Twenty-two years ago, I chased Jared B. around the playground at Larsen School. When I caught him, I pushed him down. Then I wrote him a poem rhyming the words dove and love and gave it to him during silent reading.
Because I loved him and that’s how love goes when you are six.
Twelve years ago, I called Ryan R. every fifteen minutes for hours on end. And hung up every time. Incidentally, Ryan introduced me to the concept of Caller ID.
Love at fifteen is horrifying. That’s all there is to it.
Over the years, maturity (and necessity) have led me to refine my tactics. I stopped pushing boys around (except where appropriate), stalking and poem writing. I figured there were better ways at getting what I wanted.
So, in college I developed The Quiz. It wasn’t much more than an updated version of a note that you’d pass to your elementary school love. Only, there weren’t boxes for yes or no below the question regarding whether the object of your affection affectionately objectified you in return.
A sample letter could go something like this:
Dear David,
Do you want to go to Homecoming with me? Check one:
Yes!
Hell yes!
Other (please explain)Love,
Heather
There would be no box next to other. I was not stupid.
I’d forgotten about The Quiz until a few days ago when my kid sister sent it to a boy. A boy who she likes beyond reason. And the boy, it turns out, must like her beyond reason as well, because he answered Hell yes! to every single question. There will soon be a date and, if my imagination has anything to do with it, kisses and rings and babies and gold anniversaries.
I think my work here is done.
Just out of curiosity, how old is your sister? Very cute concept, btw!
Good for your sister. My boyfriend actually sent me a “will you be my girlfriend check yes or no” letter…in third grade. I said no.
we met up again 18 years later and I said yes.
You obviously were not part of the “At Seventeen” club, or you never would have had the courage to even ask a boy something like that….. We were the ones for whom “Do you want to go to Homecoming with me? Check one: Yes!
Hell yes! Other (please explain)” would have resulted in an “Other (please explain): Hell, no! Are you on drugs?”
[And yes, high school boys can be that cruel.....]
Runge? Wonder if he is still hot… I will be in NY in September, call we dine?
Katy
Totally Runge. He actually IS still cute. We emailed a bit a few years ago and he sent me a photo of himself in Prague with freakin’ Matt Damon. Still cute.
We shall dine! That would be so great!
Love it.
Don’t know if I’m even allowed here, but I poked my head in the door and saw your blog. You’ve got style and wit, and I’m looking for a great writer. I’m in San Diego…send me email, pls, gmcquerter@mcquerter.com
awwww. that’s just too damn cute.
(i think i’m going to make a quiz like that and send it to my fellow shortly, just bcos i want alot of “hell yes!!s in return!!) hehehehehehehhee.
Hahaha! Love it
Love the letter concept. I wish I had that much courage at fifteen!
Good luck to baby fish. I hope her date goes well and hope to hear of an update.
See, that’s what the girls who were crushing on me in high school (and there were a few, but I went to a huge high school) should have done. Because I was so totally clueless that anything more subtle than that went straight over my head.
HA I just sent Kevin an email the other day saying “Do you still love me? _yes _no.” It still works – multiple choice is definitely the way to go.
If things go as planned, just make sure that she takes the field trip to Planned Parenthood until the “rings and babies” part!
I’m so sending my crush a letter now! He better say hell yeah or else I’m chasing him around the playground and shoving his face in the dirt.
I got one of those when I was a kid. But being a cruel child, I tore it up in class in front of him and all our peers. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe that’s where my bad relationship karma stems from.
That was so cute. I wish her the best of luck in this budding romance. Tee hee!
“I stopped pushing boys around (except where appropriate), stalking and poem writing….
Um, I think I’ve spotted where you went wrong.
ah, the quiz. don’t you think it would be so much easier sometimes if that was how we did things as adults? no sticky conversations, no tentative uncertainty, just simple yes or no questions. (and i’m glad the kid was smart enough to pick “hell, yes!”)
I love that idea! I am 27 and just asked a guy out on a date for the first time. I know I’m such a nut! I have always been way to scared to do that, but I just reached deep down and found my spine and did it, and he said YES!!!
I don’t know why I didn’t do this sooner. It’s so empowering!
So is love the reason you’re always wailing on me?
That is genius. I should never have given the “no” option!
I remember doing something very similar when I asked my big crush to prom-but I loved your choices-makes it all pretty clear in a very murky world! (If only things were really that simple) And I guess I was lucky b/c Mr. Crush actually said yes…
hey cute! really cute….
Oh my god! I used the same quiz recently with a boy. He answered NO, we no longer speak. But’s its effective none-the-less.
Hell Yes! I love it!
Jr. High…I remember a thousand ways to fold a note. Now, working in Jr. High as an English teacher at an all boys school I rarely/never see note passing…yet they all have keitai’s…ahhh, cell phones…
You should have posted this long time ago. Like when I’m still fifteen. Do you think it works for the 20s club?
I’m 50, and far away from quizzes and boys, but I love this blog for the wit and the writing and the memories. This entry was just perfect, in so many ways. Can’t wait for the next entry.
Hmm. . . a quiz certainly would have saved me a lot of embarassment in my formative years. Maybe I’ll file the idea away for when my daughter is old enough for boys. Gah! Or maybe I’ll just lock her up in a castle tower until she’s 85.
Well, if god’s as well hung as I’ve heard, that can’t be a bad thing…
As a former playground chaser and collector of unique ways to approach a man, I love the quiz : )
I think this sounds like a George Strait hit!