change o’ plans

When a girlfriend called and said, “I’m feelin’ really low,” I tossed my movie plans out. Movies can wait. Boys can wait.

Pizza was ordered, a trip to the corner store produced a pint of Chubby Hubby and some soda. The kettle was put on to boil. There was no need for a video rental, though. Saturday night has Law and Order back-to-back. And when she came to the door, we hugged and she said, “Thanks. He and I are just not getting along.”

Thanks? Are you kidding? This is why God invented girlfriends.

We didn’t talk about her relationship problem for the simple fact that I’m friends with her boyfriend, too. Oh, sure, we did to some extent. The light stuff. Shake my head at the ways he blunders through their relationship; call him a jackass, but nothing that could cause tension between any of the three of us in the future.

She and Kitten have a rapport (the only other person on the planet that Kitten isn’t terrified of, actually), so at commercial breaks, we had a big cuddle and talked a bit about the Pakistani. I mentioned a few of his more adorable qualities and that he’s not daunted by the fact that I plan to marry Terry Tate, Office Linebacker.

She wasn’t the least bit interested. She wanted to talk about Resident Sports Fanatic.

E: Would you EVER consider dating RSF?
H: I dunno. What makes you ask that??
E: ‘Cause it seems like he wants some of dat.
H: {insert riotous laughter here}
E: I’m serious!
H: Honey, all those silly boys do for a minute.
E: Well no, I think he really likes you — your looks and your personality. You’re someone I’d bring home to meet Mom.
H: He was being nice! I didn’t have Christmas plans. Anyway, it surprises me that you’d ask.
E: Do YOU think he likes you?
H: Okay, fine. Yeah. But I try to pretend I don’t know. I thought I was the only one who sensed…
E: I sense it! So, would you date him?
H: Oh, I don’t know. I don’t exactly know what to do with men anymore.
E: Well, not date then, but… hang out with him?
H: We DO hang out. You must mean, make out with him.
E: No! Hold on… so she staged the rape?

Clearly, Law and Order had resumed. We watched three more hours of who dunnits and then girl time was over. It would have been a sleep-over (I put fresh linens on and everything), but the Fever from Hell picked back up and I was all burning eyes and sniffly nose by midnight. We hugged goodbye at the door and she got her last word in.

E: I think you should hang out with him. And I didn’t say make out!
H: Don’t push it.
E: He’s a really nice guy. Really decent.
H: Go home.
E: Alright! I’m just sayin’! Gotta watch out for my girl. Now, you watch until I get to the car. I don’t wanna get murdered.
H: You got it.

This is why God invented girlfriends. Somebody’s gotta do the watchin’ out.