Overheard at dinner:
“These brownies are excellent!”
“Yeah…”
“I mean, I’m sorry you might have cancer, but these brownies are really good.”
I laughed so hard, I thought I might pee. Not because cancer is funny, but because I’m just glad there are other people out there who recognize what’s really important in life. Like brownies. Cause the only thing worse than dying from cancer would be dying without having had a really, really good brownie.
Perspective is everything. Happiness is a conscious choice. Joy is simple. Like brownies.
yup, if I ever find myself in that situation I *hope* my friends and family will say the same thing!
Once you get cancer, I hear you’re even allowed to enjoy “special” brownies…
Yeah, that had to be two best friends together. That’s fantastic. Really good brownies make anything better, even possible cancer. When it’s something scary and unknown like that, it’s all about enjoying the moment instead of stressing yourself out about it nonstop.
It may sound trite but it’s true– once you’ve been through the life and death stuff, you learn to appreciate the brownies.
(Or in my case, the crumbs, as that’s generally all that’s left after my sons have left the kitchen. I lick them off the counter anyway, because life is short!)
I’m so glad I’m not the only one with an off-kilter sense of humor.
Hi!
Good to have friends who can be honest!
I just wanted to say hi. I was at another blog today and they pointed out that people come by, read their lives, and go on. without a hello.
I say hi sometimes. I comment or email, pray for you from time to time, tear up or laugh with you. Yet I’m sorta just a peeping tom, so I’m just knocking on your door to let you know hey, i come by. i’ll be back.
have a good day!
My brother is still famous for interjecting, “you know what I like about swiss cheese?” while a friend was discussing her mother’s breast cancer. (He liked the holes).
If you think that’s funny or the way a friend should be, I think I understand why you are single and unemployed.
Done reading. You’re insipid, thoughtless, and heartless.
Aw, you’ll be SO missed, Stephanie.
Glad I’m not the only one who thinks that is hilarious!!! In fact, the people I work with and my fiance would get a good laugh out of that as well.
After reading the below comment, all I can say is …. Wow…. Talk about insipid, thoughtless, and heartless! I think that the fish was commenting on the irony of the comments. If anything after following this blog I find her heartfelt, not heartless… Humor is a great healing tool… maybe you should learn to appreciate it Stephanie.
Stephanie said:
If you think that’s funny or the way a friend should be, I think I understand why you are single and unemployed.
Done reading. You’re insipid, thoughtless, and heartless.
February 12, 2008 11:22 AM
And also that you can enjoy the simple pleasures of life even if you have big troubles…
my father is dying of cancer. i wish he liked brownies. i do anything to make him feel better.
I assure you insipid, thoughtless, and heartless people get married/employed everyday. Just check a mirror.
Obviously -someone- doesn’t get enough brownies…
The only thing worse than dying from cancer would dying without having had a really good brownie? Really?
http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.khLXK1PxHmF/b.2662117/k.68D9/Hear_Survivor_Stories.htm
a person, thinks having a ‘really good brownie’, is an important observation to make, and then flippantly says, they are ‘sorry’ about their friend having cancer, makes you laugh till you feel like peeing?
Why does this leave particular post leave me feeling creepy, about your sense of humour…not to mention your comment section people…a good brownie, I guess you’ve never been diagnosed with a deadly disease, I wonder how tasty brownies would be?
I’ve been diagnosed with stage 1 cervical cancer. Does that make you feel any better? Everyone deals with things differently. I am guessing you don’t laugh at your hardships. And that makes me worry for you.
hey fish..have been reading your blog for some time now..and i related to so many of your experiences and your take on them..however today’s was a little disappointing.
If the person who has/may have cancer says..’forget crying about cancer..i love brownies’.. its a whole different story than when the other person says it…i’m sorry but.. However important it is to laugh at our own hardships, I think its unkind to do so at someone else’s..especially a friend’s..
hey fish..have been reading your blog for some time now..and i related to so many of your experiences and your take on them..however today’s was a little disappointing.
If the person who has/may have cancer says..’forget crying about cancer..i love brownies’.. its a whole different story than when the other person says it…i’m sorry but.. However important it is to laugh at our own hardships, I think its unkind to do so at someone else’s..especially a friend’s..
It seems insignificant, but maybe hanging onto the little things, like good brownies (or whatever it is that makes you happy), seems more important when things are looking really scary. If my friend possibly had cancer, you better believe I’d be taking her out for good food, wine, and general silliness, just to take her mind off reality for a while. I feel like you should enjoy what you can in life, even (especially?) when bad things are happening. But I’m kind of a natural optimist, so I guess it’s true that everyone handles a crisis differently. No need to judge Fish though…because I bet if it was her friend she’d be there with her every step of the way (AND she’d bring brownies).
That is what you call a true friend…
If I was in that particular situation I would forever be greatful that on such an upsetting day my friend was there to eat the best brownies ever with me. I bet they laugh about that comment for many years to come!
To those that were insulted… you will always wish you had such caring friends who can turn a negative day into a laughing frenzy and create a notorious memory for life.
Clearly irony and subtle sarcasm are lost on some people… When I read this, I, too, laughed. And again, as Fish made sure to point out, not because cancer, or having cancer, or cancer survivor stories are funny, but because the juxtaposition of what the person said is just plain comical. I told this story to my aunt (who is a breast cancer survivor) and she also laughed. Stop being so over-sensitive, people.
Um yeah, I agree. When I was in the hospital with a blood clot near my brain I called the friends who would make me laugh (and would bring me brownies/chocolate croissants/reese’s cups). I’m incredibly lucky (and grateful) that I made it out alive, but if I hadn’t I would have at least had a good time and enjoyed some chocolate.
I sincerely wish that everyone could take a slice of life and enjoy it half as much as those two did their brownies. Fish, you were privileged to witness what is assuredly true, heartfelt love between friends. Thank you for sharing it. Living in the moment means everything when the seconds count.
man! talking about taking fish far too seriously! sheeshhh!!! anyways fish, my sister and i died laughing bc that is TOTALLY something we would say to each other (food is my #1 thing in life. i LOVE love loveeeee food)
some of you guys clearly need to get laid or something…calm down.
WOW. I am having a horrible week and these comments about Heather are not helping.
My father passed away from cancer, after a 2 1/2 year battle, in August.
During his illness and his death Heather- who is my friend in REAL LIFE- was nothing but warm and supportive.
I really love all of the assumptions that people make based on a few sentences on a blog.
You people have no idea what a caring and compassionate woman Heather is- SO SUCK IT.
I’ve had 4 people very close to me battle cancer- two of whom eventually lost their life. Sometimes laughing was the only thing that kept me going. It’s horrible when you or someone you love is dealing with a horrible situation and everyone acts awkward around you. I preferred when people tried to make me laugh.
Just yesterday I was at the funeral for my best friend’s father. It also happened to be her birthday. I made her laugh.
I guess that makes me thoughtless and heartless.
Oh dear sweet merciful heavens! If I did have cancer and all of my friends were like the somber types in the comments that would be the end of me.
Friend- (wearing serious somber face for entire duration of disease) “I care about this serious thing.”
Me- “Somebody put us all out of our misery, please.”
Godd for you, Fish, for seeing the joy in this moment.
This quote reminds me of Christian from Project Runway. So drama. Love it.
I lost a very close friend to cancer, someone who was always able to laugh and enjoy life to the fullest, even during her battle. And I was right there w/her the whole time, I was the one she called when she needed cheering up, wanted to be filled in on the gossip, and basically needed a laugh. I understand the need to be able to laugh through hardships; however, this post is completely lacking in humor and understanding. It’s just a bit disappointing in it’s thoughtlessness. But perhaps I’m just not reading it correctly……
Fish, I don’t know how you do it. To post openly, and freely of yourself, and constantly deal with other people’s negative opinions. I wish I had skin as thick as you do. Huge fan of yours, by the way. And I always appreciate your honesty.
It’s all about appreciating the little things, right?
Fish, I read this and had to smile. I think you need to take the good with bad. We all have hardships and have friends that are there to make us smile. I must say that is something I would have said to a friend in the same position.
My ex sister in law is a breast cancer survivor (7 years now) and any little bit of humor helped her. The old saying is Laughter is the BEST medicine.
Good for you for posting so openly. I admire you for that and that is what keeps me coming back!!
I am so thankful that you have people like Torrie and Ari in your life. I love how fiercely your friends love you.
This is EXACTLY the kind of thing that I’d say to my mom when she was dying of cancer. And then we’d BOTH pee ourselves laughing.
If this made us sick, twisted, weird – or it made me look heartless, thoughless and insipid – so be it. It was how we got through it. Sometimes she just NEEDED a random non sequitur. She needed a break (however short) from the pain and the reality of cancer.
My mom HATED people tiptoeing around, hated people just watching her, hated that the cancer was center stage.
Less than 24 hours before she died, when she was on high-level painkillers, jaundiced, and uncoordinated, she tried to feed herself a popsicle. (I say “tried” because she kept dropping it into the giant bowl I put in her lap). She turned, smiled and said, “Can you believe this ****?”
We laughed for 10 minutes.
I can only hope to have that kind of outlook when I face my end.
Thank you for posting this. It made me think extra about my mom today. She would have laughed, too.
Commenters like Stephanie, Livestrong.com link boy, et al. are the reason I don’t blog. I’d defy the laws of physics, zoom through their monitors, and smack them in their humorless faces.
Apropos of your post, my father died very suddenly (less than 2 days after his diagnosis) of an aggressive leukemia 20 years ago. After his funeral, my sibs & spouses and I played a hilarious game of Triv. Pursuit. Certain relatives glared at us, and I smacked them in their humorless faces (well, not really).
those of you who think its insensitive dont get it, do you? being sad and morose doesnt cure cancer… however, there are certain theorists who think that maybe, just maybe, laughter and positive thinking will.
and that comes from someone who was kicked out of a sloan kettering recovery room while visiting her sister post-cancer surgery, because the nurses didnt seem to get that some people deal with scary awful things by making jokes and keeping their spirits up as much as possible… and for the record, my sister was LAUGHING, but was still so groggy that the nurse didnt get it when she (my sister) asked her to please not kick us out – because she was HAVING FUN.
bottom line, thst girl has cancer with or without the brownie. and let me tell you, i’d rather have cancer with a side of brownie…
Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who said that “life is too important to be taken seriously?” Cancer is inarguably a serious and devastating disease but it doesn’t have to be if you appreciate being alive right NOW. At this very moment, when maybe, you are indulging in an orgasmic brownie or find $20 in your pocket. All you readers with skewed and sad life perspective should leave Heather alone. Go and bake some brownies.
Kabe, your mom’s quote made me laugh and cry at the same time.
Wow, lots of uptight folks here today.
I’m sure the people in that situation were close enough with each other to understand that the comment was appropriate within the context of their relationship and their shared sense of humor. I would laugh at that too. I hope to God my friends would try to make me laugh rather than throw me a pity party.
Someone people can appreciate the power of humor, some can not. And that’s okay. To the commenters who were offended, now we know not to try to cheer you up if you’re in pain. To each his own.
2 years ago my grandmother died from old age. There were many people, including me, who were very sad because she was a wonderful woman. At the funderal home during visitation, people wanted to make sure we had food while we were there. My sister(who is in her 40′s) and I told them we would be ordering pizza delivered in a little while and not to worry. The looks we got were a great stress reliever. My favorite look was the one that said “You people are insane and insensitive to the family, oh wait, you ARE the family, never mind…”
My best friend just had a double mastectomy at the age of 33. The same age I am. I am the one making her laugh. That is my “job.” Completely undefined and never discussed. If she is down, she calls me. If she needs someone to be completely irreverent and make her laugh, she calls me too. That’s what friends are for…that’s what true friendship is. Yes, cancer is bad; yes, cancer is scary. Friendship is all about helping someone through it. Everyone deals with it differently. Thankfully, those people Fish overheard have found their way to deal with it. It’s a pity people are so judgmental. Let people find their own way. Yea, Fish for finding the humor. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.
Wow there ARE a lot of uptight peeps commenting on this! And, the overuse of the word insipid – and, I thought only pea soup could be that. ANYWAY – I laughed when I read that and my mother died a horrible death of breat cancer. I wish I could have gotten her to eat a brownie before she died. Or better yet – to laugh!
I will still be reading you and I get you!
a devoted fan,
Trin2
I think people who have something negative to say should stop reading, stop commenting (and wasting all of our time), and move on someplace else. Like mom always says, “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
Go fish, from personal experience, laughter is the BEST medicine.
Wow, people have no sense of humor! My best friend and I had a very similar conversation when she thought she had hepatitis. It went something along the lines of “I’m sorry you might have hepatitis… Did you see the shoes that lady was wearing? We should find out where she got them!” to which she replied “I saw them on sale at the mall yesterday, are you going to eat your icecream?” Some friendships are just like that. And those of us lucky enough to have friendships like that are so much more fortunate for having them.
bahbahabh
you make me laugh fish
I found this post very uplifting!
In case no one has pointed this out in the previous however many comments, you weren’t the one who said it! All you did was laugh, because honestly, that’s freakin hysterical. Who says that? “Sorry you might be dying, but these brownies are delish.” I would have laughed too. If they’re going to irrationally be mad at someone, at least be mad at the person who made the “offensive” comment.
People grieve, cope, show affection in ways some of us may never comprehend.
I wouldn’t have laughed so hard I could’ve peed – at what you overheard – but rather embraced the fact that friends could say that to each other without flinching. I have friends like that. Just last week, a friend of mine told me she was ‘bleeding,’ uncontrollably. I sat with her and googled whatever the hell her problem could be (Which is what the Doc says not to do) I diagnosed her with several possibilities, a tumor, she needed a D and C, or, her boyfriend was cheating on her and gave her a STD. I scared the **** out of her but she was laughing the whole time.
By the way, it was none of the above. She is fine.
Insensitive ass that I am, I would have laughed my butt off quietly after hearing that, too.
It reminds me of a friend that I had dinner with, about 18 years ago, who remarked (shortly after she learned that my avid-hunter-dad had died violently): “I’m so sorry. At least Bambi will be safe, now. How do you like the wontons?” I was speechless for a few seconds, then bust out laughing. Bless her a hundred times over, I needed the laughter more than the tears.
I had to read the comments after Fish responded to them with another post. As someone who was told “you may have cancer” and then had to wait almost a month to get diagnosed (and it was cancer) I could see myself in that conversation. You can’t put the cart before the horse. That person “may” have cancer. And even if you do have cancer, you don’t stop living! Not all cancer equals a death sentence.
I admit, I read the post twice before I understood, but the second time, I smiled, laughed, and then I got up and kept on living.
Humour is so important. Without it we’ll all be miserable and let the worst things get to us. I think that the original post was wonderful and much-needed. Your posts are always witty and thoughtful and you are absolutely heartfelt in your words no matter what your subject. That’s what writing is about and you do a fine job.
Thank you for sharing it with us.
Regards.
My father just passed of cancer at a young age of 60. We wouldn’t have gotten through the last six months of his illness without humor. In fact, my brother walked by a bucket placed in the hallway of my father’s home (for what reason, we don’t know) and when my dad inquired about the noise my brother innocently responded “Oh, it’s nothing, I just keep kicking the bucket.” My dad laughed about it and passed away peacefully a few short days later. Keep on laughing, it keeps all involved sane!
Keep up the good work, Fish!
This reminds me of this book I read where the guy cut off his own hand to save his life. Some time afterwards, he was making dinner and his sister asked if he needed a hand, to which he replied “of course!” and it became an ongoing joke between them.