I was supposed to be joining the Dork Lord and his family at the beach house for vacation but… I’m not. First I got sick with a nasty chest cold and then the dog, who was staying with my mom, got a very bleedy toenail injury and had to go to the emergency vet clinic and so now I’m home, alone, cleaning up dog vomit because while I was out running around town looking for nail caps for dogs which NO ONE carries, he was home, tearing apart the garbage, eating rancid turkey bacon which, oh, big surprise, didn’t really agree with him.
I wanted to scream but I was just too tired.
I thought the highlight came Monday night when I had to drive to my mom’s house, and after taking one look at the dog and just how much blood there was, rush him right off to the vet, knowing full well he’d be coming home with ME and I would not be getting on my flight the next evening. Three hours later, we – the dog and I – are sitting in the back seat of my blood stained Jetta and one of us is cracked out on morphine, tongue hanging out of his mouth, drooling and the other is a snotty, sobbing mess because she’s just realized she can’t get a semi-conscious, sixty pound dog up three flights of stairs by herself. So I sat there and stared at the dried blood on my feet and cried until the Boy’s friend Ryan showed up to help me lug that furry dead weight upstairs.
I don’t think I want kids anymore. Isn’t that terrible? It’s true, though. I don’t want to be in charge of anybody or anything anymore and I don’t want to be the one stuck at home cleaning up vomit because that’s just how things worked out.
Update/Clarification: Okay, friends, the Boy was ALREADY ON VACATION when this all went down. I had to stay behind for a couple days to work Monday (see the bit about joining the family, etc). He didn’t leave me behind to take care of his dog, for heaven’s sake. And naturally, he offered to come home, but what sense did that make? Like I said, it’s just how things worked out. As you were. Only… maybe a leeetle less harsh, mmmkay?
Hooray! Fish has seen the light! Welcome to what your life would look like with kids! And now imagine how much simpler, less stressful, financially feasible your life would be without the life that motherhood brings.. you give your all and kids usually give less back than your dog did lol. If you get a chance, check out http://thechildfreelife.com – it’s a wonderful group of people who have chosen not to have kids, but don’t get all crazy about it like some forums you hear about! We have intelligent conversations and no haters. There’s even an “On the fence” section for people who haven’t decided one way or the other.. we’d love to have you visit!
Oops forgot to say – sorry you missed the trip! Do some fun things for yourself while he’s gone.. don’t let the way things worked out keep you from taking care of you!
I’m so sorry you missed your flight. I hope you and Sir Pukes-a-lot feel better soon. Just remember, dogs stay non-speaking children forever, human children grow up and will eventually understand the language you speak.
Aw, Fish.
So sorry to hear this! No wonder we haven’t “seen” you.
So, you missed out on this one. I’m sure there will plenty more opportunities to get to that beachhouse in the future. Bless your heart for taking such good care of doggie. Your rewards will be vast!
Hang in there. Feel better!
Oh, hon. I’m so sorry. That really, really stinks. ((hugs))
I don’t know what to say about the kids, as I have one. Just one. And you pretty much nailed how it is sometimes.
I’m sorry that you missed vacation. That really stinks, because with planning a wedding, you could probably really use an escape.
I think the way that you’re taking care of DL’s beloved dog speaks volumes of your loving relationship with him. It’s touching… and whether you decide to have children or not, I can tell you’ll be a fantastic, caring mother. But regardless, children or not, you can still be the crazy aunt who is totally obsessed with her nieces/nephew.
- a crazy aunt who is obsessed with her own niece
Deer Hether,
than k yu four takeng care uf me when I need yu. Sowwy I thew up evurywher. Sowwy yu missid yur vacation becoz of me. I luv u and Im relly sowwy. Im glad I hav u.
Love,
x0x0x0
Aww, you have to admit the dog is pretty sweet.
I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope you and the dog have more peaceful days in store.
I’m sorry about your plans. The dog is lucky to have you to take care of him. I am the mother of two small children and can totally respect those who chose not to have kids. It’s a personal decision that only you can make.
Bummer, man. And it’s not even (really) your dog! Hope the boy brings you back something nice.
Hi Heather! Sorry bad stuff happened with the dog and your trip. You are obviously a caring person, so ditto on what everyone else said about that.
The decision whether or not to have children is a deeply personal one, so I am not going to tell you what to do. I hope you and your fiancé are on the same page here. If it helps, my wife worked in the juuvenile justice field for a few years, and believe me, that self-selecting audience made her quite afraid of having children. However, we do have two wonderful children now, and despite some of the difficulties we have had I know that we wouldn’t change anything.
Remember, never tell yourself that you can’t do anything.
It’s not terrible to think you may not want kids; it’s actually quite insightful. I have 2 and another due this month, and they are the most wonderful blessings in the world.
And yet sometimes (especially when they are puking and/or otherwise ruining what I hoped would be a good time), I don’t want kids, either.
And then I wake up the next day and I am so glad they are mine. (Unless they are still puking.)
That so sucks on not making the trip. Not being near water and sand when you’re so close is a complete bummer.
I had my “ah-ha” moment about not wanting kids about 8 years ago and I can say that I’ve never regretted it. I can “rent” an assortment of my friend’s kids at various ages whenever I want, I can cuddle with newborns, and read to 6 year olds. But I can also sit on my couch on a Wednesday night drinking wine, after going for an hour walk with my husband, and not have to take care of anyone else, or worry about not done homework, and the biggest nuisance is a litter box to clean.
This dog person thanks you for being so selfless and loving for the sake of your adopted, senior dog. You didn’t pick him, you didn’t raise him, but you took him on when you met the Boy and you’re his other person, now. That wonderful beast knows he is loved and cared for. Bless you.
Not wanting to be in charge of anyone or anything (or having it depend 100% on me for its survival) is why I don’t want kids myself. It’s my personal nightmare, it’s horrifying and I don’t know why anyone wants to do that!
a wonderfully honest post
Hey Fish. I’m sorry you had such a rough time of it. I know how disappointed you are that you won’t be able to make the trip. I’m sure both the DL and the dog love you. Want some pie?
i miss the old posts. The ones where you said things that actually reached out to your readers- where it showed your literary talent. Now you just sound bitter and unhappy and complain all.the.time.
I used to copy and paste (he said things…girl, youll be a woman..) and SEND to friends/family! They were beautiful… now… i dont know. I just miss those.
What… well-timed criticism, Kaydee. Thank you.
Just my two cents, but I’m really enjoying your “recent” posts (over the last year or so) because I can honestly relate to many of them. Especially this post. I am on the fence with kids, have been for a while now, and I just had to made a frantic call to the vet this morning because my dog and an apparent anxiety attack last night and now he has to go on Elavil again. This makes me climb way, way over the side of the fence that doesn’t have children. I am really sorry you had to miss your vacation.
Poor puppy! Poor Fish! Yay Ryan! Regarding vomit cleaning, I have one child (actually, she’s 21; I guess I have an adult but I’m still paying tuition so…), 1 dog & 4 cats. I clean vomit (keeping in mind that feline vomit is way less vile than human or canine) pretty much daily. I think the cats have contests.
Sorry you missed your trip – very depressing.
Just out of curiosity – you’re the one cooking dinner, you’re the one working, you’re the one not going on vacation, and you’re the one taking care of the sick dog – what do you get in return – just seems like maybe you’re unhappy b/c you do all the giving.
Dude… That sucks. I’m sorry.
And Kaydee… Seriously? Way to kick a fish when she’s down! My suggestion? Stop reading. Or… Start your own blog. Seems like it would be BRILLIANT.
Oh for goodness sake, Kaydee! Give the girl a break! It’s LIFE. It’s never perfect. And planning a wedding is super stressful and all kinds of weird annoying things come up and its even harder while your fiance’ is in school, so it is only natural that Heather write about her life (as it is now)here…on HER blog.
As for the dog thing, I can totally relate. I am always the one hauling our pets to the vet, talking to the doctors and having mini panic attacks while slapping down the plastic, while my husband goes shopping for doggie toys and treats, runs to Home Depot, or goes on a coffee run. And that’s okay. Because the last time he took one of our pets to the vet, he came home with only one medicine and not the two we actually needed because he thought he’d try to save money. Which he did. But by the 3rd trip back to get the right meds, we had spent twice as much. So I feel better when I’m in charge of these things (even when it makes more work for me.)
Although if I had to miss a vacation over it, you can bet I’d be bitching.
I’ve only been married a year and I’m still figuring out all the ways that compromise kind of sucks and is awesome. I am sure that once he’s done school and financial things become less of a factor, and things calm down a bit in your lives post-wedding, you will get back what you’ve given. Times two! Paying it forward is never a bad thing in the long run!
Hang in there and enjoy your time to yourself and know the dog loves you, even if the only way he can show it right now is through vomit
Just wanted to give (hugs). Sorry your week has been so crappy.
I read regularly but rarely comment.
Get thee to a massage and/or pedicure! You deserve it. You are a better woman that myself. No way would I miss a vacation for my BF’s dog. That is really selfless of you. You really do deserve something nice.
I have that thought a lot these days. Kids are hard. And you know you’ll be cleaning up vomit routinely if you have them. It scares the bejeezus out of me. I think I may just stick with reading magazines and drinking wine, and let all my friends have kids for me to enjoy.
You deserve something nice!
Massage and mani/pedi time!!!!
i know how you feel! my dog has epilepsy, and we didn’t find out until 1 month after we adopted her. having a dog is SO time consuming and mothering instincts came out that i didn’t even know i had. getting the dog definitely put motherhood on the back-burner for quite a while. in the meantime, i’m happy to be “mama” to my 65 lb greyhound…that’s more than enough!
i know how you feel! my dog has epilepsy, and we didn’t find out until 1 month after we adopted her. having a dog is SO time consuming and mothering instincts came out that i didn’t even know i had. getting the dog definitely put motherhood on the back-burner for quite a while. in the meantime, i’m happy to be “mama” to my 65 lb greyhound…that’s more than enough!
WOW. It’s amazing how one little comment brings the CHILD FREE!!1!! people OUT. First comment! Yippee! Linky link!
Sorry. Super cool if you don’t want kids. Even though I love being a mom, I think your stance is a lot more respectable than the young women who seem to think that a baby would be a cute little accessory but don’t put a lot of thought into what it means to build and raise a human being.
Anyway. I’m mostly commenting because I think it’s interesting that I haven’t seen any other comments (I skimmed, admittedly, did I miss any?) regarding the fact that YOU missed a vacation to take care of HIS dog. I get that it was a vacation with his family, and that you certainly wouldn’t want to go on their family vacation without him. So the reverse situation wouldn’t make any sense. But what about the third option? The, “MY dog is injured and can’t be left alone, so I guess WE’RE not going on the trip, huh?”
Of course I get that you haven’t shed any light on the decision process that occurred. Maybe that conversation happened and you played the saint and told him “no no, you need a vacation! You go with your family and I’ll take care of the dog!” But if that’s not the case? I have to admit I’m starting to feel worried for you. I hadn’t until this point. . .I’m married. I know that relationships aren’t fairy tales, and there are always little issues, negotiations, and resolutions. The things in those categories that you’ve written about certainly don’t doom a relationship, and I’m NOT judging yours! But with the last several posts, with you rushing to cook him dinner so he can rush off to his friend’s house, and now you missing a vacation to tend to his dog? Well. I feel like you’re my friend because I’ve been reading for so long (I know we’re not friends, but I can’t help the feeling), and if you were one of my friends, I’d be concerned.
I just hope you’re doing okay.
I knew you’d need to make an update to avoid confusion.But I was sure from the beginning DL didn’t just leave you with the suffering dog and all that.
And I agree with Becky IT’S LIFE and it’s never perfect.Some people from Fish community sound as if you owed us to stay single for the rest of your life…Sorry you missed your trip though, but sure you will catch up later big time.
Hope all the stress with the dog/vacation has passed and you can relax a little bit.
I think in a committed relationship there is no more his dog, your cat. You are now together and the pets are part of the whole family.
Look – if taking care for a dog for a few days make you think you don’t want kids, its okay. You’re just not ready yet. I don’t blame you. You have your life, and you’re okay with that. When kids come, you’ll have to forget about your life or a little while…. Take care! AnaV.
You’re just experiencing the Benjamin Buttons version of parenthood. I would suggest that you dont have any kids completely covered in hair. That is the extent of my parenthood advice.
Wow Kara – no need to come out swingin’! I’m a long time reader of This Fish – a couple years at least. She’s on my yahoo feed, so I happened to get to her new blog first and was (admittedly) happy to be able to tell her about a forum I’m proud to be a part of. Defensive much?
Hope the muttley’s doing better! I feel for you, having something crop up at the last minute that steals away your much-longed-for vacation. It’s happened to me twice this year!
On another note, I’m a little confounded as to why so many people flipped over this post–you’d already said you were meeting everyone in Florida. You said that the dog was already at your mother’s. You said your flight was the next evening. Sure, you could have asked the Dork Lord to come home–or abandoned the dog to a kennel for the week–but anyone who’s been reading your blog for any length of time knows you have more heart than that. For what it’s worth, I notice a lot of people who would make great parents are often the people who choose not to have kids. I think it has something to do with being able to recognize your own limitations.
hmmmmm…the comments are very interesting for this post. From the OH MY Heather are you and DL sure about the no kids thing — WOW peeps, let them get married and settle (even more than the living together thing, it really does change things even though it shouldn’t. Weird that way). To the OMG, Heather How DARE YOU evolve — seriously??? Last I checked that is what happens when you get older, more mature and well changes happen. And then the whole YOU MISSED VACATION FOR HIM…didn’t you explain in a recent post that your boss was in no way shape or form allowing you to borrow vacation time??
Maybe I am just crazy…but this one the comments are worth the poor puppy post I think (and poor you too, I know what it feels like, I have been a single mom since boyo was 2 and the exe was non-existent since birth).
childfreedom rules
childfreedom rules
Dear Fish,
Definitely an interesting set of comments
Please know that I applaud you for staying home and taking care of the furry and pukey beast. I noticed that you said to start with you felt icky to begin with so I’m not sure why so many people got so incensed about the injured furry friend and your taking care of him. They’re members of the family too…they just shed more. You’re a good person and someday, the dog will have the chance to puke in your shoes and move over slightly so that he doesn’t to show his thanks for all that you do
And as for the uncertainty of breeding–I’m in the same spot. Between Brad and I, we have four dogs, three cats, and a chinchilla. Where the hell would we PUT a child? I’m a teacher and tho I love borrowing kids for 8 hours a day (ok..I love it almost every day, but I won’t lie..there are SOME days I wish I was bagging groceries or in my own cubicle with a red stapler.), I cannot imagine leaving my 24 school kids and coming home to some of my own. The furry things meeting me at the door every day is enough for now.
I’m spending my 3 day weekend catching up on reading my favorite blogs–feel loved! You were the first one I wanted to read!
Best wishes to you and the furs
Ah Fish I can totally relate to your post. I am a childless person but adopted a dog 6 years ago. I more than love her but her health issues have definately changed my life. She has chirosis of the liver and requires many medications ($$$) but I wouldn’t change it for the world. She is thriving and in good health right now – but as my “kid” I am giving her the life she deserves. You’ll find the right mind frame to decide what you really want to do. At 47 I almost (but not quite) wish I had a child.