“…go out with camel toe!”
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was Saturday night and the uptown karaoke bar was teeming with sorority girls and pop-collared frat daddies. She was among them, tall, tan, blonde, pretty, and wearing bright fuchsia formal shorts. Now, formal shorts already rank right up there with skinny jeans and Crocs on my list of Greatest Fashion D’ohs of the Decade. So when you pair them with some friction and an apparent lack of underwear and…
“Not one of her girlfriends — and I count six with her — thought to herself, Hmmm, should I maybe tell Malibu Barbie she’s got a gnarly front-crack going on?”
The Scotts followed my eyes across the room and grimaced as they sucked down their rum and pineapple cocktails. They were with me on the whole, her friends should be slapped for allowing a public viewing of their sister tri-delt’s personal bits. Who needs enemies when you have friends like that?
“You know I’d never let you out of the house like that,” Scott the First said.
“I appreciate that.” Let it be known that Scott won’t let me leave the house with wet hair, either. He’s got high standards for his homo crone.
The camel toe incident wouldn’t have been so bad, and we’d probably have forgotten all about it, except Malibu Barbie insisted on getting up every few minutes to dance around, and several times, she ran up to the stage to put on a performance. And that’s when it started. She yodeled her way to the chorus of her Shania Twain song of choice and…
Man, I feel like a camel toe!
It came out before I could stop myself. I choked a laugh into my beer and looked up to see Scott Number Two grinning. The next number, performed by a handful of our friends, was an old Ace of Base crowd pleaser.
Allllll that she waaants is another camel toe!
she’s gone tomorrow, boy…
We just couldn’t quit. Every song that came on until we tumbled from the bar in the early morning hours had some new reference to camel toe. Some references were pure genius. Others… a bit of a stretch. Garth Brooks singing about camel toe? Yes, indeedy.
Also by the end of the night, we had developed a subtle, friendly hand signal to let someone know they were sporting the ole camel toe. You know, in case you’re just too timid (*cough* lame *cough*) to say it out loud.
If I ever flash you this sign, it means you have camel toe and you’d better change your damn pants, okay?
I was so hoping this post would end with the three of you jumping on stage to karaoke to “Camel Toe” a la Dreamgirls, but that stuff only really happens in the movies. Still, a fine post about a worthy topic.
Greatest. Photo. Ever.
OMG, and none of her friends told her that?
Tck!
I use to dig Ace of Base… Barbie ruined it!
okay, i feel silly for asking, but what exactly IS camel toe??
What about guys with pants so tight they’re showing their wanglyhoos? What would be the subtle sign for that?
Don’t even need the sign language, your facial expression says it all. The eyes show abject horror, while the mouth commands you to stow away your crotch. If I see that look at the gym, I’ll know my shorts are too wide in the leg and I need to wear briefs. Thanks for the education.
That picture of you is HILARIOUS, lol!!!
)
This post makes me miss you.
What is a camel toe? And, now that I think of it, what the heck are *formal* shorts? I thought shorts, by their very whatever, are casual.
OMG, I almost fell out of my chair, laughing so hard at the story. Thanks, I needed that on a Monday.
Lesson learned, if Malibu Barbie can’t count on her friends to stop her from making one of the biggest fashion faux pas known to woman, she should invest in a full-length mirror!
real friends let real friends know when they have spinach on their teeth, camel toe, or bad breath.
I happen to enjoy the formal shorts – I wore them out last night AAMOF, but heaven help me if I should ever sport the *insert above phote* you have my permission to pull a reverse-wedgie.
LOL! That is too hilarious! You really don’t need enemies when you have friends like that! Oh man, you and your friends are awesome, too bad you didn’t take picture of her reaction as well!
I’ve gotta second Rebecca’s love for the formal shorts trend. I’ve always hated wearing shorts because I thought they made my legs look short and stumpy, but when you can wear them with stilettos, they’re pretty sexy. It’s like wearing a mini skirt without looking like a hooker. I think the key is wearing them with a loose top, so you’re just showcasing the legs. I would agree, however that they are not universally flattering, so wear with caution.
I DO agree with you on the crocs though. My God, America, what are you thinking? I understand wearing them in the backyard or to schlep the kids to the pool, but with an actual outfit? In actual public? Why?
For those who asked–a camel toe is what we call a “front wedgie”
To the uninitiated: Camel toe is the unfortunate happenstance where a woman’s pants (or formal shorts) are so tight on her that the seam gives her a front wedgie. The result is a two lobed bulge that should *never* be seen in public.
http://camelphotos.com/GraphicsP2/CamelPad.jpg
You could also check Urban Dictionary for their definition, but they aren’t nearly as politically correct.
Clinton and Stacy would have a field day with this one!
Wicked funny pic!
Welcome back Heather… this one made me snort. Out loud.
“Wanglyhoos” is my new word of the day.
Feel free to adopt it as yours, Barbara – I got it from someone else, too!!
Another term: Panty Apples
Although it sounds like Barbie wasn’t wearing any panties.
If you ever flash me that sign, I’ve got something more serious going on than mere camel toe.
Have you ever seen the camel toe video by “girls behaving badly” SOOO FUNNY
HILARIOUS
I give you “The Camel Toe Song”. Yes, there is a song. And yes, it is funny.
Equally bad is the male camel toe.
You are sheer genius for coming up with that sign. I have often wondered how to communicate this faux pas effectively. Voila, you are brilliance.
Oh, Heather…I KNEW we should have been in Uptown on Saturday night instead of elbowing our way through the throngs down on Lower Greenville.
Although, we saw our fair share of formal short faux pas……including someone who really needed to brush up on her hair removal methods before donning her shorties.
One of the guys even snapped photos. I hope he destroys them – the world never needs to see that sight again.
This is why my friends and I have a very simple statement/question that solves this problem…. If camel toe is in effect “the camel called (he wants his toe back)” or you can ask “did the camel call?” and know w/o a doubt….
problem solved before leaving the house.
Hysterial!! I thought this was the best Monday story E.V.E.R – I had to share with my co-workers..
Also known as “yo-yo” smuggling.
The male equivalent is called a moose knuckle.
I get to thank my younger sister for that gem.
ROTFLMAO … oh but you are a good friend and you HAVE good friends! Cherish them!
Our signal was the back of your hand with your index and middle finger spread apart and bent at the first knuckle lol!
Viewing the original Star Wars trilogy this weekend, I noticed the giant mechanical camels (All Terrain Transport) shooting at Luke Skywalker (I’m not a geek – I had to research this on starwars.com). Skywalker takes them out by tripping them with a wire. I believe George Lucas might have this fetish you describe. I love Ace of Base. Hard to sing-along to.
You are soooo wrong about the skinny jeans! C’mon, just jump on the jean boat.
Oh my goodness, you’re hilarious!
whats wrong with camel toe i believe its called camel foot sometimes it feels good against that wall lip
stop u killing me
I have an infinitely more subtle camel-toe sign for when it’s someone you hate and don’t want them to KNOW they have it. Make a fist (thumb on the outside), then, keeping them curled, bring your first two fingers out of the fist. Then face your hand fingers-down. Instant tiny camel-toe.
Oh my god, I can’t stop laughing! I may have to utilize that sign.
Camel toe is one of the worst things EVER. Well, next to guys who wear pants that are so tight you can see their nuts.
One of my friends had a coworker ask her once if she had camel toe. My thought is that if you EVER have to ask because you can’t tell by looking in the mirror, perhaps you should change without even asking.
that’s hilarious