On Friday, I had some time to kill before picking my sister up at the (sketchiest ever) Greyhound station downtown. So after dinner, I joined some friends on the patio at Gingerman for some Belgian beer and people watching. Very focused people watching. Ordinarily, I don’t pay much attention to other folks at bars, except to play Who is your daddy and what does he do? (I’ll explain later), but that night, I was on a different sort of mission entirely. I was man watching.
A few days ago, after realizing that I wasn’t any closer to ending my aloneness by hanging out with my buddies doing home decorating projects and watching suffering disappointment over The Starter Wife, I decided that it was time to get back out there. You know, meet new people. Date. Shudder. I mean, as much as I love men, I can’t help but feel that dating is quite possibly the most tedious task ever invented. Tell me I’m not the only gal to feel that way.
Oh! Speaking of things girls can agree on (if you’ll excuse the totally disjointed tangent), I’ve started a little list:
One, how about that scruffy-faced environmentally-conscious dude in the new Subaru commercials? Boy, have I got it bad for him. Holy cow. What was that you said, Subaru Man? I’m sorry, I was picturing you naked. Rowrr.
Two, the new Tampax Look at me! I’m on the rag! packaging. Ladies who work in an office space populated predominantly by men (I’m thinking architecture or finance), I’m pretty sure Tampax made those nuclear goldenrod yellow tampons just for you. No more discreetly palming and little white package and slipping off to the ladies’ room. Oh, no. Tampax wants your male co-workers to be reassured that they didn’t really merit that tongue lashing you gave them; it’s just that time of the month.
Anyway, back to dating. Goodness knows I’m so more of a torch carrier — a suffer for love kinda gal — than a dater, but turns out, dating’s a necessary evil if I want to have someone to help carry in groceries and take up the other half of the bed. Which I do. And while I vastly prefer making out with strangers in the dark corners of seedy bars to actual courtship, we all know how far that’s gotten. So, I’m putting myself out there. I’m wearing mascara and smiling at strangers, accepting drinks from those with interesting faces (and, if experience has anything to say about it, superbly twisted Oedipal complexes and/or issues with commitment) and… dating.
Remember when I tried the date-like-you-mean-it thing last year? Yeah, well, here’s to hoping this adventure is just as blog-worthy.
You know I never do this; I’m not a content/grammar Nazi. But “Ediple complex”? It sounds like a new facial product. It’s Oedipal. I’m sorry. Can I still come over and comment now and then?
mmmmmm Edible dating…..
Um, I think that’s “Oedipul” dear
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus#The_Oedipus_Complex
actually, J dear, it’s Oedipal, with an a. Thanks, Barbara. Spell checker can’t save me from all my gaffes!
OOOH! I love the Gingerman. As a former Houstonian/Dentonian, I am severely jealous.
I just want to know what “Who is your Daddy, and what does he do?” is.
The downtown Greyhound bus stop ISSSSSS sketchy. (shudder) The McDonald’s next to it is fun looking and sticks out like a sore thumb.
As a male commenting on a blog that looks predominantly populated by females, I feel I can add some useful information. Men have no qualms about women approaching them to initiate a conversation. It’s a refreshing change (for us) and it’s a different category of men that you’ll meet with a pro-active approach. So instead of watching may I suggest actually going up and meeting a man? Don’t just smile, go up and say hello!
Tell me about…I have absolutely no patience for the dating thing. If I like him and he likes me we should be able to skip the niceties.
I think I must disagree with John. Traditional manners dictate that the gentleman introduce himself to the young lady and offer up a friendly platform on which they may discuss the issues of the day. After an acceptable amount of time has passed, he may club her over the head and take her back to his cave. It’s called chivalry, people! DAMN! Now I’m off to wrestle bears and pick out eel skin wallets (ME=MANLY)
Couldn’t agree more, Mike. The men, they like to be the hunters. If you make it easy for them, the get disinterested real quick. Besides, I like to save my aggressive side for later. When they appreciate it more.
1) Haven’t seen the Subaru ad in question, although I will DEFINITELY keep my eyes open for it!!
2) HATE-HATE-HATE the “new packaging” for Tampax, which is why I use OB (VERY discreet), but I hate also their ads. Between the upgrade concept of “Pearls” (hello, they’re disposable!), and the one with all of the twirling women, I’d be afraid to try the product.
As to the whole dating issue – go for it. I’m taking a very long time-out from dating, so do fun things so I can live vicariously through your adventures and avoid getting out there myself for a little while longer!!
One more comment on that topic: wait for the ones to approach you after you’ve smiled and encouraged them. If they’re too lazy/inattentive/shy/drunk to get off the bar stool and work a little for some attention, they won’t get any more energetic after you start dating them.
Dating CAN be fun, Fish! Meeting interesting people, getting butterflies…or at the very least a free dinner! But you gotta be excited about dating in order for it to be fun, otherwise it’s annoying. People tell me Texan men are much more old-fashioned and chivalrous…what a novel idea!
Oh my this killed me….so accurate and yet so fun.:)
I work in an office of ONLY men, so to make it easier for myself I just stashed a box of tampax under the sink in the ladies’ room.
Well, another company uses the other end of our building, but only occasionally for training classes. I went into “my” ladies’ room last week, opened the cabinet under the sink, and found that some ENORMOUS ASSHOLE had helped herself to my tampax stash. Seriously, who does that??
Glad to hear you are getting back in the saddle. Can’t wait to hear about your adventures in dating.
Ok, I have a dating/blogging question for you. At what point will you tell your potential date about the blog? After the first date or before? Or after several dates?
I deal with this all the time since I have a semi-anonymous dating-themed blog. I’m thinking I should just start telling everyone from the get…but maybe not until the second date. I’m curious about how you handle this.
I’m straight up about it. I mean, I do it for a living and that sorta thing is hard to hide. So I don’t. I DO, however, wait a solid amount of time after the relationship is dead in the water before writing about it. I figure, after a few months, they’ve forgotten all about me AND the blog.
rock on, sista. i’m right there with you on the “date-like-you-mean-it” attitude. and blog-worthy episodes in dating are just a bonus.
i’m in the same boat. in an attempt to stop with the pattern of making out/sleeping with strangers in hopes that they’ll call, i tried the online route. i could write a book on my insane stories. either way, a good male friend of mine reminded me to just keep having fun, do what i do and, i can’t believe he said this, “one of your guy friends will end up liking you. it’ll happen randomly, almost out of default.” yeah, ruined my just like the movies moment dreams, but funny enough the weekend i did let loose and stopped worrying was the weekend a friend and i had the 2 hour long talk. now i’m trying to figure out the friend to more than friends transition. i swear it was much easier to make out with strangers. any advice?
Thank GOD i don’t have to date anymore. I seriously hated it when i had to do it, so i’m keeping my beau close as long as i possibly can. Trying to get my BF back into the dating scene i can see how lazy men are. I mean damn, if you go to a singles bar, get off your butt and meet the woman smiling at you. geesh
also the Tampon thing…. I work with mostly men (for another day, then i’m moving), so i would crunch down low like i’m picking up something, tuck the tampon in my sock and go to the bathroom. Since i have to pass the IT (men’s) dept to get to the bathroom, i hate having to hold a tampon in my hand or have a long stick-like buldge in my jeans
stashing it up your sleeve (assuming you’re wearing long sleeves) works, too… and it goes unnoticed
i think there are few women who say they enjoy being single because they like the dating game. i enjoy my single time because i don’t owe anyone a goodnight phone call, don’t have to factor anyone in on my weekend plans, and don’t have to play the games we women play (“why didn’t he call me? is he mad?). but until you find someone worthwhile to date (and then dates are memorable and a blast), dating can be awful.
good luck!
That’s one great thing about dating…it gives you funny stories for years afterwards. Here’s to a new round of blog posts (and the Subaru man of your dreams
)
I had a friend that practiced what she called the “vine theory” of dating: dont let go of vine 1 until vine 2 is grasped firmly in hand. I guess thats kinda of like serial dating… and probably why she ended up marrying a seriously psycho a-hole (no vine 2?).
“I mean, as much as I love men, I can’t help but feel that dating is quite possibly the most tedious task ever invented. Tell me I’m not the only gal to feel that way.”
you’re NOT the only gal to feel that way. i’m 28 and trying desperately to date-like-i-mean-it, but sometimes it’s just easier to make out with random strangers in seedy bars.
Good for you. I am doing the dating thing right now for the first time in my life and it takes effort and dedication…and sometimes I would just rather sit on the couch and watch CSI…
I completely disagree with making him approach you first… you’ll never meet the shy ones that way, and they’re the best. I asked my partner of 8 years out for a drink and haven’t looked back since then. I like the fact that I picked him out instead of the other way around. I never felt like I settled.
I’m about to start working for myself (read: full time freelance) from HOME at the end of this month. At which point, after having worked in a tiny office with two men for the past four years, I’m going to have myself a big ole bathroom party. Tampon streamers and a seat DOWN party. Party favors? Multi-colored maxi pads. Wahoo!
I kinda think that the Baltimore Travel Stop might be sketchier. I haven’t been to any in TX, but it’s hard to imagine a worse place than the Baltimore Travel Stop.
Or, perhaps, a better setting for a truly awful date. Hmmm.
Good luck!
good luck jumping back into the dating scene. it *is* tedious, but only until you meet a guy you really dig…which could be just around the corner!
Amen my sister. Dating is tedious with a capital T-E-D-I-O-U-S. Even worse? For me at least are all of my friends (who are all coupled, I might add) telling me to hang in there. It’s not that bad. It will happen.
Yeah. Right. Oh how quickly they forget what it’s like to be out there.
Dating can be tedious, but so can relationships. If you are truly hopeing to find love the only way to go about it is to be open to possibilities. You will have great stories to share and you will meet interesting people who you never may have been open to spend time with before. And who knows, you may not meet the man of your dreams but you may get flowers, nothing makes a girl feel special like flowers.
I don’t care who sees me heading to the bathroom with feminine products, and I actually hate it that the cashiers assume I need my tampons, pads, etc. double bagged. I’m not ashamed that I have a working uterus. I am a woman, after all. It’s not that I just flaunt them or anything, but I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
As for dating, it sucks, and not in a good way
Good luck with that whole dating thing.
i agree it’s tedious
arranged marriage anyone? no?
Though it is commonly thought of that men enjoy being the “hunter”, I don’t believe it to be true for all. Men can be shy, nervous and/or scared of rejection and therefore hesitate to approach someone they are interested in. So, if you wait to be approached, you may miss out.
In order to cover all your bases, I suggest that you make the first move, but it needed be as bold or obvious, as you may think. If you see a guy you are interested in, make eye contact (just don’t let yourself be “caught” sizing him up or staring), and then smile. A guy always loves it when a girls smiles at him. This approach is an effective way to convey your attraction, without making it seem stressful or a huge task. If he still doesn’t get the hint, then go up to him and casually compliment him: his great smile, his beautiful eyes, his fashionable style… etc. Whatever attracted you to him in the first place. Then quietly walk away. By doing this, you have shown your interest in him, and it’s then up to him pursue you.
to blog worthy dating!
Good luck Fish! I wish I could say that dating’s easier here, but I find that doubtful. One of the best places (I’ve found) is Ben’s Half-Yard House. Karaoke night is the best night to meet fun folks and the ice is immediately broken. Anyway, break a leg!
The only thing worse than being 30, single, and making out with guys in bars is realizing that actually, there’s no one in the bar I really want to kiss! Good luck in your dating adventures. I haven’t given up yet!
Love the Gingerman! We hit the Tipperary in Dallas on Tuesday nights after fencing practice.
Hey Fish, just stumbled on this blog the other day. You’re really funny. Thanks!
Cyrus
Go for it…
and tell the voice inside your head to “enjoy itself”. Find someone to laugh with – (that is a very important need in marriage… jeez, in life)
Now that would mean you cannot critique everything and everyone – live with them; not just around them… the dating people, I mean….
Dating is traumatizing especially when ur in a city w/ slim pickings. I havent given up buuuut I’m not the most optimistic about men these days. Anywho good luck w/ dating…cant wait to hear sum stories:)
I LOVE the Subaru guy too!!
Dating is definitely tedious. Finding someone interesting enough to date? So much more so.
But here’s to many blog-worthy dating stories. I’m counting on my summer to be filled with the same.
The words Tampax and tongue lashing in the same sentence is really disturbing.
LOVE Gingerman!
I don’t understand why americans date. I’ve lived in New York before and done it, but still don’t understand how it works and why people do it. Europeans have it so much easier (unless they want to be with someone american) and definitely so much more fun. how about falling in love with a european, fish?
Ok, I hate dating at the moment, even though I really love men. Just started dating again after 24 years — not fun — I guess I was really naive in my 20s, but I never noticed that men lie so much!
On to another subject. Read the book – the starter wife – much better, more evil and nasty and fun! And I really don’t understand why they changed the lead character’s name when they left everyone else’s the same! Oh, right, the TV Molly character is a completely different character!
I have a small black cosmetics bag that I keep stocked with tampons and panty liners in the outside pocket of my briefcase. When I have to go to the bathroom, I don’t feel self conscience at all about carrying it.
OM
Interested to see how your dating adventures proceed. I moved to LA a year ago and have not been out on a date yet (I have no girlfriends in the area to cruise guys with and, shockingly, going out with all your gay guy buds is somewhat of a guy deterent…). It’ll be interesting to learn how you meet guys, primarily, so I can utilize those techniques in my sad existance.
(True Story: The one time I decided to be bold and “pick up” a guy at a bar/lounge; I approach him and we begin talking, flirting and it was great. He was really funny, sincere, witty, etc. and I’m totally patting myself on the back. That is of course until he called the waitress over to replenish our drinks and I saw his wedding band. Not sure if he thought I was into that. I grabbed my gays and left.)
I’m trying out the necessary evil too. Ugh. But a girl does need help carrying the other side of the bed, or groceries.
Vida,
Tell us another way, please! Obviously from these comments not many of us are happy with the US dating scene either…how do couples in Europe get together if dating is not part of the equation??
hey, were u at bishop a few days ago at an indian restaurant?
Tag…you’re it.
Renee, first of all, there’s no pressure, no scrutiny from either side. there are no rules, and I mean NONE. Very often after you meet someone and you exchange numbers, you just hang out together and see if you get along. but again – it’s not a “date” where you have to try to be better than you are. with my first boyfriend – I met him at a nightclub and he called me the next day and we went running together, same thing I would have done with anyone else. Regarding Sex – no rules either. I think what is most important is that you don’t “date” more than one person at a time. when you start getting intimate or tell each other that you have feelings, you’re boyfriend and girlfriend. anything that’s closer than regular friends is a relationship. quite often i find that americans consider relationships a thing where you work toward marriage and have it all mapped out, very confined and kind of scary so you just keep things light dating for a long time. over here you just enjoy. no dating, just real boyfriends.
But what about who’s your daddy? I want to play it, it’s gotta be much more fun than dating!
That’s it… I’m moving to Europe. As soon as I figure out how to get a divorce…
Dating is quite tedious… I really hate it altogether. But then you meet a phenomenally sweet witty doctor who sweeps you off your feet + rushes you into a serious “monogamous” relationship it is quite wonderful. Until you’re one week away from meeting your mother… and you see on your personal laptop some sketchy titles in history and when you link in it you see you’ve accidentally gotten yourself into his email account and that he’s sleeping with AT LEAST three other women and sending raunchy dirty sex emails to them about it (incl moments where he left my house or came to my house from theirs!). Wow… just when I thought men couldn’t get any worse… No signs of this happening though… he’s met all my friends/colleagues + vice versa and was quite unsuspicious since he “works” such irregular hours as a doctor.
Anyhow… sorry… just venting as I made this discovery on Friday and he’s been outta town. I have to confront him in person when he’s back Tues. I hope you have much much better luck than I, fish.
swiss miss, that totally totally totally sucks on about 50 different levels. (yes, it did require 3 separate totallys and no commas because of the totality of the circumstances.)
kick butt, take names, buy yourself something fabulous after as a reward.
I tried dating. Over and over and over. I tried Eharmony which was way to expensive and never found me someone remotely close to my age or, sadly, remotely attractive (I’m sorry but there has to be SOME compatability). Then I tried Match.com which gave me some really great guys, until I looked them up on MySpace and found out they had a girlfriend or several children, or were a lot older than they admitted.
I’ve given up on progressively dating, and I keep smiling and wearing cute skirts and hanging out with other single girl friends… If he comes, he comes, right? And if not… I have a cat
thanks misinformation.
actually… i took your “buy something fabulous after as a reward” to another level. since I know I want to confront/dump him in person, I already bought a cute new dress, hot new heels, got my hair done, bought $100 of new makeup at Sephora… and will look better than he’s ever probably even see me when I give him the boot. AAAA… feels good already.
Its already quite cathartic… yeah! I am already feeling totally totally totally better. It makes me happy that although I’m loosing this wonderful man that I thought he was, thank GOD I know about this now rather than later!!!
Best of luck! I have my fingers crossed for ya! ^_^
What’s worse than dating…dating in New Orleans!!! This city is more like a small town and the single guys are in the bars all the time and I know them all…where’s the new meat???
I must concur, that Subaru guy is so very yummy.
I noticed something funny the last time his commercial, my daughter(12), my mother(57) and I(31)all stopped talking and just watched.
Goodluck to you!
God, The Starter Wife is terrible! I’m so glad I’ve finally heard someone say something about it! Those shameless Pond’s plugs where Debra Messing is protecting herself from the sun, despite that she LIVES on the beach!!! And would she PLEASE quit crying!