Last week we received an invitation to a one-year-old child’s birthday party, complete with… registry information.
Discuss.
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47 comments to ‘yuppie greed’ isn’t back – it never left |
  
 
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I have several friends with two year olds all with birthdays within a few months span. I got them gifts when the babies were born, but has not gotten them anyting since. They always have parties and there is not an indication that gifts should be given, but all the other women do get them gifts. I feel a bit bad, but I wouldn’t expect them if they were my child and I just don’t see the point, the kids don’t understand and the parents already have everything they need. That’s why I don’t get them anything.
I simply wouldn’t attend. I think is is incredibly disgusting to have a registry in a 1 year olds birthday party invitation.
I think you should buy the rice cooker.
I don’t know. It seems kind of standard that if you were to attend the party, you’d bring a present. Couldn’t this just be a way of sidestepping the question of what the baby needs? Or a polite way of being all, “dude, we have enough teddy bears.”
I guess it depends on what the items on the registry ARE. If it’s all stupid expensive stuff, that’s one thing. But if it’s like “Sleeping Beauty DVD,” “size ___ diapers”– then I think it might be okay.
Maybe if it was presented as an Amazon wishlist? Or is that just as bad?
I agree, I think I might be offended to get an invite with a registry for a 1 yr. old… but then again, it’s not unheard of. Maybe the parents are just misguided in their thinking that they would provide one if you were so inclined to get a gift for the kid – make it easier on people? Me? I just ask. We just got an invite to attend our friend’s 2 yr. old’s birthday party – adult friends w/o kids invited b/c really, how many friends does a 2 yr. old have yet? lol
I think that it’s all about your relationship with the parents and the tone. I have a baby and I can imagine having a party for her birthday and giving people a list of things the baby might like or need, if – and only if – they asked or we had that kind of relationship. (For example, in my family, it’s totally normal to circulate gift “idea lists” before Christmas.)
I don’t know. There’s a lot of stuff for kids out there. People like giving gifts to babies. It’s culturally normal and appropriate to give gifts at a child’s birthday party. I don’t really see the problem in giving out suggestions, under certain circumstances. Before we jump to the “greedy yuppies” scenario, maybe we could give them the benefit of the doubt.*
*Obvs, I don’t know your relationship with the people or anything else. My guess is that if you’re characterizing them as greedy yuppies, there’s probably some backstory!
WHAT?! Absurdity. I understand that generally registries can make it easier for the gift-giver, but how hard is it to find something a 1 year old would like anyway? I find this incredibly presumptuous, tacky and inappropriate.
Gretchen,
The invitation came from someone who un-friended me on Facebook, amusingly enough.
And the term ‘yuppie greed’ isn’t exactly the same as calling someone a “greedy yuppie.” The difference might be subtle, but it’s there.
i am the mother of an almost one year old who just sent out party invitations (without registry info, for the record). i spent a long time trying to figure out how to tactfully put on the evite “my kid has plenty of toys, he needs clothes, diapers and wipes”. i couldn’t find a way. instead i am hoping and praying people will ask me. i would rather people spend their money on stuff he needs rather than a bunch of toys that are going to further clutter my living room, make lots of noise, and that he probably won’t even care about anyways. so maybe that’s what these people were thinking…???
It seems over the top to me. But then — unless I actually HAVE a child myself, I wouldn’t expect to even be invited to a one year old’s birthday party. So maybe I’m not the right one to comment. Reminds me of a recent experience I had:
Barely knew bride.
Was invited to bridal shower.
Attended, bought gift.
Never received wedding invitation or announcement.
Later, received an “I’m pregnant” announcement card, completed with a PHOTOGRAPH OF THE SONOGRAM.
Talk about appalling.
Yikes.
I think bringing a gift is optional, and by including a registry it’s like saying, “Here, please bring a gift for my child.” Gift are given out of love and free will, not out of obligation. Wedding registries I have no problem with – starting a life together, avoiding doubles, helping with ideas, cultural practice, and so on. And maybe even for baby’s birth registries. But first birthday registries? Tacky. It puts an obligation/expectation on you to bring a present. Hmm… I was even thinking that is maybe they were a lower income family and were asking for necessities, but you know what? Still not a registry.
You should hand her a card with your honeymoon ‘registry’ on it!
My kiddo turned a year old in April of this year. I did send out invites to quite a few people without children. Most of my good friends are all single, but I knew they would be hurt if they weren’t invited. In fact, I left out one childless friend simply because we hadn’t stayed in touch very well and I heard about it a few months later. It’s kinda like with Christmas cards… just send them to everyone. But as far as the registry goes, I think that is getting a little out of hand. While I do feel it is rude to ask for specific gifts, I also think it is rude to attend a party and not bring a gift, even if it is just a card. A lot of planning and preparation went into my son’s 1st birthday and I spent a good deal of my own money trying to make sure the guests had a good time.
I’m sorry, but for a 1 year-old, ya don’t need a registry! Granted, my in-laws threw HUGE bashes for all their grandkids’ first birthdays, but it was all about bringing family and friends together to meet the kids and to see people they hadn’t seen in a long time.
The fact that this person un-friended you THEN sent you an invitation to buy stuff for their child just says they’re oblivious to the concept of “friend.”
Wow.Just Wow.
I’ve got 2 kids (6 and 1) and have to say that I go in the opposite direction on kid parties. We’ve had several for my son and have always specified on the invitation that people should not bring gifts, but could bring a donation to the local children’s home, instead. We’ve collected several hundred dollars each year. My original reasoning for this was that the home is a cause we support in our family and I thought it would be nice to give to them — PLUS – I didn’t want all the STUFF that I knew he’d get if people brought presents. Of course, a few did give him things (grandparents mainly). We didn’t open them at the party. Actually, the ‘party’ was really just an excuse to invite family and friends and have a meal. We had cake and balloons, but mostly it was just a meal. Since then, we haven’t had any trouble out of him EXPECTING to get tons of presents because he’s never had them (he does get plenty from family, so he isn’t deprived). I went to a friend’s kid’s party yesterday and when I stopped by her house later in the day, she was going through all the gift bags/toys. It was a bit ridiculous how much was there. And, the thing is that all the kids that were invited were actually all her brother’s friends (she’s 4, not in school, the mom is friends with all the moms on her son’s football team). I was glad to go and give her a gift, but I just think it is excessive…
That’s BAD.
I have a 17-month-old son and a daughter due at the end of November (I know… CLOSE together!) Anyway, we had the one-year party but mostly because people kept asking and asking about, like it was expected. But we just had a BBQ at our house.
The registry idea makes my skin crawl. Tacky. Tacky.
The one-year party is DEFINITELY for all the adults, all Jackson wanted was the cupcake. That being said, it was fun to get family and friends together, but yeah… do NOT feel bad if you don’t get a kid a present. We’re on a really tight budget and you would not believe how much crap our kid(s) have already – that we didn’t buy them! Our house is overflowing with toys and clothes.
Two thoughts …
If you are invited to a party that is hosted (someone is buying you food or drink) you need to bring something. Maybe it’s food or flowers, a bottle of wine for dinner, or maybe it’s a gift for the honoree (could be same price as bottle of wine or could be more). If you are invited to a party that is not hosted – you don’t need to bring anything (ie. dude’s 21st birthday at a bar – buy him a drink if you like him).
So, assuming the birthday party is being hosted you should bring something if you attend.
Last time I checked, registries were suggestions. What do the bride and groom need knowing they’ve been living together for 2 years already? You don’t have to buy off of them. But if you can’t answer the question, what would X want? Then the registry is there to help you out.
So, assuming you don’t have a 1 y/o, and don’t know every book on their shelf, and what size the baby is currently wearing or will be wearing soon, is it so terrible they gave you suggestions?
I’ve been given registries for house warming parties. Having actually moved I felt like I sort of knew what to bring, but it did help to know this guy liked Tide over the other stuff. And good to know that he didn’t want yet another bottle of wine. I also have thrown a 1 y/o birthday. And the number of times I fielded the “what does she want/need” I probably should have set a registry up.
But I would also much rather be invited to a hosted party then be told to go to some stupid bar with valet parking and over priced drinks, or one of those terrible let’s all go out to dinner and split the bill evenly even no one ordered evenly, and then have the honoree act like they threw a “gift” free party.
Fish – were you hoping to crash a 1 y/o party but not bring anything? If so, then you really shouldn’t attend.
Also… I’m with whoever mentioned the Amazon wishlist. I would never EVER include that information in an invitation/announcement/etc. but I do have an amazon wishlist set up for each of my children and if someone asks me for an idea I usually let them know their current clothing sizes and/or point them to the registry but I always encourage them to 1) feel free NOT to get them a gift and 2) feel free to pick out anything that they like.
So what if your kid gets repeat or impractical gifts… when they’re that young you can always pass them on and no one will be the wiser!
CJ – Ew. Was I “hoping to crash a 1 y/o party and not bring anything?” Ew, ew, ew. No, I was not “hoping” to go to a child’s party at ALL, but with all this effing ridiculous gimme, gimme BS it’s even LESS appealing.
You know what I do for kids’ birthdays? I bring my favorite book from that age. If they already have a copy, well, that’s what the damn gift receipt is for. It makes me so stinkin’ HAPPY to pass on a beloved book. But again, that’s for the children of my actual friends.
That the invite came from a woman who has not called me in the last year except to apologize for being nasty to me at a party? Well, no, I was not hoping to crash anything. The only thing a one year old needs is parents with some sense and I’m guessing you can’t register for that shit at Target.
First of all, for whom is this party being given? Let’s not pretend that it is for the one-year old who has no idea what is going on and likely does not know or care about the majority of participants. It seems obvious that the party is for the parents. To give a party for oneself with the expectation of receiving “presents” of items you want or need (diapers? Really??) is like trying to spread the cost of raising a child to those around you. If you are giving a party to celebrate something, then you, as host, should bear the cost (Keep it small if you can’t afford it) and don’t demand that your guests somehow reimburse you by bring presents that you have designated. Birthday parties, other than with close family members, are ludicrous for children until they are old enough to have real friends of their own that they want to invite. It is not rude to attend a party and not bring a gift. It is rude to throw a party with the expectations that the value of gifts brought will somehow more than cover the cost of the party.
annonymous – if you don’t want to go to the party then you don’t need to bring a gift. if you don’t like the person or the person isn’t really a friend then that’s more the story isn’t it? being invited to something where you feel it’s because they want your gift, not your attendance.
if you think all a kid needs is loving parents than you are drinking the kool aid. wait until you budget out having a kid.
giving a favorite book is a lovely gift. i don’t see how that is inappropriate with a registry. we registered for our wedding and our favorite gift was a homemade quilt (obv not registered for). there is room in this world for folks who have ideas on what to get and for folks who look for suggestions.
and if you wanted to bring a bouquet of flowers for the mom (because a 1 y/o birthday is really for the mom), then that would also be a lovely (unregistered) gift. you don’t go because you’re best buddies with the kid, you go because you love the mom.
That comment was from me – Heather – I can’t change that it says anonymous, but the little blue icon indicates it’s me.
did they also happen to register for a book on etiquette? clearly that kid’s gonna need some guidance.
Heather I LOVE the book idea.. I’ve been reading since I can remember – my favorite memories from high school are reading my latest Harlequin Romance while drinking a Dr. Pepper lol. Thank goodness for the public library and their revolving shelf of paperbacks.. I would literally borrow 12 or 13 at a time. I can’t tell you how much I’ve gotten out of reading (though being a reader yourself – you understand), but I can’t imagine a better path to get a kid started on! Gooooo books! Although it’s probably not worth it for this birthday.. a “friend” who’s not a friend suddenly showing up with a Registry? That screams only in it for the gifts to me..
Ew. I really dislike the obvious “gimme”s. The people who invite you to the baby shower they are throwing for themselves- for their 3rd child. The people who send multiple facebook messages asking you to host their (insert company here) party (I’ve said no 3 times already, do you really think the answer’s going to change?).
I hadn’t heard of this one yet, but wow. Just wow. Birthdays should not have registries.
I find it extremely tacky, but then again, I’m a bit of an old-fashioned etiquette nazi.
I don’t have any children myself but I do attend the birthday parties for my friends’ kids, and yes, I do bring a gift. But I don’t ever feel like my friends are inviting me just to bring another gift for their kid.
I almost always ask the parent if there’s anything in particular their child wants/needs (realizing that a lot of the time the gifts are more for the parents than the kids), but I still think it’s tacky to put it out there like that. And it’s all well and good to say that a registry is just a “suggestion” but I have listened to more than one bridezilla complain about guests who “dared” to go off the registry.
A family friend invited my parents to her son’s second birthday party and specifically stated on the invitation “no toys, only clothes”. My dad was so pissed at being told what gift to bring, he bought the kid one of those little plastic guns that shoots the little foam discs and he made sure to get the one that came with 1000 of those little discs. I’m sure she enjoyed digging those out of every crevice of her house for the next year. He said “she tries that again, I’m going to buy him a drum set”.
Even if you’d known them well, they were good friends, etc, I think a registry IN THE INVITATION is way out of place. Sure, if people WANT to bring something, it’s helpful to have a registry to point them to so they can see what others have gotten and the life of the recipient is easier because they don’t have to take things back or have doubles or get stuff they don’t want. But only if asked. Getting it in an invitation is (in my personal opinion) incredibly rude.
I know it’s not really a universally held opinion, but I really feel that if you invite someone to a party, it should be because you want them there, not because you want them to buy you something. And getting a registry along with an invitation makes it seem like getting something from them and having them there are equally important. Or in some cases like inviting them to come is a thinly veiled pretext to guilt them into buying something and you’re kind of hoping they’ll send you the gift but not actually ever show up.
My friends with babies have all had birthday parties for their kids and we all brought something to eat or drink. Mom and dad didn’t have to stress as much getting the party together and were actually able to enjoy themselves with (let’s face it) all their friends and the kids all ran around and played with all the toys they already had anyway…
My first question is why are they having a birthday party for a child who is CLEARLY too young to participate in said party?
My second thought is more of a statement: WTF!!?!?!?!?! If one is going to have a “party” to celebrate the birth of a child a year ago for the adults in said child’s life, ok…I guess I can get behind that. But a REGISTRY? Seriously. One (or more, I think) comment mentioned the idea of getting “gifts” that are needed–diapers, wipes, blankets, etc. I can live with that. But toys…for a 1 year old? As tho the kid has NONE? When the child is old enough to participate in the party (e.g. SIX) properly, then and only then should the child receive gifts from family only…
These parents are moving towards huge trouble, if you ask me. Theirs will be the kid who says “Well obviously YOUR parents don’t love you because you don’t have a .” when they are in kindergarten.
That’s disgusting.
Registries are okay… and I can see how someone would set up a registry because often people don’t know what to get a child (especially if you plan to go the clothing/diapers route which reqires sizing that usually only parents know), but to send the registry info in the invite is the epitome of tacky!!!!
I have 2 kids and one on the way, and while I specifically tell grandparents and other close family what my kids need (clothes sizes) or would really like (ie- my big one is into a particular series of books and little one likes ballet dress up stuff), anyone else who inquires about getting my kids a present (for any occasion) is usually given the “oh, please don’t feel like you need to get something!” routine… because, honestly, my kids DON’T need stuff! If they insist, I always suggest something small (a book or art supplies) or a donation to a favorite cause (we support worldwide orphans.)
Having a registry or gift-wish-list “at the ready” is one thing. I have plenty of friends that have Amazon wish lists for their kids. Especially those who have friends and family spread out all over the country (and the world). It simplifies things and allows parents to specify sizes, interests (like a child’s current obsession with something like dinosaurs), etc. and the shipping address is all there in one location.
But including it in the invitation pre-RSVP? Tacky. TACKY TACKY TACKY. Especially for a child’s birthday party. Registries are NOT traditional or appropriate for a child’s birthday.
Wedding registries were traditionally so a bride and groom could set their household up “properly” (hence why you picked a china pattern) as historically couples would be starting from scratch. Nowadays they’re often not necessary for that, but the tradition stands. Much like baby showers and registries. Maybe someday they’ll go the way of the bride’s hope chest and be seen as quaint and historical.
I also love the book idea. That’s what I usually do too.
Build their library. Newberry and Caldecott winners are also good book options. I’ve also given my friend’s kid a birthday card they could plant (seeds embedded in the paper) and another friend’s kid a card made of beeswax you rolled up into a giant candle (one giant wish coming up!).
Tacky. It is my opinion that the only time ANY registering for gifts is appropriate is for young-ish couples getting married who actually need things- not couples in the workforce, living together and who have already set up a household. Just my opinion. I believe it is particularly tacky for couples getting married for the second time, and ridiculous for kids.
Well, being the host of said party, let me clear the “blog” on a couple of things.
The “registry” was made at the request of several other guests. It was a wish list, and was never intended to suggest that anyone should even bring a gift. It was for those of us who cared enough for the baby to want to bring something. Greedy yuppies or yuppie greed.. hmmmm…..presents for a baby. Hard to decide.
Of course, if you were de-friended on Facebook, perhaps you only received your invite out of courtesy. In an attempt to avoid the “why I didn’t get invited to the birthday party” blog, perhaps?
In any case, if you’re feeling generous and grace us with your presence, we will welcome you, gift or not.
And we won’t even post about it on our blog.
I think that there is never any obligation to buy a gift and anyone who hosts a party with the expectation that everyone will/should bring them a gift is quite definitely suffering from yuppie greed. If you want stuff, take your money and go shopping- especially if your desires are so specific that you think a registry is necessary. If you want to celebrate an event with your friends and family, have a party out of generosity and do not expect anything in return. What is up with this obsession with gifts? I can’t think of any kid who actually NEEDS more toys so please do not try and tell me that sob story. (And having gone through it twice? A first birthday party is for the parents, not the baby.)
Lets start with the idea of having a bday party for a 1 year old who won’t remember it anyway. I would be thrilled to attend a “help us celebrate making it through the first year” party, but lets not pretend its about the child, because its not. One year bdays should be for family (and maybe godparents) but not your gym friends, book club friends and other adults. Good rule of thumb – if the friend doesn’t actually spend time with the child, they don’t belong at the party -registry or not!
i’m surprised by the number of people who think a 1 year old shouldn’t get a birthday party at all.
Un-friended you on FB and then sent a birthday party for their child w/ registry information? I’m calling gift-digging, pure and simple.
Registry info should never go in an invitation, except for perhaps a shower, the one party where you must bring a gift.
Jamie- I can’t speak for everyone, but I think most people don’t mean that a 1 year old shouldn’t have a birthday celebration, but more that they don’t need a “party” where you send invites to people and whatnot.
My kids are only allowed “family parties” (grandparents, aunts/uncles, and maybe a very close family friend) until they are able to write thank you notes (at least the fill-in-the-blank kind.) I would never imagine not celebrating my child’s birthday… everyone wants pictures of baby’s first bite of cake! But they shouldn’t be big to-dos, in my opinion. We have a potluck style meal with our nearest and dearest- people who my kids are familiar with and who “know” them- and then some cake, ice cream, and a birthday song. Anything more than that is really too much for most kids to handle, and is more about the parents than the kid. Which, in my opinion, is not the purpose of a birthday party at all.
I also hold to the “however old they are, that’s how many kids they can invite” rule (at age 5, you may invite 5 kids.) And even fewer children (3 maximum) if it’s a sleepover party. This may change as the kids get older, but for now, I think there is no reason to over-do it.
Gross. You don’t put a registry card in an invitation. Period. If they want to register for stuff, I guess that’s fine. But it is in poor taste to put a registry card in any invitation except a shower – since the purpose is to “shower” the person w/ gifts. That goes for wedding invitations too. You’re inviting people to spend the day with you, not spend their money on you.
I think the two different schools of thought in these comments are really interesting. On the one hand, you have the version of etiquette that states that being invited to any hosted event dictates that you should bring a gift
(presumably, everything from wedding gifts to birthday gifts to a bottle of wine for the hosts of a dinner party). On the other hand, you have the version of etiquette that states that basically telling your guests “I expect you to bring a gift! Here’s what it should be!” is vulgar. I’d have to say that the truly Emily Post thing to do would be split down the middle: wouldn’t Emily Post say that a host should never do anything that appears as demanding a gift? But that a classy guest should generally want to bring one anyway? I don’t think the question is whether one should take a gift to a child’s birthday party; I think the issue is that it’s incredibly vulgar for the host to ask for it.
Of course, like a couple other commenters above, I go to the opposite end. I have a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old, and for each of their birthday parties, I’ve put a small-print line at the bottom of the invitation, “No gifts necessary.” And I have to say, several parents of my 4 year old’s friends have endeared themselves to me by doing the same. It’s not that I’m heartless and want to deprive my children of birthday fun. I just think it’s unneccessary to set a precedent with such young children that birthdays mean piles and piles of trinkets. Why not just a few special things from mom and dad and grandparents, and then a party that involves everybody they love, coming to have some cake and ice cream, sing to them, hug them, and just generally make them feel special and loved because they came to the celebration, rather than because they brought another toy that the kid will play with twice and then forget about?
Oh, and for cj who says you’re “drinking the kool aid” because you don’t know about budgeting for a kid? Huh. Well, not to go all self-righteous on her/him, but, who said that ANYONE else is responsible for helping you with your budget when you have kids? Did you have kids thinking that all of your friends would fill their toy box? Seriously? Here’s the self-righteous part: my husband has been laid off twice in the last year because of the way the recession has treated his line of work. We have survived because of food stamps and putting the kids on Medicaid. And even in that time I have put the “No gifts” line on birthday invitations. And I would STILL NEVER even put so much as a registry for diapers on the invitations. We are struggling. We are certainly not yuppies with a nanny and plenty of money to buy our kids whatever we want to. But none of our friends told us to have kids, and none of our friends should be made to feel responsible for helping us to pay for them, no matter what the circumstances. A birthday is about celebrating a kid’s special day, not about getting free stuff, no matter what your economic circumstance. If you can afford to invite friends over to celebrate a special day, then you should be above telling your friends what to bring the kid in exchange. If they want to bring something anyway, then lucky you for having such sweet friends.
And, stepping off the soap box.
groodie or growdie? grody? gross. bad form. bad.
i never said i expected people to help me afford my child. i just said if people think children are free they’re crazy. and if they think a nice book, toy, or shirt isn’t gratefully appreciated because kids are cheap, then they don’t understand budgeting for a kid. i greatly appreciate when people are generous. i also return things when people are way off the mark. a lot of my friends without kids don’t know the difference between useful and well marketed. and trust me, they have gladly welcomed guidance. they actually want to give gifts that are wanted – you know to make the receiver happy. (unlike the gun guy above)
i think the comments might be anti-greed, but they are also very anti-generosity.
when i was 10 yrs younger i showed up everywhere assuming my presence was all that was needed. now i realize as a guest it’s nice to pitch in and help. that someone who is hosting is actually doing something very nice for their guests. why don’t you people give birthday gifts? i would never show up at a birthday party without something for someone. last time i checked birthday gifts run about $5-$15. do you think parents throw birthday parties just to rake in the big bucks? if they invite a lot of people i would assume it’s because they’re going for a certain festive vibe. if they invite fewer people it’s because they’re going for the intimate vibe.
when i invite someone it’s because i want to see them (i do not have friends i don’t like — life is way to short).
on the other hand, if you don’t like my child please don’t come to her birthday. if you don’t like me, please don’t say yes to a dinner invite. if you get an invitation from someone you don’t like, decline. move on. if their invitation makes you go from liking them to disliking them, then maybe you never really liked them.
i can understand the distinction between having a registry and announcing a registry. i would agree, not posting it on the invite would be smoother. i would saying posting it might have been a misstep for this community (every community and culture had their own social rules). maybe even tacky. but not “gross.” that alone does not make someone a greedy monster. but it is certainly enlightening about the rest of you.
No. Just no. Beyond tacky.
If it had been a straight invite and if I had intended to go – beloved book or $20 target gift card (knowing they need diapers and wipes and stuff).
Anything other than that is larcenous and rude.
yeccch… we’re always hoping nobody brings much for our kids (we tell them not to but….). Our house is small-ish and they have all kinds of things already. The registry is beyond weird.
Re: Cole
Why would anyone who has been UNfriended on Facebook get an invite “out of courtesy”? The courtesy of providing a nice little selection from the registry, obviously. A registry is not a wish list. Gift information is not sent with the invitation. Period. Also, you need to educate yourself on what the word “blog” means.
cole said:
Well, being the host of said party, let me clear the “blog” on a couple of things.
The “registry” was made at the request of several other guests. It was a wish list, and was never intended to suggest that anyone should even bring a gift…
Of course, if you were de-friended on Facebook, perhaps you only received your invite out of courtesy. In an attempt to avoid the “why I didn’t get invited to the birthday party” blog, perhaps?
Cole- if you are in fact the “host of said party” it is beyond rude to defriend someone and then issue an invite to a party for your child. If this person isn’t important enough to be your friend then they shouldn’t be invited period.
Cole -the point is, you can register for anything you want. But you don’t put a registry in an invitation unless it is for a shower. Not even a wedding invitation. It is very bad form. If someone wants to buy you a gift, and they ask you can say, you have a registry. But you simply don’t put a registry in an invitation.
Exactly.
We just got another invitation, this one to an open house, letting us know gifts are welcome. Yarf! Everyone KNOWS to bring a gift. The only time you mention gifts is when they AREN’T welcome, as in, “No gifts, please.”
Pretend you’re inviting the person to the party over the phone. Would you feel comfortable saying “come celebrate with us! Our baby is going to be ____ years old! Please refer to our registry at:……”
If that conversation would make you squirm (and it should) then you shouldn’t include it in the invitation.
Registries make sense for a wedding or new baby as they are huge life altering events that require many necessities to prepare.
however, as another person put it… “birthdays (and other gift-giving holidays) should involve gifts from the heart of the giver, not a requested list from the prospective recipient.”
A birthday registry is a very transparent way for parents to ask friends and family to foot the bill for the things they would otherwise have to go out and buy (like new school clothes, that xbox game they beg you for every hour, or age appropriate toys because lil’ Johnny isn’t amused with his blocks anymore).
A registry also teaches the child that a birthday party is just a way to get “stuff”. Think about it… you have to sit the child down and say… “okay, what do you want auntie Kathy to bring you when she comes to visit on your birthday?” yuck!
The present is not the reason for the party. It is to celebrate the birth and life of the child. Yes, we all bring presents but being basically told to do so is tacky.
Just because the stores have a registry for almost everything, doesn’t mean they are appropriate.