Riddle me this: are you supposed to tip the proprietor of an establishment?
I’d always been taught that you didn’t; tips are for service folks working for other folks – the ones who don’t necessarily see windfall when the business is healthy and thriving. To the owner of an establishment you frequent quite a bit (hair dresser, facialist) you give a generous gift at say, Christmas, but you don’t tip. Sometimes, though, I think maybe I’m the only one who’s under the impression that this is actually a rule and since I don’t want to get it wrong… I tip anyway. Like, I tip my hair lady, even though she’s no longer working for a salon and she’s out on her own. I like her a whole lot and she consistently does a great job, so the rule about not tipping the owner feels… weird.
And really, the one thing I hate more than being wrong about protocol is people thinking I’m stingy. Or ignorant of the rules.
Like, once upon a time, I was given three free spa services in exchange for some publicity on the blog. The day before I went in for my third treatment, I bought a nice little card, wrote a note and put in some cash for the lady who’d done the treatments. You know, because that’s when you tip, right? At the end of a service. Anyway, when I arrived at the spa, the owner pulled me aside and said that it “might be nice if [you] thought about tipping Elizabeth.” I just stared at him. I mean, first of all, tuh-acky. Tackier than not tipping, in my mind. Secondly, tipping comes at the end. It just does. THOSE ARE THE RULES. And finally, I really, really very strongly (can I emphasize this enough?) believe that tipping should always be something done discretely. In an envelope or given through the receptionist. I mean, does the waiter stand over your table and scan the credit card receipt for your tip? God, I hope not. That’s just awkward.
Anyway, I bring this up because we’re entering the phase of The Planning & Executing of the Wedding, wherein we’ll be paying service providers, many of whom run their own show and I would like to do it the right way – tip where it’s appropriate and well-earned, and not where I’ve been made to feel guilty.
Ready? Go!
Hi. Just got married. Photographer, DJ and Videographer-worked for themselves so they’d get all of the money. No tip.
The bartender-tipped.
Hair stylists= paid/tipped
The vendor/of the establishment. No. I paid for the wedding. If they (one of the staff) had been individually awesome=maybe.
We didnt tip the car guy, the flower people or cake lady (who owned her own company). They got paid.
So. No tip
This whole post makes me cringe. It’s like, first there are the legitimate tipping gaffes, then there are situations where you know you are in the right (as you mentioned) but other people think you’re wrong (and stingy). Damned if you do and damned if you don’t, you know?
I have no advice for tipping your wedding vendors, sorry. But apparently, no matter what you do half the people will think you’re wrong anyway, so…do what you think is best? And then let us know what happens!
I wouldn’t tip them. They are charging you for their work already, so unless they go above and beyond the call of duty, you are already paying them.
Different maybe with the hourly employers, waiters at the wedding. That might be one big tip in an envelope to the dude in charge to distribute, but the vendors themselves, hell no. I don’t get a tip to do my job every day either.
Fabulous,
EXACTLY! I don’t get a tip for doing my day job the right way. It what a paycheck is for. Christmas bonuses are nice, but do I get them every year even if I’m kicking some ass at the office? Nope. Is it nice? Hells yes. But I kinda think my employer expects some ass kicking or he/she wouldn’t have hired me.
Tipping is out of control! My husband got the oil changed the other day and said there was a sign that said” Tips Appreciated” so he felt pressured and gave the guy five bucks. Anyway, we were married in a church, which I think you said you aren’t going to be, so this might not apply to you. We tipped the pastor and the organist, since they were essentially providing their services free of charge since their salary is paid by the church, but other than my hairdresser, I really can’t remember tipping anyone else. I assume our guests tipped the bartender, but we didn’t tip the waitstaff or the vendor, florist or bakery, as we paid through the nose for those services anyway. And if this helps, my brother works for a high end reception/event location and he said generally only the bartenders are tipped.
I’m dying to know what you said to that salon owner. Part of me hopes you were equally crass in return!
You’re right in that you don’t tip the owners. However, since a lot of people don’t know this, many people still tip them. And then the ones that do know this and don’t tip look stingy. Once I was at an expensive hair salon, and the owner was my stylist. When paying, I asked the receptionist if he was definitely the owner so I’d know whether or not to tip. She replied that actually, he was a “member” (which was what all of the owners were called, and no, this wasn’t an LLC) and most people tipped. I tipped, but I didn’t go back.
As far as wedding, you’re correct in that you don’t need to tip anyone that owns their own service (usually photographers, florists, DJ/band, baker, etc.). Definitely tip others, especially the waitstaff and bartenders (one tip to be divided amongst the group is fine). We also tipped the the hair and make-up people, shuttle driver, and the two assistants that worked with my wedding coordinator (the coordinator herself owned the business). If the person who works for the reception site or w/e is particularly helpful (like they oversee the set-up while you’re not there), you can tip them, but we did not since she basically was only involved up to the point we signed the contract. If you rent stuff like tables, chairs, linens, etc. you can tip the delivery people (although that’s tricky, because you often aren’t there when things are delivered).
We got married in Austin, btw, but are from the northeast. I felt like people there were a lot more low key about tip expectations. For instance the catering coordinator’s policy was that gratuity was not required or even expected, and if it was given, it was only divided among the waitstaff and bartenders, but not the cooks, herself, etc. Others who we tipped were very gracious about thanking us and did not seem as though they expected it.
We did not tip the florist, baker, photographer, DJ, etc., but tip was included in our charges for the service staff and bartenders. We paid everything ahead of time, and it was nice not to worry about any sort of gratuity the day of.
I’m always torn too. I mean, even if the manager/owner comes to check in on your meal, you don’t tip him/her…
I guess I tend to tip even when the person is the owner (i.e. hair salon) if I want to show extra gratitude. Like, I know you are getting all the money for the service already, but I think you did an awesome job and I appreciate being able to have the owner (who I assume to be an expert or at least better or more experienced than those s/he hires) perform my service.
Now, for spa treatments, I generally tip for each one, though I don’t think what you did was wrong, and I’d be equally miffed if I was pulled aside like that. But then there’s the fine line – I’ve been getting laser hair removal treatments in a medi-spa…they do facials, Botox, etc as well. The lady who does my treatments is an RN, and part owner. I asked the receptionist who said it was optional, but that the tip envelopes were mainly for the estheticians who don’t receive as much pay for their services. So I tipped once, and now don’t, seeing as I’m already paying a ton for a short service.
I’ve also been known to slip servers or others who go above and beyond an extra $10-20 after the regular tip — because I know there is often a tip share scenario and I really want that money to go directly and discreetly to the person who kicked ass. Yeah yeah, I know, tip reporting and all…but at least it’s a way to commend a star.
As far as your wedding goes (as well as finishing up my long comment), I’m going with the other commenters in that if it’s an hourly-wage worker that’s part of a bigger company, you should tip, but no need to tip the owner of the place you have your rehearsal dinner at, for example. They’re being paid already.
Lastly, I HATE being perceived of as stingy too. It’s the worst, because I’m not at all! I always apologize profusely if I don’t have cash to tip – like for the donated 15-minute massages we got at our company picnic. I felt awful…but will book the masseuse again and tip her like crazy.
I don’t tip the woman who cuts my hair because she owns the business. I also own a business and when I do a really good job, the most I ever get is a big thank you, maybe some tears, and a card. Not once in 3 years has anybody paid me extra.
Over and over I’ve seen interviews in magazines where salon OWNERS are talking about how much they appreciate being tipped. I bet you do. Who doesn’t appreciate free money?
It boggles my mind that high-end restaurant owners in the United States get away with charging $45 for an entree but paying their waitstaff $2 an hour and expecting the customer to make up the difference. Why is this acceptable?
As far as gifting over the holidays, you give gifts to people who have BROUGHT YOU BUSINESS throughout the year. If you are a regular client, the owner should give YOU a gift. Don’t get me wrong– I have no idea what proper etiquette is, but if people would use proper common sense we wouldn’t have to refer to a book.
I get my hair done by the owner of the salon, and I actually tip the person who helps him — she helps with the coloring and does my blow out. I give her the 20% (which I think is actually high for a service like that, though I do tip waiters 20%) that would normally have gone to the stylist.
I also occasionally help out friend who is a wedding coordinater. If she needs help on the wedding day, she has up to four of us assist her by being in all the places she can’t be. At one wedding the bride and groom tipped each assitant $20 (in an envelope, handed to us by the coordinator), but more often than not, we are not tipped.
For our wedding, we did not tip self-employed vendors (photographer, DJ, florist, etc) but did tip the hair people. Self-employed people set their own rates, so if they want more money they can charge it. Our venue had a mandatory % added to the bill that was labeled gratuity, so I figured that covered waitstaff and all who worked there. I did tip the hair people, and the pastor. We actually forgot to bring money for the pastor who performed the ceremony because we were thinking that everyone was pre-piad & forgot that he only worked for donations. Luckily my new in-laws were able to take care of him so it wasn’t too awkward.
I honestly don’t know why you wouldn’t tip an owner of a salon. Just because they own it doesn’t mean they get all the money. Owners of a business take a paycheck just like the workers do. If they are working there (and not just behind the scenes or in the office) and they do your hair or nails and do a good job, you tip them. Running a biz is expensive, what with the entire cost of running the place, insurances, education, taxes, payroll, etc. So I don’t care if someone is the owner or not.
I don’t know about when it comes to weddings, I guess everything is different. I usually just came across gratuity included in the prices, so I don’t have to worry about tipping. However, if it wasn’t included, I’d just tip whatever person I felt deserved a little something extra. Don’t worry so much about the rules.
In the past I have worked for MANY catering companies. The gratuity for hourly staff is INCLUDED in the price itself. If you’re having your family cook most of the food and just hiring people to help serve it…. come up with an hourly wage that is fair. I’ve worked in this industry for many years and usually when someone hires me for a private event they decide on a set amount for the entire event. The “tip” is often that they let you eat and maybe have a drink or two when the work is done. If there is a bar and you don’t think its too tacky… let the staff put out a tip jar. These tips can be divided at the end between ALL the service staff. Even a few extra bucks will be appreciated.
Think about hiring friends of friends (they work cheaper). Or ask around at a bar or restaurant that you frequent or know the servers. We often have strange schedules and are looking for odd jobs. (Especially cash under the table if you’re willing to do that!) And if you find one person you trust, they probably have a friend or two who are looking for the same thing.
Sorry this is rambling. I just planned (and executed!) my wedding this summer so I’ve been there. I definitely had an advantage in this area as husband is a chef and I work in the restaurant industry. Connections are key! Good luck!
Totally what I’ve been thinking about today. I’m going away to Yosemite to elope in a couple of weeks and I’ve hired a make-up artist/hairdresser to come to our hotel and fix me up. While the company has several employees, I believe the actual owner is coming. So, should I tip the owner? Furthermore, thus far her customer service is horrendous. Got my name wrong, takes days to respond, practically illiterate in emails and still hasn’t provided an invoice with the total. I already hate this woman. But there doesn’t seem to be another option unless I want to do it myself (and I really don’t) and she already has a deposit from me. So I am being nice because I don’t want her to paint me up like a clown. But I hate her. I don’t want to tip her. Ugh – tips are awkward and I hate them!
I tip my hair guy, he’s the owner of the salon, but has an “assistant” that is fresh out of school and tips her out of what he receives. Since she’s usually the one shampooing me, and taking over color when he has to handle owner duties I think it’s appropriate.
Coincidentally, his girlfriend is a wedding planner/day of coordinator. When I’ve talked to her about daily duties, she has said that most often, because prices are agreed upon ahead of the night for things like catering, or hair and makeup, people prepare in advance an envelope with a check for the amount, a small tip, and a thank you note which is given to whomever they’ve communicated with throughout the process. Though I guess there is really no “knowing” that the waitstaff is getting tipped out of that money.
I’d never dreamed of tipping prior to a service. That just seems bizarre. You tip a person after a service, based on the quality of that service. I’ve waited tables, I’ve worked on cars, I would be entirely thrown off if someone had ever tipped me before I’d done anything.
You may want to ask Steve over at http://waiterrant.net/ He’s writing a book about tipping and I’m pretty sure his latest post on the blog is perfectly directed to the whole tipping the owner question…
I got married last month… The only people I tipped were the hairdresser and our ‘wedding consultant’ that came with the wedding venue. Everyone else either owned their own business therefore received all the profit or was someone the wedding venue just decided would do X thing (example, catering went through the venue). We wouldn’t have tipped the wedding consultant but she really went above and beyond what she needed to do- my family was a freakin’ nightmare to deal with and I called her crying multiple times with changes to be made. So, yeah, she earned that tip.
Get a quote for everything. Do not allow changes to anything without your approval.
Haggling = you better tip. I don’t think it’s a good idea to haggle because you want these people to do their best for you.
No haggling = you shouldn’t feel guilty about not tipping because you were fair in accepting their asking price.
In the end, you pay the same.
Evaluate things AFTER they have completed the job they promised to do. If you got what you paid for, don’t tip. THAT’S WHAT A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS IS SUPPOSED TO DO! If you were blown away and felt someone made your day extra-super-duper-special because they went far and beyond what you paid for, tip away.
Business is business. When you’re talking numbers, emotions & guilt don’t factor in. Be fair, courteous and expect the same in return. You shouldn’t have to pay extra for that.
Wow that’s soooo tacky! Did you still mention the spa on your blog?
The tipping and all the subtleties is something I think most non Americans myself included find really weird
I think if it’s the owner you should definitely not tip them because you are bringing them your business and their costs are already factored into the price they quoted to you. And I think that it goes for the owner of a beauty salon too. Because think about it, do you tip your grocer or any other business owner even if they are small and locally owned? I think the same goes for anyone you have already negotiated a fair hourly wage with. The only reason I always tip wait staff generously is that i know they don’t get paid well because the assumption is that they’ll be tipped. But if you are paying them a fair wage I don’t think an additional tip is required.
Martha Stewart’s website has guidelines (of course):
http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/article/tipping-wedding-vendors
I’m getting married in 4 weeks, so I’ve been thinking about this a whole freaking lot. Most of our vendors own their own businesses, so I probably won’t tip them extra. The sole exception will be our photographer, who is a friend’s husband and who cut us an awesome deal. I figure I’ll send him a thank you note with a gift certificate to a restaurant they really like after the pictures come back.
We’ll tip the servers and bartender (and make sure there’s no tip jar out; I really hate that, though I don’t care if people leave tips, too.) I’ll also probably drop off a couple of envelopes at the venue the day before for the delivery people (cake and floral) – probably $5 or $10 each.
Your first commenter, SarahG, should’ve tipped the ‘car guy’ — drivers get tipped. oops.
I think sites like Brides.com or Brides Magazine would cover the ‘who to tip’ list pretty well.
On a non-wedding note, I tip my nail lady, even though she opened her own shop. I like her and want to see her do well.
TOTALLY agree that tipping should be discreet.
Congrats on the wedding!
Got married a few years ago at a hotel so all the services were through the hotel. No tips. Tips for the DJ/MC, Video guy, and I think the woman who waited on just us. Tips for the hairdresser/make up person.
We bought an expensive necklace for the wedding coordinator while we were on our honeymoon. She was really great and we wanted to give her something along with the cash tip.
I am a singer and do lots of weddings. I have never got a tip. I have been paid extra for a funeral – I think because my rates were lower than the instrumentalists who were also playing and the family wanted to be fair (which I appreciate!). But as a self-employed person, no tips for me. (and none expected either)
I am so fed up with this whole tipping business in the the US! I feel like it is out of control and people have just generally become greedy. In terms of the wedding tips, I think that in everything but an exceptional situation where someone has gone above and beyond the call of duty, it is unnecessary. You choose your vendors based on the the price they quote (atleast, part of the decision is based on that). If a business owner is low-balling their bid, hoping to make up for the difference with a big tip, its unfair to the bride who has a strict budget.
I also get irritated with people who complain about the tip they received, saying, ‘Well, I think I DESERVED more than that!’ My attitude is always, ‘Well, then set your prices at a level that matches their value.’
Hi, I agree with most everything you said, except for one thing. While I absolutely agree the owner should not have said anything to you, I can understand how the woman performing your spa services probably was under the impression you weren’t going to tip her at all. I get what you’re saying about tipping at the end, and you were viewing that to mean “the end of the 3 visits”. However, normally, when you go for say, a massage, you tip the masseuse at the end of THAT visit. So, she probably expected you to tip her at the end of each of the three visits. Obviously, if you did that, you would tip a smaller percentage at the end of each service (basically, you would have split your total tip in 3). You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just saying I can see where the woman was coming from and why she (presumably) complained the to the owner.
Tip the guests!