A Quick Prologue:
Frankly, I don’t know how the drug-lovin’ creative types do this. One little narcotic and not only is it hard to spell, but these little black keys start to lose all meaning after a few minutes of staring at them through my Vicodin fog. Next week is going to have to be Red Ribbon Week around here. I’m going to have a hard time remembering things – like, what to do with a fork – if I keep this up.
Acknowledgements:
Thanks to everyone for their thoughtful emails, comments and phone calls. And to my surgeon for being very quick and gentle. And for having a vague idea who the other Heather Hunter is. Always a good ice breaker. And to Stephanie for being the best damn toof recovery sitter ever. Ever.
Chapter 1: The Food
I’d already stocked my fridge with things like pudding and Jell-o and stacked cans of non-chunky Campbell’s soups in preparation for what was sure to be a very food unfriendly mouth. And when Stephanie returned from picking up my prescriptions, bless her heart, she had a Gracie’s Diner survival kit. Hot soup, soft bread, mashed potatoes and… genius of all genius… stuffing. Thanksgiving stuffing.
No one ever suspects the Thanksgiving stuffing, but it is the perfect toof recovery food. Warm, mushy (but we’re not talking Gerber here), and savory. If I could have smiled with more than half a mouth, I woulda. It was heaven.
Chapter 2: The Entertainment
When picking up supplies at Duane Reade (gauze, water bottle with sport top, ice packs), I grabbed a magazine to complement the reading selections by my bed. Also, Netflix had failed to deliver, so I was left to my in-house supply. Here are the picks:
Vanity Fair: Good for pictures, which is the only reason I ever buy magazines. Especially when I’m under the weather, a good Ooooh, pretty! is all I really need.
Lulu Dark Can See Through Walls: The novel by darling Bennett Madison is a young adult mystery with spunk. Think Clueless not Nancy Drew. If you are or ever were a teenage girl or even if you can’t relate at all but enjoy a good snark and a bit of mystery, this book is a gem. Order it online at Barnes & Noble. You don’t even need to have your chompers yanked to do it!
Shrek, Steel Magnolias and Billy Madison: I laughed, I cried, I drifted in and out of sleep. Two groggy thumbs up.
Chapter 3: The Patient
Obviously, I didn’t die. But the Valium didn’t work, and in my wide-awakeness, I did freak out internally just a little bit. But only a little bit. Frozen gauze, ice packs and ibuprofen and I have very little visible swelling. Slightly rounder cheeks make me look younger, if anything. And since when do we complain about that? The drugs have been stellar, and so far, aside from an aching jaw (oh my God was my mouth open wide for the surgery. I didn’t even know it could do that!), there’s been very little pain. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have separation anxiety when I trade in my Vicodin for Ibuprofen to go to work tomorrow. But generally speaking, I survived Tuesday, Toof Day without too much trauma. I am a champ!
Bring on the natural childbirth!
An Even Quicker Epilogue:
No, no. Just kidding. I love drugs. Epidural, please.
Excellent blog Heather. I find I check on you just about every day. Glad your surgery went well. I did that about 5 years ago and they had to cut one out of my jaw and fill the hole with synthetic bone dust (they mentioned bovine bone dust, but surely not!).
Just pray you don’t get dry socket. It hurts like a mad mofo.
Speedy recovery, and remember once you do the natural chidbirth thing, your new favorite drug beginning with V will be Valium. They don’t call it “Mother’s Little Helper for Nuttin.’”
Feel better!
How is it possible that you and your fans could be so consumed with the act of getting your wisdom teeth pulled? I mean for gods sake, a thousand people probably have it done every day, and they dont feel the need to document it as if they just had a heart transplant.
And yes, i have had my wisdom teeth pulled, i drove myself there and home, and managed to make it through recovery without a “toof recovery sitter”. And yeah yeah, if i dont like it why dont i go elsewhere, blah blah. I guess its become a psychological study for me. while the bloggers themselves amaze me (for the fact that they feel that anyone would be interested in reading about everyday events in their life), their fans, who are consumed by reading about someone elses orinary life events, amaze me even more.
I bet someday psychologists will look back on the blog era and have a field day trying to determine what the hell caused the slide of society into this sad/pathetic state of affairs.
Glad everything went well and you’ve been having a good recovery. Sounds like some really good ideas for how to take care of yourself. Good on’ya!
H…you are the best…no matter what “Amazed” says…we love you…yes Ma’am we do
hope you have a great day @ work…maybe the co-workers will not seem to be trying their damn best to get on your last nerve…
when I visit New York…I am going to look you up…maybe you could show me the town…
until next time…
Amazed,
Fish’s writings about the ordinary (that is how you spell the word) is what makes her blog so attractive. She shares; we relate.
I’m sure comment and commenter analysis will be included in that psychological study, too! Is it jealousy? Is it boredom?
You’re fabulous, Fish.
well, i’m personally Amazed at your stellar writing and would smoooch you on the cheek if they both weren’t swollen and ‘blogs will be ‘blogs, and welcome to fish’s arena, which is part-n-parcel of the first amendment, at least i think it’s the first amendment, you go girl.
I think you’ve got the right idea with the drugging…although in my case – the last time I took Vicodin – I was not work-worthy for several days. It tends to make me think that other people’s experiences are my own.
And drink lots of water and most importantly – call on your neighborfriends for help
it sounds real strange but get a tea bag remove the stringie hangie thingee and shove that back where that ole toof use ta be. It is a natural painkiller. Feel better soon! hugs
don’t over do it. i had very little swelling right after the procedure. then i went and helped a friend move the next afternoon. the next morning i woke up and it looked like i had a mouthful of marbles. keep the ice on it as much as possible the first day or two. that’s my advice.
Amazed, ya know what drives me nuts? How did Andy Rooney get that gig? And Bill O’Reilly – who cares what he thinks? And what about all those comedians, just talking about their lives? Or better yet – sitcoms! FAKE lives!! How do they get away with it??
Fish – glad it went well.
What’s the matter Amazed? Do you have a blog and no one reads it???
I’m wondering when I have to deal with my wisdom teeth. Must remember the stuffing. Feel better, H.
I’ve had 8 teeth removed.
I feel your pain.
The thing is, while nobody needs a recovery sitter, it’s nice to have friends who care enough to hang out when you’re not feeling so hot. Seriously, why strip life of the things that make it worth living? I’m just sorry Amazed doesn’t have friends to drive him places.
Must be tough being the lonliest hardass in town.
omg i so failed, i didn’t even lend you a book or dvd or something! must remember to treat you to several free mimosas at next brunch.
i’m AMAZED that some people find the need to piss all over other people’s parade. we love miss fish.
and congrats on the stellar wisdom teeth pulling.
ps-and thanks for making me a little braver about the whole ordeal.
I’m glad you’re OK, but please just admit that the biggest benefit of your oral surgery was being able to liberally use “toof” in your blog. Before I applaude your useage, let us go over the rules for useage:
toof: and single tooth
teef: all of them
teece: all of them if they are gold, as in I gots to get some gold teece, playa!
My favorite episode of Jerry Springer (I know. Who has a favorite episode?) was this woman getting upset because her boyfriend wanted the gold tooth back he’d bought for her. Her reply,
“There must be some confusement up in here. This be my ENGAGEMENT toof!”
So awesome.
When I had mine out, it was the aching in the sides of my mouth that got me more than the pain from the sites of removal. They never warn you what having your jaw opened wide for hours will do to ya.
Dear Amazed,
The fact that one thousand people have their wisdom teeth out every day is why thousands of people are reading this blog. It’s something they can relate to. In story writing it’s known as a universality.
Fish – glad you’re on the road to recovery.
Eek – done the wisdom tooth thing but don’t know bout natural childbirth!
So relieved to hear it wasn’t as horrible as you were expecting. Your recount put my mind at ease a little but I’m still sort of freaking out about getting mine out next weekend. I hope AMAZED doesn’t read my toofless entry next weekend.
That’s why people enjoy your writing, Heather, everyone can relate to it. Driving oneself to and from the hospital is a guy thing. I should know, I’ve done it myself. Toasted my corneas while welding without eye protection (genius!), and then hours later when i could neither keep eyes open or closed for more than a few seconds, decided to get something done about it. Ever try to drive while alternating eyes every 5 seconds…while wearing sunglasses at 2 am? Don’t try this at home, kids, I’m a trained professional idiot. I concur on the vicodin, it’s good stuff. Good luck with your recovery.
Well in a way it’s a blessing not to be put under–I was groggy for a week when I had my wisdom teeth removed! So I spent spring break my sophomore year of college reading for western civ while lounging on my parents couch, which may have also helped to put me to sleep.
i just had 9 teeth removed under GA as well. (4 wisdom, 4 for braces, and 1 extra.) just thought i’d get it all done at once.
first 2 days are bad but it just gets better from there
take care.
I saved my wisdom teeth thinking I would make a creepy necklace out of them. That brought the phrase “dental jewelry” to mind, which made me think of the Live album. I still have that bag of teeth somewhere.
I don’t have to tell you that’s gross, right?
Yay for Fish! Lucky that you got to stay awake. I got put under and woke up in the middle of the extraction (don’t you love how they use that word? ex-trac-tion. so serious.). Anyway, they had to super-drug me to put me down again, and when I woke up, I was laughing hysterically, couldn’t move my arms, and drooling like there was no tomorrow (of course, I have no recollection of this and had to be “refreshed” on my behavior once I snapped out of the haze three days later). And I also have a beautiful dentist. Who I haven’t visited since.
Rest up!
I’m still recovering from having two root canals in one week and then fighting off a massive infection in my mouth from the surgery that had me taking anitbiotics like vitamins, which then gave me the beloved yeast infection that we women adore. On top of that, it gave me week-long diahrrea and caused spotting a week before my period. I feel your pain… in fact, I feel the pain of about 25 grown men. Hang in there.
“dental jewelry”…oh my…no ma’am…lmao
An engagement toof! Now that really keeps on giving!
You’re brave to have stayed awake for the “extraction.” I was knocked out for mine. They always say that when you wake up you can say and do really embarassing things, but I prefer to believe I conducted myself in a very ladylike manner on awakening.
Anyway, enjoy the movies and magazines and relaxation as much as possible!
heather- good for you. you got that toof fing outta da way. hope you are feeling better by now. take care. -gregg
Arctic Teacher, thanks for the spell check, and i apologize for the error. I will certainly include analysis of comments and commenter, and i will start with the people that tell Fish that she is their hero for making it through such life changing events as wisdom tooth extraction (or for having the bravery to stand proudly while her skirt is lifted up by the wind).
I guess my time spent reading the blog is a combination of boredom, train wreck syndrome, and the challenge of trying to figure out why someone would post about their trips to the dentist, and more importantly why a complete stranger would find such content so compelling.
God bless freedom of speech!
My advice? Stay away from corn, peas, and things like that for at least a month. My mouth was fine, I had it really easy after my wisdom teeth came out.
The problem was, that I ate corn. The corn got stuck in the holes, and before I knew it I was back at the dentist’s complaining about the pain in my mouth. They pulled out seven (yes, seven) pieces of corn from the hole by where my mouth was hurting.
So, to stay away from pain, stay away from corn for a while.
I also hope you have a speedy recovery.
Ok, true confessions time…
When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, they gave me some kind of amnesia drug. I would be awake, but have no memory of it. I decided that I would video tape it, and while they thought it was a bit strange, they agreed. Unfortuatly, as the seditive was kicking in, the nurse backed into the tripod and knocked my camera over. I jumped out of the chair to set it up again, but I was still connected by various tubes. I did manage to put it back together I think. I stopped the tape after the proceedure and the camera fell apart in my hands. I still have the tape, but I’ve never been able to look at it. Due to the fact that there are various other illegal activities recorded on the same tape, I’m hesitant to lend it to someone to record for me. So I’ve never seen it.
I also kept my wisdom teeth. I couldn’t bare the thought of them in the garbage.
Come on people, don’t feed the trolls.
The use of the word “toof” is a little annoying.
I’m so friggin’ freaked out by the dentist I can’t stand it. I’d prefer to be knocked out three days before and three days after.
This blog has become mediocre, dull, boring, uninteresting. Your prose is carefully constructed, but honey, you need to take more risks with the content. If you want to make money, why not write columns for dumb-ass women’s magazines? I’ve pulled your blog from my list because I realize you’re not going to be writing anything meaningful here any time soon. Maybe you should hurry up and fulfill your dream of marriage so you can stop blogging your silly angst?
Wait a minute. If I remember correctly, you were “all done” with this blog months and months ago. At least twice.
I do hope this time makes it official.
heather- i am amused by your musings. life is what happens while we’re waiting for the A train to arrive. blogging is writing about the trials and tribulations of standing on the platform. you do it well with poise and dignity. not that it matters what I say, but I thought you might be pleased to know anyway. meaningfulness is so relative and blase’. by the way, using toof works for me. -gregg
When I got my wisdom teeth out, they didn’t put me to sleep either…but they gave me sedatives. Not valium, but ativan…which is the stuff they use to knock out psychiatric patients and people having seizures! Suffice it to say that I don’t remember much of it! I had your same problem with my jaw being forced open for a long time, I actually had more pain in my jaw than in the sockets! I’m glad you’re on the mend.
‘Twas my pleasure, though I should have stuck around for the stuffing… right, like I need any more of that! We’ll have to celebrate recovery properly… like a day in our sweats watching Pride & Prejudice… what? You thought I was going to say adult beverages, didn’t you? That was a given.
Getting two of mine out tomorrow- the day before Thanksgiving- thanks for the heads up on stuffing! Actually thanks to many of you on the info on sedatives, healing, etc.