“Whoa! What color is that?”
I crinkled my nose and looked down on the baby, fist shoved into her mouth, drool leaking out the sides. At the sight of my face – eyes wide, brows raised in mock horror – she grinned.
“Uh huh. Laugh it up, but I think we’re gonna need more baby wipes. STAT.”
I’ve always thought that the best and most efficient way to cure Baby Fever was to spend time with other people’s offspring. The idea is, you’ll see what babies are really like, realize how much you love your single, diaperless existence, kiss the baby on the head and wish the parents luck as you speed off in your carseat-fee set of wheels.
Take that hormones! You have met your match! And it wears size 0 to 3 months.
Last weekend, I drove to Austin to spend time with Stephanie, Phil and the Wonder Twins. And when the three of us weren’t out running around doing grown-up things (tennis, cocktails, shopping), I had a baby on my hip and a thin coat of drool on my right shoulder. The babies cried and fussed and puked and pooped (as they do), and I cooed and lullabied and wiped and changed. And when I left on Sunday morning, I was not cured. In fact, it was all I could do to walk out that door without committing baby larceny.
Whoa. I bow to the all-powerful hormones. Not even a diaper full of avocado-colored excrement could defeat them.
I’m certain it didn’t help things that Stephanie, a woman who did single and carefree with enviable flair, is such a natural, graceful mother that motherhood seemed equally enviable. Babies: the season’s must-have accessory. And Phil does fatherhood with such charm, up to his elbows in hamburger meat, throwing goofy smiles toward a bouncy-seated little man who has just discovered his tongue, that husbands started to seem like not such a bad thing either.
“There goes my plan to have a turkey baster baby at 35,” I told Scott last night on our way home from dinner.
“Please, woman. You’ll find someone long before then.”
“That’s not the point. It was such a nice plan. I was fine with the idea of doing it alone. I mean, men – no offense, dear — can be such pains in the ass.”
“You just haven’t met the right one yet, is all.”
“So they tell me.”
“…”
“…”
“Yeah, sorry. I guess it just seemed like the right thing to say.”
‘Heather & Abs,’ cameraphone work by SK
You look great in that picture.
Babies. Things always get awkward when I try to steal my friends little girl by attempting to distract her with shopping and lunch. So, don’t worry, you are not alone in your baby larceny thoughts.
Owww!! I have such similar thought! Of doing it alone at 35. One thing to add to your comment about men being pain in the ass — they sometimes act like babies too… so if you had a man and a baby, it would seem like you have two!! there you go…
and friends also tell me what Scott told you everytime I announce my ‘doing-it-alone’ plan to them…
If it’s a baby you’re after…babies don’t stay babies…they grow up. Remember that, hormones.
I have been going thru the Baby Fever lately too… and to make matters worse, this week my sister, who lives half a world away from me, asked me to buy my niece and nephew (3 and 9 months each) baseball outfits for their upcoming bdays. So shopping for wee little ones has done nothing to soothe my hormones. If anything, makes me want to get one just so I could buy the wee outfits… *sigh*
you are the only thing that isn’t bigger in TX. you look tan and bee-yoo-tiful in that pic!
and i visited a friend last weekend who has a 2 1/2 month old i hadn’t met yet. i had her thighs with a side of BBQ for lunch. made my ovaries hurt BIG TIME….
to get rid of the baby blues, spend time with a 2 year old. Works like a charm every time.
May be hormones, may be God talking. I bow to the higher authority. Nothing on this planet like bringing one closer to the God thing as witnessing childbirth to child rearing to child growing (except for maybe a Citizen Cope, Lisa Loeb or Bob Dylan concert). Didn’t even witness a terrible 2s syndrome. Hope the same goes for adolescence and she still recognizes and knows me. You might have seen Dick Cheney’s daughter had one today. Nice picture. I hope you framed and have it in your office.
I hear you! The whole beating the hormones thing by playing with my sister’s baby Lucas and my sweet niece just does not defeat my hormones these days either. We need the men STAT!
Spend time with a two year old? At two they have their own opinion, but your still bigger than they are. Try teenagers… I have two for rent that would cure *anyone* of procreationary thoughts.
Wow, Heather, you look like Demi in that picture. How on earth did you get your teeth to be so white?
I’ve been hanging with my step-granddaughter. I never was a baby person until I had my son, so you will be a TERRIFIC mother!
And trust me, you won’t be able to resist some man one day. You will just want to make babies with him, and it’s all good.
Hi heather…
I just found out your blog from torrie’s baby post. I like your blog.
I hope you don’t mind. I’ll visit later.
i’ve got the SAME picture but it’s me holding my gorgeous friend’s baby. i want one until i realize i could NEVER create someone as beautiful as him. it’s genetically impossible. but when he says my name ugh!!! i melt like butter. he’s 2 right now and there is NOTHING terrible about it
i’m far too weak to resist his super natural powers of being so adorable 
Yeah, cliches suck to hear, but just remember that they are cliches for a reason!
The Scotts sound awesome…I wish they had doubles in NYC!
It’s not that we’re ‘pains in the ass’ … OK, maybe a little … it’s that we’re so … so … well, hey, just read my post on Guys and their idiotsyncrasies and you’ll understand.
Hee hee
It’s OK until they’re about 12, then they have the potential to turn into judgemental little snobs for the next 6-8 years, then they get over it and become friends. But it’s a ride I wouldn’t have missed.
You had me at ‘avocado-colored excrement’.
you look like such a natural with them!
I have big time baby fever, but my husband says no – finances and fear. I’m sure it will happen at the right time.
drat those crafty wiley babies with their cute button noses and hanging on to your finger with their chubby widdle hands….
Huh…I guess I’m an anomoly, but at this stage in my life it’s my husband who has baby rabies, not myself. Sure, they’re cute, but I have no desire to go through pregnancy and childbirth, never mind raising a kid, for a good long time…of course, the fact that we’re still in our 20′s must have something to do with it.
While my ovaries don’t leap in anticipation each time I see a newborn (anymore), I’m still really excited about the chance to be a mommy…the wee ones haven’t scared me off yet (but the exhausted looking mothers with four children under the age of six have…just a bit).
Good Lord girl… first you got me obsessed with getting a red couch, my own gay and now you’ve got me back on the baby wagon I just flung myself off of. Geeesh.
By the way, I love the top you’re wearing in the picture… I have it too in fuschia… it’s Banana right?
you look great- the sun and TX are treating your right.
That’s an awesome pic!! Texas must be agreeing with you…..
Waiting to hear more on the “lifting guy”….!
Awww, my pretties! Thank you for saying I’m a good mom. It’s kind of absurd how awkward and worried new mothers can be about that kind of thing. We actually, I’m learning, need reassurance. Because how else do you know you’re a good mother? Thank you, and you and your smile and absurdly nerdy scrabble skills are always welcome, especially if we’re playing upwards instead of scrabble.
I’ve noticed lately that just holding a baby would be really good therapy for me…then I can give them back and all will be well…as long as I would get to hold it again soon