One of the (very few) downsides to working at home is the lack of socializing that goes on during the day. Sure, there’s the one-sided conversations I have with Hal (Get your claws. out. of. the. carpet!) and the quickie chats with the people I see on the jogging path every day about their dogs or the weather, but that’s about it. Oh, and the UPS guy; we’re developing quite a rapport.
Anyway, I’m kind of afraid that being a homeworker might turn out just a little bit like being a homeschooler — and, no offense to those who managed to achieve normal socialization — but if you ever met a home-schooled kid, you know what I’m talkin’ about. They can be just a little bit off.
So to avoid too much offness, I’ve been making it a point to get out every evening. Dinner with old friends, Grey’s Anatomy night at Angie’s. Who drives 30 miles to watch TV? I do. So I don’t develop a weird stammer from under-using my language skills.
During my hyper-social week, The Scotts (my gay and his same-name boyfriend) invited me to one of those super-mega-hella game centers – you know, the kind of place where you can bowl, play laser tag, eat really disgustingly greasy pizza, and then barf up that pizza on simulated roller-coasters, all for the totally reasonable price of…. your entire allowance. A minute and a half of ski ball? Five dollars! And you’ll go back for a second game, too, because you need enough tickets to get a dinosaur-shaped eraser and a jacks set with a rubber ball that smells like a cross between your brother’s gym shoes and a tuna melt.
I was totally psyched.
Here is something I had never considered before: doing all of the above (smelly rubber ball, included), only, put a cocktail in your hand. A couple Jack n Cokes and suddenly five bucks for ski ball seems very reasonable. Why, it’s a steal! And that pizza becomes downright tasty. It’s a good thing I didn’t discover the demon liquor back in the day, or there wouldn’t have been enough allowance in the world to support my habit.
The Scotts and I raced from arcade games to air hockey, taking turns when it was a pairs affair, and… was it just me, or was my performance actually enhanced by being tipsy? Oh yes, I think so. And it made all those awful pre-teens so much easier to tolerate, too (damn them and their DDR skills!). We fought fires, hunted sharks, and whacked moles. And then someone got the big idea to try the simulated monster truck ride.
“Dig your toes into your flip flops,” the attendant told Scott Number 2. “You know, in case you flip over.”
“Flip over?” I gripped the shoulder harness at the very idea.
“Yeah, it’s possible,” he said and closed us inside the ride.
Five very long minutes later, we emerged sweating, knees wobbling and heads spinning.
“I think it’s time to close out the tab,” Scott said, pressing a hand to his mouth.
I nodded in total nauseated agreement.
“Is this the part of the evening where we puke in the parking lot?” I asked, hoping it was.
And there I was, despite my best efforts, right back where I had started. Nothing says homeschooler quite like tossing your cookies from over-stimulation, and wanting to go home to your mother.
Haha…I love it, love it, love it, Fish! I work from home also and have that fear of becoming socially awkward as a result. I also do crazy things (and waste a ton of money on gas!) to get out of the house and ensure continued normality. Why don’t you live closer to me?! We could be each other’s sane buddy–”This is my friend, Heather. She’s helping me maintain normal social function.”
I want to move to Dallas and puke greasy pizza and Jack n’ Coke in the parking lot… why do YOU get to have all the fun?
How many homeschoolers have you actually met? I mean, as a homeschooler myself I’ve come across maybe two or three families that are a bit…odd…but compare to that the dozens of students who are perhaps a bit more articulate and less drugged out than the local public school students, but not any less well socialized. When I was in highschool, the only day I did not have *at least* one regularly scheduled activity/job/class/sport outside the house was…wait, there wasn’t one. Friday afternoons between three and seven, when I went over to friends’ houses, maybe.
Ah, but what a ride it was!
30 minutes?! Grey’s Anatomy is worth driving interstate for! Those cute, misguided, vulnerable and slutty surgeons.
LOL- We have a giant adult arcade with beer in mugs the size of your head,in CA. I love it but there have been times that maybe the simulation games were a little much. Hope you are feeling better.
i love that you smelled the jacks set rubber ball…i totally would’ve too.
Preach on sister, I haven’t met a homeschool graduate that wasn’t completely drunk on self righteousness.
as a fellow work-from-homer, i say this: Get thee to a Starbucks! It prevents leg-lock, tushie spread & keyboard drool.
I’m feeling you on the downside of working at home; I’m currently freelancing while in-between jobs. While I’m usually a pretty concise conversationalist, lately I find myself babbling on and on during phone calls because hey! that’s another person on the end of the line! I think I need to take a page from your book and schedule more social outings.
Your observations are hilarious, though I couldn’t disagree with you more about home-schoolers. Granted, there are weird ones, but if by ‘off’ you mean “getting into Harvard before the kids that have been drugged on Ritalin since kindergarten” then yeah, you’re right about that =P
I was a home-schooler in junior high(you know that you were going to get at least a couple of comments about this!)…but it was practically a charger school – we had 10 kids! Anyway, I know what you mean. The socialization is…lacking, and some of the weirder tendencies are allowed to flourish where “regular” school would nip them in the bud.
In any case, yes, drive for Grey’s, go play with your gays and otherwise have a fantabulous life.
Ski-ball per minute and a half? Pure torture. Like a cab ride. Does the Dallas Chucky Cheese do that to you too? I’ll send some winning ski-ball tickets from Coney Island so you can save and get a styrofoam surfboard faster (it only works on the waves in the Rockaways, though).
I was working from home for awhile and I would make elaborate lunches and invite my friends over so I could talk to actual human beings.
And one time I drove from Queens to New Jersey to watch Grey’s and ending up getting my car towed for not obeying alternate side parking!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!
Hummm as someone who was homeschooled, I have to say if being “off” is the ablity to complete a project all on my own with out needing anyone else’s help, then I would rather be “off”.
True story, the home schooler I grew up knowing was Mark Butt.
He had a rough time of things.
Ok, so I love reading your blog..but I was home educated all my life until college. I am now in college and even while I was still being educated at home…when I met new people unless I actually said I was home educated they never knew. Everyone always says they never would’ve thought I didn’t go to public school. However, I do know some (only some) home educated people who do lack social skills, but the same can be said of those who attend public or private schools. Basically, my point is this: don’t stereotype home educators as anti-social, awkward human beings. With this being said, keep up the fun stories because I truly do enjoy reading your blog!!
never mind the frowny types. keep making fun of homeschoolers, or whoever you like. especially keep making fun of hectoring, hairy feminism from the 1970s.
i mean’t did go to public school in my last post!! my bad!
My, but people are a bit touchy!!! Funny post Fish! (and I feel sorry for poor ol Mark Butt. He was doomed to be homeschooled!)
It sounds like a “good time was had by all” lol
I work at a large university and they keep moving my office farther and farther away from campus….pretty soon I won’t see anyone. On one hand, you get a lot of work completed, on the other hand you start feeling like one of those homeschoolers! LOL
ROFLMAO … oh you are too funny! Even with a mom with all her kids grown I LOVE those new super-mega-hella game centers!! Course I was the mom in my neighborhood who bought the 4 laser-tag sets and then went out and used them with my son and his friends haha!
Sounds like I absolutely positively HAVE to try the monster truck ride now!
Glad to hear you are having so much fun in your new life already too Fish! Keep on writing!
Tami (aka MarineMom)
I admit I’ve been staying out of the comments section but when I read this post I just HAD to check to see how many homeskoolers were offended. -:)
I feel bad for the kids who turned out normal, but the ones I have met seem to be missing some stuff. We hired a girl and spent 9 months trying to teach her some very basic stuff, but she really just cried all the time.
Have you seen the movie “Jesus Camp” yet? It wont change your opinion of them much, either.
I just gotta say, anything with the word drunk in front of it will always be a good time… like drunken softball.
I’m a veteran of the public school system and I’m a bit off anyway, quite a bit in fact. Maybe I should work from home.
This was hilarious – I used to go to a place called The Castle with an old anime-loving boy I once dated. He was definitely one of those annoying DDR kids!
Sounds like a fun night! I use to love ski ball… and with a drink… man that would be even better.
People who own cars and don’t live in New York spend insane amounts of time driving just for actual socialization. My closest friend is at least 15 miles away. My depleting (not) relationship is over 30 miles away. That’s every night, almost.
were you at dave n busters? i was there not too long ago here in austin, and my experience was very similar. too much liquor and too.many.games. dance dance USA or whatever that’s called… i totally got schooled by an 11 year old. ugh! oh well, it was still the most fun i’d ever had at a place like that.
Regardless of whether it’s typical, homeschoolers will never overcome the image of Rebecca Sealfon. E-U-O-N-Y-M!!!!! That said, skiball + cocktails is quite fun. I recently found a bar in Austin with ping pong tables. I haven’t played ping pong since camp in junior high (no vodka tonics to quench my thirst then)–so much fun!
Nice ride though!
sometimes the best fun is the dorkiest…homeschooler or not.
Aren’t we all a bit off, regardless of public, private, all-girls, or home schooling???
ha ha. as a closeted former homeschooler i had to laugh at all the defensive “homeschoolers ROCK” comments from the peanut gallery. oh so very… homeschoolish.
point made.
natalie
I was homeschooled, as were my siblings, and we’re not socially awkward. In fact, most of the socially awkward people I’ve met have gone to public school. This is not to say that there aren’t homeschoolers with issues, but we’re not all like that. My siblings and I had very active social lives while we were being homeschooled. We had no problems interacting with other children or adults. After graduation I attened a rather large university (shocking, I know). Not only did I make the Dean’s List twice I made a ton of friends. I was in a sorority as well as several other student organizations.
Natalie: I’m not saying all of this to be defensive, I’m saying it to help stop the spread of ignorance.
I think you could accuse me of ignorance if I didn’t *know* any home schooled kids. When in fact, I knew at least a dozen, three of whom were socially well adjusted. And it cracks me up to see the defense of home school being levied as “well, at least we weren’t on RITALIN!” and “we do projects ON OUR OWN!” Uh huh. Precisely what I meant.
Fish, I LOVE your blog! You’re an insightful, well-spoken and hilarious writer. Your blogs always make me laugh or empathize. Now – I was homeschooled, and I understand why some of the posters were defensive. It’s hard not to be. I was home educated until college, and though I excelled through my college career, I only met one professor who never degraded my homeschool background. I made some great friends, but all of them patronize me at times because they think I am socially and academicly inferior to them. It is true that homeschooled kids are socialized DIFFERENTLY than public/privatly educated kids, but different is not bad. Some homeschooled kids are odd, but so are public school kids. When you meet homeschoolers, don’t say “Do you think you missed out on socialization?” When people ask me that, I know they think I DID miss out and want me to confirm their bias. Ask us NICELY what we think are the good and bad things about homeschooling. Much more fun, for both of us. Most HS kid’s LOVE to discuss ideas.