When we arrived in Atlantic City, I felt like — and was behaving like — a sullen teenager.

I had my reasons. The plush seat of the luxury bus had been wet and for whatever reason, it had taken me several minutes to notice. Snug, wet jeans became beyond uncomfortable when paired with the bus’s air conditioning (it brought back feelings of being in my swim suit on the long bike ride home from the city pool) and the trip itself was utter chaos. Too many voices in too small of a space. Who was missing? Is it too early to start drinking?

I do not do chaos.

Add to that, I did not want to be in Atlantic City to begin with. I had all but begged to stay behind at the office. I know; who does that? But there was just so much to do and I get a little uptight about things like deadlines and doing my job well. Atlantic City was more important, however and the plan became, then, for me to work in the hotel suite while the rest of my coworkers frolicked in the gambling wonderland.

Wet, cold pants and the prospect of driving two and a half hours on a noisy bus to do work I could do much better in my own office? You understand.

But when the bus pulled into Caesar’s and we trailed upstairs to the company suite, I made a plan-changing discovery: there was no wifi. I took this as a sign and promptly booked a massage at the hotel spa.

For the rest of the day, I loafed. I was oiled, massaged, pampered and waited upon. I draped myself on a chaise lounge and drank fresh squeezed juices. I hopped between steam rooms, saunas and whirlpools with four of my coworkers (being naked around my colleagues was way, way less weird than I’d have thought.) sharing stories about travel, food and men.

I did not think about work once.

What’s more, in all my spa-ing, it seems I missed out on the excitement. Someone was arrested (I’m looking at you, Justine), someone fell, drunk into the street and cut her head, someone puked her guts out all the way home and someone cried hysterically. Stories flew around the office today as higher ups talked about making plans for next year’s trip.

I can only shake my head. And wonder how far in advance the spa accepts reservations.

16 comments to retreat!

  • “I do not do chaos.”

    What I wouldn’t give to be you. I think I wrote the book about chaos.

    Yep, I checked the dictionary and picture of my entire family was right there. Under chaos.

    Calgon take me away. (Too much chaos for a spa trip.)

  • G

    Man I wonder what damage you guys would have done in Vegas.

    Someone probably would have gotten pregnant. Or worse.

    I want to party with you guys.

  • rg

    I’ll have to remember to get a massage next time there’s no wifi. sounds like a nice relaxing retreat.

  • @Jenny: I am sure, mine was right next to it ;-)

    @ThisFish: God, that sounds good, you make me want to book a spa treatment right away! :-)

  • I need to find that kind of work!

  • Sounds like fun was had by all :) Ahhhh spa-ing… I long to spa. When I end up doing well on my exercise plan, I will reward myself with a day at a spa thingy: massage, mud baths, wraps (I really want to feel like a liece of sushi) :)

    Thanks for giving me nice thoughts in the morning.


  • Last post your in a garter. This post your nude with four other women. I like this progression.

    I rarely refer to myself walking around naked, but that’s because it evokes completely different images for my readers that you do for yours (since I’m a fat guy). So, even though I am almost always naked when I’m blogging, I almost never tell anyone.

  • I’d like to note that “your” should be “you’re” twice in the previous comment. Damn! I hate looking stupid, and I hate looking neurotic about looking stupid even more.

  • Stories flew around the office today as higher ups talked about making plans for next year’s trip.

    Ceasar’s banned me for life so let’s try to talk them into the Borgata, I hear they have a smokin’ spa.

    And the security guards use rubber-coated cuffs.

  • Heather – great post (great blog)! I’ve been lurking for awhile and just wanted to say how well-written your stories are with just the right amount of emotion and humor. I hope we can all look forward to your major book deal someday!

  • I am a loyal reader of your blog… it’s brilliant! Because of you and a few of my close friends in blog land, I started one of my own, but it hardly compares to yours!

  • brandon

    Yeah, I’m with Goldner. I’d like to see the sequel from the Bellagio.

  • Rene'

    I must admit the one and only time I took a bus to Atlantic City I was a teenager. Therefore, was the cause of the chaos. Now a bit older although not much wiser I believe I too would be hangin’ in the spa.

    Sounds like the trip was worth it after all.

  • interesting almost-coinkidink: i have reno to look forward to this coming weekend.

  • There are very few blogs that I enjoy reading but yours is own of them.

    You have a great sense of humor and write with a spark that compels the reader to want more.

    Wow…. I didn’t know I could sound that intelligent. Trust me I’m faking it. Umm… the intelligence part.

    I love your blog!!

  • Hiya Lady~ Well I am one of your readers who is de-lurking tonight in order to come by and say thank you to you for allowing me to feature your blog in my 100 Compliments of Summer Post. I’ve loved your writing and I adore the entire look and feel of your blog! Thanks for making a great blog for me to enjoy!