Ordinarily, I wait until a good three months after any… romantical interlude to write about it. By then it’s been over long enough that either the fella is no longer reading, or I’ve stopped caring if his ego implodes. But with Todd, it’s a little different. I suspect that we’ll be ninety-three and trading dirty postcards that we’ve dictated to scandalized nursing home staff. So, really, it’s never going to be over.
On Monday, when I IMed him to ask about men, women, and friendship, things with Todd took a scandalous turn pretty quickly. It wasn’t my intention, mind you. Just a happy coincidence. Well, by Wednesday, after two days of suggestive — no, outrightly hot — messaging, I was beginning to think I was going to have permanent high-beams. Sitting by the pool, in a fairly tiny bikini, the impact some of those text messages were having on me was terribly obvious. And the impact on him?
“Is this where I invite you to DC for steamy sex?” He asked, after I suggested a reprise of our making-out-in-cabs days.
“That would be appropriate.” I said. A reprise, you see, is a do-over, only with a better ending.
“It seems so easy to chat about it. Actually bringing you here and pinning you against the wall is a whole other monster.”
“…”
I think in pictures, people. And a picture like that? Well, let’s just say that’s where working at home comes in real handy. Handy! Ha! Pun not intended.
“In my brain, it sounds fantastic, ” he continued (I had to agree). “But then I think I’d feel awkward.”
Awkward? I can imagine it being many things, none of them awkward. So, I offered a couple of scenarios – you know, the ways I see our reunion potentially working out. One, we’d meet, decide the physical attraction is old and dead, get drunk and hang out, catching up. Awkward? Nah. Or two, well, it involved vertical surfaces and the deadbolt digging into my bare shoulder.
“You’re too funny,” he said. “And hot at the same time. I want it; I’m just over-thinking it, I suppose.”
“Well. You ruminate on it.”
“I will. A lot.”
Holy cow. Just typing that out and presto! High-beams. Meanwhile, Todd is still ruminating. In fact, he suggested forming a committee and asking the Internet if it’s a good idea for him to um, give me the business.
So, is it?
Hint: Say no, and you’re dead to me.
This is an x-rated encounter just waiting to happen.
Do it.
Ummm…YES! Go for it
Get it! Get it!
I’m a firm believer that anything that gives you high-beams is always a good idea, even if for only a short while. Carpe Diem Todd! It’s not everyday a hot and humorous woman offers it up on a platter to you.
GO FOR IT!! Sounds fun!
I fail to see even the possibility of downsides. Logically, you ought to.
Go! Don’t think, just do it!
Do it, do it, do it!
Premeditation is overrated. Just do it already!
Speaking as someone who has both been there and done that, I give a hearty thumbs up to the idea. Go for it!
Can’t pass up an offer that good!
Sex is natural, sex is good…um…well…enough of that…do it. If not just to have a snarky blog post later on.
What could possibly be holding you back??? You should take a chance and have some fun!
I’m sorry, is this a trick question??
Helllllz yes. As long as there isnt over-thinking, these things generally turn out very, very well.
If you don’t, I will!
Um, with Todd that is…
You only live once, and hopefully without regrets of not doing something that could only be utterly fulfilling and fantastic.
(I hear Horizon airlines is having some hot deals right now.)
of course you should. we should see notice that you are getting out of town VERY SOON. enjoy!
too late, he’s already taking too long to decide. on to the next one….
For those of us out there not getting any… please let us live vicariously!
umm. duh.
go to dc.
now.
I have that EXACT same thing going on right now minus the cab sessions. I’m heading to his city a week from tomorrow. I say GO, if nothing else you get to take a short vacation. If it’s bad you leave, if it’s good you might need to invest in many more padded bras.
I stand by my original comment from yesterday. Almost all the guys that I used to sleep with/make out with that I was friends with first, are still my friends. We are, in fact, better friends than we probably would have been otherwise. And the few who I didn’t stay friends with? Well if I’m not important enough for you to want me around after knowing the incredible things that I can accomplish… you’re probably too stupid for me to be hanging out with anyway, to be quite honest. So, again… maybe you should get drunk and ruin your friendship…
OK, without knowing all the minute details of the past, the present, him, you, etc… “I think I’d feel awkward” and “Let me keep thinking about it” would be total buzzkills to me- Todd snoozes, Todd loses. Just my .02 Hope it turns out to your erotic advantage!
OK, I’m willing to be dead to you. You need to hear the other side. If you both felt completely on board with the idea from the start, then great. But he’s expressing doubt, which means potential for awkwardness/regret on his part, and, unless you’re superhuman, the potential for little niggling thoughts from you, wondering whether he’s regretting it. So, only go for it if you’re willing to sacrifice the friendship…because it might happen. Sorry
there is no question. book the flight to d.c. – pronto!!!!
Oh, you HAVE to go! Ask yourself this…. How long can this go on before you explode? Can you see your conversations with him going in any other direction? Go and have fun (and then tell ALL) Without risk life is nothing. In my experience it is the things you didn’t do that you regret the most.
YESSSS!
You were making it clear you were desperate and he was playing along. Now he’s talking about “awkwardness” because he doesn’t really want to actually do anything. If he wanted you to come, he would have jumped on it. Take a hint.
I remember reading some time ago, about you being brave enough to just go over to a man’s house to get some…. just go over to this man’s house (ok, city) and get driven to the wall…. It sounds thrilling and romantic.
Seriously, you want to, so just go!
Giddy Giddy
go for it, full speed ahead.
Sorry, but I agree with N. There are serious issues if a man needs to ruminate over whether he wants you to jump his bones or not.
Ohhhhhhh YEAH!
He doesn’t have a gf, does he? I don’t understand the reasons for ruminating, mainly because YOU will be the one doing all the work to see him! All he has to do is sit pretty and wait for you in DC…
i’m so glad to see that other posters are agreeing that they can smell his fear. seriously, if he was into it you’d already have your ticket in your hot and horny little hand and he’d be at the airport waiting with the car running!!
ask any of your other guy friends – guy doesn’t jump on an offer like that pronto he ain’t really all that into it.
hussy.
heheh hussy.
heheh
Anthony Quinn as Zorba was chastising a young guy who didn’t want to join a woman who asked him to her apt. He said something godlike, “damn you that doesn’t join a woman who asks you to her bed.” Double standards aside, go get ‘em tigress then make a bee line for NYC where youll find an invitation waiting, if you like Reggae, you’ll find me producing at the CariFest 8/25 at Randalls Island.
i was all for it until i scrolled down and read some of the more doubting comments. and being of fickle mind, now think that there does seem to be a grain of truth in some of those.
“ruminate” about whether he wants to do you or not?
on the other hand, maybe, (and because i am so good at swinging to and fro – and driving myself nuts) he has “feelings” for you!
if he didnt, a casual shag wouldnt be a biggie and deserve rumination…
hmm, cant decide whether it s better to be one the guy has feelings for or the one he d just leap at shagging!
and now i shall shut up
*gag in mouth*
No, no, of course you’re right. Dude should be leaping, not ruminating. The offer is off the table.
Oh Fish Im glad you have seen sense here, I agree with some of the others – if he need to think about it then hes not worth the taxi fare to the airport never mind the airfare.
And if he does decide to stop ruminating and leap at some future time, let him leap to TX unless he pays for your ticket to DC.
You two should open a new Spainish restaurant in DC.
Tapas da ass.
I’d like to serve a friendly reminder here… in my short experience, guys who ruminate don’t tend to make great partners (not implicating the sexual end here). In my mind his ruminating suggests he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship– meaning he cares about Fish a great deal. While this is wonderful (and honestly, who wouldn’t?) it doesn’t make for good bone-jumping or wall-pinning.
I’m glad you took it off the table. I have a new rule in my life– if you don’t chase after me and SHOW me you want me, I’m done. Anything less shows me you don’t want ME, you just want to nail me.
aww, and you started off the post wanting us to agree with you, i’m just saying if it was the best idea ever maybe buddy woulda bought his own ticket and showed up at your door
how about you go search out some local talent??
YES!
Go!
Now!
Quickly!
Oh come on Fish!!!! The guy actually RESPECTS you which is why he is ruminating. He does not want to ruin the friendship – it has nothing to do with not wanting to have sex with you.
You are getting into really murky waters once you start having sex with a friend. Trust me – I am going through it right now and it sort of sucks. It almost ended a 10+ year friendship.
Fortunately, we are mature enough to realize that we’d rather have each other in our lives than not.
Plus, the sex might not be as hot as you think the first time (regardless of fantasies/ phone sex/ IM sex, whatever) – it might be completely awkward. He might be really nervous due to heightened expectations and that can cause some problems. Again, speaking from experience…
Best of luck and keep us posted!
Of course, now that the offer is off the table his ruminating will come to an end and he’ll decide he can’t be without you for another day.
You should invite him to come to your new town to check out the sights (maybe the sight of your nekkid body if he’s good and the breeze strikes you just right)!
You go girl. Wise choice on your part. You’re doing the right thing! Besides, if you take the time to “ruminate”, your hormone levels will be at their peak again next month. See how you feel then!
Could it be that Todd doesn’t want to mess up a good thing? Maybe he might know what a catch you are, Fish, and not want to lose a chance for, um, a ‘longer’ term deal? (just a thought…’cause once you go there, the incredibly hot flirting can take on a heavier meaning, and, well, loses some level of hotness / fun)
Phewww!! That’s showin em.
If you don’t do it, I will.
As wonderful as the thought is I COMPLETELY agree with Shenaningans post. SORRY but Fish, even a shag should require this much thought or the world convincing him.
this is smut. pure and simple. gross.
First of all, you are WAAAY to readily available for him, therefore he doesn’t want it anymore and you are no longer a challenge to him. You are making it way to easy for him. Don’t go to him. That would be so wrong. Then he’d know that he’d have you in the palm of his hand, right where he wants you. You go to him, then you put him in control. Don’t do that. Make him to come to you so that there is no doubt that he actually wants you, no question. Make him think that he waited too late and sorry but, you have other men waiting on the line for you. So my final answer is, no way hosea. You can do so much better than him! Don’t go back to the past. Go Forward AND Onward!!
Never settle. Good for you for taking the offer off the table. Less thinking and more action Todd! You snooze you lose.
Fish – just beware of wall burn. Who am I kidding…so worth it! Do it Todd!
DEW EET. Especially if he offers to buy your plane ticket.
Didn’t you once write about a girl flying for a hook up and you…being floored by such action? Tsk Tsk.
Obviously, he really isn’t that into you or there would be no reluctance. It sounds like he’s just leading you on. No heterosexual male puts that much thought into a care-free sexual encounter if both parties are interested.
I heartily disagree with those saying he’s ruminating because he respects you. I’m sure he DOES respect you, but that never results in ruminating.
You seem to have already taken that point to heart by pulling the offer off the table. I would say good call, unless he quits ruminating and buys a ticket to see YOU. Don’t go to DC. Plus then if it is awkward, you’re stuck there.
By the way, maybe he’s nervous about his performance being posted on the internet?
Hotness like that really needs to be played out in person… or laughed over a coupla beers. DO it!!!
todd should be leaping. now that you’ve taken if off the table, it will either die or he will not be able to think of anything else. if it’s the latter, make him come to Dallas for a weekend. or pay for your way to DC. no way should you have to do any of the work. he should be jumping fences to be with you if that’s really what he wants to do. even if it’s just for a shag and no further commitment.
keep us posted!
I do not understand his “ruminating”. He’d be lucky to get you!!
i’m shocked (and confused) at the ladies saying “do it”. hop on a plane and travel to a guy who has to “ruminate” on doing you? i’m all for the casual encounter if both parties are free to engage in such things, but going to such efforts for a guy who has to think on it, especially with you doing all the work, really shows a lack of self esteem. i’m glad you rethought this one. guys like to pursue, sometime more than they like the actual catch. why do you think they do so much hunting and fishing?
Do it! But I say meet somewhere rather than going to his place or him coming to yours. Here is a window into my mind—Both of you fly to Charleston. Meet in the lobby of the hotel for a coupe drinks. Book one room. Make out on elevator. Spend the rest of the weekend ordering room service in your underwear.
Sex only gets wierd when people get mushy about it. Just don’t let that happen.
enjoy!
this is lame. what are you gaining by sharing all this? i sorta agree with the commenter up there, you’re acting a little desperate. call me old fashioned, but i still think there’s some rules. rule number one, don’t go throwing yourself at a guy. rule number two, DISCRETION! i know it’s tell-all thursday, but c’mon. what man wants his intimate life splashed all over the internet? which leads to the obvious…why do YOU feel the need to do so? mystery is a good thing.
forget “ruminations.” if this guy wanted you, he’d fly to texas (or fly you to DC).
you’re a smart and funny girl – why are you cheapening yourself? i dunno. i’m scratching my head here.
Oh, come on. I think you’re taking this a little too seriously.
I just giggled to see 69 total comments have been made about this post. Hm, I’m 12?
In order to get off, you should get on. A plane.
Right now!
I don’t think it’s cheap and I am thankful you talk about these things — the world where topics are not broached is a world ripe for misunderstanding, shame and confusion.
We do not live in a Victorian era and Americans tend to be so over sexualized and prudish at the same time that the door for dark perversion is wide open. I say bring in the light.
Question #1: If you begin to have feelings that go beyond platonic or carnal for Todd, is there a potential for a relationship? And um, vice versa for Todd’s feelings.
If Yes, awesome, can you do a long distance relationship. If it sours or goes bad will it effect your friendship?
If No, bummer, can your friendship overcome unrequited love?
All good things are possible, I just think these things should be considered.
DC sucks. And not in the good way.
Are you people serious? Where do you get off judging Fish for 1) posting a fun story on HER blog and 2) considering hooking up with a friend of her’s who obviously respects her? Better than a random guy at a bar to get over the “hump”. Sorry! Had to say it!
Don’t do it. He’s a “nice guy” (shudder) and shouldn’t have to “ruminate” about whether he wants
you.
If he can’t make a decision about f*cking you, you won’t be able to rely in him for bigger, more manly decisions in the future. You already know that.
Besides, I bet you’ve already lost some respect for him having to “think” about it. Go for a man who knows what he wants and goes after it. You deserve it!
I agree with Deeanna
As long as you are a realist about the situation, this is not a sign of desperation, lack of self-repsect, or any other such nonsense. Sometimes, fun is just fun – whether you’re writing about it or putting it into action.
The way I see it, every single gal needs a “dead-bolt” buddy, though I more often find myself w/ a doorknob digging into my back
… (continued)
To the person who remarked on her internet indiscretion:
Don’t you think it’s a bit hypocritical to judge her for revealing personal information when that’s the reason you read her site? Who are you to tell her what threshold is appropriate for her when divulging her own life, at her own expense, for YOUR enjoyment.
Perhaps my favorite is this question: “what man wants his intimate life splashed all over the internet?” when it was right in the post! “he suggested forming a committee and asking the Internet if it’s a good idea for him to um, give me the business.” Are you always this blind to the facts when chastise other people?
Can you judgmental prudes just go back to reading the bible instead of discouraging someone who writes an interesting blog?
Dude!!! Think less — F*^& more!!!
sounds like more than I’ve had in years!
It seems all the single letter posters have some major hangups or simply can’t read a blog without judging…
Get a life…or find another letter…do something…
Hell yes!
And then share!!
I think this is the best post!! i think the people who have a problem reading something that doesn’t reak of “discretion”, should stop reading YOUR blog. after all, they can choose to just navigate away from the screen.
like i said, i think it’s great, you go! have your fun, blog or no blog. keep it up!
and everyone else, stop being so serious. give her some credit.
Cows ruminate. Ruminating is throwing up the grass from one stomach back into the mouth to chew on it a little more before putting it into another stomach. Or something like that. Anyway, the term “ruminate” killed it for me.
Or maybe “ruminate” is guy-slang for “I’m thinking about it, and I think with my right hand.” In which case, still killed.
Would you go if he was next door?
I say keep it at what it is: a hot text affair that perks you up, and keeps a smile on your face. The actual event would probably not live up to the tasty expectations (like another poster, speaking from experience) and this way you’ll always have a strings-free partner in crime to keep you company, poolside!
hahaha fancy schmantsy pantsy (or whatever) SERIOUSLY. needs to get laid.
and stephanie i TOTALLY agree with you!
fish you rock
Um… I’m sure this is fun and all but please be careful. The frenzy around this alone is sort of disturbing.
HA!…some alcohol and all the awkwardness is gone and it’s game on. Good luck!
Do it if he buys your ticket. And then don’t tell any of us about it for a long time…and it will be a great story, one way or another, when you finally do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s fun & games until someone puts an eye out.
Go for it, it’s been sexual tension just waiting to explode and spill over. It’ll only be awkward if he makes it awkward!
Hi Fish, this is the first of your bloggs I’ve read so I dont really know what you’re like. If you can do the no strings attached sex then go for it, but if there’s any chance you might have feelings for him, run a mile.
I was recently really hurt by a friend who I had sex with a few times (and he did the chasing). Now he wants to be just friends and I’ve totally fallen for him and I can’t avoid him as we hang out in the same group of friends. It’s **** so my advice is tread carefully. Good luck.