“Well, would you look at that!”
“Mmmhmm,” I said, sliding into the car across from Scott. “Already noted.”
In unison, we pivoted in our seats and stared out the rear window. He came down the balcony stairs in a pair of flip flops and faded camouflage cargo shorts. But you can forget the shorts – we did – because what rose above them was a shirtless, knuckle-bitingly sculpted torso.
“Holy cow,” I said as we shamelessly followed his movements to the parking lot, where, in one swift movement, he hefted a dining room table above his head and climbed the stairs to his apartment.
“That was amazing.” I sighed and put the key in the ignition.
“That was hot, was what that was.”
“And satisfying because he was so hamming it up.”
“But the question is, was he hamming it up for you or for me?” Scott asked, with a suggestive raise of the eyebrows.
“Don’t you dare go turning him gay before I have a chance to.”
“Fair enough. So, now we have a project for the summer,” he said, grinning. “To get you some of that.”
“What if he’s impossibly dim-witted?”
“Well, of course he is. Did you see that body?”
“Mmmhmm…” I was still a little soft-headed over the experience.
“You don’t need him to say anything, silly. You just need him to lift things. You know, like, groceries. And you.”
And thus, Lifting Guy came into our lives, along with a plan to lure him into some… lusty summer activities. The gays, it turns out, are phenomenal man-trap planners.
Step One: Strategic Parking. Put into effect yesterday evening, this will increase the number of potential run-ins.
Step Two: Damsel in Distress. Get Lifting Guy to put his finely honed skills to use to help a lady.
Friends, I am off to purchase something very heavy to stow in my trunk. And something not so heavy, in a wee pink Victoria’s Secret pink bag. You know, so I have something to carry, too.
Rarrrr.
ooooooooooooooooh this sounds fun! Good luck!
Someone get this lady an anvil & a garter belt, STAT!
Amazing!
YUMMY! I had one of those once — I called him Hottie Boy for a full 6 months before we finally spoke. Please learn from my mistake(s) though… although they are really pretty to look at, do not be fooled into thinking they have long term potential!
So fun to play with though⦠GRR baby!
What a divine plan… any girl (or gay) can appreciate the help you are giving to fate. Good Luck!
I L O V E your blog. Seriously when I’m having an off day and I happen to hop on over here it makes me just smile.
This guy BTW – sounds YUMMY…keeping the fingers crossed for ya…
HA I freaking love it! Especially if we get details
I love your style of writing. You are so funny without being like “Hey look, I’m being funny!” That’s actually a quite difficult thing to do, and you do it quite well! Thanks for another entertaining read.
SWEET! It’s always nice to have eye candy for a neighbor. I hope we’ll be hearing more about hot lifting guy.
Oh my yes. Do go get that. If for nothing but entertainment’s sake.
*sigh* We all need a Lifting Guy in our lives. You are SO lucky, Fish.
I think a secret stalking photo of Lifting guy is in order! You know for the good of humanity and my sanity
From a recent chat:
me: men suck
Pat: We are scum, but we can pick up heavy stuff and see what’s on top of the fridge
me: I’ve got a chair for that (and if I don’t see it I don’t have to clean it). Heavy stuff…gimme a minute on that one
Do you think I could borrow Lifting Guy, Fish? I’ll give him back when I’m done. Hehe
gotta love lifting guy
keep us posted on your “run – ins”
ps: you could sprain your ankle, and he could lift you to your apartment
Clever.
If the items in the trunk include an aerobed, a set of sleazy silk sheets, a boxed set of Barry White CDs, and a case of cheap (but not too cheap) champagne, he’ll likely figure it out. If he doesn’t, it’s probably a bad idea anyhow (and you’ll have the makings of a fine slumber party).
Don’t knock it till you try it. That’s how I met my fiance’. He was lifting wood into the back of his truck with no shirt on. His body is to die for & he ended up being the sweetest guy I ever met.
Dang. If I ask lifting guy to lift anything for me all I’m likely to get is a pat on the head because I remind him of his mother, or more likely, his grandmother.
hahah. that is so awesome. I love it. thats all I have to say.
who would’ve thunk dallas would have turned out to be so fun!?!
One time, a gay guy friend and I were driving and starring down a hunky gardener on the side of the street. We were doing a lot of ooooooh-ing and awwwwwww-ing and yummmmm-ing and mmmmhmmmm-ing and BAM! He nailed the truck in front of us stopped at a red light. Now the hole in his bumper allows for giggle-time every time!
How many men have you turned gay? Do you have a ray or something?
If this isn’t a clear-cut sign from Jesus to buy a TV, I don’t know what is.
So glad you are having fun in TX. Any chance one of the Scotts is a writer, and writes romance novels featuring gay men? I knew a gay Scott, in a relationship with a gay Scott as described above, though it might be a coincidence!
I love it….
I’m going to keep an eye out for my own “lifting guy” in my complex. Stranger things have happened. In the mean time, I’ll just live vicariously through you (an my imagination)
Opa!
Happy Huntering.
Being short is a great man-bait…. I always need things taken off shelves and light bulbs changed.
Hee – here’s to heavy lifting
It sounds like Texas is working out quite nicely so far! Obviously – keep us posted!
Good luck, girl!
you MUST keep us posted!!
Hee! Good luck! ^_^
I had my hardware boy hottie that worked across the street. I was always finding excuses to go over there and have him help me pick out floor trim or wasp spray or…Sadly he got a different job.
Sweetie, you HAVE to post details about the man-trapping. Some of us poor souls were never lucky enough to learn that sort of thing when such knowledge would have been useful, and we can use all the help we can get. Pinky-swear that we won’t poach in your neck of the woods. Seriously.
I truly believe that every girl (and boy if that’s how he rolls) needs a good lifting guy in their life.
Being a hetero with a bi male friend can be a boon. He’s become an excellent wingman and can charm better than any straight guy I know. What’s become a grasshopper / master or ‘queer eye’ to my ‘straight guy’ has taken some of the edges off this middle class Brooklynite to his metrosexual. I can relate. Get to know your inner.
mmmm…. sounds yummy. Maybe he’s a cowboy?
Wait, wait…you actually want to TALK to Lifting Guy? Anything more than, “I’m new here and I think you’re HOT” is going to put way too much strain on your relationship! Good Luck – happy hunting!
Instead of stalking him like a 12-year old , why don’t you just actually introduce yourself to him and God forbid, talk to him. That will get you a lot further a lot quicker than playing silly games. Plus, I assume the payoff will be a lot more fun too.
I don’t know if you read all these comments, but I can’t figure out how to email you so I’ll just leave it as a comment. I became acquainted with your blog through the NEXT! article you wrote. I followed the link to your blog and fell in love with your personality, quirks, tender heart, and your general take on life. I spent the last several months reading the archives, and God bless you for getting me through so much of my own “corporate desk hell”! So many times I’ve wanted to leave a comment basically saying ME TOO! But I’m not sure you read all current comments, let alone comments on blogs from 4 years ago. Anyway, I’ve enjoyed watching the progression of your writing style from Bridget Jones-like to something all your own. Unlike a lot of readers, I’ve enjoyed it all the way through, assuming that the things you left out were simply none of my business. And by the way, shame on those who would suggest that your blog is now “boring” for keeping those things to yourself! I love it all. Keep up the good work!
Way to ruin a silly/funny post by being serious Chris…This way, we get funny stories.
anyway Fish, how about some kind of exercise equipment that you need unloaded… that way, you have a conversation starter. The only downside is you’ll actually have a piece of exercise equipment you’ll have to use.
Silly boy – it’s no fun to be “grown up” about these things. We would much rather build this sexxxy beast up in our heads and imagine a great (and naughty) relationship!
Actually speaking to him would ruin the allure…
Sweet…your own personal man-trap planners? I’m a little jealous!! Can’t wait to hear the details!
Haha! Good luck with Lifting Guy.
By the way, I really like reading your posts. This is my first time commenting, though.
Remember to tell us about the details!
I dated a guy who fits that description…. (hope his name isn’t Ben). Anyway, he was SO stuck on HIMSELF that he paid little to NO attention to me in the sack! My advice regarding pretty boys is STAY AWAY! – He shaved his chest too, which I don’t know about you, but that’s a MAJOR turn off for me. I like a man with a little animal in him! hehehe
I want a gay too to assist in man-trapping! Wait, I need a hot guy to drool over before said man-trapping is needed. Actually, I find that gays tend to be way quicker on spotting hot men than me so maybe I need on to spot and then trap. Hmm, I may have to look into this.
Aww, I miss those Texas boys! I gotta ask where was your camera during all this? Pics would be helpful in this post
“”I like a man with a little animal in him! hehehe”"
Richard Gere?
::ba-dum-bump::
(that old gag)
Gotta love some eye candy! And even if it’s just a fling, he’d be lucky to have you Fish! Go get em!
This TOTALLY reminds me of the scene in the recent Grey’s Anatomy spinoff when Addison is sitting in her soon-to-be clinic and the surfer-kid comes in to the office, shirtless, all slo-mo and wet (in a doctor’s office? That he works at?!) and all three female docs are sitting there, slackjawed, salivating over this 17-yr-old kid. Too funny.
Sliding is good!
Ok… Are you as pissed as I am about how Grey’s Anatomy ended? Bring back DENNY! These people are too depressed, every season ends with someone dying….I need some feedback! Lol