Living alone in Dallas has really done a lot to bring out my paranoid side. How is it so different from New York? I’m so glad you asked. For starters, I now have exactly three times the square footage I did in New York. And if you know anything about New York apartments, you understand that this translates to roughly sixteen times the closet space. Great, right? Sure, except that more closets — bigger closets — means there’s a whole lot of places for Bad Guys to hide.
And I’m terrified of Bad Guys.
In NYC, I was never afraid that there was anyone lying in wait to maim me and rob me of all my possessions. Because where would the bastard hide? If I opened the front door, I’d have been able to see him. From the hallway. Where I could easily shout to the Super next door who would come running with a pipe wrench and his miniature chihuahua . And where’s the fun that? I mean, for the Bad Guy. For me, it was like a three hundred square foot Barbie’s House of Dreams; there was no damn place to hide. Except maybe behind the shower curtain. And I wasn’t much for consistently keeping that thing closed.
Also, in New York, I had things like a locked front gate, a Super with a yappy dog, and an elevator that only worked when all the planets were correctly aligned – all highly discouraging of a fourth floor trip to steal the two pieces of electronics I own. But here, there’s just my front door – totally exposed to the whole menacing world. No elevator needed! Then there’s the patio. Great for checking the weather, but bad for not being killed. I mean, it has these enormous sliding glass doors that any old fool with a rock could shatter.
Fair warning: If you are a Bad Guy and you are reading my blog, please don’t take this as encouragement. I may be easily frightened, but I am also promiscuous (just kidding, Mom), and may at any time arrive home with a very brawny and fierce gentleman caller. Who is secretly a ninja and a Green Beret.
Predictably, Sir Hal isn’t really doing much to ease my fear. He rarely accompanies me on my nightly closet check (lord knows what I’d do if I actually found someone in there). And — perhaps it’s that there is always, somewhere in the apartment, a bug that needs destroying — he is always on alert. And when I’m laying in bed reading, my furry companion snoring (yes, he does) next to me, it is not at all comforting when suddenly, he shoots straight up, pupils wide, staring at the great darkness beyond the bedroom. Gee, Lassie. What is it? Is Jimmy stuck in the hall closet with a machete?
Usually, I give him a little push off the bed and encourage him to go investigate. My little canary in the coal mine. If he doesn’t come back, I’ll know there is a Bad Guy in the kitchen feeding him and I can call for help.
HAHA, I never thought of it that way, but you’re right! Your paranoia is totally justified. *cautiously looks over left shoulder*
I feel your paranoia — I’m living in a large house now and sometimes when I go downstairs at night to grab something I end up getting a little freaked and RUN back up the stairs slamming the bedroom door behind me… like thats going to stop anything…
ummm. i was thinking in a similar fashion last night during ghost hunters..in the dark btw. i can certainly loan you my bat, since i also have a gun. you remember the bat, right? heh heh heh
Oh my god, that is funny. I know exactly what you mean. I suffer the same paranoia sometimes and my cat does absolutely nothing to ease my fears. Thanks for the monday afternoon laugh!
haha, I live in NY, but I’m from Fort Worth and I always tell people I’m more scared there than in NY. It’s the whole safety in numbers thing here. I’m not so much afraid of robbers in the house as I am of being car jacked late at night. You know when it’s dark and no one is around to hear you scream or see you get snatched. I’m always hoping for green lights just so I don’t have to stop! Sorry I hope I didn’t just give you another paranoia, but I had to share.
Appliances make the scariest sounds when you are in a somewhat new place. I don’t like that at all…and I don’t like open closet doors, VERY scary.
My neighbors were watching a baby one night (I assume since they DON’T have one) and at 4:00 in the morning I woke to the screams of a small child calling for it’s mother. It sounded like it was coming from the hallway outside my door and I was too petrified to check. So I guess I DON’T know if it was the neighbors; perhaps I just have a ghost baby roomate…..
I know exactly what you’re talking about. I am such a city girl, I actually get a little antsy just driving through the more “country” areas. I always say…at least with more people around, if I get murdered, people will find me sooner. At least I have a better chance of leaving a prettier corpse.
Yes! I have the same rationale behind how safe I feel in my apartment, as it is a tiny studio. I do have a large closet, but it’s so full of STUFF that any Bad Guy (or Bogeyman, I like to call them) would quickly get annoyed with trying to hide in there and would move on.
However, this did not stop me from FREAKING OUT the night that I was almost asleep when I suddenly heard someone trying to key into my apartment. I’m perfectly aware that it was surely just some drunk person confused by the fact that all the apartments look exactly the same, but it was still downright SCARY.
When my boyfriend goes out of town and I am home alone I revert to the 8 year old who was afraid of the basement and had to run and jump to get into bed lest the deranged man under my bed grabbed my ankles. And like your Sir Hal, the only time my dogs growl is at 2 in the morning when I’m alone.
This is why I have a dog, and why my brother the cop taught me how to shoot. Also why I am buying a gun – nothing says “safety” like a Glock. I remember when my family moved to Texas, everybody told us you had to have a pickup truck and a gun rack to be allowed to live there….
Haha.. MY Hal (aka Molech) does the straight up pupils wide thing in the middle of the night too! Freaks. Me. Out.
It’s so nice to hear someone else does the closet check too.
I feel the same way. I always check the closet before bed, double check that everything is locked and closed. A few weeks ago my family went on a trip to the Grand Canyon and I stayed behind in my parents’ house. I was paranoid beyond belief. The fact that they have glass doors and a giant window facing the vast backyard did not make things easy. The house is also very creaky, and there are too many corners and crevices to hide in. Needless to say, I slept with a chair jammed against my bedroom door and a giant flashlight beside me. The next night, I drove an hour North to stay with friends. Can you say chicken?
Mace.
My boyfriend who is also a cop bought me mace for when he is working the night shift. It sprays about 20 feet I guess and he said that should help if I need to get away from something.
Before him I would always have a pair of sharp scissors or something near my bed just in case…also I put a bright light outside on my balcony, so that I could see anything.
Still turn on the balcony light at night when home alone, it’s like having a night light for the whole condo.
So, so true and timely!
I was housesitting a friend’s house two weeks ago in a large city and – like the total moron that I am – forgot that I left the lights on when I left for the day.
When I got back that evening, I thought someone was in the house. I was terrified and slept in my clothes on the sofa (closest to the door) because I was so afraid to go upstairs.
Hmmm. Just read a story on literotica like that. But it sounds like Lifting Guy could help you out if there was a real issue — or even an imagined one. Just sayin’. ;->
I can give you a bit of advice on this subject since I feel as if I am a veteran. After living alone for the last 15 years, 6 of which with my Husband (Who I married at 35….may I repeat….35….yes there is hope) who happens to be a Fireman (….lots of hope!! Story for another time…) so I am alone many evenings while he is out saving lives, I have come up with some very trustworthy methods of safety:
1. The MOST important…the Loisville Slugger between the bed and side table (very handy when hearing weird noises and just a nice reminder in the back of your mind if you get into a situation where you must whack someone Soprano style).
2. Stategically placed nightlights (bathroom, kitchen, livingroom, etc.). You know, the ones that automatically come on when it gets dark in the room….priceless!!
3. ALWAYS keep the porch light on…even after you’ve gone to bed. Just remember to turn it off in the morning so that you’re not continually
changing the lightbulb.
4. Say NO to DANGER!!!
Oh wow that was hi-larious and spooky all at once. As a single girl who lives alone I can relate. Good thing my beach studio is similar to a NYC apartment, small and not good for hiding. It’s like a little hug each time I open the front door and see my bedroom/closet/kitchen/bathroom smiling back at me.
Sliding glass patio doors are too noisy/risky to break in an apartment type setting. Just make sure you have a safety bar so it cant be popped open. Thats the risky part of having patio doors.
Oddly enough, I’m more spooked by the sounds that wake me up when I’m at my guy’s place, than when I’m home alone. And he’s got big dogs. I guess I’ve lived alone for so many years (on & off) that I’m just used to it.
Of course, I do like the idea of beating the crap out of an intruder w/a Louisville slugger rather than sacrifice something from my nightstand. God knows my cats wouldn’t be of any help, especially if said bad guy was smart enough to bring them milk.
I totally know what you mean. When I moved to NYC I thought….hmmm, danger better hone up on my ninja skills, but once I got here I realized that I always feel safe here. Oh no bad guy don’t get past my doorman and up 21 flights to hide in my bedroom/ living room/ dining room/ den….oh wait, they are all the same room.
I went home one summer for 4th of July and after the Fireworks I found myself walking home in a perfectly safe city in WI and I was….afraid. Mainly it was because in the entire 1.5 hour walk, I didn’t see a single person (it was late) and that freaked me out.
I am moving to Portland soon and I assume this same thing will happen to me. *sigh*
When I first moved out on my own, I checked every room in the apartment every time I walked in the door. Even checked under the bed. No joke. I’m not as bad anymore, I only check before I go to bed now.
And I keep a pepper spray on my night stand.
First of all..love the elliot stabler reference!
I live in a garden level condo.My sliding glass door lock is broken which every now and then begins to freak me out. I have 2 pieces of wood propped in it and everyone says that that is the safest way to go. I usually end up turning on the stove light in the kitchen on the nights that I get freaked out. I as well keep a bat bedside which makes me feel pretty safe. I think that if you try to keep your mind from drifting to thoughts of someone breaking in, you’ll sleep easier at night
I used to be a habitual late-night closet checker as well. Until I realized I couldn’t do **** if I actually found a guy in there.
http://www.myspace.com/girlsfightback
Erin Weed goes around and speaks to people about self-defense, and it’s really common sensical and funny. That’s the website (well, myspace) for her organization… check it out.
Welcome to Dallas has a bit of an Alfred Hicthcock ring to it? Might I suggest an Indian dog, pretty breed, 30 lb., like a good policeman can’t be bought.
I completely understand…I do the nightly closet, behind the shower curtain and under the bed that none can fit under anyways check every night. In fact this post just totally freaked me out, but I thought I’d share that you’re not alone in the fear. You can imagine the torture I went through after accidentally (read one couldn’t rip me from the screen) watching the BTK documentary on cable. His words reverberated through my head and no amount of closet checking kept me from being convinced some freako serial killer was in there. My furry friend, dog – 9 years old- snores also and randomly scares the **** out of me as well. She’s also like Scooby Doo when I am scared and simply will not go to investigate. It’s all quite depressing really. Good Luck with it and let us know if you figure out a solution
that totally made me laugh
you know when i felt like this? after i watched 6th sense. because the only thing worse than a Bad Guy is a Dead Bad Guy patrolling your hallways.
I have the same issue – moved from NY to DC and even though DC is not exactly rural, I get freaked out when the streets are too quiet.
The first year I lived here I was studying for grad school finals and turned my phone off – and told my parents that my phone would be off for the day. Six hours later I was interrupted by my doorman pounding on my door b/c the ‘rents freaked out and had called him (and 2 hospitals and were about to call the police) because they couldn’t get in touch with me. I lived in Manhattan for 5 years before moving to DC, and while I was there I definitely had times when I didn’t speak to my parents for a couple of days at a time… and they never once freaked out when I lived there. It’s not like they’re city people, either; they live in the ‘burbs.
So we’re not the only ones that get freaked out when things get too quiet. Crazy. Glad I’m not alone on this, though!
When I used to travel a lot for work, my wife was very worried, so I showed her how to use the 12 gauge pump shotgun. She was never worried about being home alone after that: You don’t even have to hit anything – - after the first shot, everyone in town is awake, and any bad guy with the slightest bit of sense is running away as fast as possible…
I just recently starting living on my own again and have a pretty huge place (1/2 house). I get freaked out when my son is at his dads and I’m alone – so I keep the bathroom light on everynight.
Thank goodness my neighbors are right smack up beside me and she doesn’t go to bed until 3AM. I keep telling myself nothing is going to happen after 3AM.
However, I think I should invest in a Louieville Slugger – then I wouldn’t ever be sleeping alone. HA Plus I don’t think my 4 year old is quite able to protect me yet.
during deer season when the husband is away most weekends, if i expect to be home after dark, i leave all the closet doors and shower curtains open. probably wouldn’t deter a bad guy from hiding in there, but at least it makes it easier to check for them.
I saw this woman on the news a while back who got stalked by a valet guy. She valeted her car at work (she worked at a hospital or something), and the guy I guess developed a little thing for her, made a copy of her keys and hid under her bed for months. She even had a live-in bf if I remember correctly. Ever since I saw that, I have not missed an under the bed night check.
I have to share: I live in NY (ok not the city) and one night I about died of a heart attack when my parents came over and TRIED TO BREAK INTO MY APARTMENT! I had apparently left my cell at their house that afternoon, and they came over to return it. My dad did not see my car that was indeed parked in the lot, and proceeded to unlock my front door (he has keys) but of course could not get through with the deadbolt (whew!). But I was in my bedroom, planning how I would get out of the house and get help. It was terrifying. Oh but I do feel better knowing that it would be very difficult for anyone to get through that deadbolt, so there’s the silver lining, right?
How about getting a security alarm? Mine has a door sensor on each of the doors (kitchen, front door, patio) as well as glass shattering detectors and a built in fire alarm. Very handy.
i keep pepper spray on my nightstand – it also has a clip that i can attach to my shorts if i go running in the evening. my boyfriend also gave me a wooden stick/bat thing that i have affectionately dubbed “the beating stick”. he showed me how to break a person’s arm, but not sure if i could do it in an emergency.
but i sleep A LOT better at night.
Does anybody else have nights where they’re spooked and can’t sleep, and then you lie there and work out worst case scenarios and how you would escape the bad guy? Then just when I’m feeling better I usually find some flaw in my escape plan and have to start all over again! very sad.
I am married and live with my husband in a condo on the third floor, but I still get spooked all the time. When he’s not home I check all the closets before going to bed. I want to know at what age exactly I’ll stop being afraid of the Bad Guys (I’m 29 like you).
Fish, be sure to have a weapon with you when you do the closet check. Even if it’s just a small steak knife. I have an exacto knife that conveniently slips under my shirt sleeve, wouldn’t want closet guy to see the weapon. I went from renting a 3rd floor aparment to purchasing a first floor condo. Until I moved in, I thought the opening in the master bedroom was a window. I saw that it was an actual door and freaked out! I’m okay now 4 years later. I use a shorter security stick when I want to sleep with the door propped open a bit. Not enough for someone to be able to fit through if they cut the screen.
It’s good to know I’m not alone. After moving from an apartment that could fit into my current living room, I’m a closet checker too!!!! And my friends tell me I’m paranoid. i will refer them to this post from now on!
I am all about my Louisville Slugger. It is very necessary for the single girl.
Ha! I thought I was the only one who felt this way! I used to live on the 27th fl. of my building. Moving to a townhouse, I felt so…accessible! Windows and patio doors everywhere! My parents live in a totally safe (aka boring) suburb, but I get freaked out when I am alone at their house. I always hear scary noises upstairs, convinced it’s a Bad Guy/ghost.
I feel much safer walking home by myself at 3 am in my downtown neighborhood–loads of people out and about!
Thank God for your blog. It always brightens my day. I have a very pathetic life. Is everything bigger in Texas??
I was okay with living by my self unitl I saw this one movie with Keanu Reeve “the Watcher”
Let just say I check everything when I get in the house, before I go to bed and after I wake up int he morning.
Ha… My roommate is out of town for the next week or so, and I am hope alone… I know exactly how you feel. What strikes me the worst is when I’m laying in bed about to fall asleep and then start wondering if the door is locked. (I always lock it behind me when I come in, but still…) The moment the thought occurs I can’t go to sleep without checking first… but the problem for me is that even if it’s locked I will worry that the Bad Guy would have locked the door behind him… Then I have to do a closet check…
Mrs. Detective Stabler… You have got to check out the go fug yourself site. They have your man on there!
LoL I had the same experience when I moved to Memphis…it felt so unsecure so unsafe. Any common New Yakwer thief could have picked my lock…
Not to cause anymore scare, but have any of you seen the epidode of CSI, where that Stalker Guy moves into peoples’ attics? Freaky concept…
I have my outside (front door and back patio) lights set with a light sensor so they automatically turn off when the sun is out, and come back on when it gets dark. Great for long days when you get home after dark and it’s freaky walking up and not being able to see anything around the house. Not to mention all the little nightlights around the house too. And the pepper spray. Good thing because I think my cat would probably be begging for food from the Bad Guy too.
How about relaxing, settle down and laying off the Lifetime Movies of the Week for awhile. “Bad Guys” lurking in closets?…under beds?…and behind shower curtains? As The Temptations once said…”just my imagination, runnin’ away with me.”
We had a peeping tom at my old house a few years ago. It seriously freaked me out and I was living with my ex. But when he wasn’t home I was afraid to be anywhere near a window.
Now, I’ve got a dog that barks even when the neighbors come home, it’s annoying but it helps. And I feel much safer living in a condo than in a house by myself. The lower number of entry points the better.
How bizarre! I’ve lived in NYC for decades and never had any problems (except for that one time I broke a car jacker’s jaw with a hammer – but that wasn’t at home. so it doesn’t count.) My only gig in Dallas was a few years ago, and the guy staying in the next apartment was killed by a point blank gunshot from a 14 year old kid fulfilling his Gang initiation. Go Figure… Ten minutes earlier, it would’ve been me.
I mention this not to scare you about Dallas. Or New York. The truth is crazy stuff can happen anywhere. It’s a good idea to keep your eyes open, AND to not drive yourself crazy with fear or paranoia. If that doesn’t work, try filling up the space under your bed with Rubbermade storage tubs. They are the Kryptonitel to under-the bed-lurkers.
And just possibly, you might want to go a little easier on those Lifetime (Based On a True Story) Movies…
My mom still laughs at my sister and me. The Man in Black lived at our house, and then moved with each of us into our own homes (mine still in WV and hers in Philly). He hides around corners, in the half bathroom when the door is mostly closed, in the shower stall, under the bed…. It’s even worse when you have a yappy weiner dog who barks at every noise, and sometimes the silence, when her daddy isn’t home. Glad to know I’m not alone in my paranoia!
I refuse to watch CSI. I watched an episode of CSI Miami…I think it was…and it was about this woman getting raped in her brand new house by her real estate agent, who of course had a key to her new house. You know who are my potential suspects/bad guys (in addition to the valet guys) now. That’s right, the maintenance guys!
Geez, I never really thought about ANY of this stuff… maybe because I’ve always had a good-sized dog. With a bigger-sized bark. Soooooo many people are afraid of dogs here in the Bay Area, I hope my adoration of them continues to keep me safe!
My best friend and I both live in NYC apartments and we recently discovered that we do the exact same thing when we get home from work. Immediately go tot the bathroom to wash hands and check behind the shower curtain to make sure no one is hiding there.
I don’t think Fish said anything about being parinoid. just be cautious and aware. And thank you fish for setting robert and many others straight. women need to be aware and educated.
Just a quick safety tip, I’ve heard that most people who would get into the house would not have any weapons so it is best to keep cutting knives, etc. off the counter and in less obvious locations, lest the intruder get their hands on it.
Adds to paranoia, but makes sense.
You are not alone! I lived alone in a single family house for a long time. After my dog died, I was very afraid of my basement.
More importantly, I recently went on a girls weekend, and left my BF home alone. He said he was pretty freaked out at night too! Hee. Apparently he thinks I’m a sekrit ninja too.
hi. i totally get ya! My house I bought is in a little community, with’elders’ so I’m sure they’re eyes will catch anything ‘bad’, and while there are nooks and crannies..it would be hard to hide. the last place, where i rented, wow. i went on ‘bad guy checks’ all the time. i’d try to make the dog check first, but he just thought it was a game. IT WASNT!! never anyone in the closet, but i felt very COPS when i’d swing the door open, go to the side to avoid them and hold my ‘trusty’ weapon of choice in my hand! And a big bad basement to check. YIKES! It was awesome to live there but bad guy checks were too often!
And come on, Sir Hal, has to be the best guardian! He just knows there is nothing to worry about : )
Libby, I’m 36, almost 37 and you just ruined my day.
Just to weigh in (cause you haven’t heard enough of this). You should check out Pepper Face. They make small canisters that fit perfectly in your hand, and I feel better just having mine around. And on a lighter note, you should check out the new InStyle, there’s an article on hottie detective wearing no shirt.
Omigod, so nice to read your post since I have irrational fears of being murdered. I have always lived alone, out in the country. I have 2 dogs and a gun and pepper spray. But I still don’t feel safe. You’d think the paranoia would decrease after 5 years, but no its just the same. So I NEVER watch any sort of crime show, I don’t need anymore ideas to freak me out!
Thanks for letting me know I am not the only with a heightened fear of intruders!
I don’t think of it as paranoia. More of a survival tactic. Even out here in Podunk, I’m constantly checking my back seat before I get in and double (and triple) check the locks before bed. And I have a big burly guy & I’m not even a block away from the police station, so I should feel secure, right? I totally don’t.
Wow… I know the feeling too. It totally
left me when I moved to Israel. Yes.. I
feel infinitely safer in even the worst
neighborhood in Tel Aviv than I do in
any reasonably sized city in the U.S. (and
I’ve lived in quite a few). I think the
reason is that (a) There actually may
really be less personal crime in Israel
(and Europe too) than in the U.S. or
(b) there is a group paranoia that all
Americans share, fed by the media and
I-don’t-know-what. All I know is that
in the U.S. I don’t stick my head out
of doors after dark without being totally wired for action, and here in
Tel Aviv I can walk alone on the beach
boardwalk at midnight and feel just fine.
I lived alone in Texas off & on for many year prior to marriage in my late 30s. Dallas made me more paranoid than either Richardson or Plano. I think the ‘burbs just feel safer, but aren’t necessary so. I don’t walk or drive much at night now in my 40s
but when I do, I’m more alert about my surroundings especially in parking lots and at stop lights. Closet checks and under the bed checks went away after I gained a live in husband… but my best friend of 17 years is a Jack Russell terrier. He had scared many people over the years… I recommend a small dog with a good bark as the best burglar alarm around.
Wow! Lots of paranoid people around!!
I am terrified of sliding doors. Terrified. Anyone could get in! I will remain an eternal apartment dweller.
WAIT. You live in Dallas now? We’ve moved here from NYC too, and sure do love a good happy hour.
This might sound a bit odd (OK, a lot odd) but I live in an area where grizzly bears roam outside my door and most hikers carry bear spray (potent pepper spray in a water bottle-sized cannister). You may get some funny looks if you start “hiking” around Dallas with one, but it certainly makes me feel safer to have a can sitting on the night stand ready for a human intruder, instead of a little pencil pepper spray. And I know I’m not the only female here who feels that way . . . just a thought, ridiculous as it sounds! And hey, if any wayward bears find their way to Dallas, you’d be prepared. http://www.rei.com/product/623173
hahahahaha this is exactly me, no joke whatsoever.
i’m a 15yearold living with my 17yearold sister, mother, and father. . .sister and i are both black belts and my father is close to one, we live in the middle of nowhere, and i still am the most paranoid person i know.
amazing.
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