karaoke voyeurism

Usually, I just like to watch.

The idea of actually participating in Karaoke has always scared the bejesus out of me. That a roomful of perfect strangers gets to judge the worth of my soul based completely on my performance of some used-to-be top forty song makes my knees wobble. And don’t tell me they won’t, that they’re too drunk to pay attention. I wasn’t too drunk to mentally crush the skull of the skank in the flowered dress who ruined Son of a Preacher Man. I mean, the nerve.

But on Saturday, I was feeling a little pissed off (that story, later) and a little drunk… and the combination of the two became a powerful force for overcoming shyness. With the Scotts kneeling down front for moral support, I grabbed the microphone with shaking hands, swallowed the bile collecting in the back of my throat and… I Karaoked.

And I was awesome. Actually, Scott Number Two said I was “f–king awesome” with about a dozen exclamation points (he’s since been forgiven for how utterly shocked he sounded when he said it). I like to think, had Ms. Loeb herself been in the bar that night, she’d have bought me a beer. Or at the very least, not crushed my skull with her mind.

What I didn’t realize before my trip to the mic, was that while you’re standing up there, shaking in your flip flops, the dj actually jabs a needle into the fleshy part of your thigh, and injects you with some highly addictive narcotic. Seriously, it’s the only explanation for what follows. The in-your-bones need to Karaoke. I’ll take the Sonny part in “I Got You Babe” – I don’t care, just get me to the mic!

It’s a relief, really. I’m only twenty-eight, and I’ve found my calling.

31 comments to karaoke voyeurism

  • misinformation

    Lisa Loeb helped you find your calling? I’m sure she’ll be all sorts of pleased. Was it “Stay?”

    And you say… I only hear what I want to.

  • Kimberly

    I love karaoke. I actually met my husband in a karaoke bar. Me “Let’s Hear It For the Boy.” Him “She Came in Through the Bathroom Window.”

    It was a match made in heaven.

  • On her last birthday, my wife treated the party to a 10-shot rendition of Living on a Prayer. Sadly, I had taken relatives home, and missed it.

  • I had a fancy dress karaoke party for my 30th birthday – even more addictive than just singing. I was Scarlett O’Hara and sang ‘The Winner Takes it All’. But I’ll never forget Margaret Thatcher singing ‘Take a chance on me’ or Darth Vader’s rendition of ‘I who have nothing.’

    Best done among a large group of very good friends rather than in a public place,I think (like so many things in life).

  • Angierl

    I thought you were a terrific Sonny even though you had the Cher hair! Your Lisa impression was awesome I tell you. If you get a compliment from Scott 2, especially about Karaoke, that is golden! I say we go again SOON!

  • I would have to be really, really drunk to even THINK about Karaoke… and even if I DID sing, the Scotts would not applaud me as they did you. ;)

  • usually I consider Karaoke a spectator sport as well…but once in a while that inner rockstar just needs to be let go! :)

  • I don’t want to brag or anything, but I do a MEAN “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, dramatic interpretation and all.

  • Christi

    Congrats on getting the courage to karaoke!

    My advice (from personal experience) is to never, ever sing karaoke on/along/with/? a video game system (maybe it’s called Karaoke revolution…something like that). I tried this once at a friends house and was booed off the stage by the fake computer people. I knew I couldn’t sing, but now I know that Karaoke (of any kind) and I won’t be friends for a while…

  • rick from canada

    when i was a kid I used to watch saturay afternoon wrestling with my grandmother who loved watching oiled up men beating each other to a pulp. There was a black guy with dyed white hair called Sweet Daddy Siki … pepermint stripped trunks, knee high white boots and a signature move “the Beatnik backdrop” (sorry this is long but there IS a point to it) … like most wrestlers they dont just fade away they vanish. until recently that is …. in my neighbourhood is a tacky bar called “the duke” with the worst john wayne mural u can imagine … well for whatever reason I happened to see “the sign” …satuday afternoon karioke with sweet daddy siki … you gotta be kidding i thought … so in i went …. this is the sort of place where the regulars get their mail delivered to them … sure enough there he was … doing country and western karioke – somehow a black ex wrestler in his 70s miming to achy breaky heart didnt quite make it. pity he was one hell of a wrestler

  • lawyerchik1

    (Somewhat embarrassed): I’ve not only done Karaoke, I’ve done Karaoke while sober….. I’ve also done that thing at the amusement parks where you get a recording of your rendition of a used-to-be-top-40-song for your very own…..

  • Rising Phoenix

    Fish,

    I love to karaoke…You can have the most Bitchy time. Welcome to the Karaoke club…..:-D

  • Ha ha! Whenever I used to get drunk at the bar, some sknaky chick always butchered some song about “Bobby McGee,” which I’d never heard except for at that bar.

  • I studied music in college. I’ve been paid to play guitar for people, some of whom were sober. I’ve recorded music that was purchased by at least a dozen people I wasn’t sleeping with or shared dna with. But…I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a limited edition collector’s teaspoon than karaoke. Yup, I’m that kind of coward. So please believe me when I say that I understand what an achievement that was for you. Rock on Sister. Like any addiction you only suffer when you stop.

  • Yes! Another convert! With their hands tied by a constitution written by the westerners, this is the only other way the Japanese can have world domination! ;-)

  • I love karaoke! I wish I was actually good at singing though! One time, I was too drunk to bother looking at the lyrics and ended up singing “blah blah blah” instead of the actual words. Thank God I was doing a group song!

    You go girl! For swallowing up that bile and singing in public!

  • Tempa

    “You say, I only hear what I want to!”

    Classic. Always my choice for a night of quasi-drunken reputation shattering entertainment!!

  • RA

    Ooh, was it “Stay”? That, and “Torn”, by Natalie Imbruglia, are my karaoke standbys.

    Way to rock it out!

  • Big time congrats!! Up until last year sometime, I was always the girl singing along to the music at the bar but would NEVER get up there. Friends were annoyed with the fact that I’d sing at the bar but not into the mic. Once I (finally) worked up the nerve it was incredible!! You’re absolutely right about the highly addictive narcotic- once you do it you can’t stop!

    I hope you have as much with it as I have – let loose and belt it out! :-)

  • Fish, where do you karaoke?!? They just tore down Ben’s Half Yard House (which, of course was the BEST place for karaoke, EVER!) so I am without karaoke in my DFW existence. Which is just no good… Help!

  • JenW

    My cousin had karaoke at her graduation party. At first, I was the only one fearless enough to perform, and actually wound up singing several songs in a row, with no end in sight. Until- my shy little cousin convinced a friend to sing a song with her, and she was hooked. The microphone had to be pried out of her hands for anyone else to sing that night. And once that song was over, she was right there, demanding the mic back. She, too, is now an addict. Yup, karaoke can turn even the shyest of people into rock stars.

  • Angierl

    Scott 3….HA I do recall thinking WTF when a DAHRUNK lady kept screaming the name Bobby McGee into the mic over and over.

  • lrt

    I’ve always been scared to karaoke..only did it once w/ friends to “Bootylicious” by Destiny’s Child. It was sooooo fun and we gave beyonce a run for her $$ that night. Its tru that once u get up there your inhibitions totally go away!

  • JR etc

    I’ve only done it once, when my flight was forced to land because of a snowstorm and I found myself at a Holiday Inn in Detroit.. I knew no one in the bar, and no one knew me..

    I strode confidently to the mike, and Billy Joel himself has never done “Piano Man” better than it was done that night! The audience was spellbound (or was that passed out?).. I left the bar and never looked back!

  • I can’t sing to save my life, but you’re right, it IS addictive.

  • Don

    Karaoke in front of Japanese tourists. There’s an experience. I sang Paul McCartney’s ‘My Love’ and had them (male & female) swooning (they love American interpretive R&B although imported from the UK). The trick is to find the right venue where you’ll be treated as a god/goddess for just showing up. Lisa Loeb’s ‘Sometimes Called Falling in Love’ is a timeless classic. – Cheers

  • Hillary

    Why were you pissed off? Do tell.

  • Danielle

    You can’t really be mad at someone who doesn’t sing well and is doing karaoke. That’s the whole point of karaoke.

    Anyhow…was surprised with your age. You write a lot about babies and the “clock” and all and the truth is that you have sooo much time for that.

  • Natalie

    I just read your previous post and all I can say is “yay!” I love fish dating as much as you hate it – because I hate ME dating as much as you hate it and it makes me know I’m not alone. Got that? Great. Can’t wait to hear about your adventures!

  • very nice!!!!!

    I’m a fan of anything that will give me a rush – especially if it’s legal.

  • One night, while a little on the tipsy side, my friends decided that I was going to karaoke! So, I get on stage, palms sweating, mouth dry, and a look of terror! I sang, was applauded, and sat my ass down the second it was over! The next thing you know, i’m getting requests…haha! Go me! You really do get a different appreciation for karaoke once you do it!