When I came to, there were tears streaming down my cheeks.
“Heather?”
I stared at the face saying my name. She had to be a nurse, but I hadn’t seen her before. I blinked hard at her and other faces swam into view. The doctor. Goldner’s mom. I’d been dreaming something. But what?
“How long have I been out?”
“Seconds, only. Are you alright, sweetie?”
“I’m so hot…” and before the word hot was out of my mouth, there was a cup of cold water in my right hand. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying.”
“Honey, don’t apologize.”
I wiped away tears with the back of my hand. As I set the water down, I could feel the heat rise up into my face, perspiration forming on my temple. Sweat ran down my back.
Everything went black again.
Later, both the doctor and Mrs. G would tell me they’d never seen anything like it. Fainting dead away, eyes open, arms pinned to my body, seized up tight. Twice.
I’d gone in to the doctor’s office early that afternoon. Nothing serious – just a sore throat and a mild fever – but the way things go at work, I can’t afford to let it get much worse.
I emailed G after lunch and within ten minutes, Mrs. Goldner, who so conveniently works in an internist’s office in my neighborhood, had worked a little magic and squeezed me in.
No one could have predicted the fainting.
No one can really explain it, either. I’d eaten a good lunch. My fever was down. None of the subsequent blood tests revealed anything off. Though, oddly, minutes before I passed out, the doctor asked me my age and I didn’t know. Twenty-eight? No, wait… twenty-seven? Inwardly, I was upset at being so confused. But we made a few jokes about early signs of senility and went on. One minute I’m sitting, talking to the nurse and the next, I’m waking up bawling.
I couldn’t see, I could hear properly, and I was scared. And after that wore off… really, really embarrassed.
When I came around the second time, it was even harder to push back the blackness. I was fighting to stay conscious. I can’t see. Nurses fanned at me with folders and stroked my arm. Shhh. You’re okay. I blinked several more times and as the faces became more clear, I asked to lie down.
“Ah, look. Your color’s coming back. For a while, you were the same shade as your pretty white teeth.”
Water, tea, a cookie and a forty minute rest later, I was feeling a little more like myself. Confused and shaken, but otherwise fine. And now, a few hours after the whole ordeal, I’m still not really sure what happened.
Whatever that was, it sure makes a girl think twice about cracking off-handed fainting couch jokes, I tell you.
How odd! And yet, how fortunate that you were AT a doctor’s office, with people you know. Sorry you had a little drama, but glad you are ok, and weren’t alone. (Perfect excuse to eat icecream, in my book!)
Now when you write that fainting scene in your novel, you’ll know exactly how to describe the sensation.
Feel better.
my daughter has vasovascular syncope – have your doctor check to see if this could be the cause. hope you feel better
yikes! feel better!
Feel better and take care of yourself.
hmmm. just…hmmm. get well; that doesn’t sound right for a twenty-eight-year-old healthy woman. and i hope you don’t faint when you’re here down south soon! (p.s. hope to see ya’ll when you’re here!)
cheese! make that “…a twenty-seven-year-old woman…”!!! ooops.
Do you think that this woman (Maria?) looks anything like you???
Low iron levels? or maybe in need of a holiday … a nice relaxing week in Bora Bora?
ugh, you poor thing. there’s nothing like feeling ill or such and not knowing what’s wrong. get some rest!!
Ooh, how scary…Glad you’re ok!
i fainted once. i had to get a shot in my hip. the nurse told me sometimes people react funny. i scoffed and told her shots never bother me. flash forward a few minutes and they were running smelling salts under my nose and i was covered in cold sweat. i remember the tunnel vision and an overwhelming sense of just giving up. it was kinda cool/kinda scary. the human body can be a weird and fickle instrument. i hope that this was just some fluke thing and not something more serious. take it easy. feel better.
You flu sounds lots like the one I have – I passed out too, but only once. Hope you’re feeling better.
I’ve been reading your archived entries from ’02-03. Always lovely, often heartbreaking, sometimes eerily familiar. Book deals apparently mean fcuk all.
As for your fainting adventure – unless it happens again, I wouldn’t worry. Though I’m sure people will come up with all sorts of helpful suggestions. Medical dramas are very popular now, everyone thinks they’ve missed their calling.
Low blood sugar? You start shaking, chilled; get real nervous and scared just before you pass out. It sometimes happens spontaneously.
I have been reading your blog for over a year now and I love the way you write. I really hope you’re doing ok. Hope it’s one of those things that happen once and then never again.
Take care, Fish, take care.
Fish, I have a similar problem whenever I get sick.
It started once when I was actually in the emergency room for a stomach problem I was having. I was perfectly fine, albeit in pain, one moment, and got up of my own volition to go to the bathroom, dragging my IV behind me. I was alone in the bathroom when things started spinning. Managed to make it into the hallway, where my husband and a nurse were able to catch me before hitting the cold hard linoleum.
I was checked in for more tests on the stomach thing, they having dismissed the fainting spell as a fluke, when it happened again. Almost identical circumstances – trip to bathroom.
The doctors were clueless, but two very smart nurses (Yay, nurses!) figured it out. They took my blood pressure lying down. Perfectly normal. They stood me up, arms under mine to keep me upright. Took bp again, and it had plummetted. For no apparent reason.
It’s not that big a deal. Just have to be careful where you land, is all.
How scary. I hope you feel better soon.
hope you’re feeling better and find out what is wrong!
got stitches once when i was younger… two of them. two little stitches. passed out cold when it was over. those 30 seconds i was out felt like a month. best sleep of my entire life!!
That had to be so scary fish. I’m glad you were in the company of good friends and caring nurses when it happened. I hope it is nothing serious. Maybe all this being sad and then your body literally giving out is your body and mind’s way of saying, slow down Heather I need to rest a while. Mental stress can be just as harmful to your body as any physical abuse you could do to it.
I saw the video this morning for the song by Daniel Powder “Bad Day” and even the video has a happy ending, so don’t give up hope. I hope you feel better soon.
Oh wow! Take care…sounds worrisome.
Hope you are feeling better! It’s scary to think how many ways there are for the body (and mind) to betray us.
Oh Heather! I’m sorry- that sounds awful.
I hope you’re feeling better. I’ll ask the doctor/husband, when he gets home from the hospital, if he can figure out a reason for your fainting.
Oh hon! I hope you’re better soon. No more fainting, K?
When I was nine I had a Grand Mal seizure–just once I fell to the ground near our Suburban, and shook for a few moments. I woke up my parents, in shock, rushed me to appointments for an MRI and a few brain wave tests–which all showed that I was perfectly normal and healthy. Then we found out that my impressionable young brain had a sympathy seizure because my DOG WAS AN EPILEPTIC POODLE (who can make this stuff up?). So I’m writing to say, that strange, strange things happen to the body for unexplainable reasons, and I hope that this is a one time freak occurance.
Wow, that’s scary. Take care of yourself. I’ve fainted a few times before and it’s always really freaky. I hope you feel better soon and don’t have to deal with fainting again!
what a scary experience. i hope you never have it happen again. take care.
It’s probably just cause my momma cold-cocked you when you wasn’t lookin’.
She does that sometimes. You know, just to keep people on their toes.
Whoa. Totally scary! Hope you’re feeling better.
Goldner cracks my shit up!
hi fish – sounds really scary. Be safe and stay around people who can take care of you until you’re back at 100%
we’re all thinking of you
m
Take care you….
And G – can you get me an appointment for a cold-cocking this afternoon?
was it low blood pressure too? have you hydrated yourself enough?
that’s horrible. hope you’re feeling better.
My blood pressure was perfect just moments before the fainting. I’d had a bunch of vitamin water at lunch. They can really find no reason. Other than Goldner’s mom and her right hook.
I fainted once, on my first trip to the “Women’s Doctor.” My mother insisted I go because I told her that my boyfriend and I were thinking about having sex (we were 17).
Turns out my mom is pretty smart…I stayed a virgin for quite some time after the fainting incident.
All humor aside, I know everyone hopes you are okay. Get better and keep writing, many of us look forward to reading this blog.
The fainting thing happened to me a few times. Once in church when I was 15, and my mom said it had to do with “being a lady.” Once at the dance hall (i went to Oklahoma State, we all went to Tumbleweed) when I, 19, had one drink and not much to eat all day; another time, 23, at the bar when I had pigged out and was slightly tipsy.
I went to the doctor, and she said I had low iron levels. But not significantly low levels.
The most recent time was last year, at 26, when I fainted twice in a row. We blamed that one on some really good pot and a few too many beers. My doctor friend, who conveniently was with me, said I just needed to not indulge in everything offered.
So none of it makes sense. I just try to take my vitamins, and give a heads up to my friends that I sometimes faint, and if I start flailing, catch me.
Love your blog!
How scary! Glad you’re OK, though. I had a couple of those during my bad dieting days – attributed to poor electrolyte balance (cured with Gatorade) and standing up too fast (poor hydration).
Either that, or you have a case of the Tiggers: bouncing too much (the blood gets lost about when it’s supposed to go where)! How scary! Glad you’re OK, though. I had a couple of those during my bad dieting days – attributed to poor electrolyte balance (cured with Gatorade) and standing up too fast (poor hydration).
Either that, or you have a case of the Tiggers: bouncing too much (the blood gets lost about when it’s supposed to go where)! How scary! Glad you’re OK, though. I had a couple of those during my bad dieting days – attributed to poor electrolyte balance (cured with Gatorade) and standing up too fast (poor hydration).
Either that, or you have a case of the Tiggers: bouncing too much (the blood gets lost about when it’s supposed to go where)! How scary! Glad you’re OK, though. I had a couple of those during my bad dieting days – attributed to poor electrolyte balance (cured with Gatorade) and standing up too fast (poor hydration).
Either that, or you have a case of the Tiggers: bouncing too much (the blood gets lost about when it’s supposed to go where)!
Hope you feel better!!
Fainting is so scary because you never really know exaclty what happened in those few instants. I hope you feel btter!
i hope all is well.
oh my gosh!!!! i hope everything turns out ok.
Oh my gosh Heather, I hope you’re okay! That must have been so scary for you!
God mami, I’m sorry to hear that, I hope you’re feeling better now, that had to be so scary… Just yesterday I watch my 6â5 boyfriend faint, and it was one of the most shocking things Iâve ever seen. He had gotten out of knee surgery, I guess he was still weak from the anesthesia, and the 4â5 Philippine nurse had helped him stand up. Two seconds later 10 nurses came out of nowhere as this giant boyfriend of mine was falling. I canât even explain how stressed I felt (I started crying) Now I confirm why I didnât become a doctor like my mom and sisters, I canât take those kinds of situations.
I’m an avid lurker and I felt bad to read about what happened. It was scary indeed. Hope you’re feeling better now!
I am an avid, lurker, too! I am not single, and am a mom, so am not like Fish, but this is the best blog, by far. It’s creative and well-written and heartfelt. iVillage should be counting its lucky stars it has you to draw in readers.
And no, I do not know, have never met, and am not related to Fish!
Fainting is really frightening. Please rest up and feel better and let us know you are OK!
I have had similar fainting/seizure activity for unknown reasons. We attributed them to a host of possibilities: Dehydration, heat, asthma, low blood pressure, etc..
There is nothing wierder than knowing you’re going down as the world starts to go dark, and you just hope you land somewhere soft.
I remember waking up after one and thinking I was at a baseball game or something. My friends were pretty freaked out and made me lie down the rest of the day.
Mucho embarassing… Good luck not having any more!
Fish, it’s so wierd because I read your blog earlier today and then this afternoon my sister actually had chest pains and passed out and the doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with her either. It’s so scary! I hope you feel better.
Dear lord that must have been frightening! I’m glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better though. Hope you’re fully recuperated soon!
I hope you feel better and soon! I’m thinking about you
Have a great day!
Muse
If only there were something cute and furry–aside from me–out there to make you feel better.
Don’t worry, Goldy, I was planning on telling the world that you and Rach went and built me a bear. In sports apparel.
H,
I can’t recall how I stumbled onto your blog the other day (which I’m very impressed that you’ve kept up for 3 1/2 years), but I read the last 5 posts or so. I have to tell you that your wit and intelligence and plain ol’ good writing have me hooked. Tonight, I started from the beginning and read thru Aug 14th, 2002. So now I know what was going on with you 3 1/2 years ago and what’s happened to you in the past 2 weeks, but know nothing of the events in between. I have no patience…… I need the info!!! I tried a nose wiggle…… nothing happened. I tried crossing my arms, holding them out in front of my body, and then snapping my head forward with my eyes tightly squished……. again nothing. Looks like I’m actually going to have to read 3 1/2 years worth of entries to find out what happened with J, and everything else in this fish’s life. Hmm, does that make it sound like this bicycle needs to get a life? C
Is it wrong that I’m laughing at the term “epileptic poodle”? I know its not funny per se, and at the same time. I chuckle each time I say it. Sounds like a great name for a band. Epileptic Poodle….with their opening band Parkinsons Pony.
Fish, glad you’re okay though. Dude, u f’n rock. Bring that ‘A’ game ovah here.
The most embarrassing thing is that the first time I almost fained the nurse, shorter then me (and I am kind tall) yelled:
“She’s going down” and another short nurse came running.
Now I can look back and laugh, but at the time it felt pretty yucky.
Feel better Fish!
WOW!
That would be quite scary. How are you now?
I’ve had the fainting spell cold once as well. It was two weeks before my wedding & I was SUPER stressed out on top of it all. So take it easy, get better, & enjoy your vacation!
~Carrie~
Just stumbled across your blog-and how interesting that the first entry I read was about you fainting. I’m 26 and I have a heart condition known as Long QT syndrome, and one of the symptoms is unexplained fainting spells. There are tons of young people walking around with this condition who don’t know it, and it can cause sudden cardiac arrest and death. Get thee to a cardiologist and get yourself checked out, just in case-it’s clear to me, even though I’ve only read a few entries so far, that we need you to stick around!
I gotta say, the best thing about this entry is that the writing is so vivid that everyone feels like they’re watching a movie of you going through it – it’s amazing how you do that.
And because no one else has said it:
“It’s not a toomah!”
Hi Heather I have been reading your blog for over a year but never responded. I had the same thing happen last year, I could hear people around me but my response was off the wall and I would faint for no apparent reason. They finally figured out that I had an infection that was nearly indetectable in my brain due to an ear infection. food for thought.
Take care, hope you feel better.
Hi Heather, hope you are feeling better.
Not to alarm you, but could it be anxiety-linked? I had a nasty anxiety attack last autumn, and the symptoms you describe are all the same, minus the fainting (alhtough I felt like I was going to faint any moment).
If you don’t post the masses will think you’re dead! My god woman!
Tell us more. Tell us more.
H,
It’s probably not normal behavior for someone who’s been reading your blog for one week, has never met you, and surely never will to be worried about you, but after your last entry and the recent lack of writing…….. well, I am. Would some M&Ms help….. maybe a visit from friends, B & J……. flowers?
GWS,
C
Sorry to hear about your episode. Sounds like your body is telling you in several ways; sadness, fainting, that all is not quite right. Maybe you should give yourself a rest. We’ll all still be here after you’re feeling better.
So I think you’re contagious, and obviously it spreads via internet! I read your blog on Friday; on Sunday I almost did it too. At church. Boy would that have taken the focus off of the homily since I was up at the altar!!
I had to leave and go sit outside, or I would have been flat on my back!
Knock Knock! Fish? Are you there? I’m in the middle of exams at university and I need my dose of honesty from ym favourite blogger. I hope you’re doing alright!
xoxo
Heather are you okay? You still haven’t blogged and Im getting worried. Is it worse? Is it better? Ahh I’m so worried I hope you are just not writing because you are too busy, let us know.
I hear stories like this and wonder why I spent half an hour trying to hold my breath when I was twelve so that I would pass out and miss Trig. Doesn’t sound as great as i thought it would be at the time haha
The one time I fainted, the scariest part was waking up and not being able to see. Eep! I’m glad you’re ok now.
I have fainted several times and more often as I get older (Im 33)- last was a few months ago, when I tripped up and fell on the pavement- I think it was just shock coupled with my low blood pressure.I have fainted at the dentist too when I was in the chair. But the worst was when I donated blood. They had momentarily put neeedles in both my arms as they had had trouble drawing out blood and I soon felt myself lose consciousness. I was in a french speaking country and as I kept coming round, losing consciousness and the coming round again, the nurse slapped me briskly across the cheek, exclaiming loudly, ‘luttez madame, luttez!’ which in french means ‘fight, lady, fight!’. It certainly didnt help!!!! I was told never to give blood again…. Dont worry about fainting. I always put my spells down to low blood pressure and tiredness or stress, and have learned not to get too freaked out when it happens.
my daughter gets vasovascular moments where her hands wont work from dehydration or shock, fear. I’m trying to find more info because if I get dehydrated I get shingles…way beyond the normal reaction. Just gooogled you…am new to internet so not sure what url is..hope i did it right.
i was surfing the web for vasovascular syncope and found this site randomly. i read your entry and got chills up my arms. the exact thing happened to me (not the doctors office part though!) i felt the same way…waking up and very afraid and you dont know whats going on.
this happened to me 4 times within 2 years, and my mother finally convinced me to go to the doctor about it. after alot of tests, they told me i had vasovascular syncope. you should really check this out, i wished i had known that there may have been something seriously wrong when it first happened.
im 20 now, all this started happening about 3 years ago. and just reading this just gives me the chills to remember the event. its hard to think back on it. but i remember waking up from a “dream” not remembering what it was, and looking at my fiance not knowing who he was. very scary stuff. i hope you got better and this never happens to you again.
but like i said, you mite want to ask a doctor about vasovascular syncope.
best of wishes!
-nikki
I found your blog here while searching on google for random things. I really like the way you write, and I hope you don’t mind if I keep reading!
Feel free to check out my livejournal, if you’d like.
Oh my gosh! That’s terrible! I pass out when I see blood, the real stuff. Horror flicks dont have any effect. When I was in second grade, my classmate Nick cut himself with a scalpel (we were dissecting frogs) And I saw the blood and felt really nausious and ran to the bathroom and passed out in the hallway. And there was a boy coming out of the bathroom who said I fainted with my eyes open. I didn’t stiffen up, I just kinda collapsed. I woke up pale as death and burning hot. I stood up too quickly and passed out again. By that time, my teacher had seen the nausious look on my face and brought me a bucket, but she made me stay on the floor for a few minutes. Strange. So strange. (oh and I passed out in a theatrical of “Carrie” at the final scene)