It’s a little after midnight on Sunday night when it starts started raining in the bedroom. I hear the initial plop, plop and look from the dark spots on my comforter to the ceiling where a seam has bulged and split, letting in the storm.
“Oh crap!” I say, launching myself from the bed, startling a sleeping Hal. He dodges my clumsy feet as I lunge for the laundry hamper, scattering the dirty clothes in a hurry to catch the fountain of rainwater. I yank cords from the outlet, sending both the lamp and the alarm clock into darkness.
“Crap, crap, crap.”
The bathroom skylight has been pouring rusty water for hours.
Were I a mother, I think I would turn the leaky roof into an adventure. Throw sheets over the furniture and create a camping trip out of leaky ceilings and interrrupted sleep. Fake cheeriness as I tuck children into sleeping bags in the living room, and make thunder into God’s estate furniture company liquidation. Everything must go! Fall asleep with a flashlight lodged under my ribs.
But I’m not a mother. I don’t have frightened kids – just a cranky cat equally unimpressed by the night’s upheaval. I am tired and my bed is wet.
“This f**king sucks,” I tell the cat, and crawl onto the sofa. And as I lay there an hour later, pissed and sleepless, it occurs to me the fake camping adventure might have been a better idea, kids or no.
Adventures are best shared, but a playful heart keeps one’s spirits lifted. I need to take my own advice, methinks.
Good luck with the move, Heather. I wish you all good things–I’ve been reading for years and have enjoyed your writing immensely.
UUUGGHHHH!!! Oh no, that’s terrible!
One more thing to make you say “good riddance!” to New York. Temporarily, of course.
Best of luck getting everything dealt with.
I’m probably buying a condo this week. Duplex down. I could do without the flood stories.
Sorry about the ****ty weather, at least in Texas only a tornado or a coyote would come through your bedroom. Which is better, when you consider how rusty water smells.
Ick!! I think the adventure would have been more fun!
Keep your chin up, Dallas will soon take you away from wet beds and stubbed toes!
The apartment knows you’re leaving it….
Sorry about the deluge. Hopefully, someone will fix it right up ASAP.
i AM a mother…and that “This f**king sucks,” reaction seems right on the money for me too…
I thought this blog was about your search for your bicycle. You never discuss dating anymore – just these random, boring essays.
Welcome to Texas! You’re gonna hate the traffic, but love the people.
What you’re going through was my life back in February. I had these massive holes in my ceiling for what felt like an eternity post-apartment flood.
Go buy yourself some Godivas. You deserve them.
yeah your blog is cute but hasn’t been about dating in quite awhile. maybe just needs a new name?
I think your blog is great just the way it is- I love the way you write about things.
To those who think it should just be about dating- start your own damn blog then!
Wait a minute…you’re not even a FISH, are you?!
Look, I love you like my own sister, but if your blog/life were all about dating, I think I’d have to disown you. People obsessed with dating are hard to put up with.
Bed wetter!
ugh, sorry to hear the tales of the outside-in weather…same thing was going on at our OFFICE today. when i got in, all the trash cans on the 2nd floor had been co-opted into rain cans. very very classy. and yeah, rusty water smells like pretty flowers & all.
Dallas is just around the corner…hang in there.
This blog is about THIS FISH….the point being, the more we know and understand THIS FISH, the more we can understand and appreciate the challenge of needing (or not needing) a bicycle. If someone wants a constant stream of dating stories, try the local a bar.
I think your blog’s perfect the way it is too and I love reading it. What’s up with people who actually leave bossy demanding comments? Imagine them in real life huh?
My roof leaks too. It may be of some comfort to know that even several thousand miles away in the UK “This f**king sucks”
Oh! Dallas! I’m so excited that the city is getting another classy, sassy lady- even if for a bit!
Good luck with the move! Let us know if we can help. We’re just up the tollway in Frisco!
One of the times it’s tough living solo. The only silver lining to my bathroom flooding a few years back was the sight of a clueless roommate standing in the puddle (lights on, of course), asking me if we, like, had a bucket or something because this might be a problem. I was too busy laughing at stupidity to get fully pissed.
Anyone want get together to have a going away party for Heather? Maybe we can pool some $ together to get her a going away present or card!
That said, here is my So Long Fish, thanks for the Memories Party:
Time: Wednesday April 18th. @10PM
Location 1720 2nd Ave at BB&R. (Upper East Side)
There’s a open p.i.n.k. vodka bar starting at 10.
Bring a Print Out of your favorite Blog entry for discussion.
To poster Going Away: Would’ve attended but I was at Manitoba’s in the East Village. Weds. night Carnival of (Manic) Lost Soul dance party. Bon Voyage to The NYC Fish. Hello Expatriate Fish.
I returned to a Park Slope apt. I once had to leave b/c of leaky pipes. A jazz club had opened in place of the day care center there. I asked the owner if the pipes still leaked. His reply, he has to move the vibes player out of the way every so often. The moral? Gentrification doesn’t always help.