We were midway through the pasta course when he popped the question.
Grant and I had only been dating six weeks or so and yet, there we were, nibbling at the fresh pea ravioli, and having the big talk. Already my mind was racing with wardrobe details. New dress! New shoes! While his lingered on more practical things. Like logistics.
“I figure we could go out early and make a long weekend out of it.”
“Okay. Sure. Great. Wait, whose wedding is it, exactly?
“My best buddy from high school.”
Like it mattered. I’d just been extended The Out of Town Wedding Invitation. On the Relationship Progression Chart, I think it fits somewhere after meeting his family and right before giving him his own drawer in your bureau. It’s no small thing.
The next day, I shared the news with my mother.
“Oooh!” she said. “I just saw an article about the big deal of inviting someone to a wedding!”
“It is sort of a big deal. I know I should be excited. But, I’m just… not. I think I’m still waiting on the zzzzuh! thing.”
It’s something we’d talked about before. Despite Grant being practically perfect in every way, I just wasn’t feeling it. And this bothered me. A lot. And the Out of Town Wedding Invitation only was only making me feel more uneasy.
How was I supposed to get all excited over being Grant’s ‘plus one,’ when I just couldn’t picture him ever being The One?
***
For the next few days, I fretted over the decision to call it off. And not because I was overly worried about hurting his feelings (he was a big boy, after all), but also because I was pretty sure that if I ended it, I’d be giving up what would possibly be my last chance at a healthy relationship with a non-crazy. Who was I to be breaking things off with tall, dark, handsome, funny and smart? A girl who’s had the zzzzuh! before and knew what she was missing, that’s who.
Also the girl who clearly wanted to die alone with her cat.
Desperate to hear I wasn’t making a big mistake, I called an ex boyfriend.
“How long have you known him?” he asked, after I’d explained the mysterious lack of zzzzuh! and my fear that I was over-thinking myself right into spinsterhood.
“About three months, I guess.”
“And how long have you known you?”
“Good point.”
“You have to make yourself happy, ’cause you’re always going to have to live with you. You’re a passionate person. You should be with someone who makes you feel like that.”
And it was settled. Feeling safe and secure can be a nice thing – a really nice thing. But a seatbelt makes you feel safe and secure, for crying out loud. I needed the zzzzuh!
And probably a new 8-pack of AA batteries.
***
Grant and I had made tentative plans and said we would speak the next afternoon. But when the next afternoon came, I was stuck shuttling fifth graders around the New York Post. So when I finally got home from field trip hell, exhausted and once again pretty sure I would never procreate, I sat down and dialed Grant’s number.
And the phone tag began.
Once I’d hung up on his voicemail, I panicked. Was I going to do this over the phone? Was that worse than making him drive into the city to do it? Either way, what was I going to say? I mean, you can’t just tell someone the truth in that kind of situation. Or can you?
So I wrote notes on the back of a ConEd bill. Oh yes, I did. I had to! I’m horrible at extemporaneous speaking. I’m even exponentially worse at confrontational extemporaneous speaking. I didn’t want to leave anything out. Like how I really enjoyed spending time with him. And how I didn’t want to waste his time. Girls are notorious for being fickle time-wasters. And I did not want to be that girl. This time, anyway.
The phone rang and I reached for my notes.
“Hi,” I said, probably sounding as sick and nervous as I felt.
“So why am I on your Pay Me No Mind list?”
“Um, what?” Wait, my what list? Wow. I was not expecting the attitude.
“You said you would call.”
“I know, but I couldn’t because…” I stumbled over the words, field trip and stopped. He’d come ready for a fight and I was shocked out of words. Even my notes weren’t going to be of any help. Mr. Practically Perfect was quickly becoming anything but.
I dove in head first. In the kindest and least patronizing way possible, I explained how I’d appreciated our time together but that I didn’t think it was going to go anywhere and didn’t want to waste his time. Neat and tidy.
And then when I was all done (and feeling slightly relieved) I heard a funny electronic stutter. His phone had cut out.
“What?” He sounded annoyed.
“You mean you didn’t hear any of that?” If I had to say it again, I would be absolutely sure that the Almighty was still finding ways to punish me for stealing gum from Texaco station in the third grade.
“No. What did you say?”
Ugh. I shot a middle finger toward the ceiling (Take that, god!) and took a deep breath. Here we go again. Strangely, it wasn’t any easier the second time around. But this time, at least, there was no electronic hiccup. Only a strange silence.
“Well, you know WHAT?” he said finally, raising his voice. “I was feeling the same way, too.”
“Uh, okay. Well, good. I guess.”
“But not calling me back is pretty fucked up.”
“Wait. I did! I just…”
“Anyway. Enjoy.”
Click!
And that was that. I suddenly felt very silly for having put in so much time worrying about his feelings. And the notes on the back of the ConEd bill? Totally unnecessary. I may as well have told him that his chest hair clogs my drain and that he repeats the same phrases over and over and that guess what? I really do hate Neil Young’s whiny voice; I was only trying to be agreeable!
At least then I’d have felt like I earned the hang-up. Sheesh.
Despite everything I’d always believed, breaking up is actually really easy to do. It’s the preparation that causes all the agony.
I will never ever break up with you, honey.
Ditto but only because I gravely fear the short fiesty girl you have caged
Hi, there…I’ve read your blog for a while, but don’t think I’ve ever commented but HAD to on this one – I had a totally similar break-up experience myself, except that I DID go the the wedding, first. And met alllllllll of his family (a cousin’s wedding). And I made that break-up phone call a month after that, even though I *knew* I should’ve never gone to the wedding & met everyone, b/c there was no “zzzzuh” etc etc etc. anyways. just wanted to lend some solidarity! thanks for sharing your thoughts here! -K
Sounds like your intuition served you well in that this guy definitely has some “jerk” potential. Everybody deserves to have Zzzzzzuh!, and if it has to come with the help of AA batteries, well no harm there!
Wait on passionate woman! Curl up with your AA batteries, or um, I mean Hal and celebrate the freedom to choose to be single. The zzzzuh will come!
I broke up with two wonderful men who wanted to marry me as I did not feel the zzzzuh.
After a series of relationships it seems the prerequisite for me to feel zzzzuh is that the guy is either (a) not that interested in me (b) a jerk or (c) a player.
*sign* Maybe it’s the dramas and emotional roller coasters that cause the zzzzuh and there’s a distinctive absence of those in relationships I had with nice guys.
Good on you for not settling for second best.
Never settle. You’re going to have to live with you and the decisions you make for the rest of your life, you and no one else. And don’t worry about dying a spinster. It’s better than dying with regrets because you settled for less than you deserved.
He was probably mad because you broke up with him first.
Hi. Long time no post for me. I do read you all the time though. In regards to your last post – I can relate to everything you were feeling and I agree with many of the comments here. However, what I will say as an addition ( and this may sound sappy), but it’s really nice that you considered how to handle the break up. Men and women both sometimes don’t have an ounce of consideration and do unspeakable things when breaking up. Kudos to you for having a nice soul. Shame on him for being immature about it. You have to know in your heart that you are great woman and that the universe just might be preparing you for what you absolutely deserve. Be well! ~Dana in Chicago
I always leave out my first name in my blog url. Duh, why do I do that here all the time!Even if you wanted to read or say hello, you haven’t been able to with the wrong url. Nite!
Ah, but it’s no fun, is it?
Still, when the relief you feel after breaking up is greater than the grief, it’s a pretty good sign you got away just in time. (Lucky Fish!)
Hi! I’ve commented a couple times here before, and I read your wonderful writing all the time as well. But like several others above, I just had to respond to this post, it hit home so much in my case that it hurt. Heather, I admire your strength and your intuition in recognizing that this just wasn’t right and not going forward with it – following your gut instinct that said you shouldn’t lead someone on… To this day, I will always live with a lot of guilt because in fact I made a huge decision in my life and thought I was doing the right thing because I didn’t want to “close my eyes on a good thing,” so to speak. I told myself at the time that I was lucky to have someone care about me so much and that he was such a good man, that he loved and took care of me…
In other words, I settled for the safe and secure and convinced myself that the “zzzuh” would come with time. And I was wrong! But don’t get me wrong — I really cared for him a lot, I even loved him in my way. There was just no passionate zing.
So instead of waking up for real and pulling myself together, I did what I thought was right at the time — I married him… And we shared some wonderful times together, absolutely, but I gradually realized more and more that he didn’t give me that incredible feeling you’re talking about…
Since then I’ve moved on, if you can look at it that way. I’m no longer married, and I met someone who did give me that “zing”… Relationships are never easy, though, and even when the “zzzuhh” is there, I still think you need to work on them, no matter what anyone says. You have to somehow learn to balance the “zzzuhh” with the everyday challenge of life. But when the “zzzuh” is there, it makes it all worth it!
So more power to you for being strong and independent and listening to your gut — my mother always told me to follow my vibes, and now I know more than ever how right she was.
I love your blog! Wonderful writing…
See, thats the diff between guys and gals! We spend too much time worrying we’ll hurt someone. Love the post though, so well-done.
You give me hope Fish.
And courage.
And another thing to smile about.
And the feeling of relief and joy when you realise that you’re not wrong ALL the time,about people and relationships,however many mistakes you’ve made/think you’ve made…
Keep writing
Power to you.
Good for you. I’ve experienced this a lot, and have been wondering if i should keep plugging away on the new guy with no ‘zing’ or move on now.
I keep saying the same thing though, that I’ve experienced it and dont want to settle! So good for you
And hey, maybe not a wedding, but you still have an excuse to go shopping! Breakups always equal shopping
Its therapy…right?!!
great writing. and this post hits home for so many of us who’ve been in a similar situation – it can be right “on paper,” but when it lacks that special zzzuh!, we should NOT settle!!
Hold out for the zzzuh! honey. Like Always said, it makes it all worth it. At the end of the day, it’s all there is.
That is what you get for dating a guy whose name is both a noun and a verb. “Grant” is the masculine equvialent to Constance or Prudence or Eunice. I’m sure he had good quality, but come on, you’re from Texas, not Wimbleydon or Heathton or Luton. You need a “Joe” or a “Bill” or a “Chuck” not a “Grant”. F Grant!
Of course if you changed the name to protect the innocent, then I have no point. I also apologize for the unsolicited advice and lack of commas. Well, not really for the lack of commas, I was just trying to get your goat with that. But the advice, I do apologize for, a little. Grant? I mean, come on now, honestly. Grant?
(Mike, yes I did change his name. But Grant is my best friend’s husband and I borrowed his name mostly because I don’t actually know any other Grants and thus, no one can get pissy)
I cannot believe you had to repeat it 2x, oh the agony!
Loved the note-taking – I always tried that myself. So frustrating when the other party doesn’t stick to your ‘script’, isn’t it?
Want some pie?
I am with you on this one. sometimes you want to be considerate of their feeling but why they would be considerate of yours.
zzzzzzuh will come
You did the right thing. It took me 3 years to have the courage to be honest with myself that my man didn’t have the zzzzzzuh! It sounds like the way he handled the situation, you are better off without him anyway. Best of luck in your search for Mr. zzzzzuh. He’s out there somewhere.
Isn’t it great when they justify your break up instantaneously?
For situations like this, my best friend and I used to allot ten seconds of silence to the fallen man – and then shout “NEXT!” Time to move on.
I’ve decided there are three types of men…
(1) Unavailable
(2) Emotionally unavailable
(3) Undateable
I also know “God’s not going to give you a steak and then give you a hamburger”….it only gets better!
NEVER SETTLE
Seriously, you ain’t never going to find a man to put up with all yo’ ****, so you better call that fool back and apologize yo’ ass out.
The zzzzuh! is worth the wait. Don’t settle for anything less. You’ll only end up as the old cat lady, but with a divorce or two under your belt!!
Wow. Good thing you knew where you were going with that… as bad as that was, that conversation could have just been miserable if you were expecting something normal! It’s always nice, though when someone justifies your uneasy feelings immediately, rather than leaving you with regret. Hope that makes it easier on you.
Rocco! I missed your mean-spirited guts out!
Great post, H.
You know I’m with you on this one. The zzzuh is the most important part. Obviously, or else I wouldn’t fall in love with over 30 men who still live with their mothers, or married men who cheat on their wives or men with no jobs.
Eventually, someone’s gotta have the zzzuh and hopefully not the other stuff.
Or men like Rocco.
I always try to be considerate of others’ feelings when dropping the axe. I mean, that’s how I’d like to be treated, so…
And I too have scripted out a breakup for the same reasons of not wanting to forget something nice I wanted him to know. Shocker, the guy still turned out to be a jackass as well.
Anyway, it’s taken me a while to learn, but a few things hold true with anything:
ALWAYS listen to your gut
NEVER settle (got to have the zzzzzuh!)
TRUST that God/fate/the universe will send the right thing or person to you it its time, not our time.
Kudos to you Fish!
Love ya doll. And while I agree with the exboyfriend’s advice, I’m not sure that they are the best judge of what’s right for you. The best thing I ever did is get rid of the damn exes. All they want is to hold on to part of you and lead you on forever. I know this is an advice-free zone. so i’ll stop while I’m ahead. Sorry
(HA! I’m pretty sure this ex has no interest in leading me on forever! He’s a good kid. I’m just sorry you have such ****ty exes.)
damn! so much for doin’ it quick – like a baid-aid. but at least it’s over. sheesh…
“It’s the preparation that causes all the agony”
Isn’t it that way with most everything?
“Despite everything I’d always believed, breaking up is actually really easy to do. It’s the preparation that causes all the agony. “
You really tackle reality like it’s nobody’s business. In such a succint way you captured EXACTLY my last relationship-no zing, and then the awkward phone conversation afterwards. But the part I didnt even realize I was missing was the middle finger to the ceiling! (instead, i paced the apartment with my non-phone hand clenched in a fist.) You rule fish, you really really do.
PS. He sounds like an ass.
Boyyyyy isn’t that the truth. The preparation is the WORST!
You go girl. Wait it out for the zzzzuhhh!
When there’s no zzuhhhhhhh, you’re not giving up much. That’s what makes the breakup pretty painless. It’s when the zzzuhhh is in full force and you still have to break it off that breaking up is really hard to do.
ha! i hate neil young too. i only pretended to like him for an ex-boyfriend who made me go see a neil young concert with him
BOOOO! then, he decided to treat me to a concert and chose tori amos (who i can’t stand!) man am i glad i got rid of him!
he invited you to a wedding, not asked you to married and live happily ever after. It was not a commitment, just an event. Relax!
Well, I have been on both sides of that conversation. Neither one was particularly enjoyable. So I really do identify with your feelings. I hope I did better than him, but maybe not every time.
But “AA” batteries? If you’re alone at night on the mean streets of Manhattan and looking for a man, you’ll need a bigger flashlight. That’s what you need the batteries are for, right? A flashlight? And the zing-thing, too, of course.
Be well, Heather. We all survive it, and you’ll be fine, too.
You are so in my head it scares me. I, too have experienced the zzzuhhh and refuse to settle for less. I am in a slightly different situation in that I plan to die alone with my dog.
I enjoyed your writing very much – sounds like a Sex and the City script.
When I was young and knew that I had a really nice guy but not THE guy, I would tell them that I didn’t think that we would eventually marry but that I didn’t want to lose them in my life (if that was true) and that while we may go through lots and lots of folks looking for the right one, if we could establish a friendship, it was possible that we could actually create a relationship that might last a lifetime and be so much more valuable than a few weeks of courtship that doesn’t make the bells ring for either of us and so just goes away. Some of the men saw the logic and the benefit in this and we went on to have friendships which lasted for weeks to decades to the present day! While a life mate is the ultimate goal – a lifelong male friend is a treasure not to be taken lightly.
And if I want electricity in my relationship,I figure I have to bring some of my own to ignite a responsive spark. It takes two to make the zzzuhh!
Uh…how old are we all now??? Hasn’t it gotten to the point for most people that if it’s not right for one person, it’s no big deal…move one. I mean, aren’t we in a big city with an abundance of single people? What’s with all the unnecessary anger?
Perhaps this guy was not as “non-crazy” as you originally thought. Can you say Psychopath? Look like you dodged a bullet here. Good for You!
Thanks for the post…know exactly how you feel.
I’ve been trying to break up with my long distance boyfriend for a few weeks. He will not answer any of his phones. He now sends me one text per day that says “good morning”. If it didn’t come at different times and occasionally from his work cell, I would think it was something automatic that he’d forgotten to turn off. I used to joke that I’d have to break up with him by text. Now I’ve just stopped answering. Hopefully someday he’ll figure out that we are no longer together.
“It’s the preparation that causes all the agony”
Isn’t it that way with most everything>>
Not with waxing!!!
Seriously, Fish, awesome writing. I didn’t realise there was such a technical term for the “Zuhhhh!” but I’m glad you introduced me to it.
I, for one, seem to find zuhhh-less men. They are droll, boring, insipid beings who merely have a heartbeat, and nothing else. They are immediately written off The List. Then there are those… who have some of the ‘must have’ qualities… but still, there’s no spark, no connection, no ‘Zuhhhh!’
I’m so glad you have the same issues, too. I thought mine was just because I’m a single mother and bloody picky.
I’d rather be single than settle!
Heather- I think you are making a big mistake. Maybe you should ask him to headbutt someone first and see if that adds to the zzzzzuh. -gregg
You’ve got a great blog. I enjoy reading it. I sympathized with the break up.
HOLY CRAP!! I had this almost EXACT same experience on Sunday. I said the things you wanted to say, he was waiting for a fight, etc. He even said the same thing back to me. Weird.
Good for you. Relationships take work and often, we haven’t met that special person yet. Keep searching. Marriage is hard work and you need to really know that this is the ONE when you get married. You shouldn’t settle for anything less and neither should your man.
The last time I dumped a guy, I also did it over the phone…and wrote not only notes on the back of a bill, but and entire script, fully-phrased, with answers to possible questions he could ask (“is it something I did,” “can we still be friends,” etc.). I felt like a freak then, but also that it was necessary, because without that script I would have floundered all over the place. So I feel ya on this. It sounds like you did as tactful a job as possible. Go you!
Thanks Fish. It’s good to know I’m not on some self appointed path of destruction when I refused the zzzzuh-less guys who genuinely cared about me. I’m still looking.
Maybe ya have ta kiss a few zzzzz’s before you meet your zzzzuh?
Well that’s what they say – dont they?
Oh Simon. I hope I’m not making you feel worse but your comment just made me laugh so hard. While reading Fish’s posts I sometimes like to place personal bets on the negative comments, and I saw yours coming. Dont worry, as you get older the playing field changes.
The best thing about Simon’s comment is that he wrote it for another, much older post… but when it didn’t get any attention he copied and pasted it here.
This is such a great story! I know exactly how you feel- the fear of being a spinster, but the deep need for the zuhhhhh! I agree, the zuhhhhhhh is far more important than feeling like, at least you’ve got somebody. LIVE FOR THE ZUUHHHHHHHHHHH!
The thing with Simon and the regurgitation of his previous post is hilarious!
aww, geez, Fish, we all deserve better. but like g.i. joe taught us, “knowing is half the battle,” so as long as we are aware of what we’re worth, we’re able to realize what we deserve.
amusingly enough, i had the *opposite* situation with the same ending: this guy had zzzuh!! in spades, but was otherwise useless. he informed me he ate neither chinese food nor vegetables at all (!!), blathered endlessly about his job but cut me off quickly when i mentioned anything at all about my day, and considered his neil young dvd (ok, not *completely* opposite situation, i guess) the pinnacle of high art.
i was too chicken to be direct, and was just letting it die after a bad lunch date, but we did eventually have a talk much like yours, with similar immediate justification of dumpage (i.e., his drunken 4am email of insults so not amusing).
as one who’s felt it before AND had the nice guy to go along with it, it’s all worth holding out for!
I don’t understand why anyone would bother reading a blog that annoys them so much (a la Simon). There are a gazillion blogs out there. Why stop at one that bugs you to the point of posting such ridiculous comments? Hmmm. Lotsa weirdos out there!!
fish, clearly this guy proved you right, but to everyone else commenting on the zzzzuh! i dunno – my current guy – i didnt have the whole butterfly thing from day one, but i did know that i didnt want to give him up… i wasnt sure why, but i didnt… (and he wasnt my only option – nor was he my best option ‘on paper’ at that time…)
the butterflies came later, like when one day, out of nowhere, he gave me a kiss before running to the store and my knees literally buckled…
i used to wonder if it was bad that the butterflies werent there from day one, but then i remembered – my parents knew eachother and barely even liked eachother before they eventually became friends and then dated… and they’ve been married for 35+ years… and i dont think either of them wishes it was different…
point being – sometimes it isnt there immediately, but sometimes, it does show up eventually…
Hi, ok. that’s it.
Fish,
I really connected to this entry, (most of yours I can relate to, this one hits a more recent level), as a handsome employee from work asked me out on a date a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, the situation was similar. He was good looking, sweet, nice, seemed relatively without any vices or problematic skews about him; but I didn’t feel the ‘zzzzuh!’ at all! It was devastating. I’ve been single for more than a year and a half, my last relationship still plaguing me from its distance in the past because it was so chock-full of ‘zzzuh!’ it was incredible…(though it ended because of bad timing), and I’ve been waiting for a chance to jump back into the ‘zzzuh!’. Though I’m really glad to hear that you didn’t sacrifice your needs as a woman and exciting human being because some people are willing to settle for second best and dictate you won’t find the perfect mix of ‘zzzuh!’ and stability ever.
I say, screw those guys. Passion is important.
Keep sharing these great stories!
Oh Julie,
I was intrigued by your comment. How does the playing field change as you get older? Are we talking 30+ older or late 20s older?
Loved the entry. Glad I’m not the only one!
And guys leave too if there’s no zzzuh – it happened to me once. He just wasn’t quite as classy about it as you were.
Oh for the love of God…so many guys with no zzzuuhhh!!I had begun to believe that maybe I am the only one who feels this way, even about my current relationship.Now this guy is sweet,caring & all that jazz…but I dont feel the zing with him!Worst part is that he doesnt see that…neither does he want to hear that!How do you break up with someone who just doesn’t let you move on?!Why wouldn’t some guys just grow up?God m so stuck in this,and I dont see a way of getting out! There isnt any point in continuing a relationship if there’s no zing!And Fish, you did the correct thing. Screw all who think otherwise…(and Simon that includes you!!)
Love your posts…..!
May you find “The One with The zzzuhhh!” soon…..
R
His reaction was so 5th grade ; )
Ooh, I’ve been waiting for this one. Aiyiyi!
Wow, good thing you got out while you could. Mr. Perfect-on-Paper could have turned out to be Mr. Restraining Order.
Three month mode – I never seem to get past that.
LOL, thanks for deleting my comment Fish. You must feel a tinge of saltiness since you won’t have anyone else read it. And don’t even say it was vulgar, because nothing that was said was meant to be derogatory. Me? 5th grade? Puhhleezzz.
From This FishSimon, I deleted your comment because you used the N-word. I deleted the c-word out of your earlier posts; ran out of patience at the end though. If you continue to use degrading language, I will have no other choice than to ban you. Which I can do very easily.
Simon is my new hero. All you bitches need to chill the f* out.
Heather,
This is one of the best posts written in the history of the internet.
As Carrie Bradshaw says “you gotta have the zah zah zuh!”
I’ve been in a similar situation. Men CAN NOT stand it when you break up with them first. His little ego was probably crushed like a grape.
I also agree with you MSN post. “Breaking up is really not a tragedy.” I had a situation where I tried to stay friends but it dind’t work out because he kept getting jealous of my dates. It was TORTURE!!
Thank God that door is closed. Everyone out there in the real world, take it from me, you broke up for a reason! Do not go backwards!
Wait, wait, wait. This guy you’ve been dating asks you to his best friend’s wedding and you agree to go. Presumably he tells some of his family and friends. Later on, and after not calling him when you said you would, you not only tell him you’re not going to the wedding, you also tell him you no longer want to see him? Is it surprising that he said something stupid? And this gets turned into a glorious reaffirmation of a woman’s right not to settle?
Obviously I like this blog or else I wouldn’t read it. But sometimes this female group therapy thing goes a little bit around the bend…
In dating, this happens on both sides. I have guy friends who hold on to the girls they are dating “until someone better comes along” all the time. What’s the difference? I’m willing to bet Fish would get crap for sticking around, too. THEN she would be accused of using the poor sap.
Simon, you may not have meant your comment the way that it came out, but Dude, you are bitter. Something happened in your own dating/nondating life that is making you lash out here in a stranger’s blog. Might make an interesting story…do you have your own blog?
Chris, I hear what you are saying, you’ve made a good point. But I suspect that it’s people writing the comments that are turning this into what it is. Fish has a lot of rabid fans who put in their two cents (including me now!!).
I usually try to read the posts of blogs without the comments for awhile – it helps to enjoy a post or two without all the debate.
Chris, I think Julie is right — it might be best for you to separate the story from the comments that follow it. That wasn’t the intenion or moral of the story. People get what they want to out of it.
Interesting stuff Julie. I think you may have a point. I recently dated this girl who was a nightmare. I mean in all respects this girl was just crazy. We’re talking about a girl who manipulated me and lied to me on mulitiple occasions and dated my friend and I AT THE SAME TIME. Just did not respect my personal boundaries and used me. Very bad stuff that has made me very skeptical about the female race, as I see it not only with her, but with many women out there in “the field”. You’re right though, double standards do exist and men do it to women equally if not more. No I don’t have my own blog. Maybe I will start one at some point. Do you have one?
You deserve better, Fish. NEXT!
Simon…I feel for you!I wish there was some way that we could all meet our soulmates without having to go through the torturous ritual of meeting all the wrong people first.But you know what they say,”God makes you meet all the wrong ones first so that when you might Mr./Miss Right, you appreciate it all the more.” Hardly any consolation though! However, don’t get so skeptical, life isn’t all white or all black and no two people in this world are alike. You’ll find your Miss Right eventually, don’t lose hope! Till then, start your own blog,and tell us all the URL here so we may follow it regularly!
Peace & Love to all.
~R
I agree with R – would love to read a blog with male perspectives on dating, etc.
I currently do not have a blog because I cannot write as well as Fish. I cannot write HALF as well.
the zzzugh only lasts for so long, after it is gone, security and safety go a long long way.
Oh geez…the dreaded break-up talk. i too have been putting it off. i’m weighing the pros and cons of having mr. right or mr. right-now. mr. right-now sems to be winning.
You know, I don’t believe that about the zzzzuh only lasting for so long. I know plenty of couples who have been married for ages and STILL want to tear each other’s clothes off. Frankly, if the zzzzuh gives out after a few years, I’ll trade up. I refuse to live without it.
What is this zzzzuh you speak of? I do remember, among the midst of time, something like that – but really, does it exist anymore?
That said, I am borrowing your technique for breaking up – if there is no huzzzzz, there is no Weekend Trip.
This is the best story I’ve read in AGES… It’s so true! Thanks for showing the reality in the situation… the “zzzzuhh!” for instance. The preparation is definitely the worst.
Such a good post Heather, and yeah, sorry about the weirdo. Everyone else has said it but I’ll chime in too: you are such a talented writer — when are we going to see This Fish: The Book?
I must also say I enjoy these v. personal blog-posts the best, although I’m sure it can’t always be easy to reveal so much of yourself when you have so many readers.
So if it’s “zzzzah” you want then maybe this site should be called ‘This fish needs a moterbike’…
Sorry for the frivolity. I must admit I am a bit of a skeptic regarding the longevity and constancy of the “zzzzah” but I do admire the quest for it. Also your writing is excellent. If this site had pages it would be a ‘page turner’.
I had “zzzah” recently with a man who wasn’t available….yes, he was married and yes, he filled my head with a bunch of crap, and yes, I walked away because I couldn’t handle it anymore. Now, I’m trying to get over the hurt and anger with him and myself for getting involved with him in the first place !
I definately believe the quote on here about that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle !
Notice to everyone on here…..if you’re not going to say something nice to me, please don’t say it all ! I’m in ALOT of pain, right now !
hey lisa, hang in there. good for you to leave him. i’m still in that pit.
keep your head up and walk tall.
you go girl
I know this post is almost a year old now, but I just read it from the link on your most recent post. I freaking love it. I LOLed (literally) at least three times, which is a lot for me. And it was also very insightful. I too must have the zzzzuh! Without it… what’s the damn point? I can feel secure wrapped in a down comforter.