“Have I let you down?”
I’m reading on the couch, entombed in an enormous down comforter when he comes into the office with a basket of laundry.
“What? No. Of course not.”
“I get the feeling lately that I’m not making you happy.”
It didn’t just squeeze my heart to hear him say that – all of my insides contracted and my tongue stuck in my mouth. I’d been feeling like this for some time. Down. Sundays are the worst, the most unbearable, because all I do is think about going back to work the next morning. Sometimes I pray they’ll fire me, though I’ve never given them a reason. There are so many days when I feel like tearing at my own skin, screaming inside my skull that I want out. Out, out, out! Out of being a grown up. Out of hating what I do and where I am for ten hours a day because I have to. But not out of my almost-marriage. Never that. And it fills me with regret and grief that he’s blaming himself. So I tell him what I’ve been too embarrassed to say,
“I think I’m just depressed.”
My voice betrays more emotion than I’d intended. It’s not just the admission, it’s that there’s a part of me asking him to love me anyway. Love me even though I’m a little bit broken right now.
I say something about work and even though he knows, maybe he didn’t know how some mornings, it’s all I can do not to get sick over it. Standing there, waiting for the shower to get hot, nauseated and head aching. I don’t like problems I can’t fix. And for all my trying, I’ve failed to improve this situation. He knows. I don’t have to tell him how hard I’m trying. The interviews. The build up. The let down. We’re in this together, chasing the same goal and squinting, watching the light at the end of the tunnel grow slowly from a tiny splinter. What size is it now? Bigger than a breadbox? I think, yes.
“I wish I could make it better,” he says, and I sigh before smiling.
“You’re the only thing that does.”
Oh no! I’ve been there and it sucks. It sucks ass! Just hang in there and keep telling yourself it will get better. I’m in the Dark Lords position these days. My boyfriend is beyond miserable at his job. Try to give him a break everyone once a while. Vow not to talk about work just for one night. He will really appreciate your effort.
Thanks
I don’t talk about work at home, really. I just don’t have a face that hides that kind of thing very well.
This post hit home for me. I can tell you that it genuinely pains me if I see my wife struggling with something and I’m unable to help her with it. Most men are fixers by nature, and we assume that if you tell us that something is wrong, you want us to help you fix it. Sometimes if my wife just asks me for something small, like for me to fix her a sandwich or a cup of soup, I’ll at least feel like I’m contributing somehow, and that makes us both feel better.
Wow.
You have put into words, so perfectly, exactly what I’ve been going through also. Gave up my great job and moved to another state with the love of my life. He had been in school for 10 years so I think its only fair for him to chase his dream. I’ve been looking for a full time position for over a year now and the part time job I have right now is lacking financially and in fulfilling me on a professional level. When you’re so anguished yourself you hate to make your s.o. feel like it is some how their fault. It’s true that they are the only thing that does make it all better.
Best wishes to you.
Oh yes, I’ve been there, too, and so has Hubby. You said the PERFECT thing. And he may need reminders from time to time, just little reassurances.
Take care!!!!!!
I think it’s hard for men to see us depressed, and not know how to fix it. When they see a problem, they want to see a solution. It took forever to attempt to explain this to my husband (who I am currently divorcing)– Finally, I would get to the point where I would approach him and say, “Look. I am in a rut right now. It has nothing to do with you… I’m just sad/depressed/angry.” I think that helped him understand.
Then again, I’m going through a divorce. So… I have no business giving anyone relationship advice.
How awesome to have someone in your life that understands and loves unconditionally.
Just hang tight, for this too shall pass.
This economy is forcing so many of us to keep jobs we hate and resent going to. To me its like our whole generation is feeling the same way you are – at least I know I am. You’re not alone!
My wife went through something similar at work.
Just HATING it, always depressed, constantly anxious, totally consumed by angst on Sunday nights.
I did the best I could just listening and trying to be sympathetic without trying to FIX it.
But, eventually I just said.. “You know what? Since they want to save money and you hate being there every day, just offer to go part time and solve both problems.”
It actually worked out!
She’s so much happier, and even though it crimps the budget to not have that extra money… it is SOOOO worth it to have her be HAPPY.
Heather, I know that times are tough.
But, LEAN on the DL to be your support.
Maybe he can help you find that path to happiness.
And, while the money situation looks bleak, and you are scrimping and saving pennies towards the wedding… Don’t let that consume your strength. There’s ALWAYS a work-around to not having the extra few dollars you think you need.
If you’re HAPPY about your life, you won’t miss the money in the long run.
–LAZ
I’ve been in a similar situation with my boyfriend ever since last July. Work for him has turned into a bit of a depressing cycle and it’s affected everything about him. I don’t write about all the ways that it’s taken it’s toll on him, but it physically hurts to see him struggle and know I can’t do anything to drag him out of it. I’ve been by his side all this time, but it’s affected our relationship too and it’s not good. I just keep thinking….if I stick by him, maybe it will get better for him and for us. After all, it’s not him that I’m unhappy with, it’s the situation he’s in and the way he’s allowed it to affect him. But I support him and love him regardless.
I don’t know what your relationship is, but speaking from my experience and being kind of in your fiance’s shoes it sounds like, I can tell you that it’s next to impossible to not be affected by the person you love’s depression (even “blues”). Logically, we know it’s not our fault and we know we’re not going anywhere because of it, but dammit it sucks. Because the person we love is in there somewhere and we miss them.
Thanks for making me cry at my desk, dude. But only because I’m right where you are. But I struggle with admitting that to my guy…because others have bolted upon that admission.
The last 2 years of graduate school I was miserable at work, depressed and hating life. I was also engaged to a wonderful man, who is now my husband. I don’t know how I managed to not make him run in the opposite direction of me, but he was the only thing that got me through that miserable time in my life! You are blessed! One day, things will start to seem to go your way.
I’m not sure if I’m commented on here before, but I’ve been following your blog for a while. I’m mainly reiterating what others have already said, but you’ve written such a resonant post that I have to chime in. Just wanted to say that you have described *exactly* how I felt last autumn. Every day as I commuted to work I felt like I was heading to my sentencing. Cement was running through my veins, and even going through the motions took such effort. That feeling sucks so, so much, especially when you feel like changing the situation is out of your control. But it sounds like you *are* making efforts to change the situation, and that is something. Eventually you will turn a stone, and you are so very lucky to have the Dork Lord there with you for each step. It drove my husband crazy that he couldn’t make me all better, but he supported the decisions I made to help myself. Anyway, know you are not alone in that dreadful feeling, and there is always hope.
I completely understand how you feel. The hiding in your car before you absolutely must go in, the crouching in your chair hoping not to be noticed, and then the wincing when the phone rings knowing your boss is going to be irritated. I think what gets to me the most is the lack of motivation. I have always been a hard working, ambitious person but lately I cannot focus. It makes me feel worthless. My poor fiance has asked me the same question. It is not him, it is me. Keep looking for opportunities and do not give up hope. We both have so much going for us!
Oh Fish, I’ve been there. The good news is, when it’s work related, it’s just temporary, even though it can feel like you will be stuck in the terrible job forever. Things WILL get better. Hang in there.
I had a similar conversation with my fiancée when I got to work this morning. He called and I was sniffling a bit and he asked if I had been crying, and I said yes, in the car…I have a long commute.
He was very surprised by this, especially when I told him it happens often. And then of course like every male, he wants to fix it, but there really isn’t anything he can do other than love me anyway.
You’re not alone, hang in there!
YES. Being constantly undervalued is demoralizing and demotivating. I don’t know how to do it anymore – working hard for…what?
Hi Fish,
I’ve been reading your great work for a long time now, but this is the first time I’ve been compelled to leave a comment (it usually takes a lot and the right subject matter for me to comment on any site… I think I’ve only posted like five comments total on all the sites I’ve frequented over the years)
Anyways, just wanted to say to hang in there and keep searching for your right path. I’ve had to do that recently too, and slowly but surly, I’m headed in the right direction. I know you will get there too. You’ve got so much passion and purpose in this life, and you’re a fighter – don’t ever forget that, and you’ll always end up doing right by yourself. (On a side note, have you ever looked into freelancing not only for writing, but your other field as well? It could be very liberating to be your own boss and pick your own projects. Also, if you’re still wanting to be a yoga teacher, you should absolutely keep striving for that goal, even if you only teach a few classes per week. I’m a dancer, and I hadn’t danced in a few years until recently. There was this huge void in my soul that nothing but dance could fill, and when I finally did begin dancing (and teaching dance) again, it was like a reawakening of the person I’m meant to be. Untraditional and off the beaten path, but finding happiness on my own terms. I think, based on how you’ve written about it, yoga might be the same to you.)
So chin up, sweet Fish, and know that this situation is only temporary and that you do have the power to change your circumstances – just continue to be patient like you have been, allow yourself to feel blue about it and cry every now and then to recharge yourself, and keep fighting for what you know in your heart is right for you. You did that so well with love, so I know you’ll be able to do it in all other areas of your life. Good luck!
Hi, Fish.
I see that you mention the work situation as being the cause of this malaise you are experiencing. However, I would suggest that you keep a careful eye on how you feel, and if it gets worse, try to get some therapy, or see a psychiatrist and get some medication (or both). It can make a world of difference, and open your eyes to a million opportunities that are so hard to see when you are knee-deep in the gloom and doom. You are such a great person, and honestly, if I lived in Texas, I would totally be asking you for your resume and networking for you
.
I am there, have been for 2 years. Am now in apathetic survival mode. I too hate Sunday’s! Don’t know how my man has tolerated it. And my chronic illness as well. He is a prince!
Are you still going to do the yoga thing? My unsolicited advice would be try not to get so depressed you stop doing the things you enjoy. Because I did for awhile, and it was horrible. I’m learning now to leave survival mode at the door when I come home.
I feel for you Heather! My bf has been feeling undervalued, underpaid, underappreciated and OVERworked for the past year 2 years.. A year and a half ago I started telling our IT guy at my office what a fantastic worker my bf is and how much his clients love him etc but how difficult his current work situation is and he kept saying that as soon as he could, he would be hiring and would interview my bf. Last week my bf got the job! There is that light at the end of the tunnel, even if it takes longer than you would like. Sometimes life tests us and it’s usually from all angles at once.. Just keep pushing through and eventually you’ll end up on the other side! Promise!
It’s amazing how you manage to capture the exact feeling that I have these days. It’s awful thinking about anything remotely related to work, I just want to crawl under a big rock and hide. I only wish I had a partner who I could emotionally depend on, and not be single – I usually don’t mind being alone but it’s getting harder and harder not to have someone there at the end of the day.
Hope things get better for you soon!
I’m kind of in the opposite situation, but I dislike Sundays, too. I love my job, but I don’t have a romantic partner, so I feel like when everyone else is puttering around the house and getting ready for the week, I am lonely and on my own. This post is a good reminder that the grass is always greener, or, maybe, Sundays just really bite. Fingers crossed that a new opportunity is headed your way very soon!
I totally get this. I’ve been there, and I had to hit rock bottom before I was able to drag myself out. It was worth every ounce of effort it took, but I do hope you won’t have to struggle with it the way I did.
Things change. That you can count on. Hang in there.
Fish, you expressed in the most beautiful way a feeling that is horrible to be having.
I am always impressed by you writing, but this post today just took my breath.
You are an excellent writer and future-yoga-instructor, keep it in mind when you are feeling down.
In another note, my solution for the horrible Sunday evenings: I go to Borders or Barnes for a couple of hours. A cup of coffee and just being around books and checking different sections has a good effect in my spirit. Also, the gossip magazines, shallow me.
I love how describe your situation, I’ve been there a lot lately myself, but searching for something, anything that will make me happy. I recently found a more challenging job that I am somewhat enjoying, but I have also realized, work will probably never make me truly happy. It’s not my entire life, it’s a paycheck. Leave it when you leave the office. I’m not usually one for self-help books, but Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star really has a lot of good exercises and makes sense of how life’s little details hold greater impact then we realize. Chin up. Take a bath. Drink wine. Keep writing. Do special things for yourself, you deserve it.
My boyfriend and I went through something similar last year. I was in my first, very intense year of grad school and just plain miserable. I wasn’t upset with him, but my mood really took over our relationship for awhile. We’re awesome now, but OOF. I learned that I am not great at managing my romantic relationship while depressed. It really hurt him to not be able to make things better. Best of luck to you! Sounds like you’re doing everything you can to make things better. For me the situation luckily naturally improved (classes/clinic got easier, graduation is this weekend)…but I took a couple of trips to the university psychologist at my lowest. I don’t think it was really the right path for me, but it was nice to know the service was out there.
This made me want to cry. I’ve been there more than once in my current job and each time it has got better before I was inescapably damaged. I hope it gets better soon. I too had one thing making it worth and when he wasn’t around things were much worse.
I hate the ‘broken’ feeling. I’ve been feeling extra broken lately and it’s so hard when the other person isn’t at fault, has never really experienced it and wants to help. Sometimes there really is no quick fix. I love you. Hang in there.
**Tough Love Warning**
Seriously? Ok, let’s be real about this.
1. You HAVE a job.
2. You HAVE a man you are crazy about who is crazy about you back. You have a RING for pete’s sake.
3. You’re healthy.
4. People honestly like you – you have followers who read your blog EVERY DAMN DAY!
5. You live in a nice place where it’s not frozen half the year.
6. Your cat is healthy again.
7. The dog and cat get along and secretly spoon.
8. In general, life is good.
In the end, it’s just a job. Get a life.
This was my advice to myself about when I was feeling the same. My job does not make me who I am. It’s what I do ~40 hours a week to pay for me to live, enjoy things I love, feed my pooch, put gas in the tank, pay deductibles for insurance the job provides, buy shoes, etc.
Suck it up, Buttercup!
Get your life back!
I am talking about your life outside of work.
Work is just work.
It’s just a job.
Seriously.
Or, you could just go rent City Slickers for inspiration and then brainstorm about how you will find your smile again. Include the boy. It could be fun. And at the least, you’ll have something else to write about. That could be a nice alternative to all the ‘woe is me’ posts you’ve been doing lately.
K, I will say it if Fish won’t: you can go to hell.
Oh, I’m sorry, should I have put a warning on that?
If you truly have no idea how depression works, then now’s your chance to look into it. Because if it is not for a total lack of understanding, saying “get a life” to someone who’s just told you they are going through a bout of depression shows some pretty serious character flaws.
Wow, K. Just wow.
Good job Marc for telling K to go to hell. I second that!
Depression is extremely hard and unexplainable sometimes. Clearly K has not had to deal with it.
I hated my job so much I broke out horribly all over my face and would get terrible anxiety and start crying if anyone got close to me (because then they could see my face). If my outside showed my emotions like that – just imagine what going on in the inside of me and others who are depressed. I’m at a new job now but still have to take the meds to feel okay about my situation. If this new job didn’t pay for my tuition, to get my masters to finally do something I love, then I would be going crazy. One year until I graduate. That’s what I tell myself every day.
I have tears in my eyes for you Fish. Don’t wait until the stress and depression overwhelms you and go to a doctor if you feel you really need to. Sometimes our loved ones cannot help the way medicine can.
Yeah, wow. Here I thought maybe I’d get to the bottom of the comments section without a lambast. Sigh.
Anyway, I recommend drinking on Sundays. Heavily. Start early so you won’t be hung over Monday am.
Joke (well, not for me, but for non-lushes).
But seriously, the anticipation IS the worst, and it is horrid to have to spend part of your weekend when you should get to enjoy your free time agonizing over it! I’m so there with you.
And I really do understand too that it’s not always a matter of just “changing your perspective” and “cheering up”. Sometimes that weight is incredibly burdensome, and the anxiety is inescapable. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps, and waiting for progress is excruciating. But I promise, it will come. Life can only beat you down for so long.
If I might, perhaps you and DL could come up with some fun, cheap date-y ideas for Sundays and create your day around that, so that you’re at least a little distracted? Just to reframe Sundays as a sunny-days-with-your-love, something-to-look-forward-to, solid-day-o’-fun instead of the storm before the workweek. Just my thought. Making even a small dent in that all-too-familiar wall of negative emotions might bring a welcome relief, and give him the chance to feel like he’s contributing, too. And lastly, some people live to work. Others work to live. You and I both are clearly in the latter category, and it irks, it irks! to be stuck in something unfulfilling. But you are also not a person who settles, and that energy will come back to you. I promise.
Here’s hoping you feel better, Fish.
K – your attitude toward Fish’s post is exactly why people who THINK that they are dealing with depression don’t come forward or get help. Because people like you think it’s just simple to “suck it up buttercup!” And it ISN’T easy. You think it would be “easier” for the depressed to go about their business and pretend that nothing is wrong, when there is clearly something eating away at them? Which seems more fair – Say it aloud, or hide it? Shame on you! What you call “tough love” is really just your opinion. There’s no way you can be speaking from experience.
Fish – I dealt with the same feelings of wanting my fiance to love me, even though I had a problem. It took me almost a year to say it. A month after knowing I needed help, the weight was lifted and I was back to being myself. And he saw the difference and came around to the idea that I wasn’t trying to just fix a problem I thought I had. I fixed something that I KNEW I had.
Hang in there. : )
Wishing you great jobbie luck!
It took me a year but I was finally able to switch to a job I actually look forward to. At the end of my interment at the job I finally got to leave I got a severe headache and sometimes threw up every time I was there and spent the days I wasn’t there simply dreading having to go back. There was definitely crying petulantly and yelling in the car on my long commute in!
I hope your luck turns soon. Hating your job so much it affects your physical and mental health is lousy quality of life.
thank you for writing this.
i’ve been feeling very similar lately, as i bask in the glow of newly owning a home with my fiance and planning our wedding, sunday nights for me sound just like yours. the 30 hours on the weekend don’t always makeup for the 40 hours a week we’re doing something that just doesn’t feel right…
(and getting denied for dream jobs within TWO HOURS of submitting your resume doesn’t help either).
so thank you for putting into words the VERY thing i hope to let him know. and instead of rewriting it or struggling to say it so well, i can just send him a link to this post.
I understand what you’re saying more than I’d care to admit. It’s a struggle every day for me to get my sorry ass out of bed and off to work. I have been looking for a new job for 2 years now. I’ve had loads of interviews (and second interviews, and third interviews…) but no offers. I have been unhappy for so long, sometimes I wonder what it will be like to be happy again. I’ve gotten a better hold of my anxiety/stress now (thanks to counseling, acupuncture and meds). There was a point, a couple of years ago, where the only way I could function AT work was to be taking xanax 2-3 times a day. That is ridiculous.
When people talk about the cool stuff they get to do at work, or how much they love their jobs… all I want to do is punch them in the baby maker.
Hang in there and know that you’re not the only one.
I hate it when people say “it’s just a job” because it’s a HUGE chunk of your life. I’m fortunate enough to be one of those people who can kind of do whatever career-wise and feel fine (read: unmotivated, limited aspirations, haha!) But my hubby is the total opposite. He’s creative and he literally feels like his soul is dying if he doesn’t feel like his work life is worth anything. It takes everything in him to get up in the morning to put time in when he doesn’t feel like anything truly valuable is being accomplished.
K may not understand that feeling, but just because it’s not your experience doesn’t mean that it’s not real and tiresome and painful for others. It’s sad, K, that you have such a limited view of the world. You should be grateful not to experience this, and compassionate towards others who are – not condescending.
It was good for you to tell him that! He probably felt a lot better after that. Another good sign is that he wants to help! I don’t know what you support and don’t support, but you should try speaking with someone about it. It can really help!
And remember, it is ok to be depressed.
You articulate how depression feels better than anything I’ve ever read before. Thank you for posting this, and hang in there until it passes.
I totally GET the Sunday thing, too. I went through months of dreading the end of the weekend, anticipating the horror that awaited me Monday mornings. The stressful job and some other real-life problems have put me on medication and it is working for me. But before that, I was given some tough love that reminded me to be careful of what I said to myself (ie “God I HATE working here!”) and to remember how much worse off so many others’ lives are. That helped me too. Would I trade the things that are RIGHT in my life to get rid of my problems? Not a chance. So that tells me what’s really important.
And the medication helps. A lot. Chronic or acute depression, either way… just consider talking to your doctor about it all.
Thank you, thank you for sharing this. I’ve been feeling this way in my current situation for about a year and sometimes it’s debilitating to think about having to go back on a Monday. Depression is real and not something to be scoffed at or pushed off because it’s uncomfortable or a little too woe is me for people who think they’ve never felt it. We’ve ALL been there at some point, we’ve ALL been so unhappy about some part of our lives that we didn’t necessarily know exactly where to go or what to do about it. The worst possible thing you can do is squash that voice that says “Hey, I think I need some help with this.” It’s never wrong to ask for help, it’s never wrong to feel what you feel, it’s never wrong to do what needs to be done in order to feel better, do better, enjoy things more.
I am one of those people who reads your blog religiously. A friend turned me onto it and honestly, it’s something I look forward to, something I enjoy so much I get giddy when my phone tells me there’s a new post.
Thank you for being so honest with the world. Thank you for sharing your life with us and most of all thank you for giving voice to things about yourself that some people, myself included, are scared to voice about themselves.
Hang in there Fish.
Oh, Heather –
You said what I’ve felt. Not about the job – I actually love my job – but it’s exhausting and high-stress and anxiety-causing.
I have what I’m choosing to call situational depression. I don’t want to admit that it could be here to stay until I get some help. My dad died in December and now there’s just my brother left. I’ve run over 200 miles since the beginning of March but my weight keeps creeping up. That leads to more eating and the shame spiral.
There are days I can barely make myself get in the car to go to work. There are days where I won’t answer my phone or go meet my friends and I lose myself/hide away in a book for hours. (The Help. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and sequels. Sookie Stackhouse books.)
I know it’s depression. I’m not going to just “snap out of it,” I already have “a life” filled with friends and travel and someone who loves me. (K – sometimes we can have everything seemingly RIGHT in our lives and still be depressed. If only you understood that we can’t wish it better. Friends and co-workers don’t know that I’m depressed. I’m remarkably cheerful and confident and happy-looking. On the outside.)
My own Dork Lord also knows that something is amiss. Like you, Heather, I’ve told him that it’s not him and he really IS one of the things that makes life better.
I hope things get better for all of us. Thank you, Heather, for saying it out loud.
My husband and I have both been in your position with work. He has been looking for a job for over two years because he’s stuck in his own and miserable every day. On a happy note, he is seeing more opportunities now, rather than before. So I am sure that things will turn a corner for you too. So that’s one up side. On another note, depression runs in my family, and I suffer from it depression too – even though I have never been diagnosed I am certain of it. I tried to combat it by running and writing a list of 10 things I am grateful for every day. It helps, but it doesn’t solve the problem. So I’ve decided to get help. I hope you do too. Good luck and sending hugs your way.
Jeez, I have felt that way about work before. Great for you to be able to tell the truth about it. I don’t necessarily think that you’re depressed, just sometimes folks get stuck in these situations. I went to work for myself for a time, and am changing careers over the l/term. I was so much happier, and in the end, my company downsized anyhow. Don’t stay in jobs like that is my advice if possible, and always have a backup plans.
Wow is right.
I send you no advice. Because, well, you weren’t soliciting for any, AND, I’ve read long enough to know you have a good sense of self. You’ll get there. And if our economy would improve, we’d all get there faster! It sucks to have to be happy with a job I don’t hate because that’s better than many can say. Two readings that have given me career hope lately are: ‘Netflix company culture slideshow’ and the book ‘Rework.’ Google should get you to both, if interested. And the book has a free excerpt. Both break away from the cubicle paradigm that is sucking the passion out of me. Now, if only I could find that alternative employer in my city – still looking.
I know how you feel, I left a career that I loved and got a job that I hate because it is close to home and has the hours I needed because of my children. I pray that they fire me every single day, although they also have no reason to. Knowing I have to go back there in the morning just kills me. And the worst part is that when I am not there and should be happy, I am instead spending my time dreading that I have to go back…
I was in the same position late last year until early this year. I was also so thankful that my bf stuck with me with all the hills and valleys. I could not even recognize the person that I was during that time (fearful, sick, angry and anxious) We just kept the faith and forged on. Sooner or later, the light will grow brighter. The sun does shine even on grey days so just hang in there. Difficult to do but just hope that things will get better. Thanks very much to for being honest and open about it. hang in there, Fish!!
I found this post to hit very close to home…especially as my fiancé sent me the link and I read her comment.
I’ve found that even when I’ve had a rough day at work, that a little venting can help. This can be even more difficult when both parties have had less than stellar office experiences. Although sometimes not successful, i always attempt to give her that opportunity to vent. If anything, I know she’s confiding in me and trusts me enough to be exposed, which is actually flattering.
Also, if she wasn’t so perfect, the vast difference between work and home life would be far less significant. Essentially nothing is better than the time we spend together, so i suppose everything is lame in comparison.
K, think of it like this: telling someone dealing with depression to “snap out of it” is kinda like telling someone with 2 broken legs to “stop whining and get up & walk. already!”
It doesn’t work. There must be treatment and healing first.
Hard to believe that in the 21st century we STILL see depression, a diagnosed medical issue, as a character flaw.