confession

Bless me, Internet, for I have sinned. I’ve had impure thoughts all day long. And all day yesterday. And the day before.

I’ve actually had to adapt my wardrobe and wear a lined bra, so that the world isn’t constantly seeing proof of my sinful musings. Not to lay the blame at nature’s feet or anything, but this might be hormonal, and thus, completely out of my control. And if it is? Well, mark your calendars, fellas. Because this is totally the time of the month optimal for…. getting stuck in an elevator, for instance. Oh dear, there I go again. Another impure thought.

Do I need to start over? No? Fine. Well, Amen, then.

54 comments to confession

  • Jonathan

    I have no idea what this is about. And I think I’m better off that way.

  • Aubrie

    I have EVERY idea what this is about.

    Amen, sister.

  • arl

    I need more of those…lately anyway. This weekend I will remedy this though. Hee!

  • Alicia

    I’m right in that phase now too…

    Internet, help me, indeed.

  • Matt

    Jonathan, when you someday get married, you will understand this completely. And you will love EVERY minute of it…

    Amen indeed!

  • Peter

    You’ve said so much through very few words. My next elevator ride will have one more smile, especially since I’ll be going down…

  • Haha! I know exactly what you’re talking about!

    Such a fun but distracting feeling!!

  • Catherine

    Haha! I’m there at a certain time each month. You’re awesome, Fish.

  • Sounds like every day since I was 12.

    Though I almost never have to resort to a lined bra.

  • There are definitely people and/or ways to help you with that. I’m sure you can find an upstanding individual to assist you… perhaps even a Father.

  • jjenni7

    time to find a Texas plumber! =)

  • as a recovering Catholic I would love to see the priest on the other side of that confessional!!!

    now, go find yourself a cute boy to ride elevators with

  • Rising Phoenix

    Love it Love it Love it!!!!!!!

  • Steve

    My wife suffers from this malady almost every month as well… I have to say, it is a happy time for me.

  • Kim

    Can I just say… I LOVE that just as many men comment as women?!

    That’s fantastic.

  • Mel

    In internets lingo…

    I.Love.This.Post. I am having impure thoughts about it…wait no, I didn’t mean that okay I mean I’m having impure thoughts by association of this post. love it

  • T in NH

    LOVE days like that. Well, when there’s a willing participant. OH, how my 30s have been good to me!

    Maybe the lifting neighbor guy is around to, er, lift something…?!

  • father Billy

    For your penance my child, see me after confession

  • red

    i LOVE days like this…

  • Susan

    I absolutely told my boyfriend we had to ‘get stuck’ in an elevator sometime VERY SOON!!

    Can’t wait for that day…I’m getting all worked up just thinking about it…FUN!

  • MegB

    Good lawd. I have been feeling more frisky recently as well. Not as bad as it sounds like you have it, though. Or should I say good?

  • I built an elevator into my house.

  • Don

    This is not Thursday? Aerosmith ‘Love on an Elevator’. Going down. Or how about the Bugs Bunny where the gremlin forces Bugs airplane down. Not to be misconstrued as childrens entertainment, the gremlin has a hard-on for Bugs where he finally says, “I like him, he’s silly.” It must be all the times Bugs dressed in drag for Elmer Fudd.

  • Marc

    Don, you’re annoying. Your comments hardly ever make sense, and when they do, they’re totally irrelevant.

  • Don

    Hey Marc. Only one as affected as yourself would spell his name with a c. I detect a C-block. Youre on buddy.

  • haha. oh do i understand. it must be pretty bad if you couldn’t refrain yourself from posting about it until tomorrow. oh, and i have never been stuck in an elevator, but an old “friend” of mine lived in an older building and used to pull the stop button at all the right times.

  • This Fish

    Don -

    I’m afraid I have to agree with Marc. What the hell does that even MEAN?

  • smallstatic

    SISTER.

    Amen!

  • The 30′s are amazing! I am at the tail end of mine and I dont need lined bras nearly as often as I used to. Embrace it and enjoy it!

  • nicole

    And did you notice, Don doesn’t like the apostrophe either?

    Fish – sounds like some fun filled days!

  • I’m not sure how Bugs Bunny and gremlins came of impure thoughts… but it makes me want to shop at the sex store he does…

  • Ammu

    Oh my God – I was having the same conversation with a cousin earlier today…you put it across so well – lined bras et all. Hee!

    Love reading this blog.

  • Parchemina

    I don’t need to think impure thoughts! I have that problem all the time…

  • Parchemina

    And by that I mean the problem involving the need for a lined bra, not the problem involving the need for an elevator…

  • So do we get more on this on tawdry Thursday or what? ;)

  • Be glad you girls have lined bras! Unfortunately for me, if I suddenly have impure thoughts while training for my marathon along the lake, like say, while I’m behind a gorgeous runner, I have NOTHING to hide the obvious. That’s when I dread the most when she runs slower than me, because I couldn’t possibly overtake her until my forced thoughts of the Pope calm things down a little. Not only that, having impure thoughts in running shorts with built-in mesh underwear actually makes me feel more uncomfortable, almost painful!

  • Sarah

    I am in my late twenties and am feeling like that almost constantly is that normal?? My partner has not got as high a drive as me HELP

  • Anna

    Yup, I KNOW.

    It is not the time for the slow, romantic stuff – it is HERE and NOW and MORE.

  • I want to know if guys or girls think about sex more???

    Hi, I’m an aussie psych student and have one week to finish collecting data for my thesis.

    Please go to this link https://apollo.anu.edu.au/default.asp?pid=2258

    and spend 30-40 minutes and finish “The Personality and Sexuality Survey” – it’s very thought provoking and NOT at all dull (though some questions might appear similar – please complete all questions)! It will challenge you to think about your personality and why you (as a guy or a girl) express your sexuality (in whatever form).

    The information will be written up as a fourth year honours psychology thesis and the responses are completely annoymous. People are free to withdraw from the survey at any stage and data will not be stored until the ‘submit’ button is clicked at the end of the survey. Participants must be over the age of 18. And I have gained Human Ethics approval.

    Thank you all kindly! Rsearcher

  • mel #1

    More please…are you having impure thoughts in general or regarding a ‘certain someone’? Do Tell…..

    Fish~Have you ever watched the t.v. series called ‘For The Boys’? NEways, it’s about a very attractive tom boy type girl and that is how I think of you. You’re sense of humor is fantastic!

  • ZG

    Oh I know how you feel >Oh I know how you feel >

  • Bless you, Fish … I thought I was the only one! Naughty girls of the world, unite!

  • Beth

    I think it’s in the air…

  • Great post, and now you have me thinking, they have so many elevators here, with emergency stop buttons..hmmm.. :)

  • Kate

    If I wrote down every time I had an impure thought, I wouldn’t have time for anything else. My husband would LOVE reading this right now !

  • KT

    Any luck on the job hunt? Hope you are having good luck with that!

  • I found that when I was unemployed, I had a lot of extra time on my hands. Get it? Idle hands are the perverts playground.

    I felt like a 14 year old again. Obsessed? Maybe. But when i was 14, there was no interweb porn.

  • Gotta love the internets. And the pornographies. Or just sex in general. Whatever works.

    …I need sex.

  • marinemom

    LOL .. thanks for the smile Heather! Hope you find relief … somewhere :)

  • Krista

    Fish…sometimes I feel like you’re in my head!

    Bless you and your clever ability to say what I think.

    Thanks for the laughs ;D

  • Geez, and I had just fooled myself into thinking that people thought I was cold all the time! They know it is all a sham!

  • Naughty naughty… Puma on the prowl.

    I’m sure you can find an upstanding individual to quickly oblige to your request. Perhaps even a Father…

  • A Nerdy Guy

    So, how does a guy find a girl like that and try to make her happy? How does a man who look like a nerd let it be known that he knows all the right skills–like knowing his way around downtown?