Part one: The Indecent Proposal
Read this.
Part two: The Holy Shit E-mail
Friday night, I stumbled into my apartment, dumped my purchases from my Atlantic City spree on the bed and turned on the computer. Having been disconnected all day, there was a lot of email to sort through. Nothing out of the ordinary – spam, spam, spam, a Birthday Evite (added to calendar) a few requests not to use the word ‘midget’ (duly noted). But then, suddenly, ordinary was left way, way behind when I got to the last unread message in my inbox:
To: Fish
From: Rob
Subject: Secret AdmirerIt’s not often that an intoxicated flirtatious encounter 4 months old winds up as a topic of conversation between me and a friend who initiates said conversation with ‘I was randomly reading the archives of this blog that I like and I think it was about you…’
…lo and behold the very same encounter that I’d recounted for a number of close friends as one of my most randomly intimate and exciting. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it…and remembering the extremely tension filled moments of that evening.
…but Will Smith? hmmm. You clearly neglected to include my lazy eye and peg leg limp.
You left a lasting impression… I think I’d love to take you for some kind of unpronounceable frozen latte caramelo mocha chai thingy…or something wholly pronounceable like a gin n tonic.
I’m intrigued, Mademoiselle Poisson. Oh yeah, this is Rob.
I read the email three times, said ‘holy shit’ about three dozen times and then finally replied.
To: Rob
From: Fish
Subject: Re: Secret AdmirerHoly Shit.
Part Three: Something Wholly Pronounceable – like sake. And vodka. And wine
“I’m sorry to break the no-call rule…” He was late, stuck in a taxi just outside the restaurant. Something about change and five dollar bills.
After some back and forth about potential axe murders, tazers and bodyguards (should we meet somewhere where there are metal detectors?) Rob-the-Threesome-Guy and I had agreed to drinks Thursday night after work.
“That’s really okay,” I said. At this point, rules were fairly useless. He’d already propositioned me, smacked my tush and kissed me. We weren’t exactly following any sort of protocol.
We settled into a table at Matsuri and I studied him closely. Without the dim lighting and the vodka colored glasses, he was a little less Will Smith and a little more…well, someone else, but he was still quite attractive and indeed, Rob the Threesome Guy.
What should have been weird, or at least slightly awkward, wasn’t. And while I sipped gingerly at a saketini, Rob explained in more detail how he found my (his?) story on the internet one night.
“It’s such an amazing set of coincidences. We should go get married right now.”
I laughed at the suggestion and fished a slice of cucumber from my martini glass.
“Don’t you think we should get the kids thing settled first?”
“I want a big family”
“I could do four.”
“Four works for me.”
It was settled. But Instead of getting married, we got another round of drinks and some kobe beef. We talked about string theory, foreign travel, books we’re reading and why men and women can’t seem to speak the same language. Somewhere in there, I asked him what inspired his original indecent proposal.
“I’ll get to that.”
Four and a half hours later, when we wrapped up dinner at Paradou, he still hadn’t gotten to that. We’d gotten to every other topic possible and even to a kiss or two. Sometime after midnight, I poured myself into a northbound cab, promising to send a text when I arrived home safely. The cabby turned the Mets game up and as I sent obligatory “I am not dead” texts to Tanya and Stephanie who had been on alert all evening, I realized then I never did get that explanation.
Guess that means there might have to be a Part Four then, huh?
Wow, what a small world. I can’t wait for parts four (and more?)!
ooh, exciting!!
there has to be a part four! it is far too intriguing….
Reason #9,422 that blogs are great.
Holy Shit! Long time reader, first time commenter…this is just too good for me to not say something. So, curious minds want to know: what happened to Joy? Can’t wait to read more.
yippee, yippee, ya-ya!!! so happy for you. (and, um, i’m seriously hoping that miss joy isn’t in the picture anymore. you deserve way more than sharing.)
HOLY SHIT.
Frankly, I am more intrigued by the fact that this guy willingly used the words “marriage” and “kids” on the first date… not seriously, of course, but you know how most men are… and that? Is impressive.
Good work. You’d damn well better keep us posted.
Sorry — that wasn’t meant to sound like a demand. Heh. Meant to be more like, “Pretty please, keep us posted.”
WOW! The power of the internet.
Mystery. Intrique. Romance.
On the edge, waiting for part four.
what a story for the grandkids!
Whoa- momma, that’s good stuff, ever better than I could’ve imagined. What a crazy encounter! Life as a single girl in NYC, I love reading your posts.
Nice!!!
Wow. Better start thinking now about who you want to play you in the inevitable Lifetime movie!
Oh wow. Holy shit. what a great story.
“Holy Shit” is right! Wow. What an excellent story. Holding my breath unil Part Four!!
wow, appears blogs just make the small world even smaller. that scares me. and intrigues me at the same time.
and makes me wonder if any of my or my friends’ shananigans have been described on some unknown persons blog…
looking forward to hearing about Part 4
Hi! I just found your blog through another link . . . I cannot believe this story!!
How romantic!!!!! I love it!
I’ll be honest. I don’t have time to read this. I’m sure it’s funny and witty, but I’m just too busy. So, I’m just going to say Hello and tell you that I’ve enjoyed being here for a week or so.
See you later.
I love that everyone is so in awe of this amazing story, because it is amazing. However, I have one word for this guy. TROUBLE. Good luck, have fun and be careful.
Fish-
It is for encounters like these that you are a writer. And I get such satisfaction because you do it so well. I mean, how would a painter possibly convey Kobe Beef and a horny, orgy-loving New Yorker as effectively as you?
Send us more.
Lauren
woohoo!
awesome story.
This is the best thing I’ve ever read in my life. You brighten every waking moment I have. They should definitely make a movie about you. Jennifer Aniston could star. Keep on groovin’ to your funky beat, sister!
Just adding my kudos because it really was a great story. When things come around and wing back at you (but in a good way), it really does make your heart race. How cool. Glad for you.
I can’t wait to hear more.
holy shit is right. one question. what happened to the hottie on his arm?
I think I should get partial credit for this encounter. At the very least I expect a child to be named after me.
Fish,
re your email:
It was worth the wait.
Holy Moly! (part one gave me the tinglies!)
4. It’s a good number. Get married.
Or at least have part 4.
Whatta bicycle, huh?
Good luck and have fun!
Oh MY!! Thank goodness I have become so obsessed with reading your blog – that even though I stayed off the internet ALL day long today, I KNEW it was a must that I log on only for a moment to hear your story. Well worth it. Can’t wait for more!!
The plot thickens!
And I get to live vicariously . . .
Wow. Very small world indeed! I can’t imagine what I would have done in his place if I heard my friend start a conversation like that!
Holy shit.
Hun, Carrie Bradshaw has nothing on you. HBO needs to make a show about you and your friends…
Hurry up with part four!
***Monica
i read this blog everyday and it makes me laugh more than anything in the world. one of the true pleasures of the internet. i smell movie potential! i can’t believe you don’t have book agents and tv producers knocking down your door for a big bite of your little tuna. you seem like the smartest, prettiest girl having the most fun out of life.
these stories also make me very sad i must admit. i am fat and ugly and i’ve never been asked out by a guy. i have a terrific personality, i hide the pain and maintain an optimistic front. co-workers love me, i put myself out there, but still no dates. it’s good to know there are girls like you making up for us losers who need to live vicariously. now i will go masturbate.
Trouble, indeed. Not following any sort of protocol whatsoever is Trouble. But oh, Trouble… it can be such a wonderous thing! If the threesome thing comes up again you’ve got to do it for us Fans!
NYC. I *must* get there one of these days. The only excitement around here is a hurricane.
Oh my gosh, Opaline!
a) no one is ugly (apart from maybe those disgusting greasy 15-18 year old boys); and
b) almost no one is terminally fat.
Holy shit is right!
Reality is definitely stranger than fiction.
You might be tellin’ the grandkids this story. Or would you?
So…what DOES he look like?
oh wow, so cool, exciting, yikes I sound like I’m 12, but that’s all so hilariously fabulously cool! Can’t wait to hear if there is a Part4 …. or 5
That is the funniest dating story I have heard of in a long time.
Can’t wait for Part 4…or maybe even more?
Imagine this as a “how I met your mother” story.
Damn Girl! If you ever wonder why you picked up and moved, THIS is the reason.
Holy hell! That was so worth the wait. BRAVO FISH!
I too think its a good story, but I’d be a little more inclined to the ‘trouble’ theory. Be careful!
Oh, and also a little weird that he’s probably been checking here to see how he did on the date.
this is just one of the reasons-although i am completely happy with my hubby and kids-that i wouldn’t mind being fish for just one evening. how fun. thank you for allowing this old married mom to live vicariously thru you. and yes, that would be a great story for the grandkids someday. “you see, grandpa propositioned me for a threeway, and then….”
Whooo Hooo!!!
Sounds like an absolute blast to me!!!
Can’t wait to hear Part 4!!!
PS-Holy Shit.
oooh girl, i like it over here! i’ll be back for more
Holy shit
It is the only thing that seems to fit
Nice story…. Cool Blog!
very cool story… and I can relate a little.
I’ve had that HOLY SHIT moment myself.. writing about somebody on my blog that I never expected would ever ever read it… yup.. but he asked me to take it down– cuz it was a bit scandalous.
But this was really a good read.. can’t wait to read part 4.
you need probes!
I thought he had a girlfriend.
Not that that’s stopped you before.
For your information, he does not have a girlfriend. And watch where you start throwing accusations. I’ve never done any such thing.
Hi Fish -
So this comment is probably way over-due, but I never even planned on commenting. I just got bored at work today and thought I would read these archived posts for fun.
So I’m the person who read your “Three” post and told “Rob” about it. The whole thing really cracks me up – still, 2 years later. (i hope that doesn’t mean my life’s gotten super boring) I was kinda seeing him at the time – it was my summer of ’05 fling after a nasty breakup that bled into the rest of the year. I met “Rob” at a diner in Brooklyn around 4 in the morning or something. We went out a bunch of times, and then I kinda got sick of all of his random phone calls – plus I started dating my current boyfriend. I started reading your blog while I was interning at a law firm after my 2nd year of law school, and I liked it so much, I read a bunch of your archives to try to get caught up. I saw that post “Three” and with every line, I thought it sounded more and more like the guy I was casually seeing. Running out of space.
Hi again, Fish -
I’m continuing my comment about the “Three” post. So I didn’t even know that “Rob” had contacted you about the post until my friend insisted that I read your post about his email and the date you guys had. It’s all so hilarious! Rob was/is a really fun guy and provided some adventure and great stories for my broken heart at the time. I don’t talk to him anymore other than the occasion mass email I get from him for an event or a marathon he’s running. Did you ever talk to him again? I just finally wanted to share with you.
Great blog, by the way.