achievement unlocked

… and then I got pregnant.

To say I was surprised would not be entirely accurate. In fact (when I tell people this, they immediately get this look on their faces that says, “Does not compute.”), for the first two days that I knew, I couldn’t get out of bed I was so depressed. My head was so full of information about my broken ovaries and inadequate eggs that I was absolutely sure I was going to lose it. It’s the ultimate inferiority complex. The infertility inferiority complex.

Fourth of July weekend, I slept on and off and bargained with the Universe as I peed on stick after stick. “Please let me keep it. Please let me keep it.”

That I’m married to an optimist eventually provided a very necessary counterpart to my world-class worry. Though, it wasn’t really until this week’s ultrasound that I started feeling like this was the real thing. I’d even started showing the week before. Still not real. But something about watching the little guppy bounce around in there convinced me that whatever odds were stacked against us, we really did beat ‘em.

I am forever grateful for all the messages of encouragement and all the hearts and thoughts and prayers that went out for us. I don’t know why we go so lucky – but I am so grateful we did.

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107 comments to achievement unlocked

  • i had been thinking a lot about you the past few months and wanted to reach out to you, but didn’t. i learned about your blog 100 years ago and have read it pretty religiously since high school (i am friends with your youngest sister). i have been battling infertility for a few years now and i just wanted to say i am absolutely thrilled for you! congratulations!

  • Jess

    SO happy for you, o stranger whom I do not know but have always rooted for :) can’t wait to be a totally non-creepy voyeur to this new awesome adventure!!!

  • Congratulations!

    Now go take a nap. It’s what the baby wants you to do.

  • Nikki

    Fish,

    I have been reading your blog since the NYC days and reading your post on infertility made my heart break…I am such a huge fan of your way with words and am ecstatic about your good news! From a fan, a HUGE CONGRATS and good luck!

  • Misses M

    HOORAY!!!!! I’ve been checking in often, hoping for this news! Congrats to you and the DL!

  • Fidelma

    Wow! Massive congratulations! I am typing this comment as I lie in the dark beside my 15 week old son after another session of ‘this is how you go to sleep by yourself’. So the ups and downs of trying to get pregnant and then of pregnancy itself are fresh in my mind and I am immensely happy for you, that after all the obstacles, it happened.

    You know exactly how much you have to look forward to. You don’t need me to tell you that. Enjoy every minute!

  • Michele

    Congratulations!!!

  • Cristy

    OMG! OMG! OMG! Congratulations!! I am thrilled to pieces to open up your blog and find this post. What a wonderful blessing!

  • YAY!!!! Good job girly bits, getting your act together! Congrats!

  • Andrea

    Oh such huge congratulations! Have been thinking of you a lot and wishing you the very best of things… So happy for you and yours.

  • Joy

    Yay!!!!!!!!!!! So happy for you!

  • RzDrms

    I knew it I knew it I knew it! :-)

    I sincerely couldn’t be happier to read this, something I knew would come and would check here daily for.

    As I mentioned to you via Twitter a few months ago, I only know but a sliver of how much you wanted this, and it sucked massively to think of how sad you must’ve been.

    I genuinely could not be happier for you if I tried. MUCH love and prayers and congrats. <3

  • Megan

    Amazing news!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! :) I’ve been reading your blog for years (I miss your posts!) Exciting new chapter of your life – hope it’s AWESOME!!! :)

  • Kristen H.

    Heather, what fantastic news! Thank you for sharing it with us. Wishing you all the best.

  • Cheryl

    So happy to see this update. Have been a reader for many years and was sending lots of good thoughts your way. Congratulations and wishing you all the best.

  • Nicole

    How wonderful, so glad for you! Sending continued good thoughts for the rest of the pregnancy. :)

  • Beth

    Yaaaaaay! I’m so happy to read this news. Congrats to you and your husband.

  • AngieG

    This just made my day! What wonderful news! I’m so happy for you and your hubby.

  • punchberry

    Congratulations! I have been following your blog forever, so I am very excited to read this!

  • Meg

    I’ve been reading your blog for so long, I feel like I know you in some weird way. Congrats!! Seriously, congrats. That is just awesome!!

  • Maddie

    I’m coming out of lurkdom after years to comment on this post, massive congratulations!

    I am genuinely, legitimately thrilled for you. This is the most I’ve ever felt for a stranger on the Internet. My boy just turned one and I can assure you that the next 6 months will fly past!

  • Danielle

    looooong time reader here – congrats!!!! so happy, sending love and best wishes your way!!

  • Michellyn Shonka

    So excited!!!! You will be a wonderful mom. Just imagining the talent this little one will be born with, a quick wit and a deep heart for others. I am a reader for many years and fan of yours. Will enjoy your updates and look forward to a beautiful little chubby face.

  • Desiree

    Congratulations! This is wonderful news! All the best to you.

  • southpengirl

    WHAT???! Outrageously fantastic!!! So what was the condition that the doctors said you have? Did you do anything differently to get pregnant or was it the plan old fashioned ‘horizontal polka’???!!

    I can’t believe it, so excited for you!!!

  • Nilou

    Dear Heather,
    What excellent news! We’re rooting for you on this journey of yours. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy.

  • Justina

    When I read this, I was so happy for you I cried! Congratulations!<3

  • WOOOOOO HOOOOOO! Congratulations!!!

  • Oh Heather, heartfelt congratulations! I couldn’t be happier for you and your Dork Lord. Such wonderful news! Really super big YAY :)

  • Nicole D.

    Thrilled for you!!!! Congratulations :)

  • Sarah

    How Wonderful! Congrats!

  • Doris

    Congratulations!

  • MissusB

    My heart is just so full of happiness and excitement for you. Congratulations!

  • Chantal

    Congratulations & all the best!!!

  • Vanessa

    Oh, YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!! I am so, so happy for you. So thrilled for you. And you are so deserving! Congrats!!!!!

  • Congratulations, and best wishes to all of you!

  • Sarah Beth

    Oh how wonderful. I’m so excited for you! Congratulations! <3

  • Aoife

    Heather, millions of congratulations. I am so happy to hear this wonderful news. Take care and best wishes.Axx

  • Aww, what great news to read on a rainy Monday morning. Couldn’t be happier for you both!

  • Julie

    Congrats!! Oh what wonderful news! Good luck and I can’t wait to hear how it goes. You SO deserve this happiness.

  • Kim

    I also have never been so excited for a stranger. Congratulations, this is so wonderful!

  • Karrin

    I’ve been reading for years, and rarely if ever comment, but I had to de-lurk for this… I literally gasped out loud when I read your wonderful news. Congratulations to you and the Dork Lord! Hunter-Griffith 2.0 will be lucky to have you as parents.

  • beckyk

    wow! thanks for popping in to share your wonderful news. I’ve been down that road and the joy of finally holding your little one is almost heart-exploding! best wishes for a continued uneventful pregnancy & delivery!

  • Ann

    I’ve been a fan of your blog since the J days and I have to say, I cried when I read this. SO happy for you and the Dork Lord. Infanticipating is exciting so please enjoy it! Your little one will be very lucky to have you as mommy. Congratulations!

  • YAY! Congratulations :) I’ve been a reader for a long time and am thrilled to hear this news! Enjoy this time – belly growing, all the moving around in there, excitement, nervousness, overwhelming joy!! Incredibly happy for you both…

  • Kallisteaux

    Yay you!!! This is so wonderful and I wish you only happiness and a healthy baby!

  • Rebecca

    Missed you Fish but the break in radio silence with such wonderful news is truly welome. Congratulations to you, DL and to your guppy. Thank you for sharing your news and WOW, I can’t imagine what it feels like to have a ton of total strangers rooting for you. Hopefully pretty good!

  • Lynn H

    Absolutely the best, most brilliant, news of September 2013. Yay you.

  • cyndy

    YESSSS! Congratulations and I’m so happy for you and your husband!

  • RzDrms

    (p.s. I almost had a Spanx Incident™ in the restroom at work just now, and of course I immediately thought of you. No need for you to use Spanx now, Hot Momma! ;-) )

  • Nancy

    I knew you could do it!! Congrats:)

  • CONGRATS! life is wonderful, beautiful, bizarre, and oh so strange.

  • Jill

    AHHHHH!!!!! WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!! Sending huge, huge, huge congratulations to you and your growing family!!!!!! Thrilled for you!!!!

  • ~Kabe

    I was already emotional today and popped over here to find this. THIS. I’m shedding so many happy tears for you and the DL.

    The little guppy doesn’t have any idea about the adventure awaiting him/her. Congratulations, beautiful Heather. You are going to make an incredible mother.

    • RzDrms

      I can’t believe I forgot to say that too, Heather: I am confident that you’re going to be an incredible, incredible mother. Heck, you’re a mommy now! It’s just a matter of waiting six months to finally meet your little one. Long time reader, huge supporter. Congrats again.

  • Melanie

    Tears in my eyes!!!

    CONGRATS, wishing you a healthy and happy next 6 months. I’m a long time reader who has been on a paralell path with you (D&D, meeting hubby, buying houses and getting married) so it broke my heart in June to read, while holding my brand new baby, that motherhood might not happen for you. So, so happy for you and the Dork Lord. Enjoy every moment of this pregnancy, it is such an amazing journey.

  • Dani

    This might just be the happiest I’ve ever been for someone I’ve never met!! YAY!!! Congrats!!

  • Susan

    Congratulations Fish!!!!!! I’ve been reading your site from the early days and I’m so excited for you to move into this next phase of life. Sending good thoughts your way for an easy pregnancy.

  • Nitnelion

    Congratulations! That’s wonderful news.

  • Shawn

    SOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO! Hey stranger, thanks for the birthday card! You are going to be an awesome mother. =)

  • elinnz

    so very happy for you, from a very long time reader. march babies rule (a perfect end of winter, pre spring thing to celebrate every year!). congratulations and happy pregnancy!

  • Nicole

    Like many others, I’m a long time reader. I was saddened to hear about your struggles with infertility. I’m so very happy to find out you’re pregnant! Many congratulations and best wishes as you go through this exciting time!!! : )

  • CJ

    I have no words- just overwhelming joy for you.

  • Hope

    Congratulations! Like other readers, even though I don’t know you personally, this made me smile. Wishing you the very best!

  • Sarah

    Reading this just gave me goosebumps. I am so happy for you guys. Much love!

  • Anjelique

    So so happy for you! Congratulations to your whole family!

  • Jessica

    Congratulations! I have followed your blog for years through my own dating debacles, marriage, and struggles to conceive. There is so sweeter feeling than achieving what you feared was impossible! Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy.

  • LJ

    So very, very happy for you !:)

  • Lauren

    I am so happy for you!! That is wonderful!! You will be such a lovely mother, I do hope you continue to share your stories when the little one is here. I am actually due with my second baby the same day, so I’m especially inclined to hear how things are going for you :) There is nothing in the world like seeing your little flipper on the ultrasound for the first time – so surreal, and yet all the real-ness suddenly comes into focus.

  • Melissa

    Holy moly! Biggest congrats to you! It feels so strange to be so happy for a stranger that I actually gasp out loud and clap excitedly at the mere processing of your words. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy.

  • Lauren

    Wishing you health, luck, love and happiness. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and have never commented…just checked in and was thrilled to see this post. As you already know, you’re in for the ride of your life, and you’re going to be incredible. Enjoy being pregnant! Hopefully you’re feeling well!

  • Lauren

    p.s. I just have to say–there’s nothing like a baby boy. :)

  • This gave me chills! I’ve never commented, but what an amazing update to read. Huge congratulations — so thrilled for you!!

  • nanz

    Long time lurker and fan here. Just want to say congratulations!!!

  • Wooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Tela

    You’re going to be such a great Mom! Congratulations! So now this fish needs a nap? a binkie? Excuse my corniness! So happy for you guys!

  • Jody

    Awesome, awesome, awesome, or as we say in New Zealand that’s O for “Oar-some”. Huge hugs and congrats!

  • AIGUL

    I got tears in my eyes from reading this post. So very excited for you!!!

  • Juanita Pina

    Congratulations. I am so happy for you both. I was praying for you that things would work out for you. Good things do happen to good people. I look forward to the arrival of your bundle of joy.

  • MeganNJ

    Congratulations! What wonderful news

  • Lucrecia

    Also a very long-time reader here who is oh so happy to hear this wonderful news! Congratulations to you and your husband.

  • Andrew

    Wow, you are still blogging. I was cleaning up the bookmarks on an old computer and yes the link still worked. How life has changed for you since I was first a regular reader 10 years ago. So congratulations fro Melbourne Australia. I’ll try to drop by more than once every five years!! Hope every goes well :)

  • Mega congratulations. I’m so pleased for you and hubby. Will keep you both as well as the little one in my prayers. :)

  • Jamie

    Love this post, Congratulations!

  • Jamie

    Love this post, Congratulations!

  • RzDrms

    Can’t believe no one’s asked this yet on here (that I can see): will y’all be finding out the sex of the baby before birth? If so, we must know, and I at least must have your PO Box address regardless. :-)

    • thisfish

      We already know! :P

      • RzDrms

        ::blink. blink blink:: Will you be telling us?! My guess is definitely a boy.

        Whatever the case, I do hope you find a way to share a PO Box with us.

      • ~Kabe

        So exciting! I agree with Rz – hope you find a way to share the news and address with us.

        • thisfish

          I don’t have a P.O. Box – but I’m pretty sure you have my real address, Ms. Kimberlee. I’m also pretty sure if I recognize your name, I wouldn’t be freaked out about handing out my real address, but I guess I should ask my husband!

  • Sharon

    Best news EVER!!! Congratulations!

  • lisa

    so very excited for you!! congrats to you both!!

  • Congratulations Heather! I have been reading your blog for years. I’m expecting my second in 5 days. :) Enjoy the journey – there’s nothing like it!

  • Mazel tov! So very happy for you!!!!

  • Beth B.

    It’s strange how you can feel so connected to people in this online world – I was so heartbroken for you when you announced your previous news. So now I am beyond thrilled! Congrats & best wishes to all three of you :)

  • Carrie Lea

    I’m a little late to the party but I want to throw my congrats in the bag too! I agree with Beth. I’ve been reading for 8 years or so and I am as thrilled for you as I would be for any of my friends! YAY BABY!

  • YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO EXCITED FOR YOU BOTH!!!!!!!
    Enjoy every damned minute, even the tough ones… these babies grow too fast.
    xxxxoooo -h

  • amy s (OH)

    So happy for you both. Congrats!

  • southpengirl

    Hey Fish!

    Can we get another baby update?? So excited for you.

    • Oona

      Second that! And I’m sure plenty of people would third, fourth, fifth it… I check back almost daily for a pregnancy update. The disappointment is crushing me ;) I couldn’t have been happier for a total stranger when I read that you were pregnant – congratulations to you and DL!!!

  • sphinx

    I am so happy for you, though I don’t know you other than the internet :) . I read your previous posts about infertility just around the time I found out I was pregnant myself. I felt terrible about it because any commiseration someone in my state could afford seemed hollow. So I stopped checking your blog until today and I’m so happy I finally did :)
    Congratulations! I am due around a month before you.

  • Teak

    Wow. Just wonderful news. I had not checked in at your site for a month or so, but was thinking about you this morning and decided to do so. SO glad I did. I could not be any more thrilled if you were my real world friend or relative. I am just grinning from ear to ear and beaming with happiness for you and the DL. Warmest hugs to you both and love to the little guppy.

  • Deanna

    Words cannot express how truly happy I am for you. Truly wonderful, beautiful and miraculous. Prayers for a healthy and pleasant pregnancy. So glad I popped in to check out your blog. You may be one of the most kind people I have ever NOT actually met. But your posts make me feel like you are good and kind and therefore you must be. That baby is lucky, its going to have one good mama. Hugs!!

  • Melissa

    Congratulations! I’m a little late to hearing the news, but so, SO happy for you!

  • Michelle

    I have read your blog since the days of, shall we say, less than marriage-worthy relationship exploration and haven’t checked in lately. While watching a movie the other day which co-starred Christopher Meloni, your blog popped back into my head and now this wonderful, joyous news for you. I have never commented but this deserves another congratulations and best wishes you to for health and happiness! Take good care

  • Yesterday I was thinking of you – wondering what you’re up to, etc. – and today I read this. Great news, Heather! Congratulations.