Rick* makes a lousy first impression. This friend-of-a-friend makes a fairly terrible second impression, as well, and by the third time I ran into him, my powers of politeness were so faded that even a nod-and-smile combo put a strain on my soul. And most likely my kidneys. They’re always the first to go.
Anyway, on Saturday night, I joined my friend on the patio of a local bar and saw Rick at the end of the table, being irritating and loud, per usual. I nodded in his direction and then spent the rest of the evening paying no attention to him. Because I truly believe in the saying, If you can’t say anything nice, you’d better be good and drunk. And I wasn’t.
When a girl joined Rick later in the evening, it caused a bit of a stir. Evidently, she was his new girlfriend.
“What?” The two girls to my left looked confused. I prodded until one spoke up.
“It’s just… that’s not the way he described her to me. At all.”
“Oh?” My friend and I asked, simultaneously. Our curiosities were piqued.
“Well, he said she was… not very pretty and… chunky.”
It was the gasp heard round the world. My friend and I looked at each other, mouths hanging open. The girl sitting next to Rick was neither unpretty nor chunky. She was… normal. And she had enviable skin and a nice rack.
“Who says things like that?” I asked, appalled. Well, obviously, Rick does. About the girl he’s seeing. The girl who takes pity on him and lets him see her naked. I frowned into my beer and shook my head.
I have dated men that I knew my friends wouldn’t consider attractive. Once, I was head over heels for a five-foot-three, skinny fella… who made me laugh until my face and sides hurt. When asked, “Ooh, what’s he like?” my answer was, “He’s really funny; you’ll love him.” And they did.
If you’re dating someone — if you like them enough to be dating them — you shouldn’t even consider telling your friends they’re unattractive. Unless you’re an asshole. Unless you’re Rick.
Every woman I’ve told this story to has gotten deeply offended on behalf of Rick’s girlfriend. Me, well, I’ve been feeling a bit relieved. See, I felt sort of mean and guilty for hating someone I hardly knew. And now, I’m just proud of myself for being so intuitive.
*Name changed to protect a jerk named Sam.
LOL, can i just say I loved the asterix at the end
and yeah, what a complete and utter ass hole.
The end was my favourite part.
Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them! They do not know how to describe a woman without saying she’s either fat or skinny, there’s no normal. The last time I heard a guy describe a woman in that way, I told him I’d pull his shorts down at the gym. He was stupid enough to try it again and now let’s just say he joined another gym!
Ditto – “to protect a jerk named Sam.”
Also, it begs the question: is “Rick” so much on the attractive side without an ounce of extra weight that he can even make statements like that? ‘Cuz I’ve been stunned to hear words like that coming from the mouths of guys who obviously have never seen themselves in a mirror, so I was just curious…..
Besides being an asshole, how desperate can he be to be seeing someone he doesn’t even find attractive? I don’t think you’re going to be attending this guy’s wedding anytime soon.
Completely agree – what an ass! Your asterisk made me laugh out loud, though. Purely as a public service (and not at all because people are offended by this jackass), maybe you should post his full name and address… he deserves it.
Great post. I admire your restraint – part of me would have wanted to go tell that poor girl she’s with a jerk, and hopefully spare her more pain – but the smarter part of me realizes she probably needs to learn this on her own. Sigh.
Normal Girl, With Good Rack. Isn’t that a Vermeer? I saw it in the Louvre
Oh, okay…I’ll admit. The instant I saw that asterik, I scrolled all the way down to read it first!
The footnote made me squirt soda out of my nose. I suspect everything will smell like rootbeer for the next few days…
at the rsik of sounding redundant, what an ass
enviable skin and a good rack? what’s not to love about that??
Um, is your 5’3″, skinny, absolutely funny guy still available?
Because that it so my type.
eeeg. unfortunately, since it’s Dallas – who knows if I know him. 1 in a mill.
the nerve of some men!
one guy told me his fiancee was not pretty *gasp*… how on earth do u go about saying such a thing about the person ur gonna marry…BEHIND her back
PS- when i met her my heart bled, shes so sweet and head over heels about him..tsk tsk
I’m curious too, to know what Rick/Sam looks like. . .
GASP! I ditto lawyerchick and Neil. I’m a counselor and I’m racking my brain right now to try to figure out what is wrong with this guy. The only thing I can think of is that he needs a good dose of honesty. I hope he and his “girlfriend” BOTH read this.
Intuition is awesome… and I hate Sam now too! I wish that girl knew who he REALLY was… she could save herself some time.
I just wish people were nicer!
The end was priceless!
Also, I dated a man for a month, and immediately broke it off when he told me (in front of his friends) that he could just tell that my ass would get bigger once I had a rock on my finger.
I think that there’s something wrong with the world.
I have a feeling that someone will make the girlfriend aware of this post somehow. Bravo!
May I be a grammar geek for just a moment? Thank you so much for not writing “as per usual.”
i would have had a nearly uncontrollable urge to go tell the girl what “rick” said about her. she probably doesn’t deserve to be with such a butt.
the end made me laugh out loud which startled my cat.
The *name changed part has me all cracked up!
wat a jerk!
Rick* sounds alot like my ex**, who would say such things behind my back to our friends and spill our dirty laundry to them whenever someone lent an ear. Just to make himself look good, I’m assuming.
** one reason why he’s an ex now. I didn’t really find out he was saying such things until much later when finally one of my gf’s had the heart and guts to tell me. Bastard.
See the ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ episode from season one with Richard Lewis’ girlfriend that Larry David can’t stand. I’m in admiration that you can get people to post on the 4th. Including myself. Kudos.
I love you.
I have a theory. ‘Rick’ has a small penis.
Fish, do you have any idea how many of “us” there are?
I usually recognize some of the names of the commenters but I was just wondering how many faithful readers you have.
Come to think of it, I dated a guy in college who did that – said nasty things about me while we were dating. Fortunately his best friend (and roommate) was dating a girl I knew, and he asked her to clue me in. I was so grateful – and cut the guy loose in about thirty seconds.
And yes, he had the tiniest penis I’ve ever seen. And no clue how to use it.
Oh Fish! Great post. It’s always amazing the things guys can say and do. My friend met and chatted with a “nice guy” one night. They exchanged numbers and he even texted her later to see if she wanted to get together sometime. A few days later, she texted him to see if he wanted to do something, to which she gets a text back from his friend, who says, “Sorry, he forgot he’s engaged! And he must’ve used my phone to call you.” He’s either an idiot, or the best liar I’ve ever heard!
And I agree, either Sam has a tiny penis or hair on his back. He’d have to be insecure to say something like that about someone he’s dating.
What an Ass!!!
i hav a cousin whos ex told evryone he had “fallen into a trap”.he’s an ugly guy wit no money.
sounds as though he was describing his peanut butter rather than his girlfriend.
Perhaps when asked about it, he misunderstood jif for g/f.
a holes often misunderstand things.
I agree that he must be a total loser with no self-confidence to talk like that about a woman he is dating! Are men no longer interested in being “gentlemen”? ((sigh))
I also, would love to know what he looks like, or how he describes himself..ass!
I can only hope that this girl has such wonderful things to say about Sam. errr….I mean, Rick.
‘So tell me about him!’
‘Well…he’s a tremendous asshole, but I hang out with him because I pity him. AND he buys the drinks.’
that’s terrible. But I don’t just think it’s his problem. You’d be amazed the number of guys that I see online who want “beautiful skinny to athletic girls” who aren’t any of those things. What makes guys feel entitled to judge girls harsher than they judge themselves?
I just read another great article about the benefits of single life this summer for women. Makes us single girls feel not-so-bad! Check it out by following this link:
http://www.savvymiss.cadvice/single-life/in-his-head-archive/article/five-reasons-why-summer-is-a-single-gals-best-season-1219.html
Hope this helps!
Hopefully she holds her thumb and forefinger very close together when she describes his “assets” to her friends. He deserves nothing less.
My guy friends tell me that women don’t know how good they look and guys think they look better than they do.
Sam is such an ass. Women need to stick together better.
When I divorced, I had several women tell me that they were glad that I had finally found out what a cheat my husband was. Why didn’t they tell me??
UGH, Men or should I say boys?!
What happened to Tawdry Thursdays?
ok, that ending just cracked my ass right up!!!! that’s some funny sh*t.
My instant reaction is to want the girls with you to go over to him and say “This is your girlfriend?? I thought you said she wasn’t pretty!” People like this should be confronted with their own words at the worst possible time ALL the time.
ew, what a dick. I hope she realizes how much more she’s worth and dumps his sad ass very soon.
I agree with the person who said that some guys can’t describe girls without saying “fat” or “skinny.” How about: Nice, fun, kind, smart…don’t those things matter??
And to hell with guys who are embarrassed that their girlfriend isn’t a total hottie b/c they’re worried what their friends will think. If you are a guy who cares what your friends think of your gf’s looks, grow up alraedy. Remember the kind person you were when you were, say, 12, and just wanted a girl you could laugh with. That guy was a lot more mature than you are now.
I’m talking to Sam, Rick, and the like.