“We need to talk.”
Uh oh.
Yesterday, I went in to have a wisdom tooth extracted. Yeah, yeah, we already went through that whole non-ordeal, but for whatever reason, the insurance goons wouldn’t let me have the lower one done because it wasn’t through the gums yet. And recently, it has been. Through the gums and making life pretty effing intolerable. And now that I have no dental insurance at all, well, I just love a good case of some really bad timing.
Last time, I made a big deal about it (as is my way) and then felt silly when Stephanie came to pick me up at the dental surgeon’s office and I was totally fine. Ah, well. One can never be too prepared. But the way the surgeon said, “We need to talk” as he plopped my x-ray onto the lightboard, made me think that this time, things were not totally fine.
He explained that due to the location of the nerve canal, making two quick lines with a blue pen on my x-rays, and the location of the tooth, tapping on my number 17 molar, the extraction could cause some nerve compression.
“Which means you might experience temporary to permanent loss of feeling in your lips or part of your face.”
“What exactly do you mean by might,” I asked, shifting uncomfortably in the dentist chair.
“You have more of a chance of it happening than not.”
“Oh.”
“What we’re talking about here are things like, you won’t be able to put lipstick on without looking in a mirror, or be able to tell if you have a bit of food on your lip…”
Pfft! I thought. I’m not much of a lipstick girl, and the food thing – that’s what friends are for.
“…and most patients report a change or loss of sensation in kissing.”
No! Oh, no, no, no! Who likes, nay who loves kissing more than I do? Nobody, that’s who! I would do it professionally if there were a legitimate occupation to be had doing it. There’s nothing better than a good kiss, and no crime greater than a bad one; how would I know the difference anymore? Nooooooo!
I nodded to show I understood, then lay back in the chair and gave god, what in the seventh grade we’d have called, a major crusty.
If I waited, and left the tooth where it was, we could fight the flare-ups with antibiotics and painkillers, but the tooth would eventually have to come out. And the older I get, the less and less chance I have of regaining that lost sensation.
“Okay,” I told the doc, who’d been chatting with me about travel and family for the past twenty minutes (he seemed totally disinclined to rush me into any sort of decision — the mark of a good man and a good surgeon, in my book). “Let’s do this.”
Out came the IVs and monitors and suddenly, I wished I’d dragged Ari with me for this joyful experience. But the moment the sedative hit my veins (doc said I’d feel really, really drunk, really, really quickly and he wasn’t joking), I lost all track of that thought and went to Italy. No kidding, the entire surgery, I dreamed that I was vacationing in Italy. Which, if you’ll allow a tangent, is better than the dream I had last night where I got lost trying to find my apartment with Suzanne Sommers in tow, and got made fun of for it by Sarah Jessica Parker. End tangent.
Well, the good news is, the Novocaine wore off and although some parts of my face feel strange and tight, my lips feel mostly normal (I take back that major crusty, god). But the bad news is, the Novocaine wore off, and holy hell, does my jaw hurt.
Now, I guess the only way to tell if and when I regain full feeling in my lips is to take a scientific approach. Therefore, I propose to be kissed once a day for the next several months, and record my findings in a journal. Now accepting applications for a volunteer medical study. Compensation will be generous.
My doctor told me this, too – AFTER my surgery. They put me to sleep to remove 4 impacted wisdom teeth. At my follow-up exam, upon discovering that I didn’t have any facial paralysis, he said “Whew! Oh good. I was really concerned about that. Your teeth were so close to the nerves, I was certain you would have lost sensation in your lips.”
Um, hello? Could you warn me about this BEFOREHAND? Anyway, everything worked out fine.
Good luck to you!
you crack me up. thanks for the smile!
Almost the same thing happened to me. When I got my wisdom teeth out they told me there was a 25% chance that they would hit a nerve and that I would lose all feeling in my bottom jaw, tongue, and chin for 24 hours…or possibly six months…or forever. Sure enough, it happened.
Could not feel food, water, blood….it was gross. Thank everything good in this world it went away after 48 hours. You are so lucky that didn’t happen to you…worst 48 hours of my life.
You’re going to be fine – no way would God send you to Italy during your surgery if your kissing ability was about to be taken away (even if you did give him the major crusty).
You should have gone to Prague, my employer has a hotel there, I could have got you a free room.
From This Fish:I’m still going… just not til October! And I kinda want to be there for longer than an hour. You know how it is.
My extraction was considered very high risk as well, but luckily I came out of it with just a little numb spot on my chin. Funny, while they told me about the risks, they never mentioned the kissing thing.
I had sugery on my arm a few years back and the danger there was cutting nerves to my hand. Playing guitar is a large part of how I define myself and the possibility of a numb hand was terrifing. When I was lying on the table waiting for the surgeon they asked me if I’d like a nerve block in addition to the general. The point being that they wouldn’t have to dope me with morphine the second I woke up. Seemed like a good idea.
It took hours for the nerve block to wear off. Hours of disorientation and nausua coupled with a mounting conviction that I’d never be able to feel my fingers again. Not a good idea at all. Those hours waiting and wondering were some of the worst I’ve ever spent.
Glad to hear it went well. So, uh, you know, I’ve always been a great admirer of the scientific method. My finace though, not so much.
I was never informed of the kissing thing, either. Hmmm. I had all four of my wisdom teeth taken out about 4 weeks ago and I still have numbness in the lower right half of my mouth, chin, and lower lip. Sadly, kissing has definitely lost some sensation. Its so very sad, but I was told by the surgeon to give it a couple of months (months!) and see if it repairs itself. Here’s hoping!
Good luck with your recovery!
I love kissing too. Glad you are feeling well.
Kissing? For medical science? Well, put it that way and I suppose I could be persuaded to help, you know, a little. I believe in science ever since I saw Al Gore’s movie. I have never kissed Al Gore, however.
I was in a car accident a few years back and somehow (thankfully I don’t remember anything) put a big hole in my lip-below the actual pink part of the lip, so it was a big icky hole rather than a cut. I was numb from the middle of my bottom lip to the corner of my mouth for about eight months. Then, just as I was getting resigned to it, and getting used to the kissing not being so good, I burned my lip on a cup of hot tea. I screamed and cried like an idiot-because I was thrilled to feel anything. Today, all the feeling is back, and kissing is better than ever. So even if you have some weird numbness, there is hope for the nerves getting things figured out eventually.
Glad it went well for you !
I happily volunteer. However, I think if this experiment is going to be scientific, you need a control group consisting of a daily kisser. My lips have great stamina!
Finally… someone who can definately feel my unfortunate Rub A535 incident pain. Different experience, same big, numb, floppy frozen lip results. Hope you’re better soon – Jasmine
reading posts like this makes me thank the giver-outer of the good genes that I have never had even so much as a cavity and that all 4 of my wisdom teeth came in all straight and perfect and with no trauma (my sister has had at least 12 root canals and all 4 wt removed – she got the straight hair and fabulous legs gene)
thank goodness the numbing wasn’t permanent
My lips are on their way.
The same thing happened to me when I got my two lower wisdom teeth out in November (two days before Thanksgiving, no less!). Sure enough, half of my chin/lips were numb and tingly up until a few weeks ago. So yeah, that’s about 5 months. But now it’s back to normal. So even if you do experience some of that, fear not, because it eventually goes away.
By the way, I totally agree with finding a man with whom to track the progress.
Excuse me….is this the line for the scientific Fish Kissing Study?
Good. I brought references as well. I’m reeeeeally hoping to get this gig.
I wish my orthodontist would have told me to get my wisdom teeth removed. I can live with the swelling. But I can’t stand my new teeth coming in and biting my cheeks. It gets hard to eat, and my orthodontist says it’s “normal.”
Ok, this is a little bit of creepy medical voyeurism- but… was the sedative ketamine by any chance? Because my EMT instructor once told me that ketamine causes ‘suggestible hallucinations’ – i.e tell the burn victim they’re going to Hawaii before you push Ketamine… and you were talking about travel…
I hope your jaw feels better soon : )
Would you consider applicants from Chicago?
You get to visit the other great city besides NY.
Hi Heather,
One of my best friends lives in Dallas (I live in Boston), and I think you and she would totally hit it off. She moved there from France a few years ago, and though she is married to a great guy, hasn’t made that many great friends. I don’t know if this is weird or not, but if you are looking to meet cool, smart, fun women in Dallas, I’d love to introduce you to my friend Barbara. (This feels like fixing you up on a blind date–but how do people meet people in a new city??!) She also works with a ton of men!
Diane
P.S. I admire your spontaneity. (sp?)
Ooooh, good plan…especially if you’ve got some of those Texas guys lined up(or really, anyone from the Southwest…someone taught them how to kiss RIGHT).
Yikes, scary!! But the word “temporary” is certainly encoraging.
Feel better, and take EVERY friggin’ pain pill they prescribe you.
I would gladly vounteer to test those lips as often as is necessary. I can provide kissing references if you require them.
I just got my uppers out on Tuesday, and if it make you feel any better, I think the lowers are less painful because they are further away from the nerve center. I guess at least I got mine out now when the roots are short, and there was less of a chance of losing sensation! Thanks for keeping me entertained while I am out sick Fish! Hope you recover soon!
I can sympathise with you … i remember having my wisdom teeth being taken out while i was in the chair …. as opposed to being shuffled off for surgery… I alsoremember being particularly diligent in my dental hygene and as a result had clean checkups. the third time my dentist, while complimenting me on the great care i was taking of my teeth, decided it was time to REPLACE ALL MY FILLINGS! … bloody hell i thought is this an ethical practise? no cavaties to be filled (and no fillings to charge for) does this magical equal all of your exisitng fillings to be redone? I know things get old and wer out, but i just cant believe that one gets total dental meltdown all at once. kinda reminds me that Edison’s original lightbulb is STILL burning away and i seem to be forever changing the light bulbs in my apartment. * sigh *
How generous?
I had my jaw broken in surgery similar to this, although they mentioned the possible loss of feeling, no mention of kissing difficulties. Glad you are okay, I am five years post-surgery and still have no feeling on left side of face from cheek down.
I love you comments about your self it’s just like me talking ! My friend just moved to Dallas too, hoprfully I’ll be there this summer. Love Ice
I sooo feel your pain, I’ve had so many oral toof surgeries, it’s not funny. Not only did I deal with the wisdom toof removal but I had other teef surgically removed prior to that fun adventure. Plus I had braces for close to four years… Me and soft mushy foods are quite bonded. I’m also quite familiar with the very handy technique of wrapping your jaw/ head in ice packs/ frozen peas…. it’s pretty effective. even if your entire family laughs at you for it. My last surgery (tonsilectomy… or whatever you call it) was real fun when we discovered that somewhere along the way I’ve become allergic to the common pain killers. …great, huh?
Glad you survived with no pain killer allergies in tow.
Good timing to visit Italy, it’s sunny and hot here now. So bad it was just the novocaine xD I could use that the next time i wanna get drunk tho. Gotta keep that in mind.
Hey, watch who u kiss, there’s plenty of diseases ur unfeelingly lips wouldn’t like to get
kiss only trusted people! 
About 5 years ago I had two wisdom teeth out – right side upper and lower, and half my tongue has been numb ever since. No warnings from the doctor beforehand, and when I called him later to tell him about it, he said to give it time.
I had a hard time for a while, biting my tongue often because I couldn’t feel it (hey, at least it didn’t hurt when I did it), and some problems talking just at first. But now I’m pretty used to it.
I firmly beleive in the education and research for the wanna be kissing professionals. As a fellow member, the least I can do is help with your research. Now if we can just get the kissers union to pay for my ticket to the big D from Portland. Or, vica versa.
Hope the drugs help and you feel better soon.
My inner 9-year-old just wants to say that “kissing fish” sounds disgusting. It’s like a double-dare or something.