chance i would have gotten the dreaded wooden spoon when we got home. rarely physically touched with it, the very threat of it left me quivering in my booties.
her mom might want to invest in a wooden spoon. but, on an adult note, i completely concur with you about the need for a bell to ring, and i also concur with the previous commenter that my favorite escape is when i shut down my mobile.
My version is a simple “Poof”, and I make a signal with my hand. I disappear folks all the time. Their being may still be there, but I convicnce myself that the beings and their annoying wants have no affect on me. It’s magic. Bless Amanda for adopting this practice so early!
And for those who think this child is disrespectful and out of line, lighten up. She is 3. (does the half make a substantial difference for the expectation>?) She has imagination and she rocks!
Oops. 2.5. Wow. Not even three.
I think a wooden spoon is a bit–over board. I have a three year old and all sorts of interesting, independent thoughts come out of her mouth…I wouldn’t punish her for it…goodness.
I agree! Respect is one thing, but at three years old, beating a kid for being quirky seems a bit… well, unhinged.
late commenter, but I have to say I *love* that child. As far as correcting her power, I hate that ppl think “respect for adults” means kids have to be around someone they don’t like, or put up with hugs, kisses, etc. that make them feel uncomfortable. That’s a set up for abuse or at least a lifetime of not expressing “negative” feelings. Hurray for her creative way of saying, “I don’t want to be with you right now”.