the things i take for granted (or why i would have made a lousy pioneer)

Oh, Internet, how I’ve missed you!

I have come to think of internet access as something people just have in their households. Like toilet paper. But as it turned out, this is not the case. And in my sisters’ new house, I discovered to my great disappointment I could sit and yell, “Norrrrrraaaa, we’re out of internet!” all I wanted and no one came running with a spare wireless router.

It was positively primeval. Luckily, Mr. Edwards stopped by and Pa got out his fiddle…

Anyway.

Being without twenty-four hour access to the mind-numbing faux socialization of email, blogs and myspace, my family was forced by circumstances to actually interact with each other. I know. The horror! Obviously, I kid, because my siblings (and sister-in-law-to-be, included) are some of the most entertaining people I know. They’re full of laughs. Like on Birthday Dinner Night when during food preparations, my brother sliced his finger open and we got to spend the next few hours in the ER. Man, that was hilarious!

Good thing he’d already finished making the cake. It would have been a lot harder to frost with all that bandaging in the way.

On Tuesday, I had a truly legitimate need for the internet. I had an article due that afternoon. So I had no other choice than to invade a campus computer lab, log in as my gospel-abiding sister and use a previously innocent keyboard to type words that were inarguably not BYU approved. If I’d ever had a compulsion to suddenly develop Tourette’s Syndrome, it was never stronger. But I behaved myself very well, thank you very much. And I only took the Lord’s name in vain once while on that hallowed ground.

And only then because I really couldn’t help it. I mean, holy baby jesus in heaven it was hot there.

Which brings me to another amenity missing from my sisters’ house.

Oh, Air Conditioning, how I’ve missed you!

I’d like to take a moment to thank my ancestors for getting the job done before I arrived. Because, I hate to say it, but I’m pretty sure I’d have made a really lousy pioneer. And I so would not have been one of those that sang as they walked, and walked and walked. Unless, you know, the song was, Holy Baby Jesus in Heaven, it’s Hot Here.

‘Cause I got that one down pat.

27 comments to the things i take for granted (or why i would have made a lousy pioneer)

  • Whee!

    Oh Joy!

    Been waiting for an update.

    Good to have you back ONLINE and not as a FRIED chicken.Err..Fish :D

  • Diane

    missed you, glad you had fun, i’m with you on the a/c!!!

  • nora

    Stupid comment, but your sister and I share the same pretty name appearently:)

    I also completely understand the whole taking the internet for granted…I’m already going into convulsions thinking that next week I’ll be on holidays and completely internet-access-less for 9 whole days…

  • Tara

    Welcome back to modern convenience.

    How DO they survive? :)

  • Last time I visited my friend at BYU, I was tempted to get a lip ring for the week. Instead, I wore tank tops. Just as good but without the scar. :)

  • G

    Oh how I missed you, birthday girl. Please never leave me again.

  • Sue

    Welcome back!! You’ve been missed!

  • Dustin

    What was the article for/about? Where/when can we see it?

  • I understand too well. I moved into a new apartment and have to wait a week and a half for the cable guy to come out and set up my internet. As I type I’m sitting on my best friend’s window stoop using HER neighbors unsecured wireless. And my best friend isn’t even home. Embarassing, very hot (I’m in Texas), but very necessary.

  • A~

    Glad you’re back! You are one of my favorite parts of the day. …Hoping the heat didn’t get to you…or maybe your fingers are just happy to be typing away…’cause just isn’t like you to have so many typos, Miss Fish! (I’m sorry. I suffer from anal retentive disorder.)

  • Mark

    A, I’m sorry you suffer from anal rententive disorder, too. But where I’m from, that just makes you a prick. Maybe I’m suffering from heat stroke as well, because I can’t find those SO many typos you mentioned. One. At most.

    Prick.

  • A~

    Yikes! Pardon me, Mark. Didn’t mean to piss anyone off. No harm meant at all. Perhaps I was the one suffering from heat stroke – you are correct in that I only see one now. I stand corrected. Hey, I admire the way you stood up and defended her writing though! I love her, too. Eaaaaasy, big fella.

  • This Fish

    Guess the heat has left some permanent damage. I can’t see those typos at all! Ah well, chalk it up to writing at 1AM.

  • Welcome back, Fish, you’ve been missed!

    The only typo-like thing I noticed is the double “to” in “to actually to interact”.

    Enjoy the net as it welcomes you back into its lap ;)

  • This Fish

    Fixed! Thanks, Marce!

  • No air conditioning in Utah? Doesn’t it get pretty damn hot out there? Glad you’re back to civilization!

  • Welcome Back Fish ((((HUGS)))) Holy Baby Jesus, how we have missed you!!!!

    Glad your birthday was great. It’s amazing how much “roughing it” for a few days can make your own lifestyle seem so luxurious!

  • eastmoormom

    and you didnt’ take any pictures with that new camera of yours!!! shame on you!! tee hee

  • H- Here’s to all the good fun poking at your brother in years to come for the finger splice.

  • wendi

    i had a conversation witha co-worker a few days ago about how completely spoiled we would seem to people who lived 100 years ago. for some reason, we decided the advances made in the femine hygiene field were the most important. but a/c is definitely a close second.

  • I hate that I’m so addicted to internet and all things wifi.

  • How sad is it that when my wife plans an awesome vacation for us in upstate NY at a beautiful cabin overlooking a lake with our own boat, all I can think to say is, “Yeah, ok. Sounds great, honey. But do they have Wi-Fi?”

  • Liz

    Welcome back Fish! I went a whole weekend without checking my email and thought I would have a conniption fit. I refuse to label it withdrawl, as that would mean I’m an addict, and I so do NOT have a problem with excessive internet use.

  • I cancelled my Internet a week early because we’re moving and I’m trying to save some cash. It was fine last week (I sit in front of the Internet all week at work), but a whole weekend without Internet was trying. Not like I had anything super important, but I still looked longingly at my laptop and sighed a lot this weekend.

    Glad you’re back!

  • if pa and mr. edwards were there, they’da sewed yer bro’s finger up with a fiddle string, and then ma woulda fed him real good.

  • Gayle Trini

    No AC I am speechless

  • You definitely should never move to England…we don’t have AC. Yes, it’s true. Rarely do you find a house that has it. And you can’t put one just into the window – they don’t have that type. Instead you have to purchase this HUGE monstrocity with a venting hose that you have to put out a window…and they cost a bundle! I convinced R. to buy us a ‘air cooler’…which is basically a huge fan that uses cool water to cool things down. Not perfect, but still better than nothing. Sigh. I miss my window AC unit. But glad to see you back.