From the comments:
I’d love to “belong” to some guy. Your life is supposed to change when you get married – now it’s about each other. – Andrea
You know, whatever the outcome of the name change decision, I will always feel like I belong with him, but never, ever to him.
I am with you 100% on the belonging “with” as opposed to “to.” I didn’t change my name, and I definitely still belong with my husband, and he with me. The name doesn’t change that.
Word.
Eeks! Agreed.
I think I’ve commented similarly before, but just had to say that I’ve been reading you for years upon years (when we were both single ha) and it’s just so awesome to read about your relationship now and your upcoming wedding & marriage. Wishing you all the best!
One of the reasons I wasn’t so hot on my wife taking my last name is the discomfort I feel at the idea of any claim or ownership and how it smacks of that to me.
Everyone gets to pick the kind of relationship they want to be in but I’d loathe any feeling that someone belonged to me even more than I would feeling that I belonged to someone else. My wife and I are partners with all the messy give and take that implies.
I guess ownership would make a lot of things easier but that’s never really been my target market.
THANK YOU for saying this.
Out of all the comments you received re: name changing (and it baffles me — yet I also kind of understand — how this is still such a hot-button topic), this was the only one that bothered me.
Maybe some will say it’s just semantics, but it’s important to me… I have never wanted to belong to a man. Though I *absoutely* belong with my husband.
(after much thought, I kept my own name. And it was by far the best decision for me. And us. But to each his own.)
I am also getting married soon (second marriage) and I have chosen to take his name, because I want to (and also because I now have my ex’s name and it’s time for that to go, and I do not speak to my father, so my maiden name means little to me). But my point is, 1) YAY you, you get what marriage is supposed to be. You do not belong to each other, your presence in each other’s life enriches your own lives. Another thing I would add that BURNS MY ASS is when people say that their spouse “allowed” them to do something. He’s not your dad, ladies. My fiance and I have agreed that the only time the word “allowed” would enter our way of thinking as a couple would be in the context of “allowing” the other to do something that directly potentially negatively impacts us physically or emotionally – no “letting” the other go out friends, or asking permission to buy a purse, etc.