My friend Mike has an opinion on just about everything. He’s always had an opinion on just about everything, which is why we needed about ten years of healing between screaming at each other in Ms. Minor’s French III class, and meeting for happy hour the other night. Though, even with healing, we were still at our old games.
“Heather always thought she was smarter than everyone else,” Mike told his buddy as we shook hands.
“Not true,” I said, lowering my voice. “I just knew I was smarter than you.”
Anyway, Mike and his opinions. He may hide them a little farther below the surface is his old age, but they’re still there. And the other night, as we were celebrating my unemployedness by watching the spectacle of patrons at an uptown bar, Mike took one look at the pack of drunk females to our left, and declared that he ought to start a finishing school for girls. You know, to save them from themselves.
“All I’d need is a week – maybe ten days…”
Mike went on, and I pictured his finishing school, set up on some store front in a Dallas strip mall. And Mike teaching a bunch of hapless females how to walk in heels with the Oxford dictionary balanced on their heads, and how to properly wear hair accessories.
“So,” I said, when he’d finished explaining the ins and outs of Mike J’s Finishing School for girls. “How much finishing do I need?”
My eyebrows were raised in expectation of some snide, provoking reply about how some people are just beyond repair, but without hesitation Mike set his beer down on the table and said,
“None. You don’t need any finishing.”
“You do! I mean, what?”
I was stumped. I thought at first, that Mike had been through some rigorous training of his own. Schooled by the ladies. But then I realized that not only had he left the rules of engagement behind, but in not delivering a smart-ass answer, Mike got me to do something I have never, ever done. I was forced to agree with him.
Tricky bastard.
P.S. I filed for unemployment today. Man did that feel way less awesome than I’d have expected. Who doesn’t love the idea of free-ish money? Turns out, I don’t.
Obviously, you two are going to get married. And then have your own reality show.
Bastard! I hate it when they take us by surprise with kindness. Here we are armed with a retort waiting in the background and a compliment is thrown in the mess. That’s fighting dirty.
Right? It’s below the belt, is what it is.
A guy who thinks you are perfect, hmm, could be interesting…
Awww crap… where’s the challenge in that?!?
He’s probably right though.
BEWARE, BEWARE BEWARE!!!!!!!
There are 2 sides to people watching. I’m not a fan of ‘Poison’ but Rock of Love w/ Bret Michaels needs finishing off. Then watch the Woodman’s ‘Celebrity’ for the finer points. He’s the king of people watching and unfinished (didn’t graduate NYU).
Omg, Rock of Love is the best show EVER!
Yes, I’ve been on unemployment too and it sucks.
I’m from Canadia so perhaps it’s not the same in States and this is a stupid question. But isn’t “unemployment” just the government giving you back the money they took from you over the years in income taxes and stuff but without the interest?
bummer. i hope you find something soon. which reminds me – how did you feel when men made “job offers” to you after your last post(like baking in yer skivvies)? does that creep you out or is it an ego booster? (or both?)
They really make you work for that free money, don’t they? And not in a way that is at all dignified.
I completely understand you. I’m unemployed too and it just doesn’t feel right to get that money for free. I feel like I’ve wasted all the years I spent studying and working on building my career…
I don’t know how it works there in the US, but here in Brazil we only get that money for 5 months. I hope I’ll get a job before that or else… I just don’t know what Iâm gonna do!
Mike sounded quite annoying at first… but maybe he’s not so bad.
Really hoping some well paying writing gig or something pans out soon for you!!
Moshizzle-
Every employer is required to purchase unemployment insurance in the US, and their rates increase as people file. The only money US citizens get back is in social security – which comes at old age or total disability. Both SS from total disability and unemployment have a bad stigmas attached (which some would totally disagree with).
Anyways Fish – you are a very talented lady and I’m sure things will work out. Keep your head up!
First of all, it was Ms. Minar. With an “a”. Looks like you lost your attention to detail through the years.
Secondly, to assume this was the first I have thought of this idea, well, that’s just crazy. This is an idea several years in the making. I’m thinking of making a business plan and hitting the venture capital circuit.
And yes, it could work.
Dude, you can’t spell her name right, or she’ll google herself, find it and start correcting my verb conjugation!
OOOH! The plot thickens!
Doing the Unemployment thing myself and yep it sucks. Hope it goes smoother for you than it has for me, took 5 weeks to get the first check. Add to that the fact that they don’t have direct deposit and I have to actually take the checks with the big UE logo on them to my bank, that’s a great big ego boost. After over 6 years with the same firm…
I will smack you when you get back here! What did I tell you? What?! It is a living rebate. It’s YOUR money. You are not getting anyting for free. It’s yours AND they are going to tax you on it as well. Now go have fun and enjoy it. Because I’m gonna smack your pretty face in 15 days. Yay!
It’s not even free-ish. You actually have to work for it (for me, harder than the job I was laid off from). And as Ari said, it’s YOUR money.
You can never and I mean NEVER take what a man says literally. Or, beleive it 100% for that matter.
As far as the unemployment goes…it’s yours girl. You earned it by working.
And I thought I had trust issues!
I have every confidence that Mike had no designs on flattery. I’m not some chick he was trying to pick up. I’m just very well put together.
Question: Are you still going to be blogging on this site?
Of course.
For those who missed, iVillage did not fire me. I repeat, iVillage did not fire me.
Word to the wise, if you’re going to visit Ari, make sure you don’t let the unemployment office know. You’re not allowed to leave town when you’re on it b/c the presumption is that your actively looking for work 24/7 to be on it. I know, I was there.
From This Fish Pretty sure that’s why the baby jesus invented weekends.
And we are sooooo happy about that. Looking forward to hearing the adventures brought about by this new wrinkle in career.
My finishing school would consist of a sign that said “STOP THAT”….and a bullhorn for me to yell “Don’t be THAT girl.”
While ringing my bell….and handing out tshirts
Not that many months ago I had to file for unemployment. I cried the entire time I was on the phone doing the application process. Keep your chin up. Things will turn around.
I believe that anonymous is misinformed. You must be actively looking for work, making a required minimum number of contacts, and provide proof of such, but you may certainly leave the state because it is perfectly acceptable to look for work anywhere. He/she sounds like they are confusing unemployment with being out on bail!
I had to file for unemployment and i thought it would be a good experience but it wasn’t. I was actually depressed the whole time i was unemployed…so much so i had NO sex drive… WTF.
Don’t worry, you’ll get back on your feet in no time.
I can totally relate to the filing for unemployment. We have a right to it as taxpayers if we are laid off from work due to unfortunate circumstances. However, it still feels like welfare. Back in ’99 I was laid off because the company I worked for sold out and closed everything down. Within a month of my last day I grabbed the first job I was offered, knowing there was no way I could get my azz up at 2:30 in the morning to be to work by 4am, but I took the job anyway to avoid unemployment bennies. Sadly, as hard as I tried, it wasn’t enough. I was fired from that job a little over a year later due to being consistently late for work. I had become more punctual, but it was just one slip up too many that did me in. Didn’t matter that my mom had been in and out of the hospital during that time and I’m her only relative in the area. Push a situation far enough, it comes back to bite you in the butt.
Filing for unemployment over the phone is a luxury only available recently in the great state of New Jersey. When I had to do it, it was an all-day affair, made worse by the fact that I was eight months pregnant. I felt like I was in in-school suspension at a school for unwed mothers. Except I was totally married and had an advance college degree! It’s hard to accept unemployment, but you must make yourself do it without losing your pride (which you’ll need for the job search). Don’t let the system get you down.