Late, late, late!
I’m in a semi-panic, horribly late (despite having gotten up a half hour early), and having the hardest time leaving my apartment. Oops! Unplug the coffee maker! Fill Hal’s water dish. Did I remember to put on deodorant?
When I’m in a rush, I never can get that feeling out of my system – the feeling that I’ve forgotten something very important that will either save me from mortification or from having my apartment burn to ashes in my absence.
Today is no different. I’m due uptown in fifteen minutes. In a near sprint, I grab the bags lined up by the front door and scurry out to the elevator, feeling all the while that there’s something I’ve forgotten. But what? My cell phone is in my coat pocket; I can feel it there, next to my iPod. I have my lunch, my gym bag, my work folder. I even managed to get my rent check and Netflix into my purse.
I’ve nearly given up figuring it out when the elevator arrives. As my eyes travel down toward the doorknob, the “Aha!” light goes on and I understand.
Ah, yes. That’s what I forgot.
I return to my apartment and duck inside quickly, paranoid that an early rising neighbor will see me. Without dropping my bags, I hurry into the bathroom, remove the toothbrush from my mouth, rinse and spit.
Oh yes. I did.
hahaha. oh boy, that’s quite impressive
i hope the rest of your day went a little less chaotic.
I had an early morning this a.m. too, fish! I hate clocks early in the morning, they sure seem to speed up! I wanted to reply to your snow blog from v-day, (im a new reader). I used to go out in the snows that are no more, and dream I was in Alaska, or the Icelands, or that I was gonna find an iceman in all that snow. Sigh. Memories of yester-snow, where did the white stuff go? It rarely snows here anymore (NC), thanks for reminding me of what used to be. Of what I used to be…I adore your writing style and flair, btw, absolutely magnificent!
heather- it’s better than standing at your locker in school and realizing you forgot your pants. oh yeah … that’s just a dream.
Oh, and as for the toothbrush incident, it can get worse as you get older….so beware….I once put a new box of tampons in the fridge, and the new block of cheese in my bathroom closet, and noticed the cheese in the wrong place practically right away, but I had to let the tampons thaw…(my top shelf sometimes freezes)…
The students in my 1st period class are keeping a tab. I am 6/9. So far this school year I have forgotton to take those long sticky size tags off of new shirts 6 times out of the 9 new shirts I purchased. At least they are kind enough to tell me so I don’t walk through the rest of the day looking like I stepped out of a fitting room.
Nice one!
classic.
Good stuff! Soon you’ll be leaving the rollers in your hair.
Or maybe that’s just me.
wow! that is a good one hahaha That feeling of having forgotten something important is there whether you have a toothbrush in your mouth or not though. I guess we figure we COULD be forgetting something because we didn´t have time to check.
The classic one with me is looking for a pencil like crazy and having it in my very on hand hahaha yeah, we are blind like that sometimes.
Love it!
OMG. hysterical!
you should have just made it a new fashion statement; you probably would have pulled it off, too!
Oh My gosh Heather! That is hilarious! I hate rushing too, it totally throws your whole day off.
Your story reminds me of a time that I spent 15 minutes frantically looking for my work key/id and I was already wearing it!
The upside…Atleast you remembered to brush your teeth!
that’s funny! (p.s. have fun tonight! good luck!)
I had one of those mornings as well. I walk to work everyday and got halfway down the block before I realized I had no shoes on. There goes that pedicure.
I forgot to wear my watch, not as funny. Is your underwear on the right way? I screw that one up sometimes too.
I commute by bicycle and carry a complete change of cloths for work. Except today that is, today I forgot my underwear. Yup, my choice today was to go commando or wear lycra bike shorts under my button fly jeans. Gah. Glad to hear it’s not just me who’s suffering from random acts of distractedness.
Which did you choose? I’d have gone commando over lycra in a heartbeat!
Oooh – there’s one neither of us have dreamt up yet!!
That’s hysterical!
Commando it is. Let me tell yah, I’ve never spent more time checking my crotch, I’m afraid my employees are going to think I’m some kind of perv. On the up side, at least with the button fly I don’t have to worry about any zipper related blood loss. I’m not sure I really want to father a child but hey, I’d like to keep my options open.
I hope your day is going better.
Plus wouldn’t the biker shorts create an unessary male camel toe? Sorry to be vulgar, but that just seems like it would push junk up to place that junk has no business being pushed up to.
I feel so much better about locking myself out of my house because I forgot my keys and then breaking back into my house to go and find them b/c clearly, if they were not in my work bag, then where were they… yep, I was definitely late to work, but the day has gotten much, much better including a surprise visit from my baby brother bearing hugs. A good hug really does make everything all better.
EWWWWW Guys!!! All this talk about zipper related blood loss and male camel toe!
C – Let this be a lesson learned, buy a few extra underpants to keep at the office so next time you will be covered in such emergencies. No pun intended!
Don’t worry, once I was walking out the door when I realized that I was wearing two bra’s…
Mike: actually it creates an adrongynous look, the padding kinda smooths everything out. Either way, not comfortable.
Stephanie: If I was organized enough to do that I’d probably have not forgotten the first place.
Oh, and the pun might not have been intended, but it was definitely appreciated.
Apologies to any with delicate sensiblities for my previous comments, but be glad I didn’t go into details about why I made the choice I did.
Heather -
i’m one of those people that can’t walk and chew gum – much less be out of the house on time and together. so i emphathize greatly. my biggest fear is that i will load up my car and be on my way before realizing i’ve left a child at home…
it hasn’t happened yet. but the way things go in my life – my chances just keep going up!
omg…HILARIOUS!
That cannot be true… The worst I have done is gone braless, but thats nothing compared to some of you guys.
COMPLETELY BRILLIANT!
one of the best stories i have read in a LONG time!
KK – I actually wondered if people would think I was making it up! I mean, it was just so ludicrous. Ludicrous yet true, and so potentially embarassing. I can’t even imagine if I’d actually made it to the street with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth.
Not as embarassing as going to work with the same breath as Hal, just funny.
Well, at least you remembered to BRUSH your teeth. There’s something to be said for that kind of subconscious personal hygiene
Thank you for the laugh!
dont you just love days like that? really, in the moment it seems awful. but now it’s a memory…which you can laugh at and share with others…who can, in turn, laugh at you. er, i mean with you.
I used to go to the gym everyday before work, leaving home in the dark – no lights, the ex- was still sleeping.
No matter how hard I tried, I was always forgetting tie, belt, socks, underwear. I finally put together an emergency kit to keep at work, two belts, three ties, two sets of underwear, three pair of socks.
Naturally after that I stopped forgetting things
This is the second Forgetful Jones reference I’ve heard this week – for the first time since sometime in the early 1980s. Wow!
Nice writing, by the way!
that’s hilarious!
I’m so glad to hear I’m not the only one. The other day, I had a nagging suspicion I was forgetting something. I didn’t realize it until I opened the door and got hit with some cool air. Yeah, I forgot my shirt.
I have the worst short-term memory. It’s so bad that when I am dating someone new, instead of alerting them that laugh really loud or that I may take too long getting ready, I have to warn them that I have a horrible short term memory. I have to actually be looking at my keys, phone, and purse in my hand while I am locking and closing my door just to believe I have them with me.