I met Rich at a party a little under a year ago, and the attraction was immediate. He was nice-looking and funny and after our initial flirtation-filled conversation… all but mute. And every single time we run into each other, it’s the same story.
“He’s so cute and he never talks — which is like KRYPTONITE for me. I just want to molest him!”
Sarah and I were having a late afternoon dish session, and boys are on our top ten list of things to talk about (somewhere after wine and risotto and before favorite Little House on the Prairie episodes).
“Ooooh, I love him already!”
“He’s all mysterious and broody, “I said, thinking about the last time I’d bumped into him at an East Village bar. “He’ll ask me a question and then once I answer, just nod and go back to concentrating on his beer. What is that? That’s not conversation!”
“How old is he? What’s he like? Details!”
“I dunno. Twenty-seven, twenty-eightish?”
I don’t know what she was expecting. How am I supposed to know anything about the guy if we don’t talk? Beyond seeing that he enjoys awkward silences and pale ales, I was at a loss.
“Ooh, but you know, come to think of it, he talks to other people. Just not to me.” I frowned, on the verge of a pout. “Why is that? I’m nice!”
“Well, duh!”
“What? Are you suggesting this is modern pigtail pulling? No way. Not at this age. We talk to the folks we like!”
“Heather, as much as we would like to pretend we’re all mature now, that’s a big fat joke. I would guess that he likes you and is nervous!”
“HA! Good. I don’t talk to him either. Because He makes me nervous.”
Maybe I should just push him down on the playground and kick him in the ribs a few times. Seems like it’d be just as productive. And maybe I’d get my hair pulled in return.
Heh.
heather- confirming your suspicion. when I had trouble talking to a girl it was ‘cuz I was nervous; even at 27 years old. most women seem to be really turned off by this nervous silence. you must really like him
LHOTP! Last week, for the first time in about 20 years, I watched Little House. It was like another dimension, to think how much I used to love that show. Also, I realized the root of my modern-day Pottery Barn fixation – at least half the stuff on the set can be found in the first 30 pages of the catalogue.
Don’t you hate this? I dated a man like that once. Drove me nuts.
Turns out, though, he actually wasn’t all that interesting when he finally opened up…
Then pretty soon you’ll be just like Peas and Carrots – a la Forest Gump! I’ve gotten to be such a bitch in my old age, I’d probably just come out and ask him – do you like me or would you rather avoid me like the plague?
“Little House…” i just yesterday bought dvd seasons 1-8 on amazon. i LOVE that series. and it’ll be on in five minutes, so i must go.
i definitely find it easier to talk to girls i’m not particularly interested in dating. i am a fairly interesting guy and good at keeping up my end of the conversation but so scared of a pause in the momentum i tend to jibber-jabber which doesn’t represent who i am at all and tends to put the kaibosh on the deal anyway. but, i can’t do the silent thing because..hell, you got to try right? i am 28 years old and will die alone. well there might be some hospital staff and family,etc. but you get my drift. you see. jibber-jabber. it’s what happens when left to my own devices.
Oh, Fish…This was just what I needed. Thank you. Oh, Fish…This was just what I needed. Thank you. Oh, Fish…This was just what I needed. Thank you. Oh, Fish…This was just what I needed. Thank you.
I never knew not talking to someone was cool. I am the master of awkward silences.
p.s. as i’m sure you know, hair pulling can be great fun…
> And maybe I’d get my hair pulled in return.
dirty!
Wow, I could so be the awkward silent type in my mid-twenties. I always put too much build up into how I was going to tell the woman of my affections I liked her, or deciding what might be the best approach for the first kiss. Of course I was married once too, so to be dating again was just unplanned for and my confidence was shaken for a while.
At 29, I finally had to force myself to be “forward” again. You know, like asking a woman if she would like to go out to dinner or going for the kiss, even if it meant going down in a great ball of fire. You know, a basic ” kick the tires and light the fires, I’m going in boys” approach. Life is just too short to torture myself with the what-ifs today.
The tall silent ones are my weakness! Even though I’ve dated the talkies, always, ALWAYS in the corner of my eye is the quiet guy in the corner, who says enough to show his wit and is silent enough to show his intelligence. It’s a fine line, but I tell you – it’s intoxicating!
and YES, I’m currently dating one of those silent types – and the hair pulling? UH-HUH. *coy smile*
hahahaha…careful that is how my husband and I got together!! :> Doncha love it! I love the strong silent types!
Heh!
This happened to me and a girl years ago. First time I met her, I was “WHOA!!!”
Hm, both intelligent, confident, good conversationalists, fun and up for a bit of a giggle.
And following initial helloes, virtually silent when left alone together.
I couldn’t work it out either.
Our mutual female friends informed me about a year later that she was as crazy about me as I was about her.
Didn’t help. We spent several months KNOWING it, and desperately trying and failing to get over the hurdle that had been created over months of mute mutual appreciation.
We broke the spell about ANOTHER year later.
Being VERY drunk together helped. Why not give it a try?
Very fun post to read once again Fish.
The tall silent one’s get me every time.
I’m right there with the guys that have posted. I can get very shy and quiet sometimes with a girl that I like. What I’ve learned about myself, is at that point, I’ve moved into my head instead of my heart. Overthinking things, telling myself to come up with something witty or interesting to say. Only to end up saying nothing. I think too many have slipped away as a result. So what I am trying to do is keep it in the heart and just say what I feel. I know who I am, I know what i have to offer and if I speak from the heart, that will come through. No matter what silly thing might come out of my mouth.
To quote a somewhat lame line from SITC, sometimes when somebody doesn’t talk to you it’s because he’s just not that into you…. It’s not personal; he just has no taste. Guy I got reaquainted with after 20-something years of not seeing him was more interested in an audience for his own overestimated brilliance than in even being friends. When they like you, they find ways to show it, whether they’re silent or not….
The expert on dating (HA!) knows a little about this. Sure, it’s easy to talk to a woman that we’re not interested in, but when we actually LIKE her, our brains turn to jello. Mark Twain said “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” What he forget to tell us is that sometimes we need to be the fool. I say you should, as you put it “molest him.” I’m sure he won’t protest
Ha I always remember back to when I liked a boy in 6th grade and would kick him while waiting for the bus because I didn’t know how to talk to him. Sad thing is, now sometimes, at 25, I feel like I still need to kick those boys!
It took me six months to get my now live-in boyfriend to talk to me. I’m glad he finally opened up.
I prescribe tequila. Or prosecco and illicit sushi…
I save my illicit sushi and prosecco escapades for you, Tanya.
Once upon a time there was a man who wouldn’t speak. He knew how to, but he also knew that if he did the world would end, and so he remained silent. Some accepted his silence and some took it as a challenge. Occasionally some of those who took it badly tried to force him to speak. Threats, bribes, seduction, reason, nothing worked because he knew: if he spoke, the world would end. And so it went until one fine spring day in the middle of his years. She was a friend, one of those who had always seemed to accept him as he was. “Won’t speak, huh?” she said. He shook his head. She placed her strong hand on his brow and asked “Not even for truth?” He shook his head. She placed her strong hand over his heart and asked “Not even for beauty?” He shook his head. She placed her strong hand over his groin and asked “Not even for passion?” He shook his head but smiled as he did so because he knew where this was going.
She took a step back put her hands on her hips and stared at him for a very long time. And he, who was so comfortable with his own silence, became uneasy with hers. He shrugged and turned to walk away, and as he did so she whispered “Not even for love?” and kicked him as hard as she could in the ass. “Ow!” he said.
And the world ended.
And a new one began.
Wrote this to impress a girl, didn’t work.
Potential NYE kiss, perhaps? You’d need to work fast. Sarah is spot-on. He digs you, but is obviously shy, or very conceited, in not offering any convo.
Tease.
or, he could just be heeding that old addage: “You have two ears and one mouth, so you should listen twice as much as you talk”
I think he suffers from the shyness brought on by being in the presence of one we’re in like with, and worried words will muddle things up so choose instead to speak little… I suffer from the same.
My second grade boyfriend Jamie tackled me in the playground one day, pinned me down and tried to kiss me. I punched him in the face and ran. I bet if you do that to shy boy, he won’t react as I did. Good luck! Sounds like you need to make the first move.
This happened to me awhile ago but we were both 20. He made a coworker talk to me to see how I felt… I should have taken that as a weird sign but I didn’t. Now I’m in a friendship with a guy I am interested in (I think) but we never discuss relationships or dating. My only conclusion is that guys are weird. At all ages.
I dated an attorney who didn’t talk. It was the most awkward situation… he was adorable, but mute.
Needless to say, we didn’t last very long.
Silent is both frustrating and attractive. And, yes, I still kick and pinch to get attention (or some verbal version anyway).
hey fish, I really do enjoy reading you! about this boy: if he is kryptonite and you are supergirl, you might not belong together, he could destroy some of your powers?
good to know there are girls out there with a weakness for the strong, silent types.
Maybe he knows that what he says will end up being read by thousands of people.
hey, if not it would just be fun and it would get out your agressions about him.
That’s just silly.
Look, if a guy likes you, he should talk to you. I know that when *I* meet someone I like, I immediately start to argue with them, and that, in a hypocritical way, I enjoy the tension that comes from that kind of flirting…
… But if he’s not talking to you? Sure, it COULD mean that he’s intimidated by you or that he’s shy or maybe that he got his larynx removed in the last three days due to a freak karaoke accident… OR, it could mean that he’s just not interested and doesn’t really want to talk to you that much.
My advice, four years late as I can see, but I’ll submit it for anyone else who finds themselves in this position, is that if you’re sighing after one of the “strong, silent types”, don’t go shopping for your wedding dress just yet. I’ve watched my friends run through silent type after silent type after silent type, and as far as I’ve seen, NONE of them have turned out to actually be Mr. Darcy in disguise. Just not really that interested.