On Tuesday, I showered. I blow-dried my hair, put on clothes not made of fabric intended for yoga or sleeping, stepped into responsible looking heels, and went to a job interview. And I was not ready.
On Tuesday, I was still having a hard time with basic life functions, like say, eating. I showed up to that interview having ingested nothing but dark chocolate M&Ms and Diet Pepsi for two full days. Jittery and constantly on the verge of tears. I was still crying when I fell asleep and crying when I woke up, and crying at many inconvenient intervals between. Like at intersections if the light took too long to change, while pumping gas at the Shell station, or in line at the bank. In New York, no one would have noticed. Here, they ask if I’m okay. “Allergies,” I say. Because everyone here has allergies.
Waking up is the biggest kick in the pants. I know I should be getting over this, but you know, I really, really liked having my first thought in the morning be of something nice – of someone nice. The someone who made himself a keeper the night he drove 30 miles to bring me flowers and kiss me good night. What man drives 30 miles for one kiss? Now I wake up, eyes sore, mourning possibility, feeling like a horrible mistake has been made. Missing him.
On Tuesday, I patted my eyes with goo from my make-up bag that promised to soothe and diminish puffiness, then spackled them with concealer, and prepared myself to be fabulous. But I wasn’t fabulous. I was barely passable. And I didn’t get the job. It wasn’t the job I wanted, but all the same, when I got the thanks-but-no-thanks email this evening, I sank just a little bit lower into the couch and wondered how long a person can feel absolutely miserable before shit really starts to fall apart.
It’s Thursday and I haven’t showered. I cried when I woke up, I’ll probably cry when I go to sleep, and I cried while I was waiting to have my oil changed at the dealership this morning. I have, however managed three square non-chocolate meals. I think that’s a start.
My heart hurts for you. This crap seems so much more unfair when it happens to a really kickass human being. I wish you strength and happiness, but mostly I wish you peace. In the meantime…. more chocolate.
Damn it.
But, on the upside, you wore “real” clothes today.
Here’s hoping your “feisty” comes back soon.
I’m sorry your hurting so much. I know you will get through this. But in the meantime, I’m sorry it sucks so. I won’t pretend to understand your situation, but for whatever it might be worth, I do have a friend who was dating someone 9 years her senior. He already has a 6 yr old son and tried to break things off with her by telling her he wasn’t sure he wanted more children. She figured out it was his issues at play and not that he didn’t want more children; he was actually afraid of commitment and hurting again (after a divorce). After she pointed this out…and after breaking up for a month, he figured out he was an idiot. They patched things up and are now engaged (several months later). Hope yours realizes he’s an idiot….or that you find a new, smarter idiot.
I had a Bloody Mary day yesterday to help with a similar situation.
I highly recommend it. Largely because I drank Sprite every time I woke up last night and had tomato juice for breakfast, but still… I highly recommend it.
It actually helps me to know that I’m not the only one going through this right now. It’s not that I want you to be miserable. It’s just that, I don’t know, maybe if Fish doesn’t have it together, it’s not the end of the world that I can’t get it together either. Like, I’m not so awful if I’m not the only one that can’t stop crying. I thought maybe I was being melodramatic and hysterical for missing him so damn much. And maybe I’m crazy for not feeling better when my friends tell me that he is clearly not right for me. But if you can miss someone that much too, maybe it’s okay for me to have a hole in my soul as well. So thanks for posting this today. I was waiting for it and it helped. It helps to know I’m not the only one struggling with food and basic tasks and just trying for baby steps. Thank you Fish.
i have been through the breakup stage myself, actually a year ago this week… slightly different circumstances but it never hurts any less. if you have amazing friends or sisters to enlist in the recovery i recommend that with junk food, silly movies and a living room sofa fort for a sleep over. it’s magic for the heart.
*hugs*
aww!
i’m so sorry you are going through this. sounds so familiar, unfortunately.
please please feel better
Only too clearly do I recall the anguish and pure rawness of breaking up. Everything just….hurts – eating, sleeping, crying, thinking. You think you’ll go insane with the damn thinking. But u don’t. and then one day you realise you thought of him only 28 times instead of 30, and slowly it keeps going down. and when a cute boy smiles at you, you can think ‘hmmmm’ with a gleam in your eye instead of wanting to throw up at the thought/possibility of someone who isn’t ‘him’.
Feeling so bad sucks but I used to ‘relish’ it (well, wallow in it) cos I knew that when it faded and I realised the fading, it was such a fresh and amazing ‘wow – I WILL survive’ feeling…..it is exhilirating.
Hope you get there soon fish. You don’t have to rush out of ‘not being ready’ – just don’t linger too long
Bee in Perth
ps: we are getting repeats of ‘friends’ over here….guess which episodes are on? Yup, Magnum PI ones. Scary.
Thanks for sharinng this. Hope you will feel better soon.That thing should cry itself out.
I went through this about two months ago, so I feel your pain. And it’s so hard when you feel like someone is so right, and still can’t fully comprehend why they’re not. I thought I was ready a few days after it happened, when I went to work after the weekend. And all I could do when I got there was close the door and cry to a friend. And then another friend. And so on. And as soon as I got into my car or walked into the door of my apartment, the heaving sobs just came. But it passes. I can promise you it gets better. And having people tell me that and swear that to me just helped. And now I am in a position where I can say they’re right. Getting your heartbroken is just the worst. But you will get through it. In the meantime, wishing you comfort.
Nothing worse than trying to hide crying eyes. I am a big fan of sunglasses in the dead of winter. Maybe take a page from Jack Nicholson and adopt the idea of wearing them everywhere- driving, job interviews, the Oscars…
Until you get through this, that’s all I’ve got.
There’s so little anyone can say to make you feel better. Because it’s not them who are hurting, it’s you, it’s your pain. While they may tell you they know how you feel, it’s hard to believe because how can anyone hurt this bad? And it does hurt and it sucks. But the only way out is through. Sometimes it has to hurt just so that it can eventually feel better. It’s of scarce help, I know, but maybe it can do just enough to give you that one more bit of strength to get through it. And you will. Hang in there.
I think the song says it best – “…when you’re dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part.”
The only things I can promise are that no one ever died of a broken heart and somehow someway it DOES get better. Hang in there…
I am sorry you are hurting.
I was in a similar situation – it IS ironic how something can be so damn RIGHT and so damn WRONG at the same time.
While I will always love him in some corner of my heart, I know that we would never have gotten past the kids-thing.
Great big hug…take care.
(I have a fantastic new boyfriend of 6 years now)
Aw Fish… this too shall pass.
Hey, sometimes the best way to get OVER someone is to get UNDER someone. It’s friday. Go out trolling for boys tonight.
Ya never know.
Yes, making it into the world, wearing real clothes, and eating real food are definitely good progress.
I seem to remember the residual tears lasting MONTHS, though, on one of my more significant and painful break ups. Hang in there. And keep the chocolate handy, just in case.
Fish,
I demand that you drive to Stepanie’s and see the twins.
Lots of hugs from Indiana,
Hillary
Nother ‘me and mrs. jones’ I know the meaning of jonesing. A good one-two is a shrink to contract then a drink at a favorite saloon (in Austin) playing soul music to expand your head once again. Much respect, hugs and a good strong shoulder.
I hear you on all that – I cried until I got to the gym last night and started my bodypump class. I did feel much better afterwards, tho. Physically but also that I left messages to my support staff (friends) before I went in. I came out refreshed and had several “poor baby, I’m sorry” messages on my phone. It was nice.
Be good to yourself. Treat yourself to a good meal, a facial and hot bath! You deserve it!
We out on the interweb care about you and send our support.
Feel better when you’re ready, Fish.
Guess what? It will (eventually) get better.
I was in your exact place not long ago and cried and drunk my way through the city of Minneapolis, using the frigidity and never-ending darkness as my excuse (for both the tears and the beers).
Sometimes, fishies, you just have to let yourself sink before you can swim.
Hang tough sister – you are loved (by all of us)!
non-chocolate meals are definitely a start. i’m so sorry that you are hurting and i hope you are seeing more sunshine soon. my psychologist says you should mourn the ending of a relationship – that it’s just as important as celebrating the beginning. (the dr. on HBO’s “tell me you love me” says that too.) i’m not sure if that helps or just pisses you off. i’m hoping it’s not the latter. regardless, here’s hoping you are in better spirits soon.
this post brought back so many memories for me.
after living with the “man of my dreams” for two years, he up and left. no explanation beyond “wanting to figure things out.”
i lost 20 pounds in a month, cried all day everyday, at work, at school, in the car, when it was raining because it was raining and when it was sunny because it was sunny and i had no one to enjoy it with.
i even wrote about it in a short burst of a blog entry that was all i could handle at the time. it read:
pure bliss…
the first three seconds
of every morning
before i realize
who i am.
it hurt more than my pride wanted to admit and it took me years to get over it… to get over him.
but i did.
and i’ve found someone absolutely wonderful, better than “the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” it just might be the man i DO spend the rest of my life with.
imagine that.
good luck in a swift recovery fish, take care of yourself and trust that time will and you’ll love again.
stay strong. it has to suck before it gets better! do what you need, but the steps to non-chocolate meals are important!
Thirty miles? Crap.
There’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better; you know that. But I do believe there is a reason for everything. It will reveal itself eventually.
In the meantime I’ll send healing energy your way.
I’ve spent the last few days crying when I wake up, crying while I’m driving the car, crying wenever I’m alone all because of a man. I am having to work but luckily I have a private office so I can shut the door and let a few sobs out.
I’m sorry that you are having to go through such a heartbreak. I hope each day will be slightly easier on you. Even as bad has you’re hurting, it’s his loss. I hope he realizes what he has given up.
do you think that you made a mistake?
I’m sorry that you’re going through this, sorry that any of us have to. Totally sucks. I’ll say a prayer & send good vibes your way, that peace & clarity show up soon. With a little luck, they’ll bring along a whole lot of wine!
Hang in there.
I wish I could give you a hug.
having been there, and other dark places, the only consolations are that you are not alone in how you feel, that every day is a step and you took one today for sure, and that it will get better. it doesnt feel like it now, but it will. all of sudden.
Progress is progress, you’re right, and every day you get through is one day closer to the end. Sending healing and strengthening thoughts (yea, I know how hippie that sounds, but there you go).
Hey Fish, I had a similar experience about 2 months ago and it SUCKED arse! Just rest in the fact that you will look back on all of this with a new perspective soon. You will be able to think about it without crying and you will understand that life handed you this dirty end of the stick for a greater cause. Sucks to think about all of that now? yeah! but it’s coming…just ride out the storm.
awwww honey I’m so sorry. I hope things get better for you. My man is in Iraq right now so my heart is hurting too. I find that hanging out with my family and good friends help. They keep me occupied, laughing and having fun. Good luck sweetie.
There *will* be a morning when you wake up and it won’t be the first thing you think about. I know right now that possibility seems remote but please trust that it will happen. ((hugs))
Thirty miles for a kiss?
I once gave a girlfriend a birthday card. Signed it and everything. Kind of personalized it.
It never gets easier, but it does get better.
Be well.
M
Sorry sweetie, wish I had some good advice
Hope you start feeling better soon…
The mom in me definitely responds to this with heartfelt prayers for you little fish.
But don’t feel like you have become weak because of the tears. Probably the best advice of all regarding tears comes from Charles Dickens.
In Oliver Twist, Mr. Bumble, the parish beadle, is a less than sympathetic character. But heâs got the right idea when he declares that crying “opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes, and softens the temper.
“So cry away”
… and wash all the pain out. Its totally normal when you are grieving for something that you feel you lost.
more hugs from Indiana
Along the lines of what’s been said above, drink, go out with friends and flirt and most importantly know that he was eventually going to turn into an ass anyways. They all do!
I’m sorry Fish. I feel for you.
Today, do something to honor yourself. It can be anything- watching your favorite movie, getting your nails done, going for a long walk or writing a letter to an old friend. But honor the spirit within you that remains untouched and unbroken, and that makes you you, regardless of a broken shell.
Fish, I know when I was blind-sided by the lying cheating bastard I had been dating about 6 months ago, reading that I wasn’t the only one and that it does get better with time helped. While I’m sure it’s even more difficult for you because you made the choice that is causing you such pain, please know that it does eventually get better. You will be able to handle it. The physical pain you feel in your heart will lessen and you will again enjoy the sun without wishing you had someone to enjoy it with (so remember that one Chrissie Lynn). Just take your time; try and remember to act how you want to feel – it’s hard but it helps some; and know that you are not alone – you are loved and listened to and respected. It will get better with time.
If you haven’t read or heard of Eat, Pray, Love I highly recommend it at this time…the author’s thoughts and actions at the end of her relationship with her boyfriend (it was her choice too) are so true-to-life and thought-provoking it may help you as it did me.
Do not regret that you would not settle for less. If he was the person for you it would work out.
I guess I’m a bit confused… where did this man come from? It seems like you barely got back from Europe and all of a sudden you’ve had this earth shattering breakup. It seems like you must have fallen pretty fast and hard for this guy. I’m sorry for your pain, but you know it does get better with time.
I once drove 30 miles for a KitKat. Just saying.
As an observation (not a comment on your situation), always found the men with the biggest romantic outbursts are the most selfish ones (not necessarily assholes though). Iâm usually attracted to the type which is why my relationships tend to be short and intense.
so confused. weren’t you single, like, three weeks ago? sorry. i don’t read your blog every day (though i love it) but the timeline here is confusing.
i thought you were single very recently (brad? some boy you were kissing?), so i’m not sure why the pain and suffering. i don’t mean to be insensitive but when i went through this, it was after a four -year relationship.
****HUGS****
I think it doesn’t help that I rarely write about anything while it’s actually happening. I usually wait at least three months.
And Brad was just a smokescreen. Just something to blog about because I don’t like to talk about current romances. I met him on a plane, but had no intention of actually seeing him again.
i’m so sorry sweetie … more hugs from someone you don’t know.
and just to reiterate what marinemom said, it’s okay that you’re not ready. every once in a while our hearts break … like, thoroughly, totally, completely shatter. and it’s okay to be sad for a while when it happens.
allergies … yeah, i blame them too when i need to.
Heather, I have been a long time reader but usually do not leave comments, but being someone who has felt the exact same thing you are right now I could help but tell you that my heart goes out to you. I know that there is nothing that anyone can say to make it feel better – only time can do that, but know that you are thought of and that you arent alone.
I’m so sorry FIsh. Hang in there! It’s only January, so just think that the rest of your year just HAS to be better.
In the meantime, I suggest you rent the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice (with a young, strapping Colin Firth, and it’s like 6 hours long), grab a spoon and indulge in a pint of Ben and Jerrys. Naps help too.
so sad.
a little unsolicited advice—
get with your friends, let them make you laugh, let them hold you when you cry. it takes lots of hands to put a broken heart back together.
Dear Fish,
These life challenges are making a diamond of you. The process is very painful and it sometimes feels like you’re going to break from the pressure and stress, but you don’t, and that’s what makes you so shiny and sparkly when it’s over.
And it WILL be over, and sooner than you think!
Now wipe those eyes, and remember what one of the commenters said a while back about your dream being worth the pain.
It IS worth it, you know. As a very wise woman once said, “Grief is the price we pay for love”.
I hope the yoga clothes were because you were doing yoga. They say that working out helps – endorphins and stuff. I suppose it’s hard to get started or get into it (I won’t claim to have any idea what you’re going through) but it could help. Hope you feel better regardless.
Just got out of a year long relationship with a guy who I love more than anything in the world. It ended because we both wanted separate things. And it doesn’t help now that he’s decided that it’d be fun to email me maliciously.
I wish I could say that I know that what we’re doing is the best thing, but I miss him so much everyday. I’m not living off chocolate, just listening to “our song” constantly.
At one point I was thinking that I was never going to get over this, but reading that someone else feels this way, just makes me feel less alone. Less like this is all I’m ever going to know from now on. Because people have had broken hearts before. I’ve had them before.
And somewhere along the line it gets better. I’d forgotten that part. It gets better and we actually stop aching and crying, and we feel normal again.
Thank you for reminding me of this.
I hope that you feel better soon.
xxxxx
I’m confused… unless I’m mistaken, I don’t remember reading that you were actually dating someone seriously, or the two of you broke up. I feel like there are a lot of holes here. But holes or not, I hope the days pass swiftly cause each day gets a little better…
i agree with julie, friends make the hurt more bearable.
i’m sorry that you’re hurting. may good things come your way soon.
Dear Haters with Fingers;
Can I say what I suspect Heather is far too nice to burden you all with?
This is her blog. These are her feelings. One of the many reasons, of which this is merely ONE that she started her blog was to chronicle things.
Mazel tov for you that you found it. Mazel tov for you that you can read. For the times when you are affected by what she writes, I’m certain she’s touched and glad. But for the hatefulness and downright cuntiness of some of you… damn you’re a nasty little sect.
Do you not have mothers? People that told you if you have nothing nice to say shut it?
If she dated this guy for 87 years or a week… what’s it to you? Where is the chart to quantify the feelings you’re meant to have after X period of time?
And how glad am I that you little sect of pure haters don’t bring your hate and passive aggressive crap over to my site.
Before you post your venom – why not think for a second first. Imagine she was you.
well sheesh. that comment by Ari made me feel terrible. i hope i didn’t come across as one of the “haters with fingers.” cause that was my last intention. i love your stories, and just thought i missed a back story about this guy. i really am truly sorry that you’re hurting. take care,
20-something with a mother
It is hard and I’m truly sorry you’re going through this…
Heather- I am so sorry you are going through this. Nothing is worse. I’ve been there…though of course I know that hearing that doesn’t mean much at the moment. I know you’ll feel better soon.
Ari- CHILL. I think it’s great that you are so supportive of Heather and that you came to her “defense”, but there’s really no reason to be so nasty.
DAMN!!! damn it… damn him… damn it all when it hurts this bad. cry when you need to…
You have my sympathies. I got called three days after dumping for a job interview. Eventually got the job after I sucked it up, but I never did hear the end of it from my boss about how I didn’t answer the phone THAT DAY in a perky manner. She kept bitching about it even after I explained WHY I hadn’t been in a sunshiny mood.
Sucks to have to suck it up…
Laura; I will chill when some of you learn to back off. Until then, whatever gets tossed in Heather’s trough I will toss right back out.
there are a few laura’s on this comments section. i’m the one who said i loved the blog but was just confused about the timeline. of course you don’t have to be in a four-year relationship to mourn the loss of an ex, but i really thought she was this distraught over a guy she’d met a few weeks ago. in which case, as her best friend, i’d think Ari would be a little off base for being so protective when she should instead be shaking her friend and yelling at her to get the hell over it. but i digress. i’m a huge fan of yours, Heather, but i don’t read every day and i am not sure when you’re writing about what in relation to when it all happened. some of us truly admire you (and your writing), so we’re surprised when we see you shaken up over what we are perceiving. if we don’t get the goings-on in your life in real time, but we become invested in you, we’re going to wonder, we’re going to want to know why the awesome girl with the heart of gold would let a new guy tear her apart like this. it didn’t compute. i aske
Laura,
I cannot imagine a friendship in which I would be shaken and told to get the hell over anything. I also cannot imagine having to justify feeling sad if it didn’t fit with someone’s approved timeline.
I’m not sure your definition of friendship appeals to me at all. It makes me feel lucky to have chosen the ones I have – the ones who know when to show support and concern instead of impatience.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through… I know that doesn’t help. But I know there’s not alot of pain that’s worse than the kind you have right now! It sucks…….
Hard to believe that you’ll actually feel better, a little bit, with every little bit of time that goes by…
I really tried to stay out of this as long as I could, but I can’t stand how the “timeline” has become an issue now. I know most of the timeline questions are just related to confusion, but I don’t think timelines should have anything to do with it. (Plus, I think most regular readers have picked up on the fact that you usually don’t blog about things right after they happen.)
It took me a little over 2 years to get over a “we’re just friends, but we don’t act like it.” Sure I wasn’t miserable the whole time, but I would still get waves of memories that would bring all the hurt back. Falling for a good friend= bad idea!
I know how it feels to have people want to shake you, tell you to get over it. But that doesn’t work. It never will. Each person needs their own time.
There are only two people that understand a relationship, whatever it may be. When the other person isn’t around, it just hurts. And no matter how hard you try, no one will understand.
I hope each day gets better, Fish!
I really tried to stay out of this as long as I could, but I can’t stand how the “timeline” has become an issue now. I know most of the timeline questions are just related to confusion, but I don’t think timelines should have anything to do with it. (Plus, I think most regular readers have picked up on the fact that you usually don’t blog about things right after they happen.)
It took me a little over 2 years to get over a “we’re just friends, but we don’t act like it.” Sure I wasn’t miserable the whole time, but I would still get waves of memories that would bring all the hurt back. Falling for a good friend= bad idea!
I know how it feels to have people want to shake you, tell you to get over it. But that doesn’t work. It never will. Each person needs their own time.
There are only two people that understand a relationship, whatever it may be. When the other person isn’t around, it just hurts. And no matter how hard you try, no one will understand.
I hope each day gets better, Fish!
“Waking up is the biggest kick in the pants. I know I should be getting over this, but you know, I really, really liked having my first thought in the morning be of something nice – of someone nice. Now I wake up, eyes sore, mourning possibility, feeling like a horrible mistake has been made. Missing him.”
I really, really relate, especially about the horrible mistake part. I live and work with my ex and it’s been months since we broke up, also for a reason that doesn’t feel quite good enough (he is going overseas). Having him around all the time has just about killed me. But, it’s been about 2 1/2 months and I’m on the mend. I only cry every few days now and the uncomfortable/ill-fitting/mistake feeling is going away. Hopefully you won’t have to wait this long because you won’t see him every day like I do, but yeah, I kept asking myself how long it would take and I thought maybe it would help to know that it doesn’t take as long as you think it will (but always longer than you think it SHOULD).
Hugs.
p.s. reading these comments made me realise one thing: we all think we’re stupid for being SO hurt, but we can’t ALL be mopey idiots!
When discussing break-ups, Alain de Botton said something like “It would be ridiculous to think that a force great enough to lead us toward child-rearing could simply vanish without devasation if it fails in its aim.”
Made me feel less stupid when I was crying for the 7th time in 2 hours.
Oh, Fish. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say that could possibly make you feel any better, so I’ll just wish you peace and health and hopefully a little bit of happiness as the week goes on. Hang in there.
I feel the same exact way =(
Feels horrible to have your heart broke. I must have drove my friends crazy with, “Why doesn’t he love me?” on a loop. But four months later I can honestly say that I don’t want him anymore. Some people leave your life to save you from future pain. It hurts now, but it does get better. I promise. I was the most heartbroken girl ever, now I am doing just fine. Smile. Give it time. Grieve and then let go.
You and me both, Fish
it takes a while. so cliche and just so true. happened to me in july. dropped ten pounds, moved to a new city. just now getting back to… myself? maybe? or a new version. but i’m alive and eating non-chocolate and can now go days without thinking about it. it just takes a while. good luck. my thoughts are with you.
Oh damn, Fish. I went through something similar this time last year. The guy who I thought would be the love of my life emailed me to tell me he was marrying “his lady”. Seriously, it was ten months after we stopped talking. Ten months! He hadn’t even met her yet when we parted.
I’m one tough cookie, but I took off my armor for this a-hole, so what does he do? Lop off my left arm.
I had to struggle with the whole ‘there’s no crying at work, particularly when works in a male-dominated field.’ Luckily, I had a lot of great friends who made sure I didn’t accidentally walk into traffic while wallowing in my state of shock. On the upswing, I lost ten pounds, so I guess I have something to thank him for. I’m sure you’re friends will rally around you, too.
In the meantime, listen to Amy Winehouse’s ‘Back to Black’ (the song) ad naseum as well as Rilo Kiley’s ‘Silver Lining’ and Nina Simone’s ‘I Hold No Grudge’. ‘You Can Have Him’ is a good alternative.
You’ll get through this. Trust
Last night when I cried myself to sleep, I cried a little for you too. I hope things are improving for you.
Ari – you are a rock star friend.
Hey Fish, I just wanted to second an earlier post that stated how this is his issue with committment.
I to had a wonderful man – one that drove 3 hours just to give me a hug and a kiss – but who was also older and not wanting anymore children.
The irony is that he left me to be with someone who “was at the same place in life” as he was. And she ended up pregnant, they ended up married and I was even more heartbroken. Until I watched him repeatedly cheat on his wife, because he has relationship issues. And I watched her be completely miserable because he wasn’t the wonderful guy she thought he was either. (We live in a small Midwestern community, I wasn’t stalking him!
I have thanked my lucky stars many times that I am not her.
Anyways, my point is that people aren’t always what they seem and that God won’t let you miss the person he has for you. And you are certainly strong enough to get through this.
I too had a wonderful man – one who made me feel like there were no other women on earth, one who drove 3 hours once to give me a hug and a kiss – and he too was older. And done with having kids.
He left me to “be with someone who was at the same place in life”. Ironically she ended up pregnant, they ended up married and I was even more heartbroken.
Until I watched him repeatedly cheat on his wife because he had relationship issues. And I watched her be completely miserable that her “wonderful man” didn’t care about her anymore. I have thanked my lucky stars many times that I am not her.
You never know who people really are and how things will really turn out. I bet you were just saved from some more serious heartache down the road. Plus God won’t let you miss the person he has for you.
You are strong enough to get through this.
I’m so sorry. Its always worse when they are a good person. When this happens to me, I almost wish they were an ass, just to make it easier for me to move on. Take your steps you need.
cheers.
I am so sorry. Take all the time you need to eat chocolate and cry. We all need a little bit of chocolate between the tears now and then.
I know you’re looking for a “real” job, the kind that pays as you work but have you thought about writing a book? You could stay inside with big hair and a bathrobe all damn day if you wanted – M&Ms, Diet Pepsi included. Plus, you’d give a lot of readers like myself what we want each time we get to the end of your post: MORE.