“How you doin’ miss? Is there anything I can help you find?”
I looked around at the familiar store layout, then back to the red-shirted Target team member, and shook my head. “Nope, I think I got it. Thanks.”
Wandering into housewares, where my feet fell into the groove I’d worn into the linoleum over the last few days, I began pacing the aisles. Setting up house means spending real quality time pondering important things like drainboards and toss pillows, cleansers and curtain rods. I was on my sixth visit of the week.
“How are you today, young lady?”
Another smiling face floating above a red polo. I smiled back and said good morning. I must have smiled and politely declined assistance at least a dozen more times before I left the store.
Were I still on the East Coast, a day like this would have been 100% pure ego polish. Why, yes, I am having an exceptionally Pro-V hair day. Or, I know. Asstastic. Rarr. But here in the homeland, overt friendliness like this isn’t about flirting, and it’s got nothing to do with my personal charm; it’s simply standard operating procedure.
Which absolutely sucks.
I mean, think about it. In the Big Apple, if you get any attention from a sales person — even a snooty eyebrow raise or a head nod acknowledging your presence — you earned it. Somehow. Perhaps it was your genetically-gifted good bone structure, or that your accessories looked expensive enough to warrant shopping in their business establishment in the first place. It doesn’t matter. You worked for the nod, and you got it. However, a stop into a Dallas Pottery Barn, where the sales staff wants to know if you’ve ‘enjoyed your shopping experience’, says nothing about your worth as an attractive human being with spending power. They’re just being nice and decent. Where’s the validation in that?
How am I supposed to know my worth, if it’s not doled out to me in itty-bitty scraps by cold hearted sales people? Man. My self-esteem is going to plummet in this place, I can tell. It’ll be just like high school all over again. Only, you know, with better transportation.
Post Script: Obviously, I kid. I feel the need to make that clear, lest the trolls of the Interweb descend upon me to tell me what a vapid, consumer-driven, environmentally-polluting (you drove to Pottery Barn, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU?), tragic representation of the moral decline of humanity I am. Because, puh-lease. I already covered that on my About Me page.
Post Post Script: I’m really only mostly kidding.
Welcome to the west coast…sort of.
maybe you just look like you really need some help.
I remember when I moved to Las Vegas from Maryland – wow – what a change. People out here are WAY nicer. It’s a pleasant change.
I get these 10% off coupons for Bed, Bath and Beyond… Maybe you can use a few of them, before you go Beyond your credit card limit.
I’d rather earn my compliments. That’s why I like NYC. You know where you stand. Just because they’re polite doesn’t mean they’re decent. And if you weren’t a pretty white women, I bet the reception will be chillier.
Target (eh tu tar jay)? No Prada handbags or Vito Corleone shoes? How ’bout a Movado museum timepiece watch. Do they have a section with 10-gallon hats? Sorry. Just had my head expanded (examined) at an all-night (3-hour – no breaks) jazz show at ‘Zinc’ club with some instrumental geniuses that I don’t hold a candle too. Miss NY yet? Maybe it’s just jealousy speaking.
Asstastic is a federal thing, you’re asstastic even when you cross state lines. It’s like mail fraud or kidnapping, only boot cut.
wow, as a life-long Iowan I find this post hilarious! (in a laugh-with-you way). I even worked at a Target store last summer, so I know exactly what you’re coming from. So I’ve got a tip for you-while everyone is nice, some people are EXTRA nice. For a reason. If anyone knows that, this girl does. Also, freebies like a large for the price of small or something–you’ll figure it out. We all need our self-esteem consumerism boosts, no matter where we’re at, no?
You did NOT just play the race card, Anon. Can you see me shaking my head at you? Dallas is hardly an all-white populated kinda place, and few of the sales people I ran into yesterday were white. As though that should make a difference! I find your insinuation personally insulting, irrelevant, if not a little bit pathetic. Just so you know where you stand.
Well, you did drive to the PB, right? I would have taken a pedicab. It’s OK; those dudes LIKE to dehydrate.
Aren’t the various ways people behave in particular places in the U.S. astounding?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8902484/
White people are actually the minority in Texas. Check out the above article, or google it, there are several references from different news sources.
I was in TX this weekend from UT to spend time with Fish and the family. I went shopping with fish a few times. The customer service makes shopping feel like a block party. They all want to be your new friend. Even when you aren’t the customer! The car salesman kissed my butt just as much as Fish’s, and I was certainly not there to buy. You might think all car salesmen do this, but I helped a friend in UT buy a car and I might as well have been invisible. They really are just nicer in the south. Must be all the Dr. Pepper and sweet tea.
Face it. People in the South are just hiding behind some persona everyone expects from them cause their in the South. That’s just weird.
Welcome back home to Dallas. I look forward to being polite and friendly to you if you ever make your way into my store!
Hello again Fish… hope that you are settling into your new place nicely. I always enjoy doing the new home setup routine, although I have yet to do it for myself… it just seems that I help everyone else with it… including my mother… haha…
I’m still loving your page, and had to comment because I found this post particularly amusing… I am one of those types of people who would rather approach the salepeople when I need help rather than having them bug me all the time… (hmm, maybe I should get a t-shirt made…) But nevertheless, if you were approached that many times… and pacing the aisles as you were, then you probably looked like you needed help. Maybe you need to make quicker decisions or perhaps you would like to invest in a t-shirt?
One thing I really like about your blogs is that they opened up a truly new world for me in a day to day way that let me live in it (well, almost). I think that for the most part New York is the place where things are different. Its one of the only places in the country I have never been but south, north and west I have found people to be friendly in sales situations for the most part. I have to go visit the Big Apple one day … but I surely don’t want to live there!
P.S. I knew you were kidding
, for the most part!
In all shameful honesty, i had a mini crush on the photo guy at my local target because he was nice to me and i was always in there. i think it was one of my “i’m bored, you’re there and paying attention to me, so i’ll entertain this idea in my head and only in my head” kind of situations. i thought that i might’ve gained the compliment, since nobody really talks to anyone in LA, but maybe it was just a target customer service standard.
btw-your post totally made my day.
Hey Marine Mom. NYC is the greatest place in the world you should be so lucky to be there. Fish is a writer who takes “writers license” to exaggerate & embellish. many places in nyc have customer service – not as eager to help granted – but decent people do exist here. Fish also presumably is not so vain as to honestly believe that she always looked so good as to warrant an offer of help. again writers tell stories.
Wow..I can’t believe you were in Target and actually got people to ask you if you need help. I’m in AZ and I have never had anyone in Target ask me if I need assistance. Amazing!
By the third or fourth ask, I usually reply with something like “No, the only help I need is for your staff to leave me alone to shop.”
But, I’m a well documented asshole.
funny post, I know what you mean – where is the validation in a compliment given out of only politeness and decency? =) I kid, I kid!
One time I went to Guatemala for a week, and while visiting a small town I walked from a local restaurant to the home where I was staying (a total of about ten blocks), and I swear, I ended up greeting and kissing about 20 people on the cheek and having small polite conversations with a cafe owner and a small store owner. People there were just so friendly! Very different from where I come from!
When you get your first “Ma’am” from someone not much younger than you, then you’ll really know you’re back in the South.
And a comment to “H” on the whole Southern persona thing…STFU…from someone in the South. See? We’re not all smiles and sunshine.
Waving Hi from your neighboring state to the West (that’s New Mexico)
I Love Aggressive Politeness!
If I’m having a bad day I love being badgered by people who say “hi”. Even if it is a superficial hello, it’s nice to be noticed. Sometimes, I go beyond the “fine, thank you” and enter full on rant mode. That usually takes care of ‘em.
Welcome back to Texas, Fish. I’m only 20 and I still freak out when people call me ma’am, but that’s the way it goes here. I really enjoy reading your blog.
Welcome to Dallas! I moved to Dallas from the East coast as well….and the politeness never gets old. Enjoy your time here. The Big D may not be as glitzy as NYC, but the people make it worth it.
I worked as a waitress in Nashville for a while and found out “real quick-like that if you don’t have the southern hospitality down to a T, you didn’t get tipped. Now that I’m back home in Mayberry, BFE Kansas I still pull a little southern out once in a while- it helps grease the wheels, after all. And don’t forget the “Ya’ll come ba-yeck!” when you leave…like those people will miss you when you’re gone and look forward to seeing you again. ;>
Just reading this makes me so jealous! I would LOVE to be back in Texas. I’m seriously the only one here who drinks sweet tea. What is wrong with these people?!?
In your comment to Anon, Fish, you write, “I find your insinuation personally insulting, irrelevant, if not a little bit pathetic.” I am not Anon, but I can’t imagine why his/her pointing out that individuals are treated differently based on their appearances seems so “insulting, irrelevant, [and]… pathetic” to you. Isn’t that kind of the point of your post in the first place? While you talk about NYers being judged for accessory choice, if in jest, Anon addresses southern shoppersâ being judged for skin color. Your point of view is amusing. Anon’s is American history. Your snapping at your commenter is lame. And, no, Iâm not black.
I LOVE polite customer service! It totally makes my day. The store I always fel “over-whelmed” in is Office Max- every single employee I see always asks if I need help finding anything. It’s great because those little signs on the end of the aisles do not help at all!
oh, fish, how i miss the homeland myself (native texan here, too, and i don’t know of anyone else who refers to their birth state as “the homeland”, so you rock). moved up here to MD 4 years ago, and the longer i’m away, the more surreal the xmas-time return visits get. and MD still counts as the south, so i can only imagine the NYC contrast…
I’ve lived in west texas my whole life, and it’s so strange to hear about people being surprised by nice strangers. i would be absolutely crushed if everyone i met wasn’t thrilled to talk to me. Life is so slow here, it’s hard not to be in a good mood! Write lots about Dallas; I’m moving there in December!
Hmmm, I’m in the big D too, well, for another day. Was that you I saw in Target?
Anyway, on my current “tour o’ Tejas” I’ve noticed a bit too much appears-to-be-fake-nice customer service. It may actually be a southern anomaly. I shop the same stores at home, and most sales-people don’t give me the time of day.
With all due respect, I have to second Sarah’s comment. I don’t understand your chastising anon. And saying that the salespeople weren’t white to explain why they couldn’t possibly be racist against non-white people makes little sense, and frankly, sounds somewhat racist itself. As does using the explanation that Dallas has an ethnically diverse population to support that same point–so people can’t be racist if their town has a diverse population?
Obviously anon has no way of knowing whether those salespeople were racist, but some salespeople certainly are, just as some people in any field and industry are bound to be racist. That goes for NYC as well as in Dallas and every city in the U.S.
Perhaps I’m misreading something n yours or anon’s remarks, because your response seemed really off the mark to me. If so, sorry. Anyway, glad you’re settling in, sorry you’re surrounded by overeager salespeople.
I travel a lot. It seems that the people in the Midwest, especially Wisconsin and Minnesota, tend to be the nicest and most friendly. I wish I knew why.
I found your post quite amusing Fish, but I must admit I love Mike’s comments almost as much. He routinely kills me with his combination of intelligence, wit and smart-assedness (is that even a word?)
Have fun in your new home. There is nothing quite as exciting as knowing doing the dishes will be even better with your new dish towels and fancy schmancy drainer.
I just sent this to a friend of mine, because I’m sure he can relate. He moved from Texas to the Northeast several years ago, and every time he’d go back to TX, he’d have to remind himself that people there really *do* just say hello when walking up the street.
Sometimes, it seems as though the only time salespeople here are that nice to you is when they’re working on commission.
You’re talking about the same state that has no trouble with concealed guns.
A state where Democrats left the state to boycott the legislature’s redrawing of district lines so that another minority district — god forbid — would not emerge. Remember why Tom Delay left Congress? He won. The Dems lost as did the state’s minorities.
Oh, sure, the employees at Target (probably making $5.15 an hour with no benefits — which is the bare federal minimum by the way — they would be better off in Arkansas)are nice to you. They have to be. If they weren’t, they’d lose their jobs. They know that their managers are more likely to ax them if a white complains about them than a minority. They’re not stupid.
Texas is hardly a progressive state — with the exception of Austin and you don’t live in Austin. Dallas is more progressive than some town in podunk Texas but it’s still the valley of white women with big hair and glitz. Money is important. And you think they’re brand- and status-conscious in New York.
Fish, the one place you will NOT see any politeness is on the LBJ Freeway (etc). Watch out when driving that new vehicle. Otherwise the people age great.
Oh Geez. It continues to amaze me – the things people find to bitch and moan about in someone’s well written blog about something as trivial as the difference between retail in TX vs. NY.
If YOU want to turn everything into a race issue, g’head. The rest of us will appreciate the post for what it is.
I live in the south, and it took me awhile to get used to the hospitality, but once you do, it’s kinda nice. I dont need to “earn” good customer service, I kinda figure it goes with the possible purchase of something.
Dear Heather, I hate you and your extremely large clean squishy couch apartment with lovely carpeting and lighting and your Target experience complete with DRIVING and furniture assembly and kind salespeople.
YOU SUCK!
Love,
Your extremely jealous friend who misses you madly but secretly envies your post-NYC experience because she is at the mercy of Fresh Direct and Target in the Boogie Town Bronx that is always out of stock and you can never find a cart and forget trying to get some of the Proenza Schoeler for Target clothes.
Oh and stop being such a racist! You know people are only nice to you because you are white and not because you exude kindness and grace. As the delivery guys on strike said our last night in NYC “Shame on you!”
Just caught up. Isn’t it great to be a writer and be able to set up camp whereever you please? Of course, Dallas wouldn’t be my first choice, I mean what about Thailand, but whatever.
Umm, who’s this whackjob? Laura…yea, you’re right…you are in a
“perpetual state of flux”…I recommend you get checked out for Tourets. Jealous much?…since your existence in the “boogie down Bronx” has got your undies in a bunch. Sheesh.
From This Fish: Actually, Laura is one my really good friends, and I think, if you look closer, you’ll find she was being a little silly and funny. And a whole lot sarcastic.
as Anon said, everyone should take a look at the bastion of racial harmony that is NYC (ex. sean bell and amadou diallo). so why dont you just treat us non-progressive racist southern retards like your precious NYC sales people would…..ignore us.
As a fellow Texan who has travelled extensively, I find that the south and the midwest are two of the nicest areas. Yankees (as we Texans call those of you from the North) typically are cynical, brash, harried, and hurried whereas we are more polite, gracious (at least on the surface), and friendlier. I’ve visited up North, and I could never live such a fast-paced, superficial world.
I’m in NC now, after starting out in Britain. I love how friendly people are although I found it pretty disconcerting to start with…I kept wondering if I looked particularly useless or something. I also love walking round my neighborhood and everybody waves from their car as they pass. The first time my mum visited from Britain we were walking in silence for about 30 mins until she finally said ‘ok, you don’t actually know all those people do you?’
I second M’s comment seconding Sarah’s comment seconding Anon’s comments.
Fish, I think you should start selling Tshirts and bumper stickers on your site that read “racist southern retard.” That FTW has a way with words.
I second “theotheramy.” You really need to procreate with Commenter-Mike and have lots of witty and charming babies. (Although I think I may recall him already being married in one of his comments, but eh… details.)
Fish, I think its great that you’re enjoying the ‘settling-in’ process and all the fun new stuff that entails, i.e. new wine glasses (did they make it unscathed?) and squishy red couch (jealous!!)
But I think people also have to remember that a blog is by definition an online journal, a log of personal thoughts…so everyone out there just CHILL OUT! Every person is entitled to their opinions (1st Amendment and all) and if nothing else, Fish has provided a forum of discussion, not of insult. If you don’t like what you read, then don’t read! That is the beauty of free choice!
It is sort of weird to go from a place where you earn your niceness (and therefore know that any such gestures are genuine) to a place where everyone is sort of nice AT you, instead of TO you. I live in New England, and whenever I travel south I just can’t get over how much everyone wants to chat…. But I discovered that in Dallas, one can put a stop to such behavior rather quickly by mentioning the New England Patriots.
Just a suggestion
Anon, you might want to find a new blog or two to read, you seem to be trying hard to find ways to be insulted. There are political blogs for that!
Honestly, you are the spokesperson for Target employees and the entire state of Texas? Jeebus, you are starting to scare me!
Just throwing this out for you to chew on: could the folks who work at Target just be doing their jobs by offering to help? Are black employees only nice to white people because they might get fired? Does this sound stupid to you yet?
Lighten up!
I work in a store. Should I see you come in how ’bout I smile, nod and ask if you need help. Have a nice day.
As a born and bred southerner, this kind of behavior is second nature to me, however I married a “yankee” from Florida (yes I know it is farther south, but everyone there is from New York/New Jersey). He had a hard time adjusting at first and asked “who was that” every time a car passed and the person waved. You’ll get used to it and it may even grow on you. I find Florida to be terribly lonely because no one pays any attention to anyone else. New Jersey on the other hand had the southern hospitality along with many many cheek kisses from complete strangers. I thought everyone was drunk for a while.
I think Anon was just pointing out that although fish received super friendly treatment, a black or non-white person might not receive the same attention. Maybe true, maybe not. I don’t think Anon meant to take anything away from the posting… but, whatever, seems like everyone is a little too quick to take offense.
God, I miss Texas.
Wow are some folks cranky!
Ahem…”The stereotypes I believe”, by Sue
1.Southerners have the same problems etc…as the rest of the world/country in regard to race relations, but lovely manners that may be too much for those not used to them.
2. yadda yadda, race relations, yadda.. NYrs and New Englanders are more reserved but can be warm and friendly …after awhile. (these are my people)
3. Midwesterners would give you a kidney if you asked – they win for overall niceness. They are genuine, although it seems fake.
4. Californians are friendly but often don’t mean it, dude, no biggie. (where I am now)
That is all
I used to work with a guy who lived in TX, but traveled to NH for work when necessary. I recall him saying once, You know, it’s funny in the Northeast, when you’re out & about shopping, having dinner, whatever, and a woman smiles & says hello, you think ‘Yeah, she’d go out with me, she wants me, etc, etc!” But down South, everyone is nice & it doesn’t mean they’re flirting with you. Man, I hate that.”
Cracked me up. But so true… Enjoy!
Well, I could have guessed you were only partially kidding. The rest of the non-egomaniac world doesnt feel the need to spew about every time anyone of the opposite gender says hello to them, and imply that it must mean that the person found them attractive (especially if say they are a saleperson and its their job to pay attention to us).
Most of us either don’t take notice of the attention, forget that it happened, or chalk it up to SOP in the non egomaniacal world. And anyone who has been in the any part of the country outside the Northeast (and maybe California), would find any polite banter to simply be a sign of a friendlier culture.
But, since you are an egomaniac with zero self esteem, your need to post a story about some salespeople showing you an ounce of attention is exactly what i would expect.
While I preface this with the statement that I haven’t been to Texas since I was a sophomore in college 20 years ago (Go Bears! – Baylor, not Chicago), I have to say that Texas is just a different world.
People get offended if you don’t “speak” to them – which just means acknowledging their presence. It takes a little getting used to but it’s just “being neighborly” there.
And to those who argued otherwise, there really is a “southern” face of being all sweet and polite regardless of how or what you feel. I actually heard it described once as “pouring sugar all over someone and then setting them on fire” by a southerner…..
The only difference, perhaps, is that maybe in the north (or in my case, the midwest), we’re used to more of a “what you see is what you get.” If we don’t like you, we aren’t going to spend the energy acting otherwise. Probably not going to snarl at you, but not going to waste precious emotional energy going out of our way to be more than cursorily polite if necessary.
Oh okay Fish, just making sure… folks can be downright nasty on these boards.
Jeez. Definitely a FULL MOON–get your manners in check people. Everyone should travel to Mali to experience true friendliness (except from “bribe-able” police/customs of course). I once got off a 10 hour bus ride from one country to another and had to go to the embassy to get a visa. I was about to ungracefully explode (parasites/amoebas), so I asked about the toilet before doing the obligatory greetings–needless to say, the Visa was seriously delayed and I got an earful!
Boy Fish, Steve’s really pissed at you…and maybe women in general. I’m not sure why he reads your blog…obsession?
Late on the comment train but wanted to mention anyway. As a native Texan like yourself, the things you mention are just second nature. So much so that I get perturbed when someone *isn’t* nice to me. You chose that job sour-girl-at-Target (she knows who she is!), at least fake some enthusiasm. Something not right about haters out in public in Texas.
P.S. This southern gal totally got the sarcasm in your post. I think it’s one of the many many reasons I love your blog. Again, welcome back home Fish.
@Amy: I moved from PA to NJ ten years ago, and I still haven’t found this magical cheek-kissing, so-happy-people-seem-perpetually-drunk state to which you refer. In my experience, Jersey is a very tough crowd. I don’t think I’ll ever find a man to love here, unless he was born and raised somewhere else!
Wow,fishie. Do you think that if I said that I was a Native American-Mexican American-German that got the same nice-happy-to-see-ya southern hospitality at the Sherman and McKinney Tar-je that they could jump on that? Heh, love your blog!
The kindness of Target employees in the (pseudo)suburbs astounds me. But, even my genuinely nice Oklahoma man has this to say about the people who greet you at those types of stores: “I just don’t know what to say back…because they’re not really talking to ME.”
I am from Georgia born and raised and recently moved to Colorado. People here are very different. They never say please, thank you, excuse me etc. I work in retail so i see people from all walks of life in Colorado. I have had stranges ask me if they can use my laptop, cell phone, borrow money, sit in my chair (while im sitting in it) etc. I have had people accidently bump into me and not say excuse me. People here are just rude and their children are even worse. They are in tha mall unattended at age 7 to 17 and get into so much trouble. I never saw this in GA!!
haha!! I’ve always kind of scanned your blogs, never really left comments, but I work at Target and know exactly what you’re saying…sometimes, I hate asking people because I feel so fake…if guests needed help, they’d ask! but they push the “Can I Help You Find Something?” pretty hard core….so on behalf of countless others….sorry!
Most of the time, though, honestly, I mean it…it just really comes with the job.