We stumbled onto the idea the first time the three of us went out, drank too much wine, and ate food we couldn’t really afford. Word-lovers and storytellers, Biscuit, Derek and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a cold winter evening than getting smashed and playing a game of Made Up Word Scrabble. One week later, we were digging into lavender and honey gelato and discussing the rules.
“Rule one, Derek has to drink more before we start playing.”
“Wait, why?”
“Because you’re all uptight about needing rules in the first place.” I said. “You’re the one who cried, ‘Must! Have! RULES!’ Remember? Drink. Relax.”
“Fine.”
“Two, you may use real words or fake words for which you have a believable and/or funny definition.”
Rules* in place, we laid out the Scrabble board (a gift! thank you!), drew letters and began arranging the little wooden tiles on their stands (which always remind me of church pews, for some reason). The luck of the draw being mine, I scoured my tiles for inspiration. An impish feeling swept over me as I gathered up my letters and plopped them down in front of me.
“So,” I said…
And thus began every single turn that followed. “So,” followed by the most ridiculous nonsense you’ve ever heard.
“So, you know how in the middle ages, witches were really into using newts for their potions? Well some of these newts got religion, and being tired of being abused by the witches, made their escape southward to the Holy Land.” And the word Jewt was born.
“So, you know how there’s the hoi polloi (the common folk) and the hoi oligoi (the rich folk)? Well, there’s the oft-forgot group of folk, rich and poor, who really enjoy their horseback riding.” The Hoi Equimoi.
The nerdiness of it! Some of the entries were so ridiculous, so politically incorrect, that there’s no way our blog relationship would survive the telling. But among the safe to share, some of our favorites include:
Doobs. Dude boobs, duh.
Weffy: A southern favorite, the weffy is a waffle made with Jimmy Dean sausage right in the batter.
Thibrid: What happens when Suzanne Somers gets environmentally conscious? Your workout actually helps to save the environment.
We took a picture of our masterpiece, and as the boys (having neatly finished up two magnums of wine) were bundling up to leave, I turned to Biscuit.
“So, we’re really making weffies someday, right? Because, that sounds really good.”
“Hell yes!”
Satisfied, I shoved them out into the cold and climbed into bed. I may just be able to live the rest of my life without an green exercise gadget or a term for a group of female yeti. But waffles with sausage? Now that I’ve entertained the possibility, I don’t think I can go on without it.
*There was a third rule… something about challenging other players’ words. But that really never came into practice until the last round of the game. And I didn’t really mean it; I was just being persnickety. I’m sorry, Derek. Jewth is a perfectly fine word. Even if it is a cop out.
I’ve seriously already started planning our Weffy festival. (Wefestival?) I can’t eat too many, though, or else I might get some serious doobs and have to buy a thibrid.
“Adpoos” is not a word! That’s extremely silly. Personally, I think you were all drunk. There appears to be no other rational explanation for this … this … sacrilege … this outrage committed upon the great game of Scrabble. Turn in your tiles.
Adpoos: Spam. It sooo makes sense, and you know it!
Some Jewts won’t eat weffies.
Ha! You’re absolutely right. I haven’t ascertained if the jewts keep kosher.
I love gibberish Scrabble! I thought we made up the game back in 1993, but I’m sure someone did it before then. We also played phoenetic scrabble. Such fun. Then when you make diagonal words legal, it’s possible to get a 10,000 point word. Love it Fish! I miss Derek’s Blog!
How sad is it that I love you guys more than half of the people I actually know? Genius, fish. Pure genius.
haha I think my favorite is the “AEIOU” one
Awesome. We do a similar thing with Boggle.
The best part about “Aeiou” is that it’s sometimes spelled with “y.”
Pretty please satisfy my inner (as if it’s limited) nerd and tell us the point totals!
Heather: 285
Derek: 206
Biscuit: 220
Fun facts!
1) Heather kicked our asses because she got a bunch of those awesome 50-point used-all-your-tiles bonuses!
2) Derek got as many points as he has bones!
3) I can’t think of anything interesting about my point total, except it is also a common voltage!
Aww, I want gays, wine, and scrabble! I usually get gays, liquor, and karaoke.
I see the “word” R_CLIT and I am compelled to phone my ex-girlfriends and say, “SEE, I CAN TOO FIND IT! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!!! I FOUND IT! I FOUND IT!”
Then I’ll hang up and go weep in the bathroom. They’ll be happy tears.
Oh Heather! *shaking head* Doobs means something else entirely. Go ask Ari!
(whispering)
Biscuit, you promised you wouldn’t tell about my ~bones~.
my friend the other day came up with moobs to describe her husband’s man boobs.. i laughed SO HARD! it’s good that other people are on the same page.
Oh my! My friends and I used to play Dirty Scrabble in college, which quickly became Loose Scrabble. I once scored an obscene amount of points off the word “queef.”
Damn Shawn I just laughed so loud I scared a pitbull!
Had I been there I would have used “flater“.
Def: food left on you after a meal, on your lip, in your beard, on your sweater. Food for later. Flater.
(and that there above thinking is also by definition, the definition of doobs).
We have also played only using profanity and slang! Best drinking games ever!!!
Oh, my, you make me laugh.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks of the Scrabble things as church pews! I used to play with my little dolls and set them up for church with the Scrabble pews. Pathetic, I know.
I often have Jewth with my Thereal. I thuppothe you can altho have it with a Weffy.
We totally used to play hick Scrabble in college. The only rules were that couldn’t spell the words correctly, but you had to be able to use them in a sentence. The only way you could win was to spell “onest”, as in, “Onest I went down to the general store and they was all outta tabaccy.”
Oh, college. Oh, drinking games.
I’m just shocked that with all the made up words, you used so few of the Triple Word and Triple Letter scores. What’s the point of cheating – ahem, making up words – if you don’t get massive points?
Definition request: aglovings
It’s driving me crazy that I can’t find a satisfying combination of “Scrabble” and “sacrilege.” Many combos are obvious, they just don’t sound right. I guess it just has to be left in the ether, a shadow on the cave wall.
Scrabble is sacred in my mother’s eyes, but I’ve been wanting for years to use all of those random assortments of letters and just PLAY. I mean, who else but me would end up with 5 e’s a q and a z. I think that Qeeeeze makes a fine word!
My favorite from your board: Fezi.
GOD, I love two magnum nights!
Seriously, I need to get over my obsession with rules and play like that. It would made all of the scrabble I play much more fun.
Ok, so this isnt meant to be racist but we played ubonics scrabble one night. Let your imagination run with that one!