In the last week or so, conversation in my family has taken a rather morbid turn.
My mother is in the process of rewriting her will, leaving the siblings to call dibs on sundry pieces of Hunter Family Memorabilia. The sewing machine! The hope chest! Mom’s totally kick-ass 1976 homemade wedding dress! My sister Audrey (smart girl) asked for the family books, while my brother asked for the Winnebago. We don’t have a Winnebago, but just the same, he’d like it fully equipped, with a big kitchen, water bed, AM-FM, CD, and a microwave.
Not to be shown up, I asked for world peace. And one-two-three-not-it! on being the executor of the will.
It’s not really the writing of the will and the vulturing of family heirlooms that I find morbid. It’s actually kind of fun. But I can’t get over the way my mother talks about her death as though it were a soon-to-be certainty, whereas I refuse to consider it a possibility. Ever.
“Today I am composing a list of things I would do if I did find out I had a limited amount of time to live.â€ù
“Jeez. Someone’s having a fatalist Thursday! What a horrible thing to think about!â€ù
“Not really. Think about it,â€ù she said, “If you would do something completely different from what you are doing now, if you knew you only had a short time to live, don’t you think you ought to look at that list, and try to do at least some of those things now? Within reason.â€ù
“Visit Prague. Tell people things. Eat,â€ù I replied, quickly.
My list was easy to rattle off. Only the night before, I’d been lying on my living room sofa, swaddled in my bathrobe, blinking back an eye-burning fever. Feeling a little bit lonely, and a whole lot sorry for myself, I’d looked at Sir Hal, and without thinking, said,
“I wantâ€_â€ù
Hal stopped licking his paw and stared at me as though to say, “Well?â€ù so I went on.
“I want to lie on my bed and have someone pet my hair. I want to visit Prague. I want to tell people things I’m too chicken to say. And I want to eat. Molten chocolate cake, mostly.â€ù
I didn’t mention the hair petting to my mother; it seemed silly and hard to knock off a to-do list. The cake thing, too, was really just a craving that passed with the fever.
But Prague has been on my list for what, two years now? I’m going to feel really stupid if tomorrow, I step off a curb and Bam! get hit by an MTA bus, having not made it to Prague. It’s not such a far-out-there, unreasonable goal. It wouldn’t take much more than a plane ticket and a Lonely Planet Guide.
And it would be an even bigger shame if Honk! went the bus and Squish! went Heather, and I’d left a whole bunch of things unsaid, to people who deserve to hear them. We all have our secrets – secret loves, secret fears and heartaches and regrets – and the older I get, the more I wonder what they’re actually worth if I keep them tucked away.
Not that all that wondering made much of a difference. Bus accidents are unlikely and I’m still a chicken shit. Maybe someday soon, though, I’ll get brave, write some of those unsaid things down, safety pin them to my underwear, and get on a flight bound for the Czech Republic. Just to tempt fate.
(The bit about the Winnebago and world peace? Yeah, that comes from a movie. Because in our family, we try not to say anything originally funny. If you can name the movie, maybe, just maybe there’s a prize in it for ya!)
Sneakers!!!
) I made my family watch that movie at least two dozen times in my elementary school years (being an only child and excruciatingly stubborn in my film-watching habits). The bribe-distributing scene with James Earl Jones at the film’s conclusion? Totally makes my favorite movie scenes of all time list. Near the top.
“All right! Tahiti!”
Uhm! I saw an awesome recipe for molten chocolate – shall we? Valentine’s Threesome Night perhaps?
(Note: dear Fish readers enjoy that last bit, we’re here to tantalize).
I wanted to go to Peru for years. I kept putting off the trip–waiting to find someone to go with me. I finally stopped waiting and went two years ago. It’s one of the best things I ever did.
Go to Prague! You won’t regret it.
Sneakers, omg I love that movie. lol. As soon as you said your brother wanted a winabego i knew where it came from. lol. Peace on earth and good will towards men. haha wistler. anyways nice post
Totally Sneakers. Where else would anyone get the idea of a fully equipped Winnebago.
you should order these hoodies for your family then:
I’ve been to Prague (it was a business trip, but we got to do some fun stuff, too). It’s awesome. And super cheap in terms of a European vacation.
You should totally go.
You can start a Prague account. I’d donate a buck or two… if you promise great stories.
I do one-two-three-not-it all the time with my family, but when done amongst others I just get strange looks in my direction. So glad to know that someone else does it too!
Loved how River Phoenix got that girl’s phone number too.
Definitely make it to Prague. It was one of my most favorite places I’ve been so far in the past 2-1/2 years of living in Europe. And definitely cheaper than anywhere else I’ve been! It’s worth dreaming about…and worth making the effort to go (I went in Feb when there were less tourists and it snowed…soooo beautiful!!!).
Sorry Fish but I am going to make it much more difficult for you to make excuses about coming to Prague…
Look…I am an American living in Prague and I absolutely insist that you buy a plane ticket (there are direct flights from NY to Prague) and pack your camera. I would be happy to show you around the city and I guarantee you would see more than is possible thanks to Lonely Planet! It’s cheap (beer is cheaper than water!), full of culture, & absolutely stunning! No excuses…just tell me when you’ll be here!
Minor league version of this exercise: If, for whatever reason, you had to stop drinking in 24 hours (medical, alcoholism recovery, stranded on desert island, etc.), what would you drink before the deadline (or, on a more limited basis, what particular bottle of wine, assuming price is no object, would you want to drink)?
For some of us, this has not been a totally hypothetical exercise. On the other hand, there are people around with no legs, so we’re not obsessing about it, except I should warn you that the desert-island part is *so* much more a drag in real life.
Oooh. I’m going to Prague in April, so if you haven’t been by then I shall let you know where to go
. I’m currently studying abroad in Italy, but everyone seems to recommend Prague very enthusiastically. Hope you get over there ASAP!
I need to make a list as well…
There’s a rabbinic saying that one should live one’s life as if every day were the last day of one’s life. I suspect that rabbi was referring to prayer and acts of goodness; but who’s to say that Winnebagos, Prague and molten chocolate cake don’t qualify? Certainly not I.
I share your desire to visit Prague AND my employer owns the InterContinental Hotel in Prague. Does summer 2008 work for you?
We can so do the molten lava cake when I am there. I’m not afraid to eat! I don’t know that world peace is in the works when I just performed The Ritual of the Bat just last night. HA
Prague? You mean there’s a possibility (albeit slight) of being hit by a bus, and you still haven’t been to Prague? Honey, you’re really missing out! I lived there for a year and a half and loved it so much that my fiance and I are moving there for a five month long honeymoon of sorts: teaching English, getting fat on divine Czech food, and traveling. Yes, I know… my fiance is sweet to humor me like that. He knows what all men should know. If he keeps me happy, I’ll keep him happy. That’s what Prague is: happiness in the form of an exquisite city!
bus accidents aren’t all that uncommon.
As much as it sucks to hear your mom talk about things like that, I’m so glad that she is. My mom died in July of last year, and she didn’t have a will or anything like that. Granted, me and my dad were her only family, so there wasn’t a lot of fighting going on over her belongings, but at the same time, none of us knew her wishes about how and where she would be buried. After we’d already made all the arrangements, I found a piece of paper in her bible dated July 2003 (I automatically thought back to what was going on in our lives then to see if I could figure out what made her write it then) that said that she wanted to be cremated. We didn’t cremate her, and that really bothers me because she wanted to be, and because I don’t want to travel back to a place that is no longer home to anyone to visit her grave.
So as much as you’ll hate to hear it, mom’s right
Take that trip to Prague!
Heather, what else is a blog for but revealing things you’re too chicken to say in person? Go ahead and put them out there, just don’t post which revelation belongs to which person. Either they read your blog and will get it, or they don’t deserve to know!
I have a friend who has moved to Prague, and every time he comes back to town he reminds us that “home” is now over there, and where we all grew up is merely a place he visits. He loves it that much! Go Fish. Go to Prague.
My grandmother is in her seventies, and about ten years ago, she called up my dad and his two sisters and asked them to come over to her house and put post-it notes on all of the stuff they wanted, so that she could include it in her will. My dad said he wanted the piano, my grandma said he couldn’t have it. Then he said he’d take whatever was in the barn. And my grandma sold the house and the property. Oy!
But go to Prague. Live your life. Of course, if it’s one of those dreams you just like to keep for a rainy day…well, heck, go to Prague and get a new dream!
Prague is so high on my list of places to go.
prague is like stepping into a fairytale, you feel like you are living and breathing within pages — even with the modern flair. i am planning a trip to go back this May and rent an apartment for a month… my previously committed friends keep dropping like flies… care to join me for a bit?
Prague is wonderful! I went about 12 years ago and swore that I’d go home, sell everything and move there. Too chicken was I. Go. Visit. Enjoy!
Would you ever, on some cold, rainy day, just sit down and put ink to paper the little secret thoughts and put it away in some box in your closet? Over time, there would have been many cold, rainy days, and perhaps a note or two for some special people will have a coffee mug ring stain on it. That would have been less morbid to think about, and should the Bang! come with the bus, all’s alright when your family and friends discover this little box of gems. Just a thought. Not that I do that kind of stuff. =)
I love this post, despite the implicit morbidity of considering…death…wills…and unaccomplished goals. Your ability to mix wit and insight is inspiring. Here’s to world peace…and Prague
As my father died recently and had been planning to update his will, I’d say wills are good (along with getting all of your parents stories down on video, tape, or paper so you can always have them). I am currently writing heartfelt notes to each of my siblings as an exercise in family bonding. (I probably owe it to them anyway as I never call them and they only hear from me unless they call first.)
I have wanted to go to Prague most of my life but everytime I say that to someone, they look at me like I have lobsters coming out my ears. It looks like one of the most beautiful places on Earth. I think one day, I will just go. You should! GO! Get thee to Prague! Too bad we don’t know each other, we could go together.
Someone stroking my hair is a major fantasy. But I’m married to a Scandinavian loner-type who became motherless rather early in life, so he doesn’t quite get the whole stroke-cuddle thing. Maybe I’ll have to transcend him, haha, just kidding.
I used to be chicken to say how I feel or what I am thinking. Within the past 3 years I have found it easier, sometimes people respect you a little more, or despise you a little more. It doesn’t change your immediate group of friends, actually the only thing it changes, is how you feel. I would rather have people think I am a bitch, than think I am a pushover. Just a thought.
Fish–
My dad, who is now 87 years old, has recently declined into what we, and my three siblings (my awesome sister, and two brothers) are now handling as his degenerative, now moving into a nursing home time. Crap…how did this happen??? My mom died in 1999, three years after her first heart attack and then slipped away in her sleep to be with God during the night. Now, my dad (who was an ASSHOLE my entire life until my mom died, and then decided to try to be a decent human being) is dying, either slowly or rapidly…time will tell…and us here who have to deal with the mechanics of it all need to make the reservations with the nursing home, try to make my father understand what is happening, get the arrangements made…and through it ALL, deal with our own emotions that are RAGING OUT OF CONTROL BECAUSE IT ISN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN THIS WAY!!! How do I deal with my dad??? Life isn’t fair…guess it never has been.
Peace to all–
MS
Prague is spectacular and worth the effort. I’ve been there few times and I’d recommend going alone the first time so you can really snort in the atmosphere and stop and go where and whenever you please.
World peace, now that is a novel idea and one dream that I hope comes true. Haven’t been to Prague but Istanbul is cool.
Support world peace!